“Why didn’t you tell me about the file?” I ask softly. “I wasn’t aware it was already set in stone.” You said I could trust you, my eyes scream at him.
He could have at least told Phoenix not to bother. Or maybe he wasn’t allowed. Either way, he should have told me by now.
Our bracelets glow back to neutral. Everyone starts loading in, realizing we need to get back. Apollo maneuvers his muscular body back into the cockpit, avoiding my gaze, and the other guys strap themselves back into the jump seats.
The pago is left in shambles, no one speaks a word to the distressed people we leave behind. The information I just received torments me, suffocating me with the perturbed mental state of imprisonment.
11
Can we talk?
About what?
Quit it, Freya.
…
Seriously, come to Ignis tonight.
Or come to the Tower.
…
Freya?
I can’t answer. I can’t think of anything to say. The Ignis Impetus tickets are already purchased, but I’m lacking a reason to go, lacking friends. December hasn’t talked to me since the gathering and never said anything about tonight even though we got the tickets together before any of this ever happened.
Apollo never mentioned the file to me. He should have told Phoenix. Phoenix pulls files for him and lets him know things, that he was my trainer…Phoenix let me know. He was at the MCS the night we went through. Apollo never said a word.
I lace my leather boots and pull on a figure-hugging, white dress, remembering to grab my fur-coat from off my bed before exiting into the sitting-room. My father walks through the main entrance; the skytrain pulls away before the raised door drops shut. He’s surprised to see me, intentionally avoiding me ever since I started training.
“Hello, Freya,” he says. “I know what happened to Maryn,” I suddenly blurt out. He closes out of his viewing screen slowly. “He was exiled,” he replies. “He left before that,” I say. My father seems surprised. “You can still be proud of him. He only—
“Hush!” he cuts in, looking around in paranoia. “He ruined us, disgraced us. I’m glad your mother isn’t alive to see. To know he’s out there, betraying our City.” He motions wildly toward the outer walls. “Don’t you make the same mistakes! There’s no justification.” “He only— “Stop. Stop justifying it! I don’t want to hear it!” his shouting grows louder.
This is why I don’t talk to you. This stubborn, brainwashed old man, he’s always wrong. I can’t make him see truth. Besides, he would never let me break my security clearance to tell him. He’d probably throw me out the window before breaking his allegiance to Saros.
Shoving my arms through my coat, I scowl at him before clamping the fur together under my chin. I step onto the terrace to catch the next Sky.
The fireworks are already bursting in tri-colored celebration, lighting up the blackness, announcing everybody’s favorite pastime. Ignis Impetus.
I miss Apollo.
But I’m still mad.
The exit is crowded but everyone avoids touching bodies, struggling to find their seats. December sits in the seat marked 130A, next to mine, astonishment floods her eyes when she notices me. “You never told me you were actually coming.” “I didn’t know I was until the last minute,” I say. She straightens herself.
We hardly speak before the lights around the arena fade and the music starts. The beat’s aggressive and hypnotizing rythm motivates the crowd. Screams echo, bouncing from wall to wall, the people are in hysterics once again. The booming voice of the broadcaster pierces our ears. I hear “Apollo Ailllllllmaaaaarrrrrrr!” The women practically faint around me, gasps and screams surround us on all sides.
December’s teeth are glowing from the black-lights, and she’s eyeing me for a reaction to his name. “I’m sorry,” she yells over the noise after a moment, leaning in. “I’ve been a horrible friend.” “I’m sorry, too,” I yell back. I want to be honest with her, to tell her everything. I know she would be appalled; she’d die if she knew about the pagos.
Everything seems so superficial now, just like Apollo said, even December and our friendship. I was so sure about my career and loyalty to Saros, only worrying about pairing. I still worry about pairing, but I realize it’s always going to be a City problem, which is miniscule in comparison to the struggles outside the walls.
