“Well, that looks like my cue. I didn’t realize so much time had passed,” I said as I looked at my watch, noting the late hour. I suddenly noticed the diner was nearly empty and the waitress was wiping down the tables around us. As I stood and gathered Remi’s little toy cellphone and her jacket, he stood and unbuckled her from her booster chair, lifting her until her head rested on his shoulder. The simple paternal gesture tugged at my heartstrings.
“You’re good with children,” I noted as I watched Remi grab his shirt with a grubby little hand, which I tried to loosen and wipe with a water dampened napkin. “I am so sorry, she got cookie all over your shirt!” Shit, I felt bad that she had just messed up his clothes.
“No worries. I’m used to it, after my nieces and nephews. They made it their singular goal in life to christen me with anything and everything they could! Man, I’m going to miss them,” he said with a look of longing. I knew from our conversation that he came from a large, but close, family down by Davenport and he had moved here to take a supervisory position with a construction company that had expanded to the Des Moines area. I missed my family too, and I understood his ache for home.
I tried to pay for my and Remi’s meals, but he intercepted the waitress when she tried to hand me my order slip. I felt guilty because I never intended for him to pay for our meals, especially after he had made it sound like our “not date” was definitely just two people sharing company over food.
“No, you don’t need to pay for us. Please, I can get it.”
“Of course not. Just because I said this wasn’t a ‘date’ per se, I still invited you. It’s my treat. Please, I insist.”
He held Remi while I put her coat on her and then offered to carry her to my SUV after the waitress brought him his receipt. I slipped on my jacket, grabbed her bag, tucking her bib, toy, and sippy cup in it before slinging it over my shoulder.
“Thank you again, Michael.”
“It is my absolute pleasure,” he replied as he held Remi with one arm and opened the door for me with the other. I glanced at him and walked out the door and over to my SUV with him next to me in a companionable silence. I couldn’t believe what a good night it had been. He was so polite and handsome. His personality was almost too good to be true as well.
I buckled her in her seat, tucking her blanket around her legs, and she mumbled sleepily as her eyes fluttered open and then closed again. Her little head dropped off to the side of her seat as she snuggled into her small cuddle blankie and I gave her a gentle kiss on her head, running my hand against her cheek.
“You’re a good mother, Steph.” His soft voice startled me as I had almost forgotten he was there. He stood behind me with his hand resting on the top of the door. When I turned, I realized how close we were standing. I felt a little self-conscious as we stood there without speaking, and I shifted from one foot to the other.
“Ummm, so, thank you again for dinner.”
“I told you, it was my pleasure.” He reached over and tipped my chin up so I was looking at him instead of the ground. As I met his green eyes, I thought he was going to kiss me. He leaned closer, placing a gentle close-mouthed kiss to my cheek. “Thank you for the wonderful company.” He stepped back, allowing me room to close the door and get in the driver seat to start my SUV. With a shy smile, I backed out to head home and gave him a little wave, which he returned with a smile of his own.
Well, that was an unexpected end to a beautiful day….
June 2016
MICHAEL AND I BEGAN spending more time together. Over the past couple of months, we had dinner a few times here and there, but mostly watched movies at my place so Remi could go to bed and not disturb her schedule. He frequently texted me to tell me he was thinking about me and hoped all was well or asked if I was having a good day. I thought it was sweet that he checked on me like that. We had developed a comfortable relationship that had as yet to truly be defined.
The first night we took our relationship to the next level, we were watching a suspense film and I had jumped after the main character was caught going through her maniacal boyfriend’s briefcase just when we thought she was safe. Of course, that caused me to laugh nervously after it made me feel silly. Michael chuckled and drew me closer with the arm he had around my shoulder. I turned to him, and we both stopped laughing as we looked deep into each other’s eyes, and my heart raced for a minute in anticipation. He leaned forward, and his lips touched mine hesitantly. When I parted my lips slightly, he ran his tongue along the opening of my mouth, sliding it in past my teeth and touching mine in smooth strokes. As his hand caressed my shoulder, I placed a hand on his chest and leaned in a bit.
