by Ali Parker
“Castle?” someone called, and Ben and I stood. We were led to an office where a professional looking woman with a pixie cut and a dress suit waited for us. She smiled when we walked into the office.
“Mila?” she asked, and I nodded. “I’m Dr. Holt.” She held out her hand. When I took it, I already felt better. She was so warm and open.
“This is my boyfriend, Ben,” I said, introducing him, and Dr. Holt did the same thing, extending her hand to him.
She sat down behind her desk and smiled.
“Is this your first pregnancy?”
I nodded.
“Well, it’s going to be a wonderful ride. There’s nothing like being pregnant, and we’re going to get through this together.”
The more she talked, the more at ease I felt.
She started off by asking me a couple of questions about when my last period was, what my symptoms were, how I’d been feeling and if I wanted to know the gender of the baby when the time came.
“I’m going to draw blood when we’re in the examination room and send it off for a couple of tests so we can cross out any dangers early on. We’ll do that every now and then to make sure you’re safe and baby is on track. Ready?”
I nodded. I didn’t feel ready at all. Not for any of this. But it was happening so I had to get with the program. When I looked at Ben, his eyes were bright, and he looked like he was more than ready.
And his excitement was contagious.
We walked to the examination room where Dr. Holt drew blood into a vile and marked it with my details. After that, she offered me a paper robe that I had to put on behind a screen before I could lay down on the bed. She adjusted it so that I was in a half-seated position.
“I’m going to do an internal examination and take a pap smear,” she said. “Are you comfortable with having Ben here?”
I nodded. I didn’t want him to leave me.
After Dr. Holt did a couple of uncomfortable tests between my legs, she moved to a stool.
“Usually I let a technician do this, but because it’s your first time, I want to do it myself and talk you through it.”
She squirted jelly on my stomach that made me gasp it was so cold. With a probe, she started moving around my lower belly, gray shapes showing up on a black screen.
“Here we go,” she said, holding still in one place and turning the screen a little. “There’s your bundle of joy.”
On the screen, a baby was visible. It looked a little strange with an oversized head, a small body, and smaller arms and legs, but it was definitely a baby.
Tears sprung to my eyes. That was my baby.
When I looked at Ben, he had tears in his eyes, too. I had never seen him cry about anything unless it was very serious. But this was serious. This was amazing.
“We did that,” Ben mouthed to me behind Dr. Holt’s back, and I nodded.
“This is the heartbeat,” Dr. Holt said and turned up the sound. A very fast heartbeat filled the room. Tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Thank you,” I said when Dr. Holt printed an image of the baby and handed it to me. It had all the measurement and other information on it. I pressed the image to my chest. I had never thought it would feel like this to be pregnant. Right now, I didn’t feel worried or stressed or unsure. I didn’t feel regret or nervousness. All I felt was awe.
Dr. Holt gave us a moment alone. When she left the exam room, Ben pressed his forehead against mine.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you, too.”
There was nothing else to say. Words couldn’t describe how we both felt at that moment.
After I changed back into my clothes, we met Dr. Holt in her office again. She gave me a prescription for prenatal supplements and an eating plan with do’s and don’ts for the next seven months.
“I’ll see you back here in about eight weeks,” Dr. Holt said. “Then we’ll find out what you’re having.”
When Ben and I walked back to the car, I felt like I was walking on air. Everything felt different, now. I felt more ready to be a mother, to have this baby and to raise it, than I had before. Now that I had seen the baby, I knew that I wanted all of this.
Did Ben feel the same?
“You know, you still have time to back out of this,” I said to Ben. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked at me.
“What makes you think I would want that?” he asked.
I pulled up my shoulder. I couldn’t guarantee that this feeling of amazement was mutual. Ben took a step closer to me and kissed me long and hard. In that kiss was everything we felt for each other.
When he broke the kiss, he looked at me with eyes that were filled with purpose and determination.
“I’m not going anywhere. I told you, I want to be with you and the baby. Now, more than ever. That little miracle on the screen is not going to live one day in this world without me. I want to be part of every step.”
I smiled. “You’re wonderful.”
“You bring out the best in me, darling,” Ben said and kissed me again.
Everything was going to be okay, now. I knew it. Ben and I were together, and we had a little one on the way. Instead of driving us apart as I had thought it might do when he had first found out, it had only brought us closer together.
“Let’s get you home,” Ben said. “I have to get back to do a conference call.”
“Is it your investors?” I asked.
Ben nodded. “Yeah, they’re not happy about a couple of things. But I think I know how I’m going to handle it. I just need to see what they want, first.”
I nodded. Ben was very good at running the company, even though I knew it wasn’t what he wanted. I hoped that in the long run, he wouldn’t regret doing something different than what he had always dreamed about. But life didn’t always go the way we planned. I put my hand on my belly.
The baby was proof of that.
When Ben dropped me off at my apartment building, Skylar sat on the steps.
“Have you been sitting here for long?” I asked when she stood.
