by West, Dahlia
“Hayley,” Chris said, when she’d been staring at him for far too long. Which was bad because it caused her eyes to drop to his mouth. What does he taste like? she wondered. What was underneath that soap scent? Before she could stop herself, she leaned down and pressed her mouth over his. And Oh, God, there was the soap, that was true, but below that, when you got up next to his skin, there was a darker, earthier scent that was all male. And Hayley wanted it. Wanted to wrap herself in it, lose herself in it.
She pushed her hands into that damp mass of brown hair, feeling the strands slide through her fingers. And then she pushed her tongue into his mouth, determined to find the source of that maleness and possess it. She wanted to be able to call up the memory of this moment whenever she wanted, the sweet, dark taste and smell of this man in her hands and in her mouth and pressed up against her.
She threw her knee over his lap and sank down into him, pulling at him, drawing him closer. His lips were soft, his hair was soft, but his body was hard and lean, all muscle and steel and strength. Every part of him would be hard, she knew it, like she knew his taste and his smell. She reached down between them and grasped that velvet steel rod that she knew, knew, would be there, hard and waiting. What would it smell like? Taste like? Feel like in her mouth and pressed up against her? She gasped at her own thoughts at the same time he grabbed her hand.
“Hayley!”
Hayley drew back, panting, and staring in wonderment at Chris. She looked down at his crotch. She still had his dick in her hand. Startled she let go and backed away. “Oh, God!” she gasped. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry. I- I’m-” She shook her head, bewildered at everything, and got up off the couch. Without thinking, she made a beeline for the front door.
“No, Hayley, wait!” Chris called after her.
She ignored him and slammed the door, sprinting to her own house.
************************
Chris sat on his couch, stunned. Well, he’d known she was going to kiss him, or was at least thinking about it. He’d seen that look before on other women. But everything after that had short-circuited his brain. The kiss itself was a stunner. Hayley had invaded and conquered his mouth before he’d even had much of a chance to react. She was so…passionate. He hadn’t expected that from her. Not with their first real kiss. She kissed like she was starving for him, desperate for him, and his body had reacted accordingly. And if her interest wasn’t surprising enough, she’d reached down and taken him in her hand! That, thankfully, had snapped him out of his kiss-induced stupor. He rubbed his hand over his face and looked down at his aching erection. “We’re both bastards,” he said out loud.
Hayley wouldn’t answer her door, and Chris sighed heavily. He trudged back to his own house, Pepper in tow. At least he had everything she needed at his house as well as Hayley’s since the kitten spent so much time in both places. The next morning, still no sign of Hayley, he left the fluffball with a full bowl of food and kicked the starter on his bike. He really wasn’t in the mood to work, though. He slammed the side door, the office door, and was generally a dick to all and sundry.
“You’re in a shit mood, bro,” Hawk finally said, settling at the workbench.
Chris didn’t respond.
“So what’s going on?” Tex asked.
“Gotta be Slick,” Hawk decided. “Work’s fine. Gotta be Slick.”
“What’d she do now? Too much sass?” Tex asked with a grin.
Chris set down the wrench and leaned up against the workbench. He debated telling them anything. For one thing, Hayley definitely wouldn’t want them to know. And for another it was two against one, and those weren’t good odds. But the entire incident had been weighing on him and he had to get it off his chest. That’s what brothers were for, to listen when you needed an ear and to provide the boot when you needed your ass kicked. “We…she tried to give me a hand job last night.”
Both men stared at him. Finally Hawk stood up. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” he shouted.
Chris rubbed a hand over his face. “I know! I know! God, I know, okay? It just happened! She kissed me, then her hand was on my crotch. It happened too fast,” Chris insisted
“That’s no excuse,” Hawk declared.
“He’s right. Not seeing your side on this one,” Tex told him.
“I’m so gonna kick your ass,” Hawk growled.
“Get in line,” Tex told the large Sioux. “I’m getting a few swings in first.”
“Then when Doc gets off shift, he’ll kick your ass a third time,” Tex pointed out.
“Drive your ass up to Spearfish and let Easy take a few shots, too,” Hawk added. “He could use the workout.”
“Fuck!” cried Chris. “I’m taking care of it! I’ll take care of it!”
“You better,” warned Hawk. “Or this wrench is going up your ass sideways.”
Chris stalked back to the office and slammed the door. He flopped down in the chair and stared at the wall, trying to see all the sides to his problem. They were right. It was up to him to fix it.
Chapter 20
Hayley had managed to avoid Chris until he’d finally left for work. She’d headed over to his house, retrieved Pepper, and brought her back to the little blue house. She was so humiliated that she couldn’t imagine facing him again. What the hell had she been thinking, grabbing him like that? As if the kissing wasn’t bad enough. And then, he’d actually stopped her. Oh, God. That had been the low point. The rock bottom of her misguided attempt at....what? Who the hell knew? But whatever it was, Chris had not been interested. He’d grabbed her hand and admonished her. She knew she wasn’t his type. She should have known better.