His other hand slid up from my hip to the side of my chest. He gently rubbed my breast along the side and then slid it over and squeezed. For a second, I was taken back to a night that seemed like ages ago and remembered calloused hands running over my entire body in worship and ownership. It didn’t take long for reality to return and realization to sink in that this wasn’t him.
I didn’t know what I had expected or hoped for, but other than the anticipatory increase in my heart rate at the actual touch of a real living, breathing man and not my imagination, I really didn’t feel much. Of course, we were still new in our relationship, I told myself. Being nervous about being with a guy for the first time in three years was bound to make a girl tense. Right?
I also felt a crazy sense of betrayal to a man I truly owed no allegiance. I pulled back, pressing my lips together and looking down at my hand resting on his chest. I gave him a pat, trying to make light of what suddenly felt like an uncomfortable situation.
“Steph, I’m sorry. I hope you don’t think I was being too forward. I’ve tried my very best to be patient with you. You are a special woman. I want you to know that.” He tipped my chin up, raising my gaze to his. I thought I saw a flash of irritation in his eyes, but it was gone so quickly I must have imagined it.
“No, it’s just… well, I’m not sure I’m ready for… well… you know.” I felt my face heat, and I was at a loss for words. “I mean, there hasn’t been anyone at all since Remi’s….” I didn’t know what else to say. How did I describe Colton? He wasn’t ever her dad, nor my boyfriend, but he held a spot in my heart just the same. I didn’t want Michael to get the wrong idea and think I was a cheap tramp. Thankfully, he remained ever the gentleman as he stood and held my hand. I knew he was a little frustrated, and I could see a slight bulge in his jeans, which caused my face to flame again as I quickly tried to look away.
“It’s okay, Steph. I understand. And when you’re ready to talk about him, I’m here. You think I haven’t noticed her father never comes by, nor has any visitation? But that’s your business and I won’t pry. I think it’s time for me to head home. I have an early morning anyway.” He dropped a quick kiss on my head and turned to leave.
He walked out my front door, and I heard him close the door to his apartment down the hall.
Why couldn’t I just let go of Colton? He and I only had one single night together three years ago. He could be a total ass, have a girlfriend, or be married for all I knew, and I needed to stop carrying around this stupid romanticized image of him. Hell, he could be dead by now! God, that thought almost brought me to my knees. Jesus. My heart ached, and I fought to calm my breathing.
I needed to forget about him. I was never going to see him again, and holding every man up to this fabricated image I carried around was pathetic.
I got up to tidy the kitchen and get ready for bed. I had a busy day tomorrow too. We had a huge executive dinner lined up, and I knew everyone wanted to make sure everything was perfect. I heard my phone ping and picked it up after I dried my hands on the kitchen towel and hung it on the stove handle.
Michael: I hope I haven’t offended you. I’d like to stop by after you get home tomorrow.
Me: It’s okay, really. And sure, no problem. :)
Michael: Great. See you then. Sleep well.
I smile
d and then climbed on the couch, pulling my fuzzy blanket tight over my shoulder and snuggling my head into my pillow. I didn’t even remember falling asleep before the alarm on my phone was going off.
July 2016
TODAY’S CATERING JOB HAD gone off without a hitch, but we had all worked fast and furious to get everything prepared to the high standards we maintained. June and July were always busy months due to all the weddings, and this year had been the busiest on record according to all the other prep cooks and the sous chef.
It was later than usual by the time I got home, and I was so thankful for Pam’s offer to leave Remi at her place since she was already sleeping. She was so sweet. She didn’t want me to worry about disturbing Remi’s sleep and then trying to get her settled again at home. I left Pam’s apartment and was digging through my purse for my keys as I walked down the hall. When I slammed into a solid form, it caused me to stumble back until my arms were gripped in a tight, almost painful grip. I looked up into Michael’s angry expression.
“Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick! You didn’t answer your text messages or calls! What the hell, Steph?” He loosened his grip on my arms, and I felt sorry I had worried him, but damn, he had really hurt my arms. I figured he didn’t realize how hard he grabbed me.
