Jon dove in the deep end and came up right as Meggie jumped in. He threw her up in the air and plucked her out when she went under. She came up stiff and screaming with happy fear. When I sat on the steps next to Nancy, Chance stopped and looked at me, then started patting the water for splashes and laughing.
“Did you have a nice break?” asked Nancy.
“I got some great rest,” I said. “Thank you. And thank you again for the purse and wallet, they’re perfect.”
“Good,” she said. “The kids have been a delight. Chance slept all night.”
“I’m glad,” I said. “It’s wonderful to see Ed so happy.”
She smiled down the pool and watched Ed with Jon and Meggie.
“I didn’t think I’d fall in love again at my age. He’s the nicest man I’ve ever known. I loved my husband, but Ed is a special gift at this stage in my life.”
“He loves you too.”
“What did he say?”
“That you’re a lovely lady, that he enjoys your company, that he loves you.”
“I know he had a wonderful marriage with Margaret,” she said.
“He did. My mother met a man after being a widow for twenty years. It has been wonderful for her too. Except he’s hitting the Viagra. That’s getting old.”
She laughed. “Yes, it’s different at our age. It’s still good. Better in ways. It takes patience. It’s all in the mind.”
That put a glimmer of hope on my horizon.
“Did you get along right from the start?” I asked.
“Not exactly. I realize now that I was childish at first. Falling in love again reorganized my organized life. I met my husband in high school. That was the last time I’d dated. Ed understood. He reminded me that we’ve both lived many happy years since then. It may not be the right word, but he’s gracious to me. That’s one of the things I love about him.”
“I think that’s a perfect word for him,” I said. “He’s been like a father to me.”
“He always will be,” she said. “Jon strikes me as similar. Very astute.”
“About some things.”
“That sounds intriguing.”
“Not really. His ex-wife is back in his life. It’s more cliché than astute.”
“Ed said she’s been stalking him.”
“I don’t know if that’s fair to her. He hasn’t discouraged it very much. She showed up at our house completely out of the blue. I don’t think she’ll do that if we split up, but I don’t know how to handle it in the meantime.”
“So you’re considering that?” she asked.
“I am. Yes. I think this may have all been more than we can handle. Having Celeste on top of it feels like the final blow.”
“Sometimes the final blows are the beginning.”
I smiled. “You sound like a Chinese proverb,” I said.
“You could pull her close,” she said. “It might drive her away.”
“Is that true?”
“Worked for one of my daughters. Except she was the one who needed driving away. I may have given her the wrong advice. I couldn’t believe he didn’t love my daughter. I thought marriage was forever. She’s okay now.”
“I don’t know if Jon really wants to drive her away. They seem to have unfinished business.”
“Does it matter what Jon wants? You have a right to your home and privacy.”
“You sound a lot like Margaret,” I said.
She smiled at Chance.
“I’m sorry, that’s not a great thing to say,” I said. “I’m not comparing.”
“Of course you are,” she said. “It’s fine. We have histories that need to be honored. I’ve learned that at a rather late age. She was remarkable and now he loves me. That’s a compliment to both of us.”
“Jon’s ex-wife feels left behind,” I said. “He feels guilty about it.”
“I thought she was married.”
“He just left her.”
“And Jon feels guilty about that too?”
“Apparently. He has lost interest in me, but he doesn’t want to split up. I don’t understand what’s going on with him.”
Jon bounced our way with Meggie on his shoulders. I loved seeing them together. Meggie called to Chancie, her name for him. He got so excited sucking in air when she did that I thought he might choke. He splashed the water like mad. He’d like wooden spoons.
Nancy and Ed said they’d bring the kids home, so Jon and I threw on shirts and headed out to pick up the food.
∞
We were almost at the restaurant when Jon pulled over on a side street, pulled me close and kissed me like he had my first night home from the hospital. It was so comforting that I let go of the struggle and went with it, then loneliness swept over me and I pushed him away.
“This isn’t right,” I said.
“I’m not going to let you cut me off,” he said.
I was sad and furious. I could taste him.
“I told you I’ll never cut you off from your children.”
“I mean from you. We’re not leaving this marriage.”
“You’ve already left.”
He pulled me in and held me so tight I couldn’t move. He put his head next to mine.
“I love you and I let you down,” he said. “I just don’t know how to fix this.”
“It can’t be fixed, Jon. We can only go forward. I need to go back to work.”
“You need to leave room for us in your life,” he said.
“Us? I’m the other woman in my own marriage.”
He sat back, looked out the window, and started shaking his head.
“Jesus, Hannah. We’re not even worrying about the same thing. We’re going to work this out.”
He looked at me and started the car.
∞
We got to the restaurant and loaded food and wine in coolers, and then hauled it all out again at home. We fell into our entertaining routine and didn’t talk anymore about us. Ed and Nancy showed up with the kids. Meggie colored and Chance fell asleep half a bottle in, while Jon fixed drinks and we heard about their day at the pool.
Mark and Belle arrived promptly at six. Belle looked like she was laughing when Meggie gave her the clapping treatment. Meggie slopped through the house with a bowl of water for her while Jon followed behind mopping up with a towel under his foot.
