by JJ Jones
“I should be. Things would definitely be better that way.”
“Not for me,” Chase grumbled, sipping on the seven and seven he had swiped from the top of the closest table (not that he had any idea what that actually was or that there was actual alcohol in it).
“Don’t be such a baby. And you do know we’re different, don’t you? I mean, you have to know. Why else would Mamma and Daddy have told us so many times to be careful to keep our special things secret? If everyone were just like us we wouldn’t need to be secret at all.”
“Maybe. I dunno, I guess. So do you think there is anyone like us?”
“You mean just like us?”
“Or even a little bit like us.”
“I don’t know for sure. I’ve thought about it a lot. It’s what I think about when I can’t sleep at night, every single night I can’t sleep. Like I said, I don’t know for sure but I think there just has to be. Think about all of the stories.”
“What stories are you talking about?” Chase asked with wide eyes, taking another sip of his seven and seven and beginning to hiccup.
“All of them. All of the fairy tales Mamma reads us.”
“I don’t listen to those.”
“You do so, I see you, even when you’re playing with your trucks and things. You like to listen to them just as much as I do.”
“Who cares? What are you talking about, stupid?”
“Don’t call names.”
“So what if I like the stories? Maybe I do. So what? I don’t see what that has to do with anything. I don’t see what that has to do with us being what we are.”
“All of those stories, the fairy tales and that kind of thing, at least most of them have things like us in them. Mostly they’re the bad guys, the scary things, but they’re still there.”
“But those are just stories, Katie. They don’t mean anything. Right? They don’t, do they?”
“I don’t know about that. I think they do. I don’t think there would be so many stories with the same thing in them if they weren’t at least a little bit true.”
“So that would make us the bad guys, I guess.”
“Nope. I don’t believe we are.”
“Then, how come we mostly are in the stories?”
Something about what Katie said resonated with Chase in a major way. His lip began to tremble and his eyes to fill with tears as he refused to acknowledge they were even there to begin with. He couldn’t explain why but suddenly he felt very, very afraid. He didn’t like to think about things like this. He didn’t like to think about the nature of things, least of all the nature of what he was.
He knew that he was both man and beast, he had been told that from the time he was in the womb, although he wouldn’t have needed to be told by anyone. Before he was ever aware of the fact that not everyone was like him, Chase knew that there was more than just a boy’s vitality tripping through his veins. More than any of the animals in the zoo, even, more than the massive big cats that could tear a grown man apart limb from limb. He had the mythical creatures of thousands of years ago living within him, the creatures who had moved into realm of pure fiction in the minds of most. He was a shifter, a dragon shifter, just like every member of his family, and it had never been a thing he thought much about before this conversation with his sister. It was something he had just accepted like having blue eyes or the dimples in his fat, pink cheeks.
But now, now she was forcing him to look at himself on a grander scale than that and it was a lot to take in for an eight year old boy. Even Katie, as much of a bully as she could sometimes be (as could all older sisters, at least from what Chase had heard from his friends), could see that she had said too much for a kid his age to stomach.
She wrapped one reassuring arm around his shoulders and then went so far as to kiss the top of his head. Under normal circumstances he would have told her she was gross and shrugged her off, but at the moment it just felt right. With her arm around him and his parents still gliding across that dance floor like some kind of angels, he was starting to feel like things were probably OK, after all.
“What do you think, Katie? How come we’re always the bad guys?”
“Because, baby brother, people don’t understand us. At least I think that’s it. People are scared of things they don’t get. Just like I was afraid of the dark when I was little. I didn’t get it but now I know it can’t hurt me and so I’m not afraid of it any more. That’s how we’ll be. I think. Someday, once people know about us and understand us some, then they won’t think we’re the bad guys any more.”
“And these people? All of these people here with them? Do you think the people Daddy works with won’t be afraid of them? Of us?”
“Nope, they won’t need to be. There’s no reason to be afraid of us. We’re some of the good guys, Chase. Just like Mom always says.”
Chase smiled and nodded, more to himself than to his sister. He felt better enough to not even care if what she was saying was true. He felt warm and fuzzy in a way that reminded him of waking up after a long nap on their back porch hammock on a hot summer day.
He curled up, right there on the floor beside his empty glass and still with a view of his mother and father gliding around the dance floor, and rested his head in his sister’s lap. That vision of his parents dancing while everyone else watched was the last thing Chase saw before he drifted off into a dreamless sleep, which was the kind he liked best.
“Hey buddy, it’s time to wake up, OK? You slept the whole way home.”
