The Precipice

by Virginia Duigan

  I don’t want to give the impression that we share everything, I will say. We’re not peas in a pod. In some ways we’re polar opposites with widely divergent interests. I read a lot, write, listen to classical music. Ted has never read a book in his life and doesn’t care what music I put on. He has no ear for it at all. He’s an outdoorsy type, his interests are far more sporty.

  He loves games, especially energetic, knockabout ones, although the wretched arthritis means he’s not as athletic as he was. In his heyday he enjoyed swimming and running. He’s still an enthusiastic swimmer, and I don’t think I’ve ever come across a man with a better ball sense than Ted still has.

  He likes rock climbing and has no fear of heights. He is my fellow explorer – it was Ted, of course, who was we. He was with me when we discovered the precipice I wrote about. We still walk a lot together every day. He’s fun to go bushwalking with because he’s so adventurous and curious, with a highly developed interest in the natural world, the scents and sounds of nature. Often he sees and hears things that I’ve completely missed.

  He likes his creature comforts, loves his food. He’s not a picky eater, doesn’t have fads, has admirably catholic tastes. Indeed, I can’t offhand think of anything he doesn’t like except, as it happens, alcohol. Ted is not a drinker at all. He’s not a teetotaler by philosophical conviction – he just doesn’t share my taste for wine, which is a significant money saver for us.

  He does have some funny little habits, however. He tends to drop off in front of the TV, almost as soon as it’s turned on. He likes to lie on the floor. He’s very tactile. He loves a good tummy rub, and to put his head in my lap.

  Hang on a minute, better not say anything like that. Better steer clear of anything with potentially problematic and/or, good fictitious lord help us, erotic overtones. Apart from the bad taste, I wouldn’t want to reignite the others’ latent prurient tendencies. We saw too much of those at the last meeting.

  Definitely better not say he likes to lick my feet.

  At this point in the essay I realised I hadn’t given any physical description of Ted. That turned out to be adroitly negotiated, too. I wrote: Ted has a finely modelled head with good bones. Not to everyone’s taste, perhaps, but exceedingly handsome to my mind. He’s of average height, stocky and well-built. He does have a tendency to put on weight, but who among us is exempt from that? He still has his full complement of hair, with the same fetching white streak he’s always had. And all his own teeth, which are strong and white too. But his most striking feature is perhaps his eyes – they are an unusual shade of amber, most expressive and direct. And he breaks into a more infectious, purely generous grin than I have ever seen on the face of anyone else in my life.

  I tinkered a bit and read it over again before emailing it to Oscar. I have become quite adept at this, after an initial resistance. It was a condition of joining Oscar’s class that we had to be on email. Ollie Nugent set it up for me and printed out all the steps. After a couple of memory lapses I keep them stuck to the wall. Davy emails me most weeks, usually bad jokes. Apart from that I use it purely for our writing assignments. I doubt if Sandy has ever mastered it. La Harmonica handles the business side, and you need a tolerance for excruciating boredom to do that.

  I was quietly pleased with the way the character sketch unfolded. I might even show it to Kim, if I see her tomorrow. I suspect it would appeal to her sense of humour. There was still no sign of her when Teddy and I walked past in the warmth of the late afternoon.

  The ease of the exercise leads me to ask several questions of myself, rather thought-provoking questions. Have I, because of our close relationship over so many years, come to think of Teddy as a person? If he does function to some extent as an ideal man in my life, is this in any way a realistic ideal? Or is it the romantic fancy of a woman whose knowledge of such things is somewhat selective and incomplete? I have an affinity with Teddy that I never achieved in any human context. Could any man, indeed, have done what Teddy did for me?

  Caring for a small puppy, training him, our long bushwalks, the discovery of our secret places, together with the planning and building of my house. These things enabled me to blot out the painful end of my career.

  I saw Frank and Ellice leave again, mid-morning. Kim was not in the car, although I thought there had been a strong possibility of going to the pound today. After a suitable interval Teddy and I went off and did the rock circuit. With no school, I half expected to see her reading up there in the crook of the sandstone, shaded by the scribbly gum. We saw the lizard instead.

