Constable on the Hill

by Nicholas Rhea

  My visits to his yard were originally for duty purposes. I was checking for stolen scrap metal. Unscrupulous scrap merchants might attempt to sell stolen property to him, or they might attempt to steal his stock of metal, consequently I paid regular visits to his small establishment, just to keep an eye on him and his belongings. Constant reminders kept him alert to the possibility of visits by criminals.

  The entrance to his tiny square yard was through two wooden gates, just wide enough to admit a lorry, and these were always closed when he was working. He would sit or stand in a small clearing among his heaps of metal and there fashion his exquisite gates, brackets, fireplaces and other objects, many of which had been commissioned. Gradually, he began to accept me; I knew I had ‘arrived’ when he continued to work in my presence.

  At the back of the yard was his store-room and internal workshop; inside the workshop was the traditional blacksmith’s shop, with the anvil, the coke fire, the trough of water and piles of horseshoes. There was the ever-present smell of hot metal, coke and horses. On cold days, I would pop into that shop to get warm because the fire was always burning. There is nothing cosier than a working blacksmith’s shop.

  One late autumn day, I popped in for a warm-up, for I’d been on a long motor-cycle patrol and was chilled to the core. Aud John nodded me through and I went across his yard and through to the shop where I removed my motor-cycle gear. I settled before the glowing fire, pumped the bellows to bring up a blaze, and warmed myself before it. Outside, John was busy with a wrought-iron gate which had to be finished that day, so I did not try to talk to him. I sat in his smithy while he worked outside, even though there was a hint of frost in the air.

  And as I enjoyed the growing warmth, I became aware of two young men. They were strangers to the village and were leaning upon his gates, watching him at work. For a long time, he was unaware of their presence and I wondered how he would react when he realised they were there. I began to observe them, realising I was invisible to them within the darkness of the forge. The confrontation could be interesting.

  Each visitor was about thirty years old, smartly dressed and obviously of good standing. One had thick fair hair and rimless glasses, while the other was rather thick-set with a balding head. Finally, John realised they were there.

  “What’s thoo fellers want?” he demanded, downing his tools with evident determination.

  “Oh, er, nothing,” the fair-haired one answered. “We are just watching.”

  “I’m a busy chap, and I don’t like being watched by strangers,” he told them. “Can I sell you anything?”

  “No, thanks,” the fair one said. “Can we watch for a while?”

  Grudgingly, John retrieved his tools and resumed work on the urgent gate. He was uneasy, I could sense that. He continually looked across at them and I knew he wouldn’t normally have worked like this, but the job was pressing. They remained leaning across his gate for a few more minutes, quietly observing his efforts. Finally, he could stand it no longer.

  “Look here,” he pulled himself to his full height, a magnificent man for his age. “I can’t abide folks watching me when I’m working. If there’s summat you want, then get it and leave me be. I’ve got to finish this job.”

  The balding one spoke.

  “We’re sorry,” he smiled gently. “We’ll go in a moment. But we find it so nice to watch a genuine craftsman at work, especially a man like you, working in the open air. We are up here on business, you see; we’re heading for Brantsford and we stopped here to stretch our legs. We have a factory in the south; we’re from London and we manufacture precision instruments. For that reason, it’s so nice to find a real craftsman, working in the old tradition and using his own hands.”

  “That’s right,” his fair-haired companion continued. “Mind you, our sort of work is very, very precise. We have to work to an accuracy of one ten-thousandth of an inch.”

  “In that case,” said John with his eyes twinkling, “You’d better stay and watch. I’m exact.”

  Five

  With about a dozen Acts of Parliament and other minor pieces of legislation to cater for dogs, I realised the rich man’s guardian and poor man’s friend would feature in my daily work at Aidensfield. My beat was the home of numerous dogs and in common with other rural areas, they ranged from tiny indoor pets like Yorkshire terriers to keen, working and sporting dogs, but included the inevitable strays, sheep worriers, lost dogs and perpetual wanderers, to say nothing of Claude Jeremiah Greengrass’s lurcher.

  So far as the law was concerned, there were dog licences to check, stray dogs to house, sheep killers to be concerned about and collars to examine. Almost every week involved me in some form of doggy problem.

  Due to this regular commitment, it wasn’t long before I knew many of the resident dogs by their first names. I began to accept the situation that it was not unusual in this type of rural bliss, for dogs to wander unaccompanied around the villages. Each did its own thing while its unseen master went about his unknown business.

  One such wanderer was Rufus, a lethargic Golden Labrador, whose unquenchable lust was for dustbins. He roamed Aidensfield at all hours, up-turning the district’s dustbins so he could ferret among the contents. His master was a hairy musician who knew of Rufus’s craving and who had tried, many many times, to cure him of the habit. Practically everyone else in the village had tried and while most of them had resorted to concealment of their bins, one man had gone to the lengths of wiring his bin to a 12-volt car battery. His hope was that Rufus would cock his leg against it or otherwise attempt to overturn it, and thus give himself a severe shock in a painful region. But Rufus never went near that bin. He must have realised it was dangerous and it was an unfortunate refuse collector who received a nasty kick from the lethal object.