The game doesn’t disappoint. Apollo knocks two Praedo guys unconscious within a single play; they are deemed unable to return by medical and replaced by two subs Nash and Rigel. Ursa members are always the Messorums or the Reapers, the only players who really count. The Reaper has to be biologically stronger…and smarter than the rest, otherwise it would be a bloodbath…even more so than it already is.
The game plays out unbelievably. The reduced gravity inside the arena makes them sprint and leap like superheroes—vicious superheroes. They soar through the air, dodge fire, and fight like warriors, all while narrated by music. But then something starts happening, Praedo begins ignoring the ball and focusing solely on hitting Apollo. He’s being punched even when not holding the ball.
The ref is ignoring blatant fouls. Apollo receives another strike to the face, a punch to the ribs, but he keeps getting back up. The anger boils inside me and I stand up. What is going on?
The teams huddle and then break for another play. This time his own team, Imperium, leaves him open. He stands confused for a minute as he watches everyone abandon him and leave him open, the worst betrayal ever witnessed in Ignis. He gets punched in the gut and hit from both sides. He goes down hard, lying motionless and I scream, along with everyone else. I’ve had enough; I scramble to get out of the stands. The crowd is silent. No one moves; everyone silent in disbelief.
I rudely shove passed people, rushing to the large stone arches that lead to the arena. “Sorry, no one gets passed this point unless you are a player or an instructor,” a Pax Official says. “I have a level 1.” I show him my tracker. “Doesn’t matter,” he responds.
I wait ten minutes before leaving. The audience is upset. The stands are emptying quickly, even though somehow the game continues. I’m so angry, I choke back tears. I catch the next Sky train and leave. I don’t know where I’m going so I just ride aimlessly around the City multiple times. Rain begins pouring down outside the window, assaulting the glass with violent force.
Are you okay?
Apollo?
Apollo I’m sorry.
I think this is my fault.
I don’t eat anything the next morning. My stomach hurts. The fifteen minutes in the Sky feels like an eternity of riding in circles, all of the buildings look like 113. Why is it taking so long?
Once I’m at the training facility, my feet move fast. I shove passed the paper-pushers and squeeze into the elevator, Mel Quinn stands to the right of me, so I’m on my best behavior. Exiting the elevator, the glass doors of the gym come into view, and I lay my hand down quickly to be scanned. Access granted.
My eyes dart eagerly as I search for any signs of those strong shoulders and arms, his perfect dark hair, those cerulean eyes and that blindingly flawless smile that makes my chest tighten.
But Apollo is nowhere to be found.
Disgusted, my body trembles with worry. I need to know if he’s okay. Roman is climbing the rock wall. “Are you my trainer today?” I shout looking up. “Yes, ma’am,” Roman calls down. I wait patiently for him to climb down and unclip himself.
“What the hell happened yesterday?” I snarl. The evil glimmer in his eye lets me know he understands exactly what I’m talking about. “What? You mean Apollo losing….hard,” he sneers flippantly, almost sending me into a rage.
“That was disgusting. His own team allowed that to happen and your whole team targeted him. It was obvious. People left because of it!”
“Maybe Apollo’s time is up. Maybe he’s not the best Messorem anymore,” he states, unconvincingly. People are staring. “Oh, shut up Roman
— is he okay?!” Growling, I’m losing the ability to whisper. “And that’s another thing,” he says. “They’re going to be switching your trainer. You’re supposed to be with Castor not obsessed with Apollo.”
“What!” I bark. “What did you say?” I demand again. Roman mumbles but nothing audible comes out. “Is this what this is all about? That’s why this happened to Apollo, and why Imperium followed along? They lost….they lost in front of everyone and discredited themselves…for what?” Roman suddenly looks terrified, his eyes dart around the room. I already know he’s scared because he opened his big mouth.
This isn’t real. This can’t be happening.
I contemplate leaving, but I know it’s illegal to miss work without a valid reason, so I take a deep breath, and find something to do in the gym, ignoring Roman. I climb on a treadmill and hike the speed and resistance up quickly; my feet pound the belt with anger and aggression, hopelessness and longing, wishing with everything inside me that Apollo would walk through the doors behind me.