  That was a silly thing to expect. I made my disapproval quite clear. I would have been cross had I found her there again. Most annoyed.

  When we got back, we walked closer to their house than usual and I spotted her on the deck in the sun. She was lying on her front with a bright orange straw hat over her head, so she didn’t see us. There was an open book lying face down. I was tall enough to see that it was not one of the ones I gave her; it was a paperback. Also a glass of lurid green liquid – fizzy, most likely. I never liked those sorts of drinks when I was a girl.

  She was probably asleep, although some kind of cater-wauling song was playing loudly – far too loudly – on a portable radio. Some children seem to be able to sleep through any raucous noise, I have found. Someone should warn her about the risks of hearing damage. Most young people these days have the ubiquitous I-pods, but listening to loud music through earphones is worse for you, I imagine.

  Teddy and I sat on our verandah. It may have been my imagination, but I thought I could detect the screeching vocals from over there, polluting the atmosphere. I put on a CD of Bach’s violin concertos to blot it out, at a higher volume than usual. There is nothing worse than other people’s music, especially young people’s. This is not something I ever used to have to bother about.

  Teddy poked around in the garden and uncovered an old bone, a lamb shank. He hauled it up the steps and gnawed contentedly for the next couple of hours. I quite like the sound of Teddy’s chewing, although I know it can be infuriating to some people. His propensity for burying bones is another thing I had to avoid in my composition. I must remember to mention that little detail when I show it to Kim.

  I read and made some jottings in my notebook for a short story I’m thinking about. One about a girl who shows a talent for writing.

  All in all, a typical Sunday afternoon for us. It might have been any Sunday in the thirteen years Teddy has been with me, except for the corner of an orange hat that was just visible. Now and then I glanced over at it. It remained in place for the next hour or so, for the entire duration of Teddy’s rhythmic mastication, then disappeared from sight. She must have gone inside.

  If we could see a trace of her, I suppose she could see us as well.

  Then a disquieting thought occurred to me. Had she gone for a walk instead? Could she have ventured into the bush by herself again, in spite of my lecture? She did it once, after all. Or once that I know about.

  I meant to raise the subject last week with Frank. I don’t know if they have spoken to her about it at all, or whether they’re even sufficiently aware of the dangers. They are intelligent young people, but they seem a trifle careless. They are not parents. They haven’t brought her up. They have just acquired her in young adulthood, as Sandy might say.

  Not that being a parent is any guarantee of a responsible attitude, as Kim herself would know only too well. I mustn’t forget to stress to Frank when I see him tomorrow that it is essential to talk to her about these things. They seem to have a cavalier habit of leaving her alone, probably because they have been used to pleasing themselves. Rather like Teddy and me, I suppose.

  I was on the point of going over to check on her when she materialised. The orange hat caught my eye first. And only a matter of minutes later the car returned in a cloud of dust. If they had left her alone for much longer, certainly if they had stayed away for the evening, I would have gone across and fetched her. The
y were driving too fast. Probably been drinking too.

  A strong feeling of relief came over me when I saw the hat. Surprisingly overpowering. It had crossed my mind more than once that I could have made the move and offered her a cup of tea. It was up to me because it was my turn. She had made the first overture.

  I suppose I could even have offered to take her to the pound myself.

  I went to the blackboard and wrote out three times: I am too stubborn and set in my ways.

  My Monday ‘date’ with Frank. There was a steady drizzle, which wouldn’t have bothered me, but a minute before eleven he showed up at my door with an enormous golf umbrella. A thoughtful gesture. Big enough for two, he said, steering me by the elbow.

  We had to rub Teddy down. Don’t want nasty muddy paws spoiling your nice, pristine floors, do we? I said. Sanded and oiled timber floorboards, salvaged from a Mechanics’ Institute circa 1900 (pulled down when the highway was widened) and looking less than pristine already. The words sounded more waspish than I’d intended.

  Frank’s coffee was excellent again, down to the professional impression of a heart he had created in the crema, if that is the right term. I told him he could morph into a barista after the revolution.

  ‘Instead of a pumpkin? Thank Christ for that, Thea.’

