T-16. 48 points: Fred Taylor, RB, Jaguars, November 19, 2000: 234 yards rushing, 3 TDs, 3 receptions for 14 yards, and 1 receiving TD.
18. 47 points: Marshall Faulk, RB, Rams, October 20, 2002: 183 yards rushing, 3 TDs, 7 receptions for 52 yards, and 1 receiving TD.
T-18. 47 points: Jerome Harrison, RB, Browns, December 20, 2009: 286 yards rushing, 3 TDs, and 2 receptions for 12 receiving yards.
19. T-18. 47 points: Jimmy Smith, WR, Jaguars, September 10, 2000: 15 receptions for 291 receiving yards and 3 receiving TDs.
If you had one of those guys that day, you won. That simple. Of course, if you played against one of those guys, chances are you lost. And it’s weird. When I talk to people, the brutal or tough losses come up a lot more than the miracle wins. By a landslide, the most common story I hear is a “bad beat” story.
Luckily, other people’s misery is hugely entertaining.
16.
The Top 20 Most Soul-Crushing Ways to Lose: Numbers 20–11
or
“So Then Chris Johnson DMed Me and Said, ‘Don’t Worry, I Got You’”
Like a train wreck, we can’t help but look. And nod. Because we’ve all been there. If you’ve never played fantasy, there’s no other way to describe a heartbreaking fantasy loss other than it kills your soul. Kills. It keeps you up at night as you thrash about angrily. You grind your teeth, you replay what-if scenarios over and over in your head, you’re in a surly mood for a week (and if it cost you a title, likely forever).
You’re short with coworkers, your significant other might as well be a ghost, and the only thing you enjoy more than brooding is brooding to anyone who will listen. You have something called “impotent rage” because there’s nothing you can do to fix it, so you just have to sit there and stew. In your own loser-ness.
It eats away at you in a way that only those of us who have been there can truly fathom.
And as I started to get into this section, that quickly became an issue. Because the problem with a bad beat story is, well, the bad beat. You already know the ending, never an ideal way to tell a story.
But a book on fantasy has to include bad losses. They’re as big a part of the fabric of fantasy sports, especially fantasy football, as anything. So here’s what I decided: We know the story ends with a loser. The only thing that’s up to chance?
Just how cruel the fantasy gods will be with us as it happens.
I realized what I needed to do was rank the way you lose. Here are the Top 20 Most Soul-Crushing Ways to Lose at Fantasy, Numbers 20 to 11.
Number 20: The Bad Schedule
You score the second-highest points of the week, absolutely dominating. Any team you play would lose to you. Any team . . . except one. The team you’re playing, of course. All your studs go off, your sleepers pan out, your waiver-wire picks step up, and it’s all for naught . . . because you’re playing the highest-scoring team that week. It’s like rain on your wedding day. It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid. It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take. . . . Err. Had the ’90s channel on. Sorry, Alanis. Switching now.
The only thing worse than playing the highest-scoring team is doing it for an entire season.
You have one of the highest-scoring teams in the league, but every week you play the one team that can beat you. I’ve been the highest-scoring team in a league and missed the playoffs before, and I’ve seen it a lot. You have a great team, you know you drafted and traded well, and yet you’re sitting at home during the playoffs just like the guy who hasn’t made a move since week two. Ugh.
Number 19: Really?!? Him?!?!
It’s the sinking feeling. The slow realization that you’re playing against someone who is completely going off. Like Michael Vick on Monday Night and other players on the list earlier of unreal performances. But even worse is when the crazy monster day comes from someone who never does that well, like when Jerome Harrison ran for 286 yards and three touchdowns. Or the famous Joe Horn “cell-phone” game, where he scored four times with 133 yards. Joe Horn cost me and a lot of others playoff games that year. But the most painful example of this of all time?
In week 14 of the 2010 season, the first round of playoffs for most folks, the Arizona Cardinals put up 43 points on the Denver Broncos. Which included five field goals from kicker Jay Feely, a 55- and a 49-yarder among them. Plus four extra points. But the play that seemed to push a bunch of folks out of the playoffs was early in the first quarter when, on fourth down, the Cardinals lined up for a field goal. And on the snap, holder Ben Graham pulled the ball up, flipped it to Feely, and the kicker outran the defenders to the end zone. That’s right. A rushing touchdown. 28 total points. For a kicker.