“Michael! Crap, you frightened me! I’m sorry, I didn’t have my phone on me all day, and we were so busy, I never thought to check it at all. After I got off, my battery was dead because I had forgotten to plug it in to charge last night. I’m sorry, I never meant to worry you. Then I stopped to pick up Remi, but she’s asleep and Pam and I got to talking.” I felt like I was rambling, but I felt so bad I was apologizing all over myself.
“It’s okay. I forgive you. Just don’t do that to me again. I hate being worried about you. You really shouldn’t walk home alone when you get off late. It’s not safe.” Geez, I felt like I was in high school again with my dad lecturing me. I fought rolling my eyes.
“I didn’t walk all the way by myself, Michael. Reggie walked most of the way with me, so I only had to walk about a block by myself.” I thought I saw his nostrils flare and his jaw tighten. “I know we said we would hang out tonight, but I’m really tired. We were so busy today and I’m exhausted. I think I’m just going to go to sleep early.” I felt my fatigue increasing by the second.
“Fine. No problem, Steph. We can make up for it tomorrow. Get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow night. Do you want me to give you a ride to work tomorrow?”
“No, I’m good, really. I enjoy the exercise, and the weather has been cool enough by the time I get off that it’s a beautiful walk.” He didn’t look pleased by my response, but I knew he had been worried about me. I kissed him gently on the cheek and unlocked my door to go in. When I tried to push the door shut, Michael’s foot stopped it from closing.
“Please don’t be upset with me for worrying about you. I really care about you, Steph.” He reached out, pulling me into his embrace. I tried to loosen his hold, but he held me tight. I can’t lie, I was starting to get a little claustrophobic and panicked for a minute until he let me go abruptly, pressed a kiss to my lips, and stepped back.
He then turned and stepped out into the hall, waiting for me to lock my door before he left.
I hung my coat on the pegs inside my door and set my bag on the kitchen counter. Reaching for a glass from the cupboard, I wondered what the heck that was all about. Michael had seemed very worried about me, but shit, I’d been walking home from work just fine for quite a while. It was pretty late though. I needed to make sure I charged my phone tonight. I was usually very responsible. I could have missed calls from Pam if something happened to Remi. Of course, she knew how to get a hold of me at work too. Oh, well, I was too tired to even think anymore. I sat on the couch, plugged in my phone, flipped on the TV to watch a little of the news, and dozed off sitting up still dressed in my clothes.
REGGIE, SYLVIA, PAUL, AND I walked out of the Embassy laughing over how red Chef Jonas had gotten when he and the sous chef had argued about the menu for next week. Jonas was a redhead, and when he got mad, his face tended to match his flaming red hair. It happened quite often and had us holding back our laughter to prevent his ire from being targeted at us. We tossed around the idea of stopping for a drink since it was Friday night, but decided we were all too tired and Remi was waiting for me.
We started down the road toward the bus stop where Sylvia and Paul would part company from Reggie and me. I heard someone call my name and turned to see Michael striding purposefully toward me. He looked angry, and I couldn’t imagine what had happened to get him so upset. My friends stopped with me, Sylvia looking at me in question and concern. As Michael reached us, I told them to go on without me and assured them everything was probably fine and I would see them Monday.
Reggie gave Michael a look of irritation and then asked me if I wanted him to wait. I knew he still had a thing for me, but he had accepted when I didn’t encourage his hints about us going out for dinner. I was about to tell him everything was cool when Michael placed his arm around me in a proprietary manner.
“She’s fine. I’m going to give her a ride home. She’s not your concern.” I heard him mutter “asshole” under his breath, and I looked sharply at him and then imploringly to Reggie in apology for Michael’s snappy, rude behavior. Reggie didn’t look convinced, but when I smiled and nodded, he grudgingly turned to walk home.
“What the hell was that all about? What happened to put you in such a foul mood?” I couldn’t believe he’d acted like that in front of my friends. To be perfectly honest, I was shocked because he’d always been so sweet and caring toward me.