  Imaginary Christ, I corrected. He said he had a gut feeling I was not a religious nutter. We were sitting side by side rather cosily on one of the sofas. It seemed a lot more stable than last time, didn’t skid all over the place when I sat down. Frank must have locked the wheels.

  ‘You didn’t go to the pound yesterday,’ I said. It sounded overly accusing.

  He looked guilty and fondled Teddy’s ears. Yeah, well, the weekend got away from them. Drink, drugs and rock’n’roll, you know how it is, Thea. ‘The bane of all our lives, huh? Actually, a friend’s kid’s birthday party. First birthday, the kind where the kid sleeps through and the grown-ups go on the rampage. It’ll be a different story in a year’s time.’

  ‘Kim didn’t want to go with you?’ I said.

  No, there was a strict ‘no kids’ rule in place. Well, apart from the one-year-old birthday girl. They were all their own mates, his and Ellie’s. Anyhow, Kim claimed to prefer reading to social gatherings of any sort. She was a funny little thing, rather shy and retiring, he remarked, as if this might be news to me. I thought of the orange straw hat and the raucous music, and the paperback lying facedown on the deck.

  ‘You left her behind on Saturday too.’ I hadn’t intended to mention that, it just emerged. ‘Two days running,’ I added.

  She likes her own company, he said. Rather offhandedly, I thought. So, did I happen to have a word with her during the weekend?

  ‘No, I didn’t,’ I said. The conflicting feelings I’d had yesterday on that matter returned in a rush. Next time they were planning to leave her alone for the whole day, I told him, they should let me know and I’d keep an eye on her.

  Fine, they would do that in future, Frank said soothingly, no worries. He seemed unruffled. It raised my hackles a little.

  Had they talked to her about the bush? She wasn’t a country girl; they should always bear that in mind. Had they spoken to her at all about the dangers of getting lost?

  Oh yeah they had, he said, they’d done that, they’d certainly aired the subject. But they didn’t want to overdo it and make her paranoid. She was a sensible kid, she wouldn’t just go off on her own.

  ‘Oh yes she would,’ I said. ‘And she has, at least once.’ I described how we had come across her while on one of our regular walks. I avoided any more supporting detail.

  ‘Well, that is an interesting bit of info,’ he said. ‘She didn’t tell us.’ This corroborated Kim’s account. I could see Frank was genuinely surprised. He didn’t look especially alarmed, however.

  Interesting was all well and good, I said, but it was something to be taken seriously. I’d given her a bit of a talking to but I didn’t know how much had sunk in. At that age things had to be well and truly drummed in. Repetition was of the essence and you couldn’t be too careful. It was like the thank-you reflex, I expanded. It’s common knowledge among parents that in order to make children say thank you, you have to remind them at least two thousand times.

  Then I wondered if I wasn’t going overboard myself. Or nagging, even, which is a dreadful thought. I’m not usually a worry-wart, I’m not sure what got into me. I was discomfited to see that Frank was looking distinctly amused. He squeezed my hand. No sweat, they’d back me up on this. Maybe not quite two thousand times, but they’d drum it in.

  ‘She won’t take any notice of what we say, though. Much more likely to listen to you. The Wombat seems to have made a connection with you, Thea, a real connection.’ He grinned. ‘Hey. Don’t look so appalled.’

  But I wasn’t appalled. And neither was I wholly displeased.

  ‘She thinks so, anyhow. She likes hanging out with you, did you know that? Goes on about it. It’s about the only thing she does talk about. I’m quite jealous.’ He regarded me genially, flexing his spatulate fingers. ‘I hope she hasn’t been a pain in the bum. I know how you like your privacy. I’m not too worried, though. I reckon you’re more than capable of telling her to make herself scarce if she gets in the way.’

  I thought this over. Teddy was lying across my shoes. I pictured her toes burrowing into his fur. ‘She hasn’t got in the way yet,’ I said. It was a surprise to hear myself say this.

  ‘Well, monitor it, okay? If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather it was you telling her to piss off than Ellie or me heavying her.’

  ‘Heavying her?’

  ‘You know, ordering her to leave you alone.’