Number 18: The Vulture
Your running back moves the chains, gets the ball down to the 1-yard line, and what happens? They bring in the “goal-line back” to take the easy touchdown. Or instead of giving it to your running back, the QB runs a sneak. Maybe you don’t have the running back. Maybe you have the stud wide receiver or big red zone tight end. The QB goes back to pass . . . and throws it to a fifth-string wide receiver. Or a blocking fullback no one would ever own. Or a linebacker. Seriously. Did you know linebacker Mike Vrabel has 10 career receiving touchdowns? Ten! Really?! Really.
There’s a million different vultures out there and they all have two things in common: they took a touchdown away that was rightfully your player’s and they are frequent enemies of fantasy owners.
Number 17: The Fantasy Goat
Not GOAT as in the “Greatest Of All Time.” No, I mean “goat.” It’s a term we use on our podcast. This is when an NFL team goes crazy and puts up something like 45 points, and every single fantasy-relevant player on the team has a great day. Everyone, that is, except one guy. The guy you own. Like the 2009 game where Drew Brees threw 358 yards and six touchdowns against the Lions. Starting running back Mike Bell had 143 yards rushing. Marques Colston, Jeremy Shockey, Devery Henderson, and Robert Meachem all scored touchdowns and had good days. But wide receiver Lance Moore? Two receptions for 38 yards. And that’s why you lost. Brutal.
Number 16: Who to Blame? Look in the Mirror
Oh, you could have won. You had the right players. Just not in your starting lineup. Seeing a guy go off while sitting on your bench and the bum you started is doing nothing? Another level of cruel. Because you realize it’s not the players’ fault, it’s yours. And the difference between your benched guy and your starter is always the difference between winning and losing. But at least the guy is still on your team. The next level version of the self-inflicted wound is when you’ve been carrying a sleeper all year, a guy you know will be great if his NFL team would just give him a shot. But because of bye weeks or injuries, you can’t wait anymore and you cut him. And your opponent picks him up. And starts him. Against you. And that’s why you lose. Of course this is the week the player finally gets a shot and goes off on you.
The unrealized potential of what might have been by either playing your benched guy or having the new stud keeps you up at night. It’s the kind of cruel that keeps on giving, as it also makes you question yourself going forward, second-guessing lineup moves with the players in question as you chase the right guy to start the rest of the season.
But next time you cost yourself the victory, remember this story. In 2008 I wrote an article for ESPN The Magazine’s 10th anniversary issue, covering the previous 10 years of fantasy sports. And for that article, I interviewed Chris Cooley, then a tight end for the Redskins and an avid fantasy player. Chris had been playing fantasy since high school and was in a league with a bunch of close friends. He had also never won this league, but in 2005 he had a great shot.
“Week 15, and I was in the semis,” Chris remembers. It was potentially a great week for Chris. On the NFL field, he helped the Redskins defeat their bitter rivals the Cowboys with 71 receiving yards and three, count ’em, three to
uchdowns. Only problem? The guy Chris was playing had, as his fantasy tight end . . . Chris Cooley. “So basically, yeah, I knocked myself out of the playoffs.”
Number 15: It’s Not Over Until Elias Says It’s Over
In week 15 of 2009, Kurt Warner threw a short five-yard pass to Anquan Boldin for a touchdown. Much later that week, after official review, the NFL changed the pass to a lateral, taking away a touchdown pass from Warner. As a result of the scoring change, many “victorious” owners were then booted from the playoffs.
It’s so cruel. You think you’ve won, you’ve celebrated, and then? The exact opposite. Kevin Wilson’s Teflon United team has a painful one. In 2008, after the Monday Night game, he had a victory over his good friend Ben by the slimmest of margins, 80.2 to 79.6. On Thursday the NFL ruled that a 39-yard David Akers field goal was misrecorded by the stat keeper and the real distance was 40 yards. By making it 40 yards, the field goal was now worth four points instead of three, giving Ben the victory. A stat correction on field goal distance?!!!? And Kevin missed the playoffs that year by one game to Ben, his loss being the tiebreaker. Had he made the playoffs, he would have won it all.