As much as Chase loved his father, this was an unwelcome intrusion. Somehow, he had been moved from the banquet hall to the car without having any idea of his having been transported at all. Now he was stretched out across the back seat, his sister sitting in their mother’s lap in the front, with his head on his father’s balled up jacket as a makeshift pillow.
He was very intent on not waking up fully and he clung to the seat belt with two grubby hands, his head shaking back and forth while his eyes remained shut tight. If he had been thinking clearly, he would have known that it was going to take more than that for his parents to let him sleep in the car, but he was feeling particularly obstinate in his partial slumber and so he was absolutely sure that staying put was the best thing for him. Outside of the car he could hear his sister groan and his mother sigh, and inside he heard the unmistakable sound of his dad’s soft chuckle.
“You gonna stay in here, champ?”
“Mmm.”
“All night?”
“All night.”
“What if you get scared?”
“I’m never scared.”
“What if you get cold?”
“You can bring me a blanket if you want.”
“Why don’t you just let me carry you inside? It would be easier that way, you know.”
“But what if you drop me? What if I fall?”
“Trust me, son. I won’t ever let you fall. If I say I’m going to carry you, I’m going to carry you. Always, for the rest of your life.”
Chase didn’t respond but his nod let his dad know that yes, he would allow himself to be carried inside. Being lifted into the air by arms so strong was like being on a roller coaster you knew could never, ever hurt you and he nuzzled his head into his father’s chest, breathing in deeply, loving the familiar scent of his spicy cologne.
That was home, right here. It wasn’t the house he was being carried into. They had moved so many times that the actual houses were all starting to blend together, impossible to tell apart from one another. But his father, his mother, even his annoying sister, they were home.
They were all of the home he was ever going to need and he knew that having something like that was special, too. It wasn’t just the dragons slinking inside of them that set them apart. It was the bond they had forged, the bond that Chase was sure was unbreakable. He thought this to himself happily as his father carried him up the stairs, smiled about it as he was tucked into bed, kissed on the forehead by bo
th of his parents before they made their way down the stairs.
Then there was only the noise of his sister breathing in her twin bed beside him mingling with the faint sound of his parent’s laughter and the sound of crickets outside of their window. Finally Chase opened his eyes, looking up at the moonlight playing hide and seek across the span on his ceiling.
“Katie?”
“Hm?”
“Hey, Katie, you awake?”
“Ugh. Yes, I definitely am now. I thought you were refusing to wake up.”
“But I’m awake now.”
“Of course you are. How like a little brother.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing,” she said as she propped herself up on one elbow so that she could peer over at Chase, “just that it’s a little brother’s job to be annoying, as far as me and all of my friends can tell.”
“Oh. Well, you guys aren’t exactly a barrel of laughs, either, you know.”
“I guess not. Not if you’re the little brother.”
“Glad we think the same way.”
“So what do you want?”
“What do you mean?”
“Ugh, I mean what do you want? You’re the one who started talking to me. I figured you must want something.”
“Oh, no. I guess not. I was just thinking; do you think we’re gonna move again soon? We’ve been here for a little while now, right? And we never stay in one place for all that long. Do you think that means we’re gonna go soon?”
“I don’t know,” she sat up, hugging her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on top of them, “I guess it does. I haven’t been thinking about it because I don’t want to go again, but it seems like we move every year or two so it would pretty much be time.”
“Does it make you sad?”
“Of course it does, doesn’t it for you? I want to have friends. Real friends, not only friends I get for a year and then never hear from again. I don’t know why they do that to us.”
“He can’t help it, OK? It’s his job!”
“Then how come everyone else doesn’t move so much? Is our dad some kind of weirdo that he can’t stay in one place?”
“Don’t say that! You shouldn’t say mean things about him, Katie. He’s our dad.”
“I know that, Chase. I don’t need you to tell me. And in case you forgot, you’re the one who brought it up to begin with. If you didn’t want to talk about it, you shouldn’t have said anything to begin with. Now just go to sleep. I don’t feel like talking to you any more.”
With that, she turned her back to him, yanking her blanket up over her shoulders angrily. It was clear that she wasn’t fooling around. She was done talking for now. He didn’t mean to upset her, honest he didn’t, but now she was madder than hell and he was wide awake with nothing to think about except that they never stayed in one place.
There was one thing he knew for sure; he thought his dad was about the bravest, best man alive. If he was moving them around, there was a reason. He was doing it to take care of his family, the same way he always did. If this was the way he did it, it had to be the best way. There was no question of that in Chase’s mind.
