by Gina Drayer
He also felt like the last few months had been a lie. Just as his mother would become a different person for whatever man she was seeing, he felt like Lee had created a persona to fit into his life, and the person he had fallen in love with was that role she’d chosen to play.
Lee had come into his life and knocked him for a loop. She was the most desirable, intelligent, sexy woman he’d ever had the fortune to meet. She’d made him think it might be possible to be happy with one woman, to build a relationship that was more than sex and good times. She’d helped him organize his business to the point where he thought he might know what he was doing. And she’d turned his life upside down. Learning none of it was real had blindsided him.
The loss of Lee Taylor was palpable and so intense he literally couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t sort out his feelings for her. Love and anger, disappointment and fear. They all raced around in his head until they all felt the same. There was probably some technical term for how he felt, but for him, the condition was pure broken-heartedness.
He couldn’t go on this way. Couldn’t love a woman who wouldn’t let him share whatever was going on. A woman who kept people at arm's length. He had plenty of experience with that, and he had vowed never again.
He tried to consider her story from every angle, but he still couldn’t get past her lies and the fact that even now she wouldn’t let him in. If his mother’s string of broken relationships had taught him one thing, it was that not every couple has a happily ever after. This one, he decided, was one that was doomed to end in misery.
He crawled into the shower, hoping to clear his head. Unfortunately, it did nothing to ease the ache in his gut. That had been present one way or another since he the day he met Lee. At first, it was because he was tied up in knots, pretending he didn’t want her. Then it had become the ever-present worry that she was hiding something dangerous from him. And now, it was the warring emotions of not being able to forgive her for lying while also wanting desperately to protect her. If she left now, she might be at the mercy of the wolves that were clearly nipping at her heels.
But if she wouldn’t let him in, there wasn’t much he could to protect her. That was the real unforgivable act. He might be able to get over her lying if she’d tell him what was going on. All he wanted to do was be there for her. If she’d just open up and ask him to forgive her, he’d hold her and say to hell with the world outside. But she chose to protect her secret over him.
He couldn’t go on the way things were. She was too close and too desirable, too frightening and confusing. It had to end.
He dressed, went downstairs. She answered the door, her face tear-stained, looking at him and waiting for him to speak. It would kill him to know that she’d choose her lie over him, but he had to know.
“I don’t want you to leave, but I can’t do anything if you don’t tell me what’s going on. So if you’re not going to accept my help, go to the DA,” he said. Her face turned pale, and he saw the tension in her hand on the door, but she said nothing. “I can’t deal with this and the bar right now, so I’m closing for a couple of days and going away. I’m not going to sit here and watch you leave me.”
“Dylon, I don’t want to leave you. Please …”
“Please, what?” he said, crossing his arms. “Have you changed your mind? Are you going to tell me what’s going on so I can help you?”
Her lower lip trembled, and Dylon felt a stab of guilt that he couldn’t afford to feel.
“No.”
Her single word helped him steel his resolve. “Then there’s no reason for you to stay, Lee. You’re right. You’re not safe here. You can’t do this on your own, and I can’t protect you unless I have all the facts. Go to the DA, and take the offer of protection.”
She nodded. “You’re right. I should leave.”
It was as if she kicked him in the gut. Dylon shoved his hands in his pockets to stop from grabbing the woman and shaking some sense into her. She’d made her choice. “Drop your keys on the bar when you leave. You can go out the fire door into the alley. It will lock automatically behind you.”
“Two days. I’ll be gone.”
“Don’t act like it isn’t what you wanted. You know you can’t stay here with this between us,” he said. “That lawyer said they’d put you in witness protection or some shit like that. Take her up on the offer.”
“I don’t trust the DA’s office,” she said, quietly. “I’ll find some other place to stay.” The worry line on her forehead was back, and she looked tired.
Despite his certainty that he was being more than fair, that pang of guilt was growing. “What do you mean, you don’t trust the DA?”
She stared at him. Her usually brilliant gray eyes were lifeless, as though all the fire that used to shine for him had gone out.
“Lee, please tell me you are going to call Janet.”
She gave him a sad smile and nodded. “I’ll call the DA’s office,” she said and shut the door.
Dylon stood still. He should leave, but he couldn’t move. He’d never seen Lee so cold. The vibrant woman seemed shattered, broken; the image of her shutting the door, the incredible sadness etched in her face was burned into his mind. Seeing it made his muscles clench, holding him in place in her doorway, that door inches from his nose.
This was her choice. He’d given her every opportunity to stay. He needed to go downstairs and pour himself a stiff drink and then another until he got the image of her out of his mind.
Lee was in trouble. Big, serious, goddamned trouble. But he couldn’t help her if she didn’t let him. Could he?
She doesn’t want your help.
He fought the urge to knock again, to beg her to tell him what was going on. It had to be something he could help her with, something they could get through together.
Then he saw those eyes again. They were cold and distant. She’d made her choice.
