“How did you find your way back?” His words were weak, a whisper.
“I woke up one day and had lost everything. My life had no value. I had no value. And then this wonderful man showed me that I was priceless, a child of the King, and loved. So when I feel lost or afraid—which I still do, sometimes—I cling to my new identity now. I refuse to believe the lie.”
Chad stared into the sky, his shirt damp, rain clinging to his cheeks. “I feel worthless. All the time.”
“But you’re not, Chad. You’re worth so much more than you’ll ever understand.” She said nothing for a moment, and then: “Come inside. I’m cold and getting wetter every second.”
“I don’t think your husband would like it.”
Katie glanced behind them, and he could almost picture Asher standing there with his arms folded across his chest.
“Asher has prayed for you, probably even more than I have.” She smiled up at him, though he could barely see her features through the darkness. “Come on. I promise, if he doesn’t win you over, I’ll wash that stupid truck for a month.”
Chad felt a flicker of warmth. “Whatever. You still owe me a month from the last bet you lost.”
“Nuh-uh. You rigged that bet. The prize was void.”
“Was not. You were just too stubborn to admit that I was right and you were wrong.”
She smacked his arm. “Milky Way will never be better than Snickers.”
“We took a poll. I won.”
“You manipulated the answers. You only asked women, and you gave them that stupid I-think-I’m-so-irresistible smile of yours.”
Chad laughed, head thrown back, and the ice through his body began to melt away.
“Please.” She tugged at his arm. “Come inside.”
He closed his eyes, realizing that his worst fear had happened, and he’d somehow found victory. “Okay. Maybe for just a little while.”
CHAPTER 36
Even in the darkness, Laila spotted Chad before she parked the car. He sat on her porch steps, head hung, shoulders slumped. Dread punched her in the gut. She’d seen that posture before.
She shut her door and slowly approached him, but he didn’t even look up.
Please. Please, don’t let him be drunk. She didn’t know what she’d do if he was.
“Chad?” she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey,” he answered, still facing the ground. His hands were clutched together, his elbows on his knees.
She catalogued everything, shifting through the signs she’d memorized from past experience. There was no smell of lingering alcohol, and he was too docile to be high. If he’d smoked weed, she’d have recognized the scent long before getting this close. Could he be coming down from something?
Laila studied him again. He didn’t shake or tremble, but he also didn’t move. Even when she lowered herself to the space next to him.
“Honey, are you okay?”
“No. I’m not okay at all.”
Her heart clenched. This was it, the final test to see if they really would survive this time around or not. “Will you tell me what happened?”
“Slim found me at work.”
Forcing herself not to panic, she listened as he recounted the events of the night with sobering details. How close he’d come to taking a hit. How desperate he’d felt when Slim confirmed his worst fears.
And after he’d exhausted all the words he seemed to have stuffed inside, Chad leaned toward her, slowly, and went silently and thoroughly to pieces.
Laila held him to her chest, arms wrapped around his thick, shaking shoulders, and watched as her own tears disappeared among the black mop of hair he still needed to cut.
“I’m sorry I’m so weak, Laila. I’m sorry this is the life I’ve given you,” he whispered.
She pressed her cheek against the top of his head and murmured small reassurances to him as though he were Sierra. She’d asked him for honesty. And though seeing him this way messed her up in ways she couldn’t process yet, she also felt grateful that he’d allowed her to see him so broken.
He raised his face at last, wiping his nose and eyes with the edge of his T-shirt. “Can I stay? Just for tonight?”
She began to protest but he quickly added, “I just want to be near you. Nothing else.”
“Okay.” She didn’t want to send him home any more than he wanted to go. They’d been through the fire tonight, him especially, and pushing him away just felt wrong.
Relief dominated the other emotions on his face. “Thank you.”
He stood first and took her hand, pulling her to him the minute she was fully upright. “I love you,” he whispered, lightly kissing her forehead, as if to prove he’d be on his best behavior.
Laila hugged him back without response. She hadn’t told him she loved him yet. When they were younger, those three words had been automatic, meaningless sometimes. When she chose to say them again, she wanted to feel each one deep in her soul.
The house was quiet when they entered, lights off in every room. They didn’t bother to turn them back on, both walking carefully around the stacks of boxes scattered around the house.
“I’ll use the guest bathroom,” he said quietly, his voice mildly insecure.
“Okay.” They hadn’t done this yet. Slept in the same bed. Heck, he hadn’t even stepped foot into their old bedroom. At first, by her choice, but lately, it seemed he avoided the room like it was haunted. Maybe it was.
She went through her nighttime routine quickly—washing her face, brushing her teeth, pulling her hair up and out of her face. And with every movement, her nerves ratcheted higher. Why was she so nervous? Tonight wasn’t about sex. It wasn’t giving in to a rush of hormones or getting lost in their physical desires. Tonight was about so much more—the delicate balance between holding on and being held. They’d shared a bed many a times, but tonight they’d shared true intimacy, something she hadn’t even known they’d been missing until now.
For the first time ever, Chad had completely and fully let her in.
Turning off the faucet, she felt her nerves calm.