My peripheral vision picks up Castor walking toward me. Keeping my eyes focused on the display, I push a button, lifting the speed higher and higher. He stops next to me. My eyes stay forward, unflinching. He’s not leaving.
After a few minutes, I lower the speed to a steady walking pace. I glance at him before finally hitting the button to stop. “Can I help you?” I ask with an obvious attitude, the kindness exhausted from my body. He could care less. “Actually yes, you need to meet me for the scan tonight. I’ve just got done meeting with the Council, and I have 48 hours for our results to be processed.”
“Okay,” I murmur, defeated. What else is there to say? “So we finish training around the same time. I’ll meet you there,” he says. “Okay,” I repeat. I feel like swinging on both Castor and his brother, but I slowly unclench my fists.
It’s not their fault. None of this is any of our faults. It’s the result of blind obedience under the guise of safety and information. This is the result of allowing a tiny group of human-beings to rule over others, using fear, weapons, and knowledge, hiding the truth and keeping everyone in the dark.
By controlling everything these people read, watch, and play, they create the society they want. By controlling the food, the comfort, the leisurely activities, the people will forever be in bondage. No one wants to leave comfort, even if for some, that comfort is the bare minimum of what life really has to offer.
Fear keeps people from trying for something more on their own. They could have better. We could have freedom and love, the ability to make our own decisions regarding our spouse, our children. What was life like before the wars?
Can one person change everything? No, because one person can be silenced, easily. But what if that one person has a special gift? I think about the pagos, the bodies of Saveas dropping around me. What gifts do the others have? What could Roman do? Apollo? Apollo!
Where is Apollo? I have to find out. Roman will never tell me. Think, think, think…I walk past the free weights, grab a water bottle and head into the hallway. I locate the watch bill and begin searching for his name. He was supposed to be on watch with me this week as my trainer, but I see that he is replaced with Castor. Of course, Castor.
And then I see his name. He has watch tonight. He flies out at 6:15pm. It hasn’t been canceled, so does that mean he’s doing better? He’s well enough to fly; he’s listed as pilot. My anxiety lessens, and I turn to go back into the gym to finish training.
12
It’s 5:54 pm. Training ends and I make a decision. I can catch the Sky and head to the MCS to meet Castor, but I’m right here. I can go up top and see if I can talk to Apollo. He’s still not answering my messages. Without thinking I take the elevator up, exiting on the top floor, I go left to the double doors leading to the staircase. The doors lift casually for me as my bracelet lights up with the security clearance purple. Male voices echo down the staircase, and there are a few mechanics checking over the aircraft. I spot Apollo inside the bird, squatting and looking down at a viewing screen.
I hurry out onto the pad without being seen and cross behind the hover-craft to get to the open side overlooking the outer walls. Apollo’s back is to me. Half crouching, half standing, he clambers into the cockpit. Ostensibly in pain, he holds his side and begins the startup procedures while I climb in silently.
“What are you doing?” Apollo says without looking back at me. Shocked that he knew I was here, I pause before answering.
“I had to make sure you are alright,” I say.
“I’m pretty sure I have broken ribs, but I’m cleared by medical.” He pauses. “Some people are getting pretty protective of you and they just so happen to have a father on the Creator’s Council,” he says, still looking forward. Seeing him bruised and suffering because of me gives me a stomach ache.
“I’m sorry I never told you about the file. You seemed so determined and happy, believing you had a choice. I couldn’t be the one to break it to you, though I tried,” he says.
“I’m so sorry, too, Apollo. I—
“Hey….don’t apologize. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong,” he says, his voice grows stronger. He finally turns around, his eyes lock with mine and it takes my breath away. I want to tell him that I’ve never felt anything so strong, so consuming, as the feelings I have for him. I would do anything for him. I just want to cling to the sensations, the feelings he gives me that make me feel so free and alive.