“Not too long. I buzzed but figured you weren’t in.”
“I was at my ultrasound,” I said carefully.
Skylar nodded. “How did it go?”
I told her it had gone well. The conversation was so strained it was awful. We hadn’t spoken since she had let it slip in front of Jerrod that I was pregnant. I had been so angry with her, and my life had almost gone off the rails since then. But everything was okay, now. I wanted my best friend by my side.
“Come in,” I said and unlocked the door. We walked up to my apartment, and I let Skylar in.
“Do you want tea or coffee?” I asked, walking to my kitchen. Skylar followed me.
“I’m sorry,” she blurted instead of answering me. “I fucked up so badly, and I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, Sky,” I said when she looked like she was going to cry and wrapped my arms around her for a hug. “It’s okay.”
“It's not. I ruined your relationship with your brother.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It wasn’t the best timing for him to find out or the best way. But what’s going on between Jerrod and me is on us. I made mistakes and so did he. However, it had nothing to do with you.”
Skylar nodded. “I just feel so shitty.”
“I know,” I said. “But it’s really okay.”
I made us both tea because it was better for me not to drink coffee now that I was pregnant. We walked to the living room with our cups and sat down.
“Does Ben know yet?” Skylar asked.
I hadn’t told her what had happened.
“I have so much to tell you,” I said.
I told her about Ben finding out, how Jerrod had ratted me out and I had run away. And Ben had come after me like a true hero was supposed to.
“It’s so romantic,” Skylar said when I told her that he had decided to stay for me.
“You should have seen him at the appointment today.
He was as emotional as I was when we saw the baby on the screen. He is so on board with this.”
“I wish I was there!” Skylar exclaimed. “It must have been magical.”
“Oh, I can show you,” I said and stood up, finding the printout of the ultrasound in my handbag. I handed it to Skylar.
“How adorable!” Skylar said. “I can’t believe I’m going to be an aunt. Do you know what it is yet?”
I shook my head. “We don’t know. And maybe, I don’t want to know until the baby arrives.”
“Haven’t you had enough surprises?” Skylar laughed.
I chuckled. “This is the good kind.”
Chapter 67
Ben
On Friday I walked into the bar where Mila and I had gone with Jerrod and Skylar. We hadn’t been careful enough that night, and Jerrod had seen us together. That was when the trouble had all started between me and Jerrod, and I was hoping this was where it would all end.
I had texted him, telling him I was going to be at the bar tonight. I wanted to talk to him, but I was tired of running after him when he wasn’t interested. I had asked him to come to meet me. He hadn’t replied. I had told him what time I was going to be there, and now that I was here, time would tell if Jerrod was going to show up to talk to me.
My wristwatch told me it was eight o’clock. I would give him half an hour before I left again.
Until now, everything had been about Jerrod. He had been the one who had been wronged. Mila and I had kept our relationship secret from him when it was already a no-no that his best friend and younger sister were dating. It had been wrong not to tell him and even worse that he had had to find out by seeing us fall drunkenly all over each other.
But things were different, now. Mila was pregnant, and I was with her because I loved her and it was my baby. It was the right thing to do to be with her. It was also what I wanted.
And this time, Jerrod was the one that had been wrong. He’d outed Mila to me when it had been her secret to tell. And he had done it in a horrible way, too. The shoe was on the other foot now, and I was hoping that it would be reason enough for Jerrod to man the fuck up and do something about this friendship that was spinning down the drain.
We had all made mistakes. The only way we were going to get past it was if we did what we could to make it right.
I glanced at my wristwatch again. It was a quarter past. Fifteen more minutes and then I was giving up, then it was all on him.
The time crawled on. By twenty-five past, I considered closing the tab I had opened for the beers I had intended for the two of us to drink and going home.
“Sorry I’m late,” Jerrod said as I was about to flag a waitress.
“You came,” I said. I looked at the clock again. “In the nick of time, I was about to leave.”
“Yeah, sorry. My dad and I had mixed signals about who was manning the bar tonight, and we had to figure that out, first. Glad you waited.”
It had been very close. We would have missed each other, and nothing would have been solved. We would have still thought the other didn’t care.
Jerrod sat down, and I ordered a beer for him and another for myself.
“Are you watching the game this weekend?” Jerrod asked.
“I haven’t even thought about sports,” I admitted.
“Don’t sweat it, we’re playing like shit. It’s a disgrace.”
Jerrod and I had always watched sports together working out the bets we could take. That I hadn’t kept up with the sports was a testimony to how bad things had gotten between us and how busy I had become with other things that had been happening in my life.
We tried to make small talk, but it was awkward. My friend of more than twenty-five years and I had nothing to say to each other, and it was fucking sad.
“Look,” I finally said. “I’m sorry about what I did. With Mila. I should have talked to you about how I felt about her. It was a dick move to hide it from you, especially because I know how you feel about her getting hurt.”
Jerrod nodded.