She exited the master bathroom and quietly shut the door behind her.
Chad was already splayed across his side of the bed, shoes and socks off, his eyes closed. She drifted to the other side and slid under the covers.
He seemed to move instinctively, pulling her back to him and wrapping her in an embrace tight enough to suffocate. He pressed his nose to the back of her hair and inhaled. “Good night,” he whispered.
She closed her eyes, feeling safe and warm and cherished for the first time in so, so long.
Seconds later, she drifted off to sleep.
Sometime before dawn Laila’s eyes popped open, a pressing, chilling need growing inside her waking mind. Her pulse ticked hard in her throat as last night’s events unfolded like a dream. But it wasn’t a dream. This story . . . was her reality. Their reality.
Slowly, she pulled back the comforter, glancing at the sleeping man beside her. Resolute in her decision, she left the bedroom, knowing what she must do.
On the couch was her abandoned laptop. She picked it up, crossed her legs up on the upholstery, and opened her computer. Careful to check the bedroom door for movement, she opened her browser and ran a search for Agent Edwards.
A list of websites appeared, and she glanced at each before clicking on the Southeastern Regional Drug Enforcement Office link.
Ever so quietly, she dialed the listed office number and, as expected at four in the morning, got Edwards’s voicemail. He rattled on about his agency location and whom to call if this was an emergency. When the message ended in a beep, Laila took a breath.
“Um, hi, I’m Laila Richardson. You spoke to my husband about working with you. I’d like to discuss it further. There was an incident last night.” She quickly gave her phone number and hung up, her hand trembling when she finished.
Erasing her browsing history first, Laila closed her laptop and se
t it back on the couch. She robotically walked to the kitchen, drank a glass of water, and then quietly returned to her bedroom.
Chad hadn’t moved, his hair dark against his cheek, his arm still spread out covering the spot she’d vacated. She watched as his chest rose and fell, his soft features absent of the torture that seemed to plague him when he was awake.
A ferocious truth slammed against her chest. She loved this man. Loved him with everything inside her, and would not stand by this time and let Slim take him from her.
Her fingers reached up behind her neck, undoing the clasp of the chain Chad had given her. The cool gold ring slid off easily, and Laila held it in her hand for only a brief second before sliding it onto her finger.
Feeling calm for the first time since waking, she crawled back under the covers, under the hold of the man she loved, and fell heavily into a blissful, dreamless sleep.
CHAPTER 37
Chad woke up alone, sun streaming through the windows. He rolled over and inhaled, the scent of Laila still lingering on the pillow. He’d been too upset to notice the night before, but the sheets were new. So was the quilt over their queen-sized bed. He ran a hand over the blue material, the absence of her twisting a knot in his chest.
He’d never let her see him so weak before. He’d always hidden that part of himself, always found a way to escape or hide. He’d never wanted her to see him broken, even though they both knew he was.
Refusing to consider that last night had scared her off, Chad swung his legs over the bed and reached for his phone on the bedside table. Twelve fifteen. Barely time to talk before he had to get ready for his two o’clock shift.
He scratched his head, felt the filth from the factory, now mixed with sweat. His uniform was rumpled and dirty. His fingernails still dark from his work gloves.
No wonder Laila fled the bed. He was disgusting.
Feet on the floor, Chad stood and stretched, the exhaustion from the night before settling back over him. He’d almost failed. And if he were being truly honest with himself, last night wasn’t the first time. All week, he’d felt tempted. It stirred in him, growing stronger with each passing day.
He couldn’t continue on this hamster wheel. Not if he wanted to stay sober.
The bedroom door was shut, and he listened for any sign of life in their small house. He heard nothing but the hiss of the air conditioner through the vents.
Entering the adjacent master bathroom, he flipped on the light. It reflected off of the white counters and old laminate floor. Laila had added some new rugs, he noticed, the same blue as her bedspread.
The sink was riddled with her toiletries, and though Laila didn’t wear much makeup, she still kept a bag full of cosmetics on the counter. He picked up her perfume, then the lotion she rubbed over her legs at night and in the morning. Every scent awakened a memory. Every trace of her reminded him of why he had to fight. Why what happened with Slim last night could never, ever happen again.
He set down the bottle and splashed water on his face and hair, using her soap to wash away the dirt. Water beaded on his skin while bubbles slid down to a puddle in the sink. He drew in the fresh, clean, soapy scent, the same one that lingered close to Laila’s skin, the one he’d smelled all night long as he held her in his arms.
He couldn’t let their future end here.
After brushing his teeth with his finger and some toothpaste, he shut off the water and used a nearby hand towel to dry his wet hair and face. His boots were still by the bed, his socks shoved deep inside. He grabbed one and yanked up his sock. The room was full of boxes, his and Laila’s history stuffed away in four-by-four-foot containers. Even the pictures were gone. The last bit of proof that they’d truly been a couple.
When he finished tying his bootlaces, he walked to the living room. “Laila?” Surely she wouldn’t have left without telling him good-bye, without at least discussing what happened last night.
