Allie stood and thanked them both for this opportunity. She felt so light hearted, she could have skipped her way out and down the stairs, but she contained herself until she was alone on her way home. Finally, a break that made things look up. Sleeping tonight would be much easier.
CHAPTER 24
Eddie had been back home for a while and hadn’t found work. His boss didn’t seem too happy that he ran off, and fired him as soon as he came back. To make matters worse, John was getting edgy waiting around for his payment. Now with the fires starting, workable land was shrinking. Everyone wanted to blame the trains. All right, they did throw sparks, but how else was work going to get done. Apparently, his time was up in Idaho and he needed to move on to another area that he could be anonymous in. Allie was supposed to be here to move with him though.
Eddie felt edgy and knew he needed to leave. He packed up some provisions and decided it was time to head back to Allie. First, he needed some funds before he could make it all the way to her, though.
Maybe he could find some odd jobs along the way to bank a little before taking her back and righting this marriage. Everyone around here knew him and wouldn’t hire him. Fortunately, he could cross into Montana and find something there, but he wouldn’t stay long. He couldn’t just breeze through and pick up Allie, but he would be closer and able to watch her awhile. And, he could stockpile some money.
When he took her again, they could travel a greater distance from her family. Maybe if he put more space between them and her family, she would be easier to handle. His next step was taking shape and his edgy mood was turning into a more composed and collected feeling. He needed to keep this feeling. It made plotting and planning much easier than when he was agitated.
Taking one last look around the shack, he put his pack on his back, stepped out, closed the door on this phase of his life, and began thinking of the next one—with his controlled and disciplined wife. He began walking towards Montana with a smirk on his face.
Allie’s heart was soaring with the birds and her steps were light as she made the familiar trip back home. She had a plan and a means to achieve it. It wasn’t until she was almost home that she realized the significance of the telegram. It planted her thoughts firmly back on the ground.
The U.S. Forest Service was a fairly new agency created in 1905 under President Roosevelt. The appointed leader of this new agency, Gifford Pinchot, was fired in January. A man by the name of William Greeley took over and he had his work cut out for him. The general feeling that the department was unnecessary, and a financial waste was rampant, at least in these parts.
The railroad companies and logging industry didn’t see the need to reserve and preserve so much land. Boundary lines were not off limits for them. They used their monies and power to take what they wanted and asked for forgiveness after the fact. This country was big. The land and trees would not and could not be filled up and used up completely. There was too much of it for that to ever happen. At least that was the current theory floating around, despite the fact that was exactly what happened on the Eastern coast. Allie was unsure who was right regarding this issue and had decided a while back she didn’t want to take a side.
The number of fires reported sounded devastating, but this was big country. They had fires every year and many times you couldn’t even tell when or where they were. Most of the fires that occurred yearly were remote and the land would recover before anyone would stumble upon that ground.
Fires could just as easily destroy homes and towns, like the 1908 fire in Big Timber that sits east of Deer Lodge. That fire wiped out one third of the town—all from a spark thrown by the train.
With the ground this dry, this was certainly a cause for concern. The papers had reported that the U.S. Forest Service first tried to contain then stomp out fire before it could destroy. Their recommended procedure was to dig big trenches to create a fire line that would prevent the fire from moving forward, then set intentional back fires to move in the direction of the original fire and burn up the path between. They claimed this would prevent the fire from pushing forward. While those actions sounded great on paper, it had never been done on a large scale. Whether it would work was questionable. This might be the test year. She shook the dreadful thoughts aside and pushed forward.
Arriving home and telling Pa the news of the fires was first on her list. Telling him about her job and plan could and would wait. Going to Ma first on that decision and hoping Ma would tell Pa for her would be best in her opinion. Pa was intimidating, and Ma was the go-between and buffer. At least that was the route she aimed for most of her life.
He was carrying more water to the animal troughs. It seemed carrying water was all anyone did these days. Hopefully the rains would come before the creek dried up. It had never happened before, but watering before July had never happened, either.
Pa, like usual, didn’t seem too fazed by the news of the fires. He kept his hard shell on to protect those around him from worrying about things they couldn’t control. Ma fed off his attitude regarding situations. If Pa seemed calm, the others followed suit.
With that task out of the way, it was time to head inside and get the talk with Ma behind her. One could never tell how that would go. Better than telling Pa of course, but whether she would find full support or merely acceptance remained to be seen. Ma knew she was an adult and could make her own choices.
Before she reached the front door, she could hear singing. Ma was in a good mood. That meant it was the perfect time for telling her. Allie opened the door with a smile on her face and renewed energy. “Ma?”
The singing paused. “Yes dear, I’m in the back room,” Ma replied, then began to hum.
Allie made it to the back room before Ma reached the chorus. Ma was putting the clean sheets back on her bed. “Let me help you!” Allie jumped right in on one side opposite Ma. “You seem in a great mood today.”