He took a deep breath, finally able to move. He made it down to the bar and poured that drink, swallowing it in a gulp. It tasted like shit. He knew everything would taste like shit for a while, probably for a long while. He’d drink it anyway. He’d forget her. That tragic image of Lee would fade from his memory, and he’d be able to move on.
Dylon didn’t think he’d ever hurt so badly. He recalled the talks he’d had with Cash after his breakup from Kim. He thought of all the stupid, meaningless fucking things he’d told Cash in trying to help him through it. What a moron he’d been.
“It’s going to get better.”
“There are other women.”
“She wasn’t the right one for you.”
Thinking back, it surprised him that Cash hadn’t flattened his face.
Now it was Cash he would turn to for help guiding him through his own crash. Crash felt like the right word. Everything was smashed to hell, and he was left to pick up the pieces of his wrecked life.
He made a sign for the door telling people he’d be closed for the next two days. Family emergency, he’d written. That made him laugh. Then he took out his phone and called Cash.
“How are things?” Cash asked.
“I’m deep in shit, and I have no idea how to dig myself out. Can I use your spare room for a couple of days?”
Cash was silent for a moment, then sighed. “Fuck. Is this about Lee?”
“Yeah.” Dylon winced. He was already tired of talking about her, and he hadn’t even started.
“The room is yours. I’ll warn Kim. She might want to leave ground zero.”
“Tell her I’m sorry.”
“I’m sure she’ll understand,” Cash said. “Are you going to just sulk or do you want to talk?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what will help.”
“Right. Bring some booze.”
When he hung up, he sent Roxie, Michael, and the rest of the staff texts telling them to take the next two days off with pay. It wouldn’t make up for the lost tips, but he’d figure something out. He’d have to explain it to t
hem later.
That was a joke. A sick joke. He had no idea how he’d manage to explain something he didn’t understand.
Abbie was going take it the hardest. She’d be pissed at him for chasing Lee off, for not getting behind whatever was going on. She wouldn’t understand that he couldn’t get Lee to let him in. She’d rejected his offer to help. He knew Abbie would despise him for not being able to suck it up and stand by Lee and let her do what she needed to do.
He knew that because he felt the same way. But no matter how much you love someone, you can’t make them stay when they don’t want to.
After hitting send, he tucked the sign under his arm, grabbed a couple of bottles of whiskey from behind the bar, and headed out the front. He put up the sign in the window, locked the door, and headed to Cash’s house.
He got exactly one block before the twisting and churning in his stomach rose up. He staggered into an alley and vomited. Even that didn’t make him feel any better. Frankly, he wasn’t sure he deserved to feel better.
Chapter Fifteen
Lee stared at the closed door for what felt like hours. Her life, the life she’d been building, was over. And what a sorry end it was.
But it was the right thing to do. She couldn’t risk Dylon’s life. He was the type of guy who’d storm in, guns blazing, to protect her. And until she knew Del Rossi wasn’t after her, she had to protect him. Even though it hurt with every fiber of her being, she knew she was protecting him by leaving.
It took all her willpower not to run after him. But she’d effectively destroyed everything they had in an inferno of lies and fear, and nothing she could do would change it. Even if she told him the whole truth, let him get involved, it wouldn’t solve anything. He’d be in harm’s way and if he was hurt or killed …
No, it was better this way. She stepped back from the door, knowing that this was the right thing, no matter how much it hurt. And it did hurt. Every cell of her body ached.
And on top of that, now she had to figure out where she was going to go from here.
Lee was positive the DA’s office had a leak, so anything Janet knew was likely passed on to Christian. When Janet had her followed, she’d compromised her safety and that of everyone here. She knew where Lee was and so did the person who’d followed her, and recent experience told her that was two people too many.
Just because the DA’s office was supposed to be filled with good guys didn’t mean that information was any safer. She had no doubt that between the cops and the people within the DA’s office, the hundreds of ears and mouths would manage to spread the knowledge of Lee’s whereabouts.
While she was wounded that Dylon’s reaction was to tell her to leave, it didn’t really matter. Even if she had come clean with Dylon, she would have had to leave anyway. Bernadette's was no longer her safe haven. Lee had brought this to Dylon’s doorstep, and it was her mess to fix, not his.
She ached to stay in this little corner of New York with him and leave the rest of the world behind. Barring that, she wanted to tell him everything, be truly honest, and face whatever came next together. But neither of those options were on the table.
She wouldn’t be able to fix things with Dylon. And even if she could, then what? She still had to run. He had his bar, his obligations to his sister, to his staff. His life was here, where Lee was no longer safe.
She couldn’t fix things until Christian was in jail, and possibly not even then. With his money, connections, and resources, there was nothing to keep Christian from reaching out from prison and exacting his revenge.
The best thing for everyone was for her to disappear.
Her phone rang and for a second, she thought that it might be Dylon. But it was Abbie’s name that lit up the screen.
“Hello?”
“I just got this crazy text from Dylon saying that the bar was going to be closed. What the hell is going on?”
Lee closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. “It’s complicated.”
“Complicated my ass. So what did he do to screw up?” Abbie asked.