He understands my thinking, even with the stoic expression I’m trying to maintain, because his expression changes to the same lustful aching, matching my yearning eyes. My eyes swell slightly with water as the feelings of helplessness wash over me.
“So I can’t see you anymore,” I say. “Not unless you want me to routinely get my ass kicked,” he says and smiles. The smile he only gives me, with that loving protectiveness in his eyes. My smile. Staring hard, I choke back tears again. I need to get out of here.
I thought I would feel better coming to see him, but I feel a million time worse. Sliding backward toward the door, I try to leave, but his strong arm reaches for me. Gripping me tightly, Apollo pulls me toward him.
Our foreheads almost touch when he leans in. “I want you to know that if we lived in another time…another place…you would be mine. I would make you the happiest woman in the world…every day. I would never let anyone hurt you, Freya.”
He leans back and squints, his arched eyebrows dipping into a deep grimace. Those blue eyes infiltrate my soul. “I don’t think there’s anything worse in the world than knowing someone else will be with you, touching you,” he says.
Flinching in disgust, his voice fades. “I don’t think anyone can understand what it feels like for a man when he can’t protect the woman he loves, anything would be easier to deal with than this.”
Love? I can’t hold back. Leaning in steady, I kiss his lips softly. He doesn’t move, letting our mouths touch gently. Holding his breath, I feel his hand behind my ear then swiftly gripping the back of my head.
He kisses me deeply; I almost lose my balance but he pulls me to him harder, stirring new emotions inside my chest. The feelings become so painful because of this City, but are simultaneously the greatest thing I’ve ever felt.
He pulls away and stares into my eyes for a moment. “I love you,” I say. “I had to say it at least once. I choose you. I think you are the greatest human being I’ve ever met,” I say. His eyes flicker with light, love and goodness, as he gazes down at me.
He smiles, “I’m sure I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you,” he says. “But so does every other man,” he laughs once, before becoming serious again. “You’re kind and compassionate, and I’ve hated seeing you tormented over the pagos. But I’ve needed someone like you, Freya, someone kind, who thinks for themselves.”
“We have to find a way…we can—
“Freya, stop it…no,” he suddenly cuts me off. Shifting emotional gears, he speaks to me like a child. “I t
old you. I want you here. Stay. Do what you’re supposed to do.
“Marry Castor, have two children, and broadcast the news?” I blurt. He suddenly seems like another person entirely.
His expression says “yes” and I want to scream. “Really?” I shout, almost shaking from anger. “Shhh…Freya, keep your voice down. What’s the alternative? We run away together? We don’t even know what’s out there? There could be no food or water. No one has ever come back. I’m not going to let you leave and go die in a wasteland,” he says, sternly.
“Maybe no one comes back because they find something out there,” I mutter. “Or they’re killed and eaten by Saevas. Saevas are starving and have no morality. You really think a little happy village of people exists? It’s impossible. I love you. But you have to stop. You have to let this go,” he says, exhaling long and slow.
“Please,” I plead. “Please don’t make me do this. I can’t do this. I can’t pretend my whole life. Go home to Castor at night. I feel like I’m dying,” I implore. “You think I want this? Do you not understand the conditions out there?
The days that drop into the negatives, we wouldn’t have the luxuries we have here. There just isn’t an alternative. Trust me, I’ve already thought about this,” he trails off again. “And we can’t sneak around, either. If I get caught with you, they’re going to kill me, Freya. Do you understand?”
I suddenly feel cold. If someone felt the need to locate me, they could see where I am with my tracker…where I’ve been. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to Apollo because of me. I pull away from him quickly and make my way out the side door. He comes swooping after me, grabbing my arm.
“Freya, it will all work out. We have it good. Think about the people in the pagos. How much better we have it. You know we don’t have an option.”
“I have to meet Castor at the Scanner,” I say. I pull away and his eyes fill with pain. I slip across the flight line, through the doors and down the staircase unnoticed. I don’t look back again.
MATCH CITY Page 10