  That startled me. ‘I’d certainly prefer you didn’t give her any orders of that kind.’

  ‘Fair enough. I’m cool with that.’ He gave my arm a conciliatory little rub. ‘We’re feeling our way a bit at the moment, Thea, to be honest. I want to be friends with her, have a bit of fun. What I don’t want to do is play the ogre grown-up, not just yet at any rate. Let’s face it, I’m only an overgrown kid myself, right?’

  You’re in loco parentis, however, I thought.

  ‘More than anything right now, she needs a lot of TLC, I’d say.’ He looked at me to see if I’d picked up the reference. I knew that I knew it, I was just trying to retrieve it.

  ‘Tender loving care. It’s been in pretty short supply in her life to date.’

  Well, she’d found a good home now, I said. I thought she felt happy here, and safe. That does seem to be the case and he seemed pleased to hear it, as he should be.

  It turns out Frank met Kim for the first time only last year. Until then she’d lived interstate much of her life, he never knew where she was. So she’d been let down a lot by the family, and he was trying to make up for it now. Trying hard to get through her defences, he said, which were pretty rock solid.

  He showed a certain defensiveness himself, not surprisingly. No doubt feeling guilty about his long absence from her life. I brought up the subject of his parents. They were Kim’s grandparents, hadn’t they had any contact with her?

  Well, he said, they were not like me, put it that way. By this he meant they were gaga to all intents and purposes, I gathered. They’d been in a retirement village for years (they started planning for it and booked themselves in when they turned forty-five – oh yes, I told him, I’ve known people like that too) and couldn’t even think of coping with an unconventional granddaughter.

  Frank rolled his eyes. It wasn’t only the mixed-race card. To give them their due, they’d had more than their fair share of a hard time with Kim’s dad. His much older brother, the no-hoper sperm donor drug addict, Frank reminded me. Seventeen years older. No wonder Frank still thinks of himself as a kid brother.

  ‘Considering all that stuff, the Wombat’s majorly wary of families,’ he said, ‘but I’m working overtime on changing this flaky, isolationist mindset.’

  ‘Don’t bother
trying to change it,’ I said. ‘It’s an entirely rational mindset and I agree with it in its entirety. That’s why she needs a dog in her life.’ Nevertheless, I thought, you might consider spending more time with her instead of leaving her alone so much, even if that is her choice.

  He laughed. ‘You two have a lot in common, that’s what I reckon. I can see why you’ve bonded. Okay, how about we do a raincheck on the pound expedition. How are you placed next weekend?’

  Then he slapped his forehead with his hand. Shit no, he’d forgotten. They were buggered for a while. Next weekend was particularly buggered. Ellie was rostered on both days because they had this crazy staffing crisis at the café, and he was working with a guy who’d done this incredible low-budget movie. Working title: Verminville.

  ‘Verminville? How very appetising.’

  He grinned. There’d been a musical called Urinetown, so why not a movie called Verminville? But, seriously, it was a big break – his first feature. He was doing the music score. He looked at me mischievously. ‘You wouldn’t like it. The movie or the music.’

  Piqued, I rose to the bait. Probably unwise. What made him so sure of that?

  It was full of bad taste and a bit juvenile. ‘And more than a bit, you know, lewd and crude.’ I was aware of him monitoring my expression. ‘But please don’t think I’m accusing you of being diametrically opposed to lewd, Thea. I’m not suggesting that at all.’

  Well, that’s a relief, I said. But there was bad taste and bad taste, was there not?

  ‘Yeah, exactly, there’s gross and there’s gross, I guess. This is mostly in the second category. Which is pretty fun to work with,’ he gave me a frisky look, ‘as you can imagine.’

  He is quick on the uptake, Frank. Fly, as we used to say. Streetwise also comes to mind, a useful contemporary word to describe some people. His eyes are very direct. They are a subtle shade of hazel, clear and flecked with green. Rather hypnotic eyes, I imagine, although I have never been susceptible to hypnotism. They are two very different men, but I was put in mind of Oscar. Both are congenitally inclined to tease. As, indeed, was Matthew Rhode. Do I inadvertently invite teasing? Or even, subtly provoke it?