by Ali Parker
“Jessica is still asleep. Do you want to tell me what’s going on? That doctor is doing nothing – nothing – to figure out what the problem is.”
“Mrs. Wright, Dr. Nash is doing nothing because there is nothing to do. We need to give Jessica the time she needs to come around.”
“You all say that,” Mrs. Wright said. Her voice was starting to rise. I wondered if her daughter could hear her through her coma. They said that coma patients often could. “You all tell me that Jessica will decide when she’s ready. But it’s been a week. If this was about her being ready, why did you put her under in the first place?”
“The pain was too much for her to deal with. You saw how she was suffering.”
Mrs. Wright shook her head, her eyes welling up with tears. “What if she just doesn’t wake up again?”
I put my hand on Mrs. Wright’s shoulder, a little more comfortable now that she didn’t look so hostile. The poor woman was scared.
“I’ve seen patients fight the medication for three weeks before they woke up,” I said. “It will happen. Keep the faith.”
“Really?” Mrs. Wright asked. “She’ll be okay?”
I couldn’t say yes, truthfully. We didn’t know what state Jessica was in yet, and even though there had been no complications so far, that didn’t mean that they couldn’t happen at any point. So, I said what I needed to say.
“There is no reason we can see right now why Jessica shouldn’t pull through.”
Mrs. Wright narrowed her eyes at me and sniffed. “Right now?”
“Right now,” I said. “It’s all we have.”
I expected another fight, but Mrs. Wright accepted my words and nodded. I was relieved. I didn’t want to fight with the parent of a patient when she was so scared and worried that her daughter wouldn’t make it.
When I finally took my lunch break, I bought my food and walked to the staff gardens. A few of the other nurses were there, sitting around a table.
“I don’t think she’s going to make it past this week,” one of them said.
“She looked like she was going to faint when I took her with me to clean Mr. Hendricks’s stitches.”
They all laughed.
“What do you think?” Claire asked me.
“About what?” I sat down with them and opened my sandwich.
“About Danielle, the new nurse. Have you met her?”
I shook my head. I’d seen her around, but she had been shadowing the other nurses and seemed shy and unsure.
“She’s so green. I’m sure she’ll cry if you look at her wrong,” someone said.
“We’re placing bets on how long she’ll last.”
My mouth dropped. “That’s a bit rude, isn’t it? We all started somewhere.”
“It takes a lot to do this, you know that Mila,” Claire said. “Not everyone has what it takes.”
I couldn’t disagree with that, but we had all learned how to cope with the horrors we saw here every day. If this new nurse had a passion for helping people, she would make it through.
Suddenly, I wondered if nurses had bet on whether I would survive as well. I had started in the ICU ward in the same way. It was a hard place to start, but it was where I had always wanted to be.
I listened for a short while longer to the nurses that made fun of Danielle, calling out numbers for their bets before I left. I didn’t like it when people amused themselves at another’s expense.
Danielle could very well surprise them.
When I walked past the cafeteria, I spotted a nurse I hadn’t seen before sitting at one of the tables, alone. She looked miserable. I walked toward her.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She looked down at my scrubs and back up again. “First day. It’s a bit rough.”
“Danielle, right?” I asked.
When she nodded, I sat down. She was a slight thing, with dirty blond hair that was pulled back into a ponytail so tightly it looked uncomfortable. Her eyes were large and frightened, like a deer in headlights, and she picked at the salad she had ordered without eating any of it.
“I heard your name mentioned.”
Danielle sighed. “What were they saying about me? That I will quit?”
I didn’t answer her. In the silence, she kept talking. Allowing people to speak let them say a lot more than they would have.
“Everyone says that. About everything I start. It’s not fair.”
“No one can understand what you do this for, except you,” I said. “Do you want to be here?”
Danielle nodded. “More than anything. They’re all saying I don’t have what it takes, but I’ve wanted to be a nurse since I can remember. They just don’t think I can do it. What if I fail?”
“Then you try again,” I said. “If you are where you know you need to be and you keep at it, you will get there.”
Danielle nodded. We sat together, and we talked a bit about other things. I tried to distract her from her misery by asking about her personal life – her family and friends, where she went to school, and why she wanted to become a nurse. She had always wanted to help people. I could relate to that.
When our lunch hour was finished, Danielle looked better. She was smiling and laughing, and we walked back to the ward together. I thought about taking her under my wing. It was hard work, looking after someone else on top of all the emergencies we were dealing with. But I wanted Danielle to succeed. I wanted her to become the nurse she had always dreamed of being. I understood how important it was to follow your dreams, and I didn’t want the other nurses and their choice of entertainment to put her off her hopes and dreams.
The rest of the day was very straightforward, and my double shift was draining. When I got off my shift early Saturday morning, I needed sleep desperately. The sun rose in the East as I drove home, splashing the world with color after an inky black night. Sunrise was my favorite time of day.
My phone rang, and Ben’s name popped up on the caller ID on my car’s console. I smiled and hit the “talk” button.
“I was wondering when I would hear from you,” I said.
“I knew you would be busy. Can you talk?”