“Yeah, it took me a while to swallow that bitter pill. She’s my baby sister, you know? I still remember when Mom came home with her. She was so fucking small, and I thought that I would kill anyone who touched her. That hasn’t really gone away, twenty-five years down the line.”
I shook my head. “I can’t believe we’ve come such a long way.” I couldn’t even remember Mila being in the picture until we headed to high school.
“I’m sorry for being a dick about it,” Jerrod said. “If there’s anyone that should be able to take care of her, it’s you. And it makes sense that you ended up together, even if I hate the idea. You were always part of the family.”
“You’re like a brother to me,” I said, clapping Jerrod on the back. “I don’t want this to come between us.”
Jerrod shook his head. “It won’t. I’m done being an asshole about this. I was wrong. It took me a while to figure out. Plus, I nearly lost her. That’s an eye-opener.”
I nodded. I knew what he meant. When Mila had been kidnapped, I had been terrified that something terrible would happen to her or that I wouldn’t get her back.
“I’m happy for you two,” Jerrod said. I had to pinch myself to be sure I was hearing him right. Jerrod was supportive of this?
“I’m worried I’m not hearing you right,” I said and glanced at my beer bottle as if it could have been spiked with something.
“Fuck you,” Jerrod said, but he was laughing. This was the Jerrod I’d always known. His smile faded. “But seriously, though. She loves you. Any fool can see that. And I know she has good taste. Apparently, so do you.” Jerrod punched me on the shoulder, and we laughed. “Just don’t hurt her, okay?”
I shook my head. “I won’t. I know I haven’t treated her right, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I’m sticking around, now. I’m not going anywhere. I’m madly in love with her. Mila is one of a kind.”
Jerrod nodded. “She is. And I can see how you feel about her. I have no doubt that you care for her. It just pissed me off so much that I was the last to know.”
“I get that,” I said. I really did feel bad for what we’d done. But there was only so many times I could say I was sorry. I knew that this time, Jerrod had accepted my apology.
Jerrod nodded again. We both drank our beers, listening to the music and watching the crowds shuffle in. As the night dragged on, the bar filled up with patrons who were done with their work week and looking for a way to unwind.
“It’s just all so unexpected,” Jerrod said after a while. “Your relationship with her when I still see her as a kid is one thing. But now she’s pregnant. Man.” He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I don’t know what to make of that.”
“It’s crazy,” I admitted. “It feels like just yesterday that I came back again.”
“It was almost yesterday. It really hasn’t been that long.”
Jerrod was right.
“I learned a lot in the time that passed since then. Not just with Mila and who I am in a relationship, but with my dad and everything that’s been happening, there.”
Jerrod leaned his elbows on the table.
“What happened there?” he asked. “I saw that story on the news after Mila came back. And my mom said something about your dad being no good. Sorry.”
“Don’t be, he wasn’t as great as I thought he was. I realized the last while that my dad wasn’t who I thought he was at all.”
I told Jerrod everything I hadn’t been able to tell him because he had been so pissed off about Mila and me. I told him about the money owed to the mafia and the reason for the kidnapping.
“And that’s why you left,” Jerrod said, finally having all the pieces so that he could come to the right conclusion. “You were trying to keep her safe.”
I nodded. “I failed miserably. But I’m not leaving her side again. She’ll be safe. I learned from my dad’s mistakes. And if there’s ever anything I’ll achieve in life,
it’s never to be like him.”
“That’s great,” Jerrod said. “You’ll make a terrific dad.”
It meant a lot to me that Jerrod thought so. And that we were on talking terms again. I had really missed my best friend.
“Can I ask you something?” Jerrod asked. When I nodded, he continued. “Why don’t you just get rid of the company, pay the debt and move on with your life?”
I sighed. “I think about that a lot. But I still feel like I owe it to my dad and Uncle Dean to carry on with the company, to make something great of it.”
“Even after everything that’s gone wrong?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Uncle Dean would have given his life for nothing if I just throw it all away.”
Jerrod nodded, looking around the bar, thinking about what I’d said.
“Wasn’t he the one that let you buy yourself out so that you could live your life? Be yourself?”
I realized with a shock that Jerrod was right. I was trying to fight for a company that belonged to Uncle Dean and my father, but it had all gone wrong because of my dad. Uncle Dean wasn’t even in the company anymore, his spirit in the company had died along with what it used to be. And Jerrod was right.
It’s not a crime to live your own dream. Even if that dream looks different than what your father would have wanted for you.
That was what Uncle Dean had told me when I had boarded the plane to come to Portland. I had been so worried about leaving behind the future my father had planned for me. If I was truly going to live a legacy – the right man’s legacy – I would live my dream the way Uncle Dean had encouraged me to do when I had made the decision to sell the company.
“You know what? You’re right,” I said to Jerrod.
“That tends to happen,” Jerrod said.
I laughed. “Fuck you.”
We clinked our beer bottles in a salute to our future, to say goodbye to the shitty fights we had.