Did that make us sort of kindred? Victims of something horrible, of the same man? Is that why, after everything, I felt sorry for her? Because really, no one should have to endure what she did, what I did. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
In spite of it all, the more time that passed, the more the nightmares stole my sleep, the more I dwelled on everything that had happened, and the less compassion I felt.
He loves Sadie. Not you. You aren’t Sadie.
Those words haunted me more than the terrible memories that resurfaced in my mind. Those words threatened my future, the life I wanted so desperately, the one I now had.
But how long would I keep it?
I wasn’t a liar, yet I told a lie. To Eddie, the man I loved. The lie, even though already spoken, hung in my throat, threatening to choke me, reminding me every moment of every day what I didn’t say.
I’d been so angry when I found out he suspected all along I was Sadie, the girl he lost. I told him I couldn’t trust him because he refused to tell me the truth.
And now here I was doing the same.
Widow West told me I wasn’t Sadie, but I didn’t tell anyone at all.
I was afraid to.
Afraid if I did, I’d lose everything.
“Am.” Eddie’s voice startled me. Straightening off the rail, I looked over my shoulder to where he stood on the other side of the screen door, gazing out. “What are you doing out here?”
“I had another nightmare,” I murmured, turning back toward the water.
The hinges creaked as he let himself out. From behind, his arms encircled me. Instead of pulling me back into his chest, he moved close to mold himself around me. “You should have woken me.”
If I woke him every time I had a nightmare, it would be every single night. Ever since the widow tried to kidnap me, I hadn’t had one full night of sleep. My insides churned just as much as the lake on the cusp of a storm.
I felt as if my very life were on the cusp of a storm.
“Wanna talk about it?” He cajoled, kissing the side of my neck.
I turned my cheek toward him, taking the solace he offered.
“No,” I whispered.
His chin settled on my shoulder, and he said nothing more.
We stood there for a while, silent, gazing out across the lake. My stare always went to Rumor Island. I became more curious about it with every passing day.
Part of me was terrified of that place, but the other part wanted to go there.
Even in the darkness, I could make out the outline of the ominous suspended patch of land. The distinct shape it made was undeniable, even in the dark. If anything, it was darker there, as if it were shrouded by evil, disguised only by daylight.
“Let’s go back to bed,” he murmured, fingertips caressing my stomach. “I’ll warm you up.”
I allowed him to draw me backward, away from the railing. As I went, a disruption in the inky night stopped me my tracks.
There was a light.
It bobbed around in the air, almost like a firefly on a warm summer night. It wasn’t summer and there were no fireflies out.
Even if there were, I wouldn’t be able to see one at such a distance.
I watched it moving, a golden orb traveling through the shadows.
I squinted, wondering if perhaps my imagination was playing tricks on me. If maybe I was still dreaming, yet to awaken.
“Baby,” Eddie whispered, nuzzling the side of my neck again. “C’mon.”
My eyes drifted shut for a moment, the sound of his voice an aphrodisiac. I smiled, loving the way it felt to be in his arms.
Eddie swept me off the ground, cradling me against him. Before carrying me back into the house, I craned my neck around to glance back one last time toward the water, to seek out the floating light.
It was gone.
As though it hadn’t even been there at all.
Time is its own type of currency, universal in value, and once it’s spent, it can never be earned back.
Twelve years ago, it seemed time was on my side. Some moments, hell, some days I wished away to get to the next, to the better.
Then Sadie disappeared, and the time I spent living and dreaming screeched to a sudden halt. Though time continued to pass, spent right from my account, I sat in limbo.
A man who sits waiting becomes a victim of time.
Waiting, wondering, blaming… things that make time feel more like a burden than a blessing.
Now that I was no longer a boy, I understood time was priceless, not guaranteed. Some people were richly blessed with it, but for others, time ran out too fast.
None of us knows our wealth. Only the universe knows, and the universe is the best secret keeper there will ever be.
Maybe that was why now, in the back of my mind, I heard a clock ticking away, counting down the seconds, reminding me I wasn’t waiting anymore and time was speeding up.
It didn’t matter how much the universe would give me; it would never be enough.
My life before Amnesia hadn’t been bad. On the contrary. My life was pretty charmed. Born into a family business, two parents who were almost old-fashioned in this day in age because they remained in love. Our small town, while suffocating and cumbersome at times, was also a safety net and relief when I needed it most.
Here in Lake Loch, I had friends. Family. A job I actually liked and that paid enough for me to live on the lake and gradually fix up my tiny house into a place I would never want to leave.
But…
Something had always been missing. Someone.
The night Sadie vanished, she took a part of me, too. When she was lost in that lake, in many ways, I had been, too.
I felt that missing piece, that chunk carved right out of me, endlessly. I hid it after a while, covered it with my dimples, curly hair, and charming smile. People didn’t want to see my emptiness, even though I had a feeling some knew it was there.
That missing piece was back, though. It walked around outside my body in the form of a woman. I didn’t feel empty anymore; I was consumed.
Consumed with love and lust and energy.