* * *
“Hey, kiddos! I got any kiddos left alive and breathing up there or did you two turn to stone overnight?”
Chase opened his eyes blearily and heard Katie groan at the enormous amount of noise their dad was making. He loved to do this, to wake them up in the loudest way possible. It was the kind of wakeup call you couldn’t ignore if you tried.
“What a shame,” he called out again, just as loud as the time before, “guess I’ll have to eat all of these pancakes by myself. Not a single soul to share them with.”
That was enough to get both Katie and Chase to the sitting position. Chase looked over at his sister with a big grin, completely ready to forget the unpleasant conversation of the night before (easily done, seeing as it was already half forgotten).
Katie didn’t seem to be quite so over it, however, and she made a big show ignoring him entirely. It was something she did a lot, sort of her go-to for trying to make him feel bad when he had done something she didn’t like.
What she didn’t seem to get was that it didn’t honestly bother Chase all that much and this morning was no exception. He shrugged his shoulders, slid his feet into his house shoes, and padded down the stairs excitedly, the smell of butter and syrup calling out to him like a long lost friend. He stopped only for a moment at the bottom of the stairs, listening intently to their whispered conversation. Whatever it was they were talking about, it involved their children.
He could hear both his and Katie’s name coming up frequently, his mother sounding worried and strained while his father consoled her, just a hint of annoyance underneath his soft words.
“But Eddie, what do we tell them? I don’t think Chase really cares, but Katie. Katie is a different story. She’s about to be a teenager, for Christ’s sake. She’s going to want to have roots, friends who she can gossip with and boys to take her out. Are we really doing our job if we don’t provide her with a way to do that? To have the things a girl her age longs for?”
“You’ve got to be reasonable, OK? I know you’re trying to be a good mother, but honestly.”
“Honestly? Honestly what?”
Now there was an edge to his mom’s voice that told Chase she was very close to losing it completely and his father’s demeanor changed in turn. His voice became hard, almost angry, like he was done talking to her about this and that was that.
“Honestly, you’re being ridiculous. Do you honestly think we can stay in a place just so that Katie gets to be with the boys she likes? As if I would ever make choices for this family based on something that insignificant. I’m trying to protect this family, this whole family, not just the hormonal members. And in case you forgot, I’ve got a job I’m trying to do as well. A job I happen to find important, but if you’ve got another opinion now would be the proper the let me know.”
“No, nothing.”
“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”
“I said no. I don’t have anything to say. You’re right, Eddie. I shouldn’t have questioned you. I know that you know best.”
“That’s right, I do, and I’m going to do what’s best whether it’s the popular thing or not. Do you understand me? I’m going to do whatever it takes, just like I always have.”
“I know that.”
“Are you sure? Are you really, really sure you understand that? Because it isn’t going to change so if you don’t think it’s something you can live with, you better make that choice now. That way you can go your separate way, do things the way you think is best.”
“No! Please, Eddie. You know how much I hate it when you talk that way. I’m with you. I have been since the first time we met and that hasn’t changed. It won’t ever change, not until the day I die.”
“Good. That’s good. It’s important for me to know that.”
The kitchen grew quiet and Chase could see the reflection of his parents in the stove. They were embracing each other, his father taking his mother in his arms and holding her close to his chest. From the way her body was shaking, Chase could see that she was doing her best not to cry but losing the battle. His father didn’t like it when they cried. He said it was a sign of weakness that other people would be able to exploit and that they shouldn’t give away their advantage so easily. Normally, he would have discouraged the behavior from his mom altogether, but this time he let it slide.
He just stroked her hair and whistled a little tune Chase didn’t know the name of, the same one his mom whistled while she did the dishes when she was in a particularly good mood. Chase shook his head back and forth quickly, trying to shake out the shock and discomfort of witnessing one of his parents’ rare fights. He couldn’t just linger out here in the hallway forever.
Eventually, his parents would realize he was out there or Katie would come clomping down the stairs and give a
way his stealthy location, neither one of which would be ideal for him. It would require explanations he would most likely not be able to come up with, as lying wasn’t something he had ever figured out how to do well.
So he made sure to make some extra noise, just so that his parents knew he was coming and could compose themselves enough for them to think that their son would never know they had been arguing at all, and then he made his way into the massive kitchen.
“Pancakes, right, Dad? I heard pancakes, or was that just some kind of a trick to get me down here?”
“What if it were?” his dad responded with a fake seriousness that always made Chase laugh. It was almost enough to keep Chase from noticing the fact that there were boxes all over the kitchen, that most of their things were already put away.