Working days, she thankfully got off an hour before Chris closed up the garage. She practically sprinted back home and flung the door shut. She considered her bag and the cost of a bus ticket. But for the first time in five years, she found herself hesitating. She didn’t want to leave. And what about Pepper? No doubt Chris would take care of her, but Hayley didn’t want to leave her behind. She sighed and steeled herself. She would apologize. Eat her own crow and tell Chris to just forget about everything that had happened. It couldn’t possibly be the first time a woman had hit on him and he’d declined. Surely he’d be willing to just forget all about it.
By the time he’d come home, she’d put on her shoes again and took a deep breath. She was about to head over to his place when she heard his heavy boots on her front porch steps. Her stomach fluttered. She twisted the knob and took another deep breath, ready to let him know what she had on her mind. But instead of getting any of it out, she was hit in the stomach. Not particularly hard, though.
Her mouth gaped as she looked down, instinctively grabbing the large black helmet he’d thrust at her. “Get your jacket,” he commanded.
His tone brooked no argument. Hayley nearly stumbled back, tightening her grip on the helmet. She snatched her jacket off the back of the chair and pulled it on. Chris wordlessly lead them to his Harley and got on. Only hesitating for a moment, she swung her own leg over the back.
It was a nice night. A beautiful night. They hit the highway headed east with the sun at their back, sinking down past the horizon. The trees lost their colors at the light continued to fade. Their silhouetted shapes eventually faded to black with the rest of the darkening sky. Well past the city limits, the street lights were fully behind them and the stars revealed themselves overhead. Hayley was mesmerized.
Finally it was so dark and the sky was so clear that it seemed more like they were riding through the stars, rather than simply under them. Hayley forgot about everything but the warm wind, the feeling of flying, and the millions of diamonds glittering in the darkness.
*************************
An hour later, Chris parked the bike and gave Hayley some time to look out at the moonlight shimmering over the Badlands, that ancient, withered landscape that existed long before either of them and would remain long after they were gone.
“Hayle
y,” he said finally, trying to draw her attention away.
She didn’t turn to him, but he saw her shoulders slump and she began worrying her bottom lip. “Do we have to talk about it?” she asked quietly. “Can’t we just forget it? Just pretend it never happened? It was a mistake.”
Chris shook his head. “I don’t think it was a mistake, Slick. At least that’s not how I feel about it and I really hope you don’t, either.”
“You turned me down. It’s okay. We can just let it go,” she pleaded.
“It wasn’t the right moment, Hayley. But it can be now. If you want it.”
She finally turned to look at him. “Chris, we can’t-”
“We can,” he interrupted. “Yes, we can. But some things have to change. Things can’t stay like they are no matter what.”
“Chris-”
“Listen. Just hear me out, okay? Jimmy’s physical therapy is done in two weeks. His insurance is finished paying out for his injury and he’ll have to move out of the facility he’s in. It was always my intention that he live in the house you’re in now.” Hayley sighed heavily. “Now, he can move in with me,” Chris told her. “I have the second bedroom. But you’re pretty aware of how things are between us. I don’t think forcing Jimmy to live under my roof is a very good idea right now. Hawk doesn’t have room. Neither does Doc. Tex could take him, but Hayley, he’s my responsibility. I’m the team leader.”
He paused for a moment before rushing headlong into the fray. “I want you to move in with me, Hayley.” Her eyes got huge and she stared at him. “Come on now,” he coaxed. “You practically live there as it is. You cook there, you bathe there, you even sleep there when you’re too drunk to make it home,” he reminded her with a grin.
Instead of finding it amusing, she shook her head and started to take a step back. “Chris, I don’t- I can’t-”
He took hold of her upper arms gently, cutting off her retreat. “Hayley, listen, listen to me. You never have to do anything with me that you aren’t comfortable doing. If you want to sleep in the spare bedroom you can do that. That’s okay, Hayley. Whatever you’re comfortable with is okay with me. But after what happened last night, we need to come to some kind of understanding. I cannot keep taking rent money from you while we’re making out on my couch. It’s wrong, Hayley.
“Remember what I told you when we first met? I’m not one to take advantage. Either we take this thing to the next level or we end it. All of it. You don’t come over anymore, you don’t cook for me, we don’t spend time together. You can put the rent in my mailbox at the first of every month and you only call me if something goes wrong with the house and needs fixing.”
She put her face in her hands and her shoulders slumped. Chris didn’t think that boded well. “At least talk to me,” he requested. “Can you tell me what your concerns are? Hayley. I can protect you from the men who’ve hurt you. And there is not a chance in Hell I’d ever become one of them and I think you know that’s true.”
She looked up from her hands, slightly confused. “What?”
“You don’t have to tell me everything for me know the gist of it.” He pressed lips together and looked down at her. “I know you’ve been raped, Hayley.” She made a noise of protest and tried to move free of his hold, he let her go. “I’ve seen it before, honey. Overseas. Unfortunately, I’ve become rather good at spotting the signs. I know it happened when you were in college and it caused you drop out and leave home. I also know some fucker managed to weasel his way into your defenses and then beat on you when he should have been on his knees thanking God you allowed him into your life.”