A faint murmur of voices came from the kitchen. He followed the sound and froze the minute he reached the doorway, “What’s going on?” His gaze bounced between Laila and Agent Edwards. “What are you doing here?”
As Laila’s companion stood to greet him, Chad eyed the coffee cups on the table. This hadn’t been a surprise visit.
“I called him.” Laila chewed on her bottom lip, but met his shocked stare without apology.
“Chad, your wife told me what happened last night, and we want to help you. We know there’s corruption within the departments. We know you fear for your safety, but I guarantee we have the resources and manpower to do this with or without local involvement.” Agent Edwards had obviously practiced that speech more than once. His voice was smooth, unwavering, and, if Chad didn’t know better, almost believable.
Bile crawled up his throat as his eyes flashed back to Laila. He’d told her the cost. He’d told her that he didn’t want anything to do with Agent Edwards or his doomed plan. Yet still, she had trusted a stranger more than him.
“Get out of my house.”
Laila took a step forward. “Chad, if you would just listen to—”
He stormed to the back door, cutting her off, and pulled it open. “Get out. Now.”
Agent Edwards must have recognized Chad’s indignation, because he pushed in the chair he had vacated and offered Laila another one of his stupid cards. “In case he changes his mind.”
“Thank you,” she said, her disappointment in Chad’s response evident to everyone in the room.
The cop stopped halfway through the doorway. “I’ve yet to see one person walk away after working for him. He’ll suck you back in, or he’ll take you out. It’s what he does. Paying him off makes no difference.”
So the man knew about the money. Did Laila tell him? Did she really go that far?
As soon as Edwards cleared the threshold, Chad slammed the door hard enough to rattle the dishes in the sink. He pressed his palm to the wood, lowered his head, and tried his best to find control. When he finally stopped shaking, he met her eyes.
Laila didn’t move, but from the way her blue eyes widened, he knew the shock was gone from his face and replaced by the ice he felt inside. The ice he’d never once felt around her.
“Why would you call him?” He could barely form the words. They ripped him apart. “Is this punishment?”
“What? No.”
“Then why?” he yelled. “When you knew how I felt? When I told you, point blank, that I didn’t want to work with the guy?”
“I spent too many years watching you dissolve in front of me without saying or doing anything. I won’t be that girl anymore.”
He watched her put up an invisible shield, watched her eyes go as empty as they’d been the night he stood on her front porch two months ago. So much for honesty being the solution.
“You should have talked to me first. You should have let us make this kind of decision together, not called him in dead of night while I ignorantly slept in your bed.” He slammed his hand against his chest. “This is my life too!”
The guarded stare slid away, and her eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t tell if they were angry or remorseful ones. Or even just instinctual, because that’s what always seemed to happen when they fought. He’d thought he was learning to read her again, but he wasn’t. All this time, he’d thought they were making progress, when really she was no closer to trusting him than she had been before.
She took a step forward, practically trapping him between the door and the table. “Chad, they have it all planned. The manpower, the technology, the take down. It’s all ready. All they’re missing is a guy on the inside who Slim trusts.”
“Exactly! They’re missing that guy because people are loyal to Slim, and when they aren’t, bad things happen.” His words rose into a strangled shout, a riot of rage and fear that rushed though him so fast he could hardly think. “They don’t have that guy because we all know better!” He had to back up, had to get away from her and calm the hurricane in his chest. “You have
no idea the position you just put us in. The risk you took.”
“It’s never going to stop, Chad. Never. Not until he’s in jail.” She took another step toward him, pleading. “And I can’t live like this, wondering every day if he’s going to stuff more poison into your pocket. Wondering if one day you won’t have the strength to turn him down.”
He grabbed her by the shoulders. “You don’t turn on men like Slim!”
His guilt seemed to wrap around them both. Guilt for not getting help sooner, even when she’d begged him to. Guilt over what was happening now. Guilt over the fact that his innocent wife was getting sucked into this despicable world.
Caving under the weight of it, he pulled her to him, crushing her in his embrace. “I don’t want you anywhere near this stuff. It’s too dangerous.”
Her arms tightened around him. “You heard Agent Edwards. Slim wouldn’t find out until it was too late.”
“So he says, but they don’t really know that. Ask him how many drug raids have gone wrong. I guarantee it’s more than they want to admit.” Chad exhaled, releasing her. He cupped her face with his hands. “You can’t make those kinds of decisions without me again. You asked me to be honest with you, to earn your trust. I have to be able to trust you too.”
She nodded, her eyes full of anguish and remorse. “Okay. I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I shouldn’t have yelled.” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Promise me you’ll never talk to that man again.”
“I promise.” Her hand fell on his arm, soft yet firm. He glanced down at it, and everything inside of him went liquid.
His eyes flashed to her neck, the absence of her chain confirming what he’d thought he’d seen. “You put on your ring?”
“Yeah, well, I liked you a little more last night than I do this morning.”
He didn’t care that her tone dripped with sarcasm and annoyance. She’d put on his ring.
Without thinking, he cupped her face and kissed her so hard they almost fell over. “Thank you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. “You won’t regret it. I promise.”
My Unexpected Hope Page 24