The second I fished Amnesia out of the lake’s greedy clutches, my world began to grow complete, and the ticking of the clock increased.
Maybe that was why I was tired of waiting. I’d already spent too much time waiting for my life to start.
Truth was my life started long ago. Even when it felt it was on pause, life still played.
I was just ready to participate again.
Not just ready… willing.
Whatever the widow told her that night in the hospital, whatever words the crazy woman hurled at her while still somehow in her catatonic state, were like the swell of a wave on a stormy night. Pushing and pulling Amnesia to and away from me. Making her cling in certain moments but drift away in others.
I hated it.
I was a patient man, but my patience was wearing thin.
Not necessarily with her, but with the situation. How much more would Amnesia have to go through? What if I lost her again, this time forever?
The nightmares that woke her almost nightly were proof she was haunted. But she didn’t want to talk. She wouldn’t. Instead, it stayed rolled up inside her like a message trapped in a bottle. Floating… drifting through a sea of what she couldn’t remember and the flashes of what she could.
I couldn’t make it better; that much I knew. Still, I yearned to try.
I wanted these clouds gone, the ominous storm to vanish. Time was precious, and I was greedy. Now that I had Amnesia, I wanted as much time with her as possible. And I wanted her to be able to enjoy it, too.
Is she really Amnesia, though… or is she Sadie?
I told myself it didn’t matter, but the question was always there. I’d been so convinced it was her, then changed my mind… And now I was stuck somewhere in between, wondering like everyone else.
It gave me some sort of insight on what it must be like to have amnesia,
to not know anything about yourself. The woman I loved was a riddle.
The thought made me guilty.
Amnesia had no more control than I did.
I was frustrated. I wanted her to open up to me. To trust me enough to tell me whatever it was that gave her nightmares and put that faraway look in her eyes on an almost daily basis.
To me, those were stolen moments. Time that would never be given back. Taken from her, taken from me.
I was tired of people taking from us. I wanted to fight back. The thing was I couldn’t fight until she told me exactly what I was up against.
So I continued to wait.
It had been over a week since that night the widow tried to haul my girl out into the secretive waters. Amnesia was a little more withdrawn than before. It pained me, but I tried not to push. Seemed to me I shouldn’t apply to much pressure to something with a crack in it.
Instead, I just loved her, tried to be there… tried to bide my time.
Sometimes it was harder than milking an elephant, but then others, like right now, it was simple as pie.
Beneath the blankets, Am shifted, and instinctively my body followed. We lay spooned together, me curled around her. She fit into me like that missing piece I spoke of earlier, the final piece of a puzzle, except she was the final piece of me.
The thick waves of her light-colored hair brushed across the lower half of my face, tickling my nose, and if I were a mouth breather, they’d likely be trying to floss my teeth.
Good thing I wasn’t a mouth breather.
I didn’t move away, though. Instead, I just wiggled my nose until it no longer tickled, pulling her in tighter along my body.
She sighed softly, and my lower belly quivered with the low sound. Automatically, my hips rocked forward, pressing against her round ass.
I should have let her sleep. She’d been up again last night. Waking up alone was nearly the worst alarm clock a guy could ever have. Reaching for your girl. Coming up with air… After everything that happened?
Hell to the no.
I wasn’t surprised to find her outside, though I hated when she went out there at night alone. I was drawn to the lake, sometimes desperately, but even so, I knew it wasn’t always safe.
Odd to feel this was where I belonged—where we belonged—yet have the kind of history with the shore that would drive most away.
She was just as drawn to Lake Loch as I was, something else I often suspected was a telling clue to her true identity.
Her warm, supple ass pressed against me, wiggled, and all early morning ponderings fled my brain like cockroaches beneath a kitchen light. A low groan rumbled deep in my throat, vibrating into her neck as I nuzzled against her.
A soft sound of appreciation permeated the bedroom. Her hand stretched up and behind her, fingers delving into the hair on the back of my head and flexing until they were good and tangled.
Using my chin, I scratched lightly over her neck until her hair was pushed aside, then fastened my lips against her skin with soft enthusiasm. Her chin tilted against the pillow, and I sucked deeper, pulling her satiny skin past my lips to massage it with my tongue.
My hips moved again, rocking into her ass, again and again, creating a slow rhythm that my lips matched against her throat. My cock was stiff between us. The more it brushed against her, the harder it became.
Still gripping my head, Am twisted her upper body, turning her face so our lips could collide. We kissed deeply, as if we’d been apart weeks instead of right beside each other, only parted by a few hours of sleep.
My hunger for her never waned. It only grew like an insatiable craving. My palm dragged down her body and over her side to clamp onto her hip. Using gentle pressure, I held her lower half in place as I continually rocked into her ass, my tongue getting to know her mouth all over again.
It didn’t take long for her to wiggle against me, which flared my already lit fuse into a full-on inferno. Releasing her hip, I pushed up the hem of her T-shirt, allowing my hand to slide between her legs. Her core was warm, the fabric of her panties felt damp, and the second my fingers stroked over the space between her thighs, her legs quivered.