Number 14: But Taking a Knee Means You Won, Right, Honey?
QB kneel-downs are killers. At the end of a game, if a team is winning, a QB will often kneel down to run out the clock. And because most fantasy leagues count quarterback rushing, those few negative yards on rushing are often the difference between winning and losing. Here are two examples that people tweeted at me:
@blairCmcdonald: 103.40–103.15 in Week 4 [of 2011]. Eli Manning takes a knee 3 times in final minutes in win versus Arizona. Lose .3 and the matchup
@majorleaguenerd: Week 3 SNF, Ben kneels to set up field goal. Minus-2 rush yards. League scores to 2 decimal places. Lost by 0.08. Missed playoffs by 1 game.
Losing by tenths of a point because your QB took a knee? Crushing.
Number 13: They Called What?!?
We’ve all heard the phrase “You never want to see the refs decide the game.” There might not be any place where that’s more true than in fantasy. Penalties on your player are hurtful, but even worse? Penalties on other players. How many times have you seen your player score an amazing touchdown only to be called back by a holding penalty? Or some completely unnecessary block in the back on the other side of the field? It drives you up a wall, especially when it’s the margin between a W and an L.
What about when it’s a flag that should not have been thrown? Or a missed call entirely that would have put you over the top?
I liked Robin Ljunglof’s story for a few reasons. First, he plays with a group of friends in Sweden. Sweden represent! Second, the dumb simplicity of the call. It’s week 16 of the 2011 season, Robin is in the semis and up six going into Monday Night. He’s done, his opponent has Jeremy Maclin of the Eagles. Maclin is held in check by Minnesota, and late in the fourth Robin is still in the lead. But at the end of the game, Maclin makes what appears to be a 15-yard grab, pushing his total to seven points, making Robin a loser. But wait!
Replays show Maclin was clearly out of bounds, it’s not a catch. Vikings coach Leslie Frazier throws a challenge flag. Robin’s gonna win! But then . . . nothing happens. “The ref doesn’t see the flag, the Eagles snap the ball, and I lose my game on that missed flag,” laments Robin. Two bad calls in a row, first ruling it was a catch, then missing the challenge flag, cost Robin the finals, where had he played in it, he would have won easily the next week.
That’s when you need multiple challenge flags. One for the play, the other to throw at your TV, your window, your computer . . .
Number 12: Whew . . . We Survived. Wait! What’s He Doing in There?!
Jason C. of the Louisville, Kentucky–based Cactus League was playing for the division lead in week six of the 2010 season. He reflects, “If you recall, the Titans were winning 23–3 in the Monday Night game with less than two minutes to play in the fourth quarter, and they had the ball, fourth down-and-5, at the Jaguars’ 35-yard line.”
At that moment, Jason was up 12, he was done, and his opponent had the Titans’ star running back, Chris Johnson. “At that point in the game, Johnson had 76 yards rushing and two catches for 20 yards, a measly 11 points.”
The Jags had stopped Johnson on third down. So again, the Titans are up 20, there’s less than two minutes to go, it’s fourth-and-5, they are in field goal range, and the Titans . . . “inexplicably hand the ball off to Chris Johnson, who then takes the ball 35 yards for a TD! Game over, and I lose by three.”
It’s a common situation. You have a lead, but you are done while your opponent still has a stud to play. All you can do is hope for a bad game. But the frustrating part is when the guy has a great game but so far you’ve survived and you’re still winning. By all real football logic, the NFL players should be done with their game, but for some reason they are still out there for no apparent reason other than beating you.
As a Chris Johnson owner in 2010, I was acutely aware of this game—it clinched a win for me that week. And because Johnson was a first-round pick that year and it was a Monday Night game, many people remember this play.
But I included this story mostly because of what my friend Adam Schefter told me. As viewers of ESPN well know, “Schefty” is one of the most plugged-in people in the NFL, the ultimate insider and reporter, often scooping everyone on the latest NFL news. He’s also an avid fantasy football player. And that year he too was a Chris Johnson owner. Now, Chris and Adam follow each other on Twitter. And Adam remembers that heading into the game that night, he was down and only had CJ left. So the afternoon before the game, while he and Chris were “DMing” back and forth, Adam jokingly mentioned that he needed a big game from Chris that night, as he was down big in fantasy. And Johnson sent a DM back. “Don’t worry. I got you.”