Jimmy and Keith arrived and joined in. The setting sun expanded the air with heat and golden light that pulsed mellow with Richie in the background. The only other light was from a few hurricane lamps.
Jimmy followed me into the kitchen and checked my finger in the light over the stove. I thanked him for the book and stones. He couldn’t think of anyone who would read more into them than I.
I lit the candles, put bowls of food on the table, and called everyone to eat. Jon opened bottles of wine while everyone found their place. Chance was in his basket next to me and Meggie sat between Papa and Mark with Belle lying behind her chair. The food was delicious. Hallmark Jon. He was in his element when he was feeding people and making sure they were having a good time. Smiles were lit by candlelight. Even Mark seemed relaxed talking to Keith about dog teams in Afghanistan.
We were halfway through dinner when Belle stood up, ruff up, and growled low. Candles flickered. The oxygen level in the room dropped. I thought, hurricane. Chance, sound asleep, jerked his hands and feet as the energy field hit him. Conversation died as we turned our warm faces to the cool breeze that Celeste swept in. She was standing just inside the screen door with hands folded in front of her, carefully groomed, expectant. Our lively spirits slid around her and out into the darkness. Jon looked like he might bite her. Nancy stood up.
“You must be Celeste,” she said.
Celeste blinked at Nancy’s refined smile.
“I thought I’d stop to say good-bye before my redeye flight,” she said. “You could have at least made it a morning flight, Jon.”
All eyes pinged and ponged from Celeste to Jon, tryi
ng to put it together in their heads. Good luck with that. Meggie’s mouth was hanging open. She’d seen this woman before, we had all cried. It wouldn’t be long before she understood her father’s past.
“Why don’t you have something to eat before you go?” asked Nancy. “They don’t serve anything on that flight.”
Jon looked at Nancy like she should definitely, definitely mind her own business. She smiled at the group.
“Everyone, this is…” Nancy paused and looked at Meggie. “This is Celeste.”
The group murmured a welcome to Celeste.
“Scoot down Keith, she can sit next to Mark,” said Nancy. “Hannah, we need another chair.”
I rolled my desk chair over and Celeste sat down, limp with confusion over her loss of control over the script. Nancy materialized at her elbow with a plate and silverware and asked if she’d like red or white wine.
“Red, thank you,” said Celeste. “I don’t have much time.”
“Oh, you have time for this,” said Nancy.
Jon looked lost. I smiled at him and went back to talking to Jimmy about Chinese proverbs. Nancy thrust food at Celeste as everyone settled back down to eat.
Mark wasn’t a total dud. He turned to his new dinner partner and asked her where she was headed. Celeste was a study in book manners. She was going home to Santa Barbara. Mark had been to Santa Barbara once, a weekend trip when he was stationed at Camp Pendleton before he shipped out to Afghanistan the first time. Celeste had driven by Camp Pendleton once, but she’d never been to Afghanistan. Mark was from Minnesota. She’d never been there either. So far, so good.
Jimmy asked if I’d looked up any proverbs. I told him about fire and water and that I’d stayed still in the car. Meggie finished stirring food around on her plate and climbed into Jon’s lap to play with his glasses while he talked to Nancy about our plan that she would fly with us. He was having a hard time focusing. Nancy put her hand on top of his for emphasis, and left it there.
Mark’s loneliness just about ate Celeste alive. Ed talking about Vietnam provided the only relief.
“That’s nice of you,” said Celeste. “But I thought maybe Jon would take me.”
Jon stiffened at the mention of his name. Nancy’s hand stayed put.
“I’m going right by the airport,” said Mark. “Belle and I do search drills with a team in Lydgate.”
“You do drills in the middle of the night?” asked Celeste.
“Dawn. Teams move out at dawn. Belle and I camp up there. That’s how we work. We stayed there the night before she found Hannah. She slept with Hannah’s scarf.”
What would Celeste say? No thanks. I’d rather have a scene with my ex-husband in front of all you nice people? Everyone at the table had one ear tuned to her mouth. Even Belle had one ear rotated her way.
“That would be very nice, Mark. Thank you.”
“I need to stop at my place and pick up gear,” he said. “We’ll leave here at twenty-one hundred.”
“Twenty-one hundred?” she asked.
“Nine o’clock,” I said. “That is nice of you, Mark. Saves her an expensive cab fare.”
Jimmy and I cleared dishes and sliced pie. Nancy asked Mark if he grew up in Minnesota. The conversation moved on.
“Ex-wife?” asked Jimmy.
I nodded.
“Nancy introduced me to a whole different proverb: Keep your enemies close.”
“Ah. Sun-Tzu,” he said.
“The Chinese didn’t invent everything, Jimmy. It’s from The Godfather.”
Ed was standing next to us pouring gin. He splashed some in a glass for me and clinked our glasses. Jimmy served dessert while Ed and I leaned with our backs against the kitchen counter and watched.