“I’m driving home,” I said. It was great to hear his voice. Ben had a deep voice, and over the phone, it was velvety and luxurious.
“I want to see you again. Let’s make a plan to see each other.”
“I’m free tonight,” I said.
Ben hesitated. “Jerrod made plans to hang out together. We’re going to a bar.”
Shit. This was going to be hard, wasn’t it?
“You can always come out with Skylar and happen to be at the same bar,” Ben said. “Stage a run-in.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” I said. Going out would be a great distraction after my long hours at the hospital, and I wanted to see Ben again. Even if it meant I had to pretend like nothing was going on between us. It was better than not seeing him at all.
“Organize with Skylar, we’ll keep in contact and meet up at some point.”
I agreed, and we ended the call after talking shit a short while longer. When I got home, I showered and climbed into bed right away. If I was going to see Ben, I needed to get as much sleep as possible.
Chapter 34
Ben
“So, what are you doing to do, then?” Jerrod asked, leaning on the bar with his elbow. He had a beer in his hand, and his words were already starting to slur a bit. We’d been drinking a while.
“I don’t know, yet,” I said.
“But you can’t just hang around here and do nothing. Didn’t you leave and quit everything to run that company of yours? And now you’re not there, but you’re not doing the firefighter thing here, either.”
I shrugged and took a sip of my beer. I wasn’t going to tell Jerrod that I was headed back soon. I was merely spending as much time here as I could before I had to leave. I suddenly had so much to lose, and I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I was lying to my best friend and my girlfr
iend. Calling Mila my girlfriend had a beautiful ring to it.
“It’s just a lot for me to deal with,” I said. “Besides, I have a ton of cash, and I own a million-dollar company. I can do whatever the fuck I like.”
Jerrod shrugged. “This isn’t the Ben I know. We had all these plans, remember? What happened to those?”
He was right. We’d had plans. He would take over the restaurant, and I would be a firefighter, and every Saturday we would get together and watch sports, talk shit and barbeque if the weather was good. Our kids – if we ever had any – would grow up as close as cousins, and our wives – if we ever married – would be best friends like our moms were.
But then my dad had died, and I’d gone to New York for seven years. When I had tried again, Uncle Dean had died. And now? Now I was involved with Mila, the one person Jerrod wouldn’t want me to be with. Our plans for the future had crumbled bit by bit until there was nothing left.
“Plans change,” I said.
“Only if you let them,” Jerrod pointed out. “My plans still look exactly the same. The only one that’s changed is you.”
I was irritated. We were out to have a good time, but now Jerrod was making it serious, talking about our direction in life rather than discussing which girl at the bar had the best ass. I didn’t want to talk about our plans for the future. I knew well enough that everything was different now, that I was living a life I had never envisioned for myself. But we didn’t all have the luxury of staying the same. Jerrod had no idea what my life was like.
Part of that was my fault because I hadn’t told him anything. He knew nothing about the investigation or about Mila or my plans for the future. But even so, he had no right to judge any more than I had the right to call him stale because nothing in his life had ever changed.
“Is that Mila?” I asked, pointing at the two women walking toward the bar. I had known that she was coming, of course. We had been texting since she’d woken up this afternoon so she knew we were here already. But I was acting surprised for Jerrod.
“What a small world,” Skylar said, coming to us. She gave us each a hug. Mila followed next, hugging her brother and then wrapping her arms around me. She held on just a little longer. I should have let go, but I loved how she was clinging to me.
We had to be careful, tonight. We were already playing with fire, seeing each other while we were around Jerrod. We had to play it cool.
It was easier said than done. We’d all had a bit to drink, and when I had alcohol in my system, I wanted sex. It was as simple as that. Mila and I sat next to each other around the small round table we had managed to find in the crowded bar. I pressed my knee up against hers under the table, and she glanced at me, smiling.
“How’s work?” I asked her.
“Exhausting,” she said. “The last few days have been rough in the ICU. Double shifts kill me.”
“It’s because you’re going out drinking in the middle of the week,” Jerrod said.
“When did you go out drinking?” Skylar asked Mila.
So, she didn’t know what had happened. I thought girls talked about everything.
“Apparently, Ben and Mila went out drinking on Wednesday,” Jerrod said.
Skylar looked surprised. “No wonder you’re so exhausted,” she said.
Mila glanced at me, and I smiled at her. We both knew that her lack of sleep had had nothing to do with alcohol. But it was our secret, and I loved it.
“Looks like we’re running low,” Mila said after a while of talking and bantering back and forth. “I’m going to the bar. Refills?”
“I’ll help you carry,” I said, jumping at the opportunity to be alone with Mila. She nodded, and we walked away from the table. Mila pushed into the largest crowd at the bar. She looked over her shoulder at where Jerrod and Skylar were still at the table before sure turned around and kissed me.
The kiss was quick, but it made me tingle, and my cock stirred in my pants.
“I just had to get away from there so I could do that,” she said. “This is so hard, acting like there’s nothing between us.”
“Hard and fun,” I said.