As Adam watched Johnson inexplicably re-enter the game and scamper for a touchdown, he did wonder a little bit. “I don’t know if my DM had anything to do with it, all I know is he said ‘I got you’ and sure enough, he got me. I squeaked by with a win that week.”
Number 11: Come On! Even I Could Make That Play!
You’re watching the game. Your player breaks free. Daylight ahead! This is it. You’re gonna win! And . . . WHAT. THE. HELL???? By week 12 of the 2010 season, wide receiver Steve Johnson of the Buffalo Bills had emerged as a fantasy darling, with nine touchdowns in the previous 10 games. But, wide open in the waning minutes of that week’s game against Pittsburgh, Stevie dropped a perfect touchdown throw. Fantasy owners went from celebrating to crying. And then, in one of the weirdest tweets in history, Johnson ended up blaming God for the drop. It cost the Bills a huge upset and, more important, a lot of fantasy owners a win. Why so serious, Stevie? Because you just cost us a W, that’s why.
If you think these are bad, wait until you read the top 10 ways to lose. But don’t get depressed. I have a gift for you. The greatest fantasy loss story ever. It’ll definitely make you feel better the next time you lose in a cruel way.
TIME-OUT:
The Matt Hasselbeck Story
Running back Maurice Jones-Drew is best known for playing fantasy football while also being an actual NFL player, but there are others, including quarterback Matt Hasselbeck. Matt plays in a league with a bunch of college buddies and his brother Tim Hasselbeck, who is an NFL analyst for ESPN and is also my co-analyst every Sunday morning on ESPN2’s Fantasy Football Now.
In 2009, Matt went QB-heavy with his fantasy team. That year he was the starting quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, so not surprisingly, he drafted himself and also his former teammate Brett Favre, who was then in his first year as the quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.
It proved to be a smart draft pick. Entering week five that year, Brett Favre had become one of the league leaders in fantasy. Coming off a red-hot appearance on Monday Night Football, Favre had seven touchdowns in his past three games
and was facing the Rams. Hasselbeck himself had thrown three touchdowns against St. Louis in week one of that year, so Matt knew firsthand that the Rams had one of the worst pass defenses in the league.
Hasselbeck, meanwhile, hadn’t played for the two games leading up to week five because of a back injury, and the Seahawks were playing Jacksonville, who had a two-game win streak heading into the matchup.
So, as he was setting his fantasy lineup for the week five games, Matt Hasselbeck decided to . . . bench himself. For Brett Favre.
The Vikings got up big early, ran the ball a lot, and Brett Favre threw for just 232 yards and one touchdown plus an interception. He finished with just 11 fantasy points in ESPN standard scoring. Sixteen different quarterbacks finished with more points than Brett that week.
Meanwhile, Matt Hasselbeck ended up throwing four touchdowns against the Jaguars and finished with 27 fantasy points, more than Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, Peyton Manning, or any other quarterback that week.
Think about that.
Matt had spent the entire week watching film of the Jaguars. He knew the game plan and exactly how they would attack the Jags. Matt was calling the plays in the huddle and could be audible at any time. He had as much control over an NFL game as any fantasy football player ever, and he wound up as the highest-scoring player at his position in the league.
And he was sitting on his own bench.
I like to think about that story from time to time during a fantasy season. And you should as well. Because over the course of your fantasy sports career many things won’t work out the way they should, including you just making the wrong decision. Just like Matt Hasselbeck did in week five of the 2009 season. It’s the nature of the game. All you can do is make the best possible choice, taking every factor into account and letting the game unfold. Matt was worried about his back acting up and figured Brett would remain hot against a terrible pass defense. It makes complete and total sense. But sometimes it just doesn’t play out the way you expect.
Fantasy Life: The Outrageous, Uplifting, and Heartbreaking World of Fantasy Sports from the Guy Who's Lived It Page 20