After a few tugs, Am’s hand was free of my bedhead, and she reached between us, grasping the waistband of my boxers and giving them a tug.
She didn’t have to say anything else. I knew exactly what she wanted.
Pulling my hand out from between her thighs was maddening, but I did it, hurrying to shove the boxers down just enough so my rod could spring free.
Amnesia wiggled against my cock again, her sweet ass sending jolts of pleasure rocking through my entire lower half. With a moan, my teeth scraped over her shoulder, tugging at the T-shirt covering her skin.
One of her legs lifted, my hips surged forward, and my cock slid between her thighs. My length lay along her core, resting along her opening, my head brushing against the area near her throbbing clit.
Her leg dropped, effectively trapping me between her thighs. Her butt wiggled, the action causing the soft fabric of her panties to brush over my head.
Dipping my hand beneath the hem of her shirt, my fingers trailed across her abs, crawled up her ribcage, and teased the underside of her breast. She pushed against me again, and my hips rose to meet hers.
Palming her bare breast, I tweaked her nipple until it was hard and she arched into my palm. My tongue slid along her ear while I massaged the flesh, and the sound of her increased breathing filled the room.
My heart hammered beneath my ribs, so hard she could probably feel it against her back. I hoped she could feel it. After all, it beat for her.
“Am,” I crooned against her ear, leaving her breast and moving down.
“Yes,” she said. “Yes.”
Impatient, I didn’t bother pushing her onto her back and yanking down the panties. Instead, my fingers delved between her thighs, yanking the fabric to the side.
My dick was met by her slick moisture, and I nearly growled against her back. Am lifted her leg, tilting her hips so I would have the access I desired.
I slid into her, and her body went languid against the mattress. I wrapped her in both my arms, held her tight against me, and made love to her from behind.
Her hand found mine and squeezed just a little tighter with every thrust.
“Okay?” I whispered, breathless, against her.
Her response was to rock against me, pushing my dick deeper into her heat.
I lost it a little then, pumping into her with abandon.
Am reached around, palmed my ass cheek, and spurred me on.
My breathing turned ragged. The climax built inside me until my lower abs shook with the need to let it all go. I wasn’t ready, though. I didn’t want to go alone. I wanted her to tumble over that edge with me.
My hand slid down the front of her body as I pumped into her from behind. Using some of her own liquid, I swirled my finger around her clit, then rolled it between two fingers.
Her body tightened instantly. My hips had to surge forward for me to stay inside.
My name fell from her lips. I smiled into her hair.
“With me,” I told her, pushing deep and rubbing against her sweet spot.
Her body started to shudder, and I let go. We exploded together, our bodies shaking as one, as I held her close through the shattering climax.
Soon, we came back down, and she wiggled until I let her roll to face me. Freckles scattered over her nose and cheeks; full eyebrows framed out her very expressive brown eyes. Her lower lip was red, and I knew it was because she’d been biting it while I’d made love to her.
I brushed the hair off her cheek, leaned forward, and kissed her fully on the mouth.
She smiled when I pulled back. My heart had never felt so full.
These were the kind of moments I wanted to spend my time on. When I was with Amnesia, it didn’t matter it was time I would never get back, because it was currency well spent.
“Move in with me.” I hadn
’t planned to say that. The request was a complete surprise.
Okay, maybe not a surprise. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t thought about moving Am in here. I thought about it a lot, but I knew the timing was all wrong.
Screw time and what it dictated. I wanted her.
Her eyes widened, a little of the sex-induced haze cleared. “What?”
“Move in. I want to wake up to you every single day.”
Her lips curled up. That soft expression returned. “Really?”
I made a show of rolling my eyes. “Duh.”
“Duh?” she teased.
I shrugged against the pillows. “It’s all that reality TV you make me watch.”
Giggling, she twirled a few curls lying over my ear. As she twisted, she sighed. “I wish I could.”
“Oh, baby, you can.”
Her eyes grew sad for a moment, a wistful smile tugging at her lips. “No, I can’t. Not right now.”
“Why?” I demanded, surly.
She tugged my hair. “I don’t want to do something you might regret.”
A rude sound erupted from my mouth. “The only thing I regret is not asking sooner.”
“It’s just not a good time right now.”
I had to ask. There was no stopping the question. “If I had asked you last week, what would you have said then?”
Her eyes skirted away, her body language changed. I’d hit the nail on the head. It didn’t feel good to be right. In fact, it was fucking painful.
Her voice was soft, maybe because her face was now turned away. “A lot has happened in a week.”
Gently, I reached out, grasping her chin to carefully bring her face back around. “Nothing has changed the way I feel. Can you say the same?”
Her eyes widened, so much so the whites around the brown orbs of her irises were on full display. “Of course I can.” Her voice cracked as if my words pierced something inside her that was already raw.
“Hey,” I murmured, palming her hip and urging her back around to face me. I felt like a complete dick. Questioning the way she felt about me wasn't what I meant to do, but that’s the way it came out, and now I’d made it seem as though the way she showed her love wasn’t enough.
Amnesty: Amnesia Duet Book 2 Page 2