“He didn’t do anything,” Lee said. “It was me. I can’t explain. Just know I’m sorry.”
“Lee, if something's wrong, I can help. If things aren’t working out with Dylon, you can stay with me. If you need money. Whatever.”
She hated disappointing the woman she’d come to call a friend, and Abbie’s unsolicited offer of support only made it harder for her to leave.
“I’m so glad I got to meet you,” Lee said, fighting back a fresh wave of tears. “You are such a great friend and a good teacher. If things were different …” Lee couldn’t say anything else without breaking down.
“Why does it sound like you’re saying goodbye?”
“Because I am. I’m leaving town.”
“That’s it, I’m coming over there,” Abbie said. “We’ll figure this out.”
“Don’t bother. I’m already gone,” Lee lied. She hated lying, again. But she couldn’t handle Abbie right now. She couldn’t look the woman in the face and tell her that she’d screwed up.
“Damn it, Lee. You can’t—”
“I’m sorry, Abbie. I’ve got to go. I’ll call when I can.”
Lee hung up the phone and turned it off. She had two days to figure out where to go, and didn’t have time to deal with questions from her friend that she really couldn’t answer. Right now, she needed to focus on finding a safe place to hide.
She had some money. There was the fifteen thousand she’d taken out of her savings, and then there was the money she’d made working. Lee had saved her tip money and nearly everything she’d earned. That was enough to get her out of town. She’d go to …
She couldn’t think of any place she wanted to go. She’d only ever dreamed of New York City. And what could she do when she got wherever she went? Once she found a place, she’d have no job. Getting a job in finance wasn’t going to be easy. To get back into that world, she’d have to rebuild her job record from scratch. That meant finding someplace small—an insignificant company in some podunk town.
And it would need to be a town where Christian wouldn’t look. It had to be a place Janet wouldn’t think of, either. If she was still trying to pressure Christian, she’d want Lee to come back. Worst case scenario, the damn woman might lead him straight to her door—again.
On top of all that, she needed to be light years away from Dylon. Far enough away that she wouldn’t see him, wouldn’t hear a word about him or Bernadette’s. Because it wouldn’t take much to get her to come running back.
God, she’d screwed everything up. He would have gotten past her mistakes. But she wouldn’t let him. She’d lost him because of it. No, she hadn’t lost him. That implied the act was passive. She had actively thrown away any chance she had with Dylon.
All because she was scared.
She sank to the bed, emotionally and physically exhausted.
This was worse than when she found out about Christian’s money laundering. Her life might have imploded then, but in all honesty, she hadn’t lost much. None of it had been real. This time, she’d lost everything. Everything that mattered.
She had tried to fix things. She tried to walk away from the trial. Going to Janet, giving her the new evidence, was supposed to have been her way out. It wasn’t supposed to destroy her hope of a new life. She had wanted to build her new life. She wanted to get to know Dylon and see what that future held.
Janet fucked that up.
When Janet came to the bar, it forced Lee’s hand. She only had two choices left: Run farther and hide better by leaving this damn city altogether as soon as possible, or stay and accept the offer of protective custody and hope for the best.
Neither was a happy alternative. Looking into the future each option held for her, she saw nothing but pain and loneliness.
She should’ve sent the documents anonymously and let the system do its work. Wanting to hurt Christian for not being the man she’d thought he was had been
stupid and childish. So stupid that she’d wrecked her own life, and now she’d wrecked the best thing that had happened to her.
Lee wanted so badly to have Dylon hold her again, even if it was to say goodbye. She ached to have his strong arms around her. For a short time, they had been such loving, safe arms.
Unable to hold back her emotions any longer, she let the tears fall freely, collapsed onto the bed, and stared at the ceiling. She’d been happy here, and now, only despair and heartache were left in the bed she once shared with Dylon. With her arms wrapped around herself, Lee curled up into a ball, knocking her partly packed suitcase to the floor. And she cried harder than she ever remembered crying.
Cash wasn’t as sympathetic as Dylon had expected his friend to be.
“The way I see things, you got your feelings hurt, broke up with her, and told her to leave before you ever found out what the whole story was. Am I close?”
“She wouldn’t tell me the whole story,” Dylon said and took another drink. She was the one who shut him out. He shouldn’t have to justify his actions.
“Let me guess, you were kind, patient, and understanding. You listened to what she was saying and understood her motivations, right?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, a sardonic smile gleamed in his eyes. “Probably not, huh?”
Dylon paused mid-pour and looked at Cash curiously. “Who's fucking side are you on? I came here because I needed a friend, not a lecture.”
“You came to me because you knew I’d tell you the truth. If you just wanted a drinking buddy, you would have called Lance.”
“So you think I got my feelings hurt and jumped the gun?” he said, only half joking. Had he made a mistake?
“Absolutely,” Cash confirmed. “You have no idea what is going on, and yet you are convicting her for not telling you about it. There could be any number of good reasons she won’t or can’t share.”
“Like what?”
“You want me to invent some reasons? I could, but I’m not interested in playing party games. Why not ask the person who knows?”