It was like being on the set, behind the lights and camera, as the action played out in a world of my creation. My husband held our blonde girl while he talked. He peered into the darkness, trying make contact. Chance nailed his role of sleeping infant. Celeste hid her turbulence behind a mask of composure. Probably took five years off her life. She was a woman trying to find a place in her new world order. It’s a difficult role. I know, and I had the help of geckos. What she thought she wanted twenty years ago had slipped away on a joy ride with someone else, leaving her with a future full of question marks.
“Good job, Vito.” Ed kissed my cheek and went back to the table.
Mark kept Celeste pinned down so hard during dessert I thought the pneumatic lift on my chair might give way. Jon glanced at the clock, 8:50. He stood up with Meggie and grabbed Chance’s basket in the other hand.
“I’m going to put them to bed,” he said. “Glad you could come, Mark. You’re welcome anytime. I owe my wife’s life to you and Belle. Have a good trip home, Celeste.”
“Thanks for dinner, Jon,” she said. There was only a hint of sarcasm.
“Thank my wife,” said his retreating back.
At precisely 9:00 p.m. Mark had his team plus one marching out the door. Nancy and Ed were ridiculously gracious, which forced Celeste to do the same. She even shook my hand and apologized for showing up unannounced. I gave her my best Mona Lisa smile and stomped on the reflex to tell her it was okay. Any time. Come again.
The rest of us retired to the lanai for a nightcap.
“Okay, spill,” said Keith.
I filled them in on Celeste and gave all credit for saving the evening to Nancy and The Godfather. I told them about going to the crash site and finding Mark and Belle.
“How was it to revisit the scene?” asked Keith.
“It was neutral. I was so lucky,” I said. “I headed a different direction than I thought. They even hit me on the opposite side of the car than I remembered.”
“That’s typical,” said Keith. “It’s the stress. We run into it all the time trying to document combat events. You wouldn’t know they were in the same country, much less the same battle.”
“It’s always presented like gospel,” I said.
“They come to an agreement about the story,” he said.
Ed nodded. Jon came out rubbing his head. Jimmy and Keith thanked us for dinner and left to run their dogs.
“That was surreal,” said Jon.
“It was Nancy’s idea,” I said.
“I know,” said Jon. “Why?”
“The Godfather,” I said. “Keep your enemies close.”
“I thought the goal was to keep her away.”
“It will work, Jon,” said Nancy. “If you want it to.”
Jon wasn’t happy with the last part of Nancy’s remark, but he opted to give her a pass.
“I don’t think she knew what hit her,” said Jon. “Did you hear her tell Mark she’d never been to Afghanistan, but she drove by Camp Pendleton once?”
That did it. The cork blew on our tension and we all started laughing.
Nancy and Ed gathered their things and made a plan to come over the next day.
∞
Jon and I were doing the dishes.
“So Nancy’s idea is that including her in our family will make her go away?” asked Jon.
“I think it’s more that when faced with a united front, she’ll give up. Maybe next time you should stay in the room. I’m not giving up ground again. This is my house.”
I watched him wipe down the counters.
“Did you really book her flight?”
“Chana did. I would have put her on a morning flight.”
I laughed.
“I love the truth,” I said.
∞
He leaned in the bathroom doorway while I brushed my teeth.
“Will you come back to our bed tonight?” he asked.
“Last time you didn’t even know it was me.”
“I knew it was you.”
“Not yet. I’m going to sleep on the lanai. You can come for a visit if you want.”
He got in bed with me. We’re not big but it was still a tight fit. We lay looking at each other.
“You need to p
aint when this is over,” he said. “The greatest tragedy of the family is the unlived lives of the parents.”
“You’re quoting Jung?” I asked.
“I minored in philosophy,” he said.
“I didn’t know that. Kinda fluffy for you.”
“Try reading a straight translation of Nietzsche.”
“Jung was a psychologist,” I said.
“Same thing,” he said.
He kissed me goodnight and went to bed. I lay in the dark and thought about him reading Nietzsche until I dropped off to sleep.
∞
Ed and Nancy kept us busy being tourists on our own island. We took Meggie and Chance over to the cottages for swims. Jimmy came by at the end of each day, probed my finger and stuck needles in me to get me ready for the surgery. The plan was to see how the first surgery went. We’d stay over for a few weeks, and then Jon would come home if I needed to do a second one.
Karin and Oscar were coming down the weekend before. I called Bob and Sherry and made a tentative date to see them after the surgery. Mark and Belle stopped by a few times. I think he was curious about Celeste but too shy to come right out and ask about her. It saved me having to tell him she’s nuts. Which I thought she was, but then again, maybe she wasn’t. I could see how her long history with Jon and Glen could drive someone crazy.
Jon worked every day getting things lined up for his absence. He still went in every other night, but didn’t stay as late. Jugs was taking on more and more responsibility. Without talking about it, we had developed a new rhythm. He visited me in my bed every night where we talked and made out, and then woke up in separate beds. We were feeling our way.
I was growing a fifth chamber of understanding in my heart for the man I married who had cared to protect his daughter’s creation myth enough to drag a shameful memory of his own behavior along, without becoming ugly.
Mary Ellen Courtney - Hannah Spring 02 - Spring Moon Page 26