“Ah, yes. It’s another beautiful day! Drew’s having a good day and that makes your Pa happy. The well still seems to be holding for us. And the pastor’s wife, Mrs. Shirley has asked me to teach a needle point class instead of asking Mrs. Wimble, like she has in the past. The look on that woman’s face will be etched in my brain for a long while.” Ma returned to humming while she finished the bed.
No wonder Ma was in such a good mood, Allie thought. Anytime anyone can put Mrs. Wimble back in her appropriate place is a good time. This also made this a great time to share her news. “I had a meeting today at the newspaper with the senior Mr. Ashton. You are now looking at a working daughter.” Allie stood with a smile spread across her face.
Ma dropped the pillow she was holding and rushed over to wrap Allie in a hug. “That is wonderful news. Pa and I could use a little extra help…like before.”
And just like that Allie was brought back down to earth. She could no longer keep her head in the clouds feeling that she could take on this world. Of course, her parents needed help and would expect her to provide it. That was the way before she married. If she was staying here, she needed to help. “Yes, Ma. I will give a portion of what I earn to you and Pa. But, I need to save some for myself, too.”
Ma slowly backed away and waited for her to provide more information.
Allie folded her hands and collected her thoughts before she told her of the plan. “I’m not going back to Eddie.”
Ma interrupted, “I know that and don’t want you to. I saw what he did to you. You’re lucky…we’re all lucky…you’re still alive.”
“I’m going to divorce him, Ma.” Before Ma could interrupt again, she sped on. “I am going to save up and move to Reno. I can divorce there with no questions asked. I just have to be a resident for at least six months.” She put her head down as a silent sign of showing she was finished.
“How are you going to live there? We don’t know anyone there. I can’t go with you. Allie, have you thought this through?” With a huff Ma turned and walked out of the room toward the kitchen.
> Allie rushed behind to keep up with Ma’s pace.
“I’m not sure about those details, yet. I am taking things one step at a time. This is too big to plan out all at once. The first step was getting here. That I did—and did well. The second step was finding a job, so I can earn money to move. Now, I have the job and can begin saving, with permission from you and Pa, of course.”
Adding that last part would set some things right with Ma—even if she wasn’t serious about asking for it. She wanted their blessing, however would do this regardless. “Once I have enough saved to support myself for a month or so in Reno, I will move there and begin looking for work to support myself the rest of the six months I need to be there.”
Ma busied herself washing dishes to distract herself while Allie finished sharing her plan. She handed Allie a towel, so she could dry. Finally, Ma responded.
“Life cannot be all planned out like you are trying to do. Things come up all the time that destroy our well-made attempts at planning. I wish you would pray about this and wait. Wait for God to answer you.” She placed a hand on Allie’s shoulder. “His way, His answer will be the right one. Yours may bring more pain and trials than you think. You are jumping into this like you have done your whole life. Think about that. Ever since you were a little girl you would dive head first before waiting for Him to guide you. Why did you even marry Eddie in the first place? Think back. Was that God’s plan for your life or did you see an easy out for all of us? I know the answer to that, but do you? Your good intentions have and may cause pain again for more than just you.” She left Allie frozen, holding a glass in one hand and a towel in the other.
Allie wanted to cry. She was more confused now than ever. Ma didn’t give her an answer. She expected her to give herself one. She thought she already had, but now she didn’t know what was right. She was right back where she started. No, that wasn’t right. She had a job. She was earning money and money led to options. What those options would be wasn’t clear, unlike the glass in her hand. Why couldn’t she just look through this glass and see the answers?
It was so clear. It was clean, unlike her. Her life was muddy, and she had caused it all. Cleaning this up would take more than a scrub in the wash tub like the glass held. She needed to see another perspective. Blinne was out of the question. She was too busy now, and it wouldn’t be right to burden her with this.
That left Frank. Oh boy, she thought as she pulled herself up from the table. Their relationship was up and down these days. He wanted to help and would push, and she would run the other way. Then he would back off completely for weeks at a time. Reaching out to him would encourage his feelings to grow. This felt like a bigger decision than moving to Reno.
Do I need to seek out God for this too?
She was so confused. Going to sit by the creek was the only real decision she could make without questioning it. The only thing she knew for sure was the fact that she was in trouble.
CHAPTER 25
It didn’t take long sitting by the creek for Allie to realize she did need to talk to Frank—for better or worse. That realization didn’t stop her from procrastinating though. She had gone into work the first day and the day after that and the next. Before she knew it, the week had past and she had successfully avoided the looming conversation, and the even more dreadful decision she had to eventually make.
She would see him at church and could let him know she wanted to talk with him. Talking there would not be private enough, even if the topic of following God’s wishes instead of her own was appropriate conversation given the setting.
Her Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays were now full. That left only Monday and Friday for chores at home. She could legitimately put the conversation off another week and, by doing that, put off thinking about it all together. That idea was appealing. Besides, she was on her way to church. She should be thinking about bigger problems and how to help other people instead of selfishly thinking of her own issues.