She shook her head, miserably. “That never happened.”
Chris sighed. “Hayley, it won’t do any good to lie about it. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand, but don’t pretend-”
“There was no other guy,” she finally told him. “In Denver. I- that was a lie.” She swiped at an errant tear. “You don’t know me, Chris. I’m- I’m not too far off from what you thought in the beginning.” She looked up at the night sky and Chris gave her time to decide what she would give him. “A few months after I…got hurt, I bought a bus ticket to Dallas. I just had to get away. But it was too soon, or something, because this guy, on the bus, he saw me and he knew. He didn’t know who I was, but he knew what I was. He had a knife. And I was so scared that I just didn’t do anything at all. I couldn’t even call out for help. He took all my money because I was dumb enough to have it all in my fucking pocket. So I got off the bus, in a strange city, panicked, and I locked myself in a bathroom stall all night.
“I didn’t have much of a plan. I knew I couldn’t go home. I needed a place to live, but I couldn’t get one with no money. Not without a job. So I looked. And I looked, and I looked and no one would hire me because I didn’t have any I.D. On the day before I told myself I was going to give up and call my parents, I walked into a diner. No money, hadn’t eaten anything for two days. The owner was a woman. And she wasn’t going to hire me, either. But as I was leaving, she saw the bruise the guy had left on my arm. And she asked me if my boyfriend was going to come looking for me and make trouble.”
She shook her head and wiped her cheeks again. “I didn’t lie. Not that time. I just…let her think that. Because I was starving and I’d been sleeping in a bus station for five nights. It was still wrong. I get that. I know that. Because that happens to people. To women. Their boyfriends or their husbands hurt them and it’s awful that I let someone think that happened to me just so I could get a job. But I did it anyway. And I didn’t stop there. Once I left Dallas, I moved to Phoenix. And I put bruises on my arm. Because that lie was so much easier than the truth. And it worked. So I kept doing it. In every city. Different name, same lie.” She finally turned to look at him. “You don’t know me. Hardly anything you know about me is the truth. You don’t know what you’re asking. The things that could happen to you. You don’t even know.”
Chris reached for her. “Hayley, I’m not some chump off the street. I’m a Ranger. I-”
She jerked away. “He could still kill you! It doesn’t matter. If he finds me, you-”
“The man who raped you? How could he find you, Hayley?”
She hesitated and blinked up at him.
“Hayley, you’ve been on the run for five years,” Chris reminded her. “Never using I.D., only paying in cash. My guess would be he lost track of you three, maybe four years ago. Probably longer. If he didn’t find you in Dallas, he was never going to.”
“He might,” she insisted.
“How?” he argued.
Finally she had to give in. “I don’t know,” she whispered.
“You’re afraid of it, and I understand that. But it’s not rational, Hayley. He can’t find you. Not now. And even though you pull the dresser in front of your bedroom door every night, I think you know that’s true. You’re more afraid of me, Hayley, than him. But not for the same reasons.”
She frowned at him. “I- I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes, you do. You know what I’m talking about. If he can’t find you, why do you keep running, Hayley?” He gave her a second to answer even though he knew she wouldn’t. “Baby. You’re holding on to that other life so hard your knuckles are turning white. That’s why you move around so much. Leave before you can connect with anyone, make any attachments. You want it back. And you don’t want anyone getting in your way when you finally decide it’s safe to go home.
“But it’s wearing on you. You’re not built for solitude, Hayley. Not many people are, but you’re definitely not. Spending time with me, and the boys, you need it Hayley. You’re desperate for it, whether you can admit it or not. It’s proof, honey, that you cannot go on living the way you are. It’s doing more damage to you than he ever did.”
She shook her head vehemently. “No. No, this is temporary. It’s all just temporary. Until I can go home. It’s-”
“Five years is not temporary, Hayley. This is your life no
w. Not that other one. I don’t know exactly what’s keeping you away from home, but if you’re waiting for him to be caught Hayley, he may never be. You have to learn to accept that. You either have to go home and try to live there, even if you don’t feel safe, or you can try to live here. But if you keep running, you’re going end up so lost inside your own head you may never find your way out. Is that what you want, Hayley? To wake up screaming another five years from now? Ten years? How long can you keep going not sleeping through the night? On your feet day after day, living on nothing but tips?”
She glared at him. “As long as I have to until I can go home!”
“Alright,” he said quietly. “Alright.” He could see this was not a war he was going to win tonight. This dream of going home was all that had kept her alive for five years and she wasn’t going to let go of it any time soon. “If it’s just temporary, Hayley, if you’re just biding your time until it’s safe to go back, then spend it with me. At least some of it. As much as you can.” When she started shaking her head again, he said, “You slept on top of me, Hayley. You slept. All night. Now I’m not saying that ever has to happen again if you don’t want it to, but I am saying that some part of you knows, absolutely knows, that you are safe with me. In the army we learn to eat when we can, sleep when we can. Just take a break, Hayley. Just rest. For as long as you can.”