“Who the hell was that guy? Jesus, are you fucking him? Is that why you’re holding out on me? Is he the real reason you were late last night?” He seemed to get more irate as he spit his accusing questions at me. I was so shocked, I couldn’t even find words to reply.
“Get in the truck, Steph. I’m giving you a ride home. These streets aren’t safe enough for you. You need to be more careful. What would you do if I wasn’t here to take care of you?” I tried to jerk my arm from his punishing grasp, but he only tightened his hold and pulled me to his truck, opening the door and waiting impatiently for me to get in. I didn’t want to argue out here, so I got in and buckled up.
“Michael, I think you have the wrong idea and I don’t know where the heck you came up with that crap. They are my friends and I work with them. That is it. If you can’t handle me working with men, then maybe whatever this is isn’t fucking working.” I was getting more and more pissed off the longer I thought about what had just happened.
“Don’t say that word!” he shouted, “Steph, you are a lady. Ladies do not swear like sailors. I don’t ever want to hear you using language like that.” I was stunned at his outburst and sat quietly during the short ride home.
When he pulled into the parking garage and parked his truck, he took a deep breath and seemed to collect himself.
“I’m sorry, Steph, baby. I just get so worried about you, and I think I’m really falling hard for you. The thought of something happening to you drives me crazy.” He gently placed his hand on my cheek and leaned over, pressing a kiss on my lips.
“It’s okay.” I looked at my hands twisting in my lap. He took my bag as he got out of the truck, and I slowly followed him toward the building.
He walked with me to Pam’s to pick up Remi and carried a chattering Remi down to my apartment. After taking my keys from my bag, he opened my apartment and set Remi down. She toddled off into her room where she started to pull blocks out of her toy box.
“I should give Remi a bath and get her ready for bed.” I thought Michael would take that as a hint that I wanted to be alone tonight, but he walked into my kitchen, grabbed a beer from my fridge, and set my bag down by the couch as he sat down and turned on the TV. I figured I would let him chill and I would talk to him after I finished with Remi.
“Mommy!” Remi came
running out of her room with a block in each hand and a smile on her face. I scooped her up, burying my face in her sweet-smelling hair. I kissed her dimples, which had become a routine with us since she was a baby. I called them “Mommy’s kissy spots,” and it always made her giggle. She dropped the blocks, slapping her hands to either side of my face, planting a big slobbery kiss on my lips. “Luss you, Mommy!”
I laughed, hugging her tight as we went into the bathroom, closed the door, and I started to run the water. A big sigh escaped as I let my hair down from the tight bun I wore it in for work and replaced it with my messy bun. Grabbing sweats and a tee from the hook on the back of the door, I quickly changed while the water ran but kept a close eye on my angel as she leaned over, splashing her hand in the water. My work uniform got tossed haphazardly in the hamper and I stripped Remi of her clothes, placing hers in the hamper with mine.
Remi splashed and giggled through her bath, and I was as wet as she was by the end of it. Dressed in her fuzzy, blue, footed PJs with Cinderella on them, she ran out of the door as soon as I opened it. She raced to the living room, struggling to climb in Michael’s lap. I saw him drop my phone on the couch as he reached for her to hug her and kiss her cheek. I couldn’t help feeling uneasy with him holding her after his recent outburst. I walked up to them and picked her up from his lap.
“Tell Michael night-night.” Remi waved her little hand and then placed it spread wide open over her mouth before rapidly pulling it away. I laughed at her attempt to blow kisses. Lord, I loved this baby girl. I couldn’t believe she was two years old already. I took her to her room and sat in the glider to read her a bedtime story. By the time I was done, she was already nodding off to sleep. I sat there for a minute, enjoying the feel of my baby girl snuggled up in my arms and tried to collect my thoughts. Was I overreacting to what happened? Maybe I was just tired and I was blowing things out of proportion. After all, he had never lost his cool like that with me before.
Colton's Salvation: A Demented Sons MC Novel Page 7