Allie sighed silently. Her problem was a big problem and affected so many others. She wanted to push it out of her mind, but she was reminded of it everywhere. Home was a constant reminder of why she was there. Work kept reporting on fires and the railroad reminding her of Idaho. She was more confused now than ever before.
The ride to church went by fast. She was so busy not thinking about her predicament that she lost all track of the time. Before she knew it, she was walking through those doors, following behind her parents, with Drew at her side. She forced her head down and walked to their family pew automatically. She could feign a headache and maybe Pa would decide to head straight home instead of staying for lunch. She decided to sit with her eyes not focused on anyone or anything and hope that her parents would assume something…anything…so she wouldn’t have to lie.
Lying was wrong and she hated doing it, and to do it in this building was worse. She could go through the motions but be inattentive enough that, maybe, Ma would at least pick up on something being off. She could hope at least. Is it a form of lying to let people make assumptions based on false appearances? She pushed that thought aside as the pastor directed the congregation to open their Bibles to Matthew 7:21.
As she read the verse, she felt she wouldn’t have to pretend. Her stomach flopped and that headache that she was thinking of pretending was beginning to become reality. His will! Today, we have to hear about His will! She silently screamed those words.
He would not be making this easy for her. Maybe she could put her fingers in her ears like she used to when she was little and didn’t want to hear what the boys at school were saying. No, that would only make this situation worse! It would draw the attention from the entire congregation.
If only she could muster up a fever, so they could leave right now. She had tried to do that on a few occasions when she was young—but never succeeded. That was an impossible mission that just wasted her time and effort. Scooting down in the pew she resigned herself to sitting through the perfect torture that only the Father could provide.
Frank was sitting several rows behind Allie. He had arrived a bit late and didn’t want to disrupt the service that was already underway, so he took an open seat towards the back. It didn’t take long for him to find Allie. It was easy, as she was sitting is the same pew as always.
Allie was a hard nut to crack these days. He had watched her from afar for a while this past week and she seemed to be in turmoil. Her moods changed quickly. Today, she appeared to be either in mental anguish or had some physical issue. Not pain—more as if something was irritating her. If she kept wiggling and slouching further down in her pew, she’d certainly have a rash or chaffing, Frank thought.
If she was trying not to draw attention, it was doing the opposite for him. He wasn’t hearing a word the pastor was preaching. His own voice was louder in his mind. He couldn’t shake thoughts of Allie. He had it bad. He wanted her by his side. Wanted to hurt those who caused her pain. He was never a fighter. These feelings were completely new to him. They didn’t sit well either. He was a man of healing, not hurting.
Something needed to be done about this. Living with his heart held in someone else’s hands—thoughts that seemed to change his whole character—was not what he had in mind when he came back home. He came back here to relax and think about his future. His work future. Work was so important to him that women, especially just one woman, hadn’t been a part of his thinking. He used to be focused and driven. Now he felt like mush. Trying to make simple decisions was tiring these days.
Maybe coming back wasn’t the best idea for him. Maybe he should have just jumped head first into another doctor position somewhere new. This was big country and doctors were scarce. He could move many different places and hang out his shingle, but…something brought him back here. Initially he thought it was to see his family. He wasn’t so sure now.
Everyone around him stood and he realized he had mentally skipped the whole service. Another odd behavior for him. This was very frustrating
. Hopefully no one would want to talk about the sermon. If he found Allie, and kept Drew close, maybe no one would get close enough to strike up a conversation.
Why anyone was frightened of Drew was beyond understanding, but for today, he’d take all the help he could get. Finding Allie wasn’t difficult. She was trying to hide behind her father without looking too obvious. It was obvious, though. And the look on her face was extremely readable. She didn’t want to be here…and didn’t want to talk to anyone.
This couldn’t be more perfect for him. He could sit with her and talk about nothing. That meant not talking about the sermon. No one would be the wiser. He could stay for a while, leave, and put this whole Sunday behind him. He was covering for Doc starting tomorrow so he needed to rest up anyway. He was excited to get back to his real work and he needed the distraction. Hopefully, it would be enough of a distraction that he could move on from all this nonsense.
As he made his way closer to Allie, he noticed she was slipping further and further behind her pa. That was very interesting. Was she avoiding everyone or only him? He quickened his steps.
“Hello, Sir.” Frank held his hand out to Allie’s pa. The handshake was exchanged firmly, but friendly. “Would you mind if I accompanied Allie on a stroll?” Frank fought to contain his smirk.
Say no…say no! Allie was desperately trying to send the silent message to Pa. Instead, he consented to Frank’s request. This left her feeling betrayed for some reason. Stepping out from behind her father, she nodded to acknowledge Frank. Looking at her father, she tried to keep her discomfort from showing.
Frank held his arm out and she hesitantly accepted it. Then they were moving…away from her security net. It was just Frank. She had been alone with him many times in the past. Why was it so different now? She didn’t really need to ask herself that question. She knew the answer months ago. But, she was questioning everything…and the frustration was building.
By His Hand Page 11