Mila nodded and grinned. We stood together as we shuffled toward the bar. I held Mila’s hand, and we let the crowds push us together. Instead of getting upset about being shuffled around, I embraced the situation. A few times, I brushed my hand over her ass or her breasts, touching her as much as I could without being too obvious.
Mila giggled when I did. “You’re impossible.”
I grinned. “You’re irresistible.”
We got to the bar and ordered our drinks.
“Let’s have shots,” I suggested.
Mila agreed, and we ordered Tequila. It was my weakness. As soon as I started, I knew I wouldn’t stop, but I was already tipsy, and I wanted to get drunk with Mila.
After we took our first shot, I pressed my lips against Mila’s ear.
“This makes me so horny for you,” I whispered.
Mila giggled and leaned against me. I put my arm around her. We weren’t being very careful, but I was sure with the crowds Jerrod wouldn’t be able to see us.
“When can we do it again?” I asked.
“Right now, we should just get through tonight without causing trouble,” Mila said.
“I can’t help it. I can’t keep my hands off you.”
“Another shot?” Mila asked.
I agreed, and we ordered another. We took our shots together. I leaned forward, wanting to kiss her but Mila pulled back. She glanced over her shoulder.
“I don’t think we should keep doing this,” she said. But she was smiling, and her eyes were on my lips. I wanted her so badly. If Jerrod wasn’t here, I would have been all over her.
“Don’t you think this is fun?” I asked Mila.
“It is fun,” she said. “I don’t think he knows anything.”
“It’s a thrill,” I said and put my arm around her waist, sliding my hand down to her ass.
“Come on,” I finally said. “We should head back.”
Mila nodded and picked up the drinks for her and Skylar. I grabbed mine and Jerrod’s, and we joined them at the table. Skylar announced that she needed to go to the toilet and Mila offered to go with her. When they were gone, Jerrod and I were alone. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. When Mila was around, it was very strained between Jerrod and me, purely because I knew I was lying to him and I felt awkward about it.
“There are so many women in here tonight,” Jerrod said. “Which ones should we go for?”
I looked around. He was right, there were a lot of women. I hadn’t noticed at all. My eyes had been on Mila all night.
“I don’t know, man. So many to choose from.”
“What about her?” Jerrod said, pointing to a blonde. “She reminds me of that girl in school you had a crush on.”
I laughed. “That was so long ago.”
“Why don’t you go talk to her?”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to pick up a chick tonight. I’m here to hang out with you.”
“Right,” Jerrod said.
“Why don’t you go talk to her, though?” I asked.
Jerrod looked at me with a look that made me uncomfortable before he shook his head. “No, if you want to hang out, we’ll hang out.”
I nodded and drank my beer. Jerrod was being weird. But he was drunk, and he was always full of shit when he drank. Sometimes, he turned into a total dick. Maybe tonight was one of those nights.
The girls returned from the bathroom, and I looked at Skylar. I wondered if Mila had told her anything. But Skylar carried on talking and laughing like normal, and I decided Mila hadn’t said anything. I didn’t think Skylar, drunk and loud, would pretend that nothing had happened.
We carried on drinking and talking. When some people left, enough space cleared up for us to be able to dance. I wanted to grind up against Mila so badly, but Jerrod was right next to me.
It didn’t hurt to stare,
though.
Mila moved with the music like it breathed through her, and she was sexy as hell. If I had my own way, I would drag her home and fuck her right now. I looked at Jerrod, who was standing like a pillar in the middle of the room, sipping his beer.
“Don’t you want to dance?” I asked.
Jerrod shook his head. He was being a stick in the mud. I didn’t know what was up with him. I knew he hadn’t seen us, he would have made a hell of a scene if he had. But he was being so weird.
“Come on, let’s go have shots at the bar,” I said to Jerrod.
He nodded, and we left the girls on the dance floor.
“Is everything okay?” I asked when we were at the bar.
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You’re all weird.”
“You should see you, acting like you’re the big man to impress the girls. Like you’re still in high school and just discovered your cock.”
“Fuck you, man,” I said. “I’m just here to have a good time.”
“Yeah, I can tell.”
I ordered us shots, and we took them together.
“Look, I just want to party,” I said.
“For how long? Before you fuck off again? Because everyone is starting to think you’re staying, but I know you better than that.”
I clapped Jerrod on the shoulder. “You’re drunk,” I said. “Let’s just enjoy ourselves and leave the serious conversation for when we’re sober.”
Jerrod looked like he wanted to say something, but he swallowed his words and nodded. Good man. I didn’t want to fight.
We headed back to the dance floor, finding the girls again. Jerrod remained distant and awkward. I could never have it all, could I? Just as I thought that things were working out for Mila and me, my relationship with Jerrod slipped backward. But we would figure it out in the morning after the alcohol was out of our systems and we could talk like real men again.
Chapter 35
Mila
I had to work on Sunday. After the number of shots Ben and I had done at the bar and all the alcohol I had put away with Skylar last night, I had a hell of a headache, and I felt like shit. I shouldn’t have had so much to drink when I knew that I was going to work again the next day.