  As Rufus went along his merry way, leaving as his trademark many up-skittled bins and trails of rubbish, Sergeant Blaketon instructed me to check all dog licences. Everytime I saw a dog, I must interview its owner to check the necessary document. It was around this time that the law changed slightly in favour of those farmers who kept dogs purely for working purposes. Hitherto, they had been permitted to keep a number of unlicensed dogs, based on the number of livestock they kept. Each year, these farmers required a certificate of exemption and came to the police for issue of the document. The change meant that any dog used solely for tending sheep or cattle could be kept without a licence and no certificate was necessary. The onus rested upon the farmer to prove that his dogs were for tending sheep or cattle, and even pups might be included under that general heading if they were being ‘brought on’ by older dogs. Among the people who could (and still can) keep dogs without licences were blind persons who kept guide dogs, persons keeping dogs under six months old, shepherds who kept dogs in the exercise of their calling, and keepers of hound dogs under 12 months of age, not having run with a pack.

  I knew it would take weeks to check every dog licence on my beat, so I went into the four village post offices and, casually in the course of our small talk, I told the men and women behind the counters that it was my intention next week to check all dog licences. I knew the outcome – word would spread like wildfire that the bobby was having a purge and there would be a sudden rush of applications. I knew my ruse had worked because in the days which followed, several farmers came for advice about the new rules, and I later discovered the post offices had done a roaring trade in new issues. To satisfy Sergeant Blaketon’s desire for correct procedures. I did check a few and recorded them in my notebook. It kept the sergeant happy and also showed the village that I had meant business. This piece of strategy was necessary because there might, in the future, be a reason for letting a similar piece of confidential information loose upon the villagers. A follow-up, however minor, was important in any ruse of this kind.

  To accommodate the numbers of stray dogs that roam the nation, many police stations possess what is conveniently known as a dog house. Some rely on local dogs’ h
omes, but official police dog houses come in varying shapes and sizes. Unfortunately, architectural ignorance invariably sites them next door to the cells or beneath the windows of private houses which adjoin police stations. Because the captured strays howl their protests long and loud at all hours of the day and night, this leads to complaints from prisoners who say they cannot sleep and from neighbours who claim a reduction in their rates. Policemen, however, seem impervious to the howling of unhappy dogs and the occasional “shurrup” seems to achieve great things. One of the more important tasks of a police cadet is to take the captive animals for walkies and sometimes these youngsters are advised to ‘let the dog escape’, and to write up the books as ‘dog escaped’.

  Unclaimed dogs are destroyed after seven days so this ruse saves the lives of many. The escape procedure, highly unofficial though it is, solves a lot of other problems because stray dogs very often find their own way home, having never been a true stray in the first place, but having been incarcerated through the misplaced kindness of an animal-lover. Someone else might find the ‘escaped’ dog and be willing to retain it until the true owner turns up, or indeed to retain it for ever. Not many come back a second time, which proves the sense of this procedure. It is somewhat embarrassing, however, when the same person finds the same dog two or three times a day and insists on fetching it back into custody, even though his kindness can lead to the death of a very nice dog.

  On one occasion, I was on office duty from 2 pm until 10 pm at Eltering when a minute and elderly gentleman wearing plus fours and brogue shoes entered the police office. He was carrying a tiny Yorkshire terrier and it would be around 2.30 in the afternoon. The dog was one of the miniature variety which shiver all the time, and this one wore a blue ribbon in its hair. It wore a collar but bore no name and address. Its tiny eyes looked around in horror as the gentleman placed it on the counter and said, “I’ve just found it wandering in Flatts Lane, lost.”

  “Lost?” I commented. “Are you sure?”

  “Aye, dogs like this don’t wander alone, they’re pets.”

  “There was no one about, eh?”

  “No, Officer. No one. It’s criminal, letting dogs like this wander at large. All kinds of harm could be done.”

  The little man steadfastly refused to take the dog home with him, which meant it had to be lodged in the dog house at Eltering Police Station, pending the arrival of its owner. Like all strays, if it was not claimed within seven days, it would have to be destroyed. In practice, we tried to save good dogs by dropping a word in the ear of the local newspaper reporter in the hope he would print a sob story in his columns. Very often, strays were handed over to people who would love and care for them, and many have acquired beautiful dogs through this system. It saved the Force, and ultimately the ratepayer, the cost of destroying the animals. I could hardly let this one escape – where would it run to?

  The dog house at Eltering police office was a huge one. It had been built from plans prepared by the County Architect who probably thought he was designing a buffalo cage for the local zoo. The kennel was well constructed, airy and clean, and could have accommodated something as large as a buffalo. This little Yorkshire terrier was destined to be its first occupant and after I had entered the necessary details and description in the Stray Dogs Register, I carried it through the office and out into the yard where I placed it in the brand new dog house. It stood and shivered in the centre of the huge compound, its beautiful fringed eyes pitifully gazing up at me. I wondered if it slept on a silken bed at home. It yapped despairingly as I left, but once I was back in the office, its high-pitched protestations were beyond my ears.

  I made sure we had sufficient food for it; we kept a stock of dog biscuits and were allowed to purchase other forms of dog food if necessary, the cost being recovered from the owner or from the person who decided to accept the dog as a stray, with our compliments. I popped out to see the little creature after about half-an-hour, taking with me a bowl of fresh water and some biscuits. It yapped its thanks, gazing expectantly at the wire netting.

  I was surprised that no one had come to claim the little animal; pets like this were seldom lost and if they did go astray, you could guarantee their owners would come rushing around to claim them within a very short time. But not so with this little dog. By tea-time, no one had called or telephoned and I began to grow concerned about its future.

  At five o’clock, another problem presented itself. A little girl entered the office towing a donkey behind her. She was about ten years old and had found it wandering down the lane behind her house. Her dad had instructed her to take it to the police station, with orders not to fetch it back. I noted her name and address and suggested she take it home until the owner was traced.

  “My dad says you must keep it,” she said firmly. “We’ve nowhere, we only live in a little house.”

  “Surely your dad knows somebody with a field,” I suggested, knowing there was no formal procedure for dealing with found donkeys.

  “No, no one. That’s why he said to bring it here.”

  It wasn’t a very large donkey, but it was a genuine, living one nonetheless.

  “We’ve no fields here,” I said inanely, “and I can’t leave the office to take it anywhere.”

  “I’ve got to get ready for Brownies,” she smiled. “Bye”.

  And with that, she turned and hurried from the station, leaving the benign ass standing before the counter like a baleful drunk. It looked about its new quarters and began to walk around, trailing the rope which was attached to a hessian halter.

  “Oh no!” I shouted at it. “You can’t have the freedom of the station, you’re coming with me.”

  Our commodious new dog house was the answer. It was cosy and certainly large enough. The County Architect had some sense after all. Because the donkey might stand on the little dog, I decided to fetch the dog into the office, at least for the time being. And so the animals changed places. The donkey entered the dog house quite happily and sniffed at the clean hay, while the dog pranced and yapped in its new freedom. It followed me back into the office where it continued to yap and bark with delight. Because it was my meal time, I made sure all the doors were closed and allowed it the run of the place while I settled down to eat my sandwiches.

  I was the only man on duty, consequently there was no one to relieve me. This meant I had to eat my meal at the counter. I didn’t mind – there was nowhere else in the station, other than the cells, and this place was cosy enough. Besides, I now had an interesting little companion. I ate my sandwiches and dropped crumbs for it. Having discovered it liked cheese and chocolate icing, I named it ‘Topsie’ and we had a long and earnest conversation over our meal. It was an engaging little creature and I grew fond of it.

  At six o’clock, a rough looking character pushed open the door and demanded, “Where’s my donkey then?”

  “Your donkey?”

  “Aye, I heard tell it was here.”

  “There is a donkey here,” I confirmed. “What’s yours like?”

  “Like? It’s like any other donkey. Donkeys is all alike.”

  “You’ll have to sign for it,” I smiled, pointing to a place in the Found Property Register. “Received, one donkey in good condition.”

  “Where is it then?”

  “In the stable out at the back,” I said. I daren’t say ‘kennel’. “I’ll fetch it through. How did it get lost?”

  “Just bought it,” he said. “For the kids. Some idiot left the gate open and it got out. Been missing since three o’clock, it has. I heard a little girl had fetched it in.”

  I couldn’t bring to mind any offence of suffering a donkey to wander at large in a public place, so I led the man, whose name was Joseph Purvis, through to the dog-house-cum-stable. There he saw his pride and joy. His bland face beamed with open pleasure as he led his beast out of its cell and through the police station.

  “Thanks,” he said, and I was surprised to see him stuff a pound note in
to a charity collection box on the counter. He asked for the little girl’s name too, and I gave it willingly. She was in for a tip as well. I held open the doors and he took his donkey outside where a small Morris pick-up was waiting. A plank reached the ground from the rear and the donkey climbed this quite happily, and allowed itself to be tethered to a hook on the rear of the cab. The van set off and the donkey seemed to enjoy the ride.

  I decided to leave Topsie in the office because she was good company, but Sergeant Blaketon had other ideas. He arrived about seven-thirty to check that everything was in order, and noticed the shivering mass of blue-ribboned hair in the hearth.

  “What’s that?” he pointed at Topsie.

  “Found property,” I replied.

  “What is it? A muff?”

  “A dog, Sergeant,” and I told him the story.

  “Dogs is for the dog house, Rhea. Dogs must not be kept in offices. There is a Standing Order about that. That’s what dog houses is for, Rhea. Dogs. And we’ve just had an architect-designed dog house built here. So put that animal where it belongs, lad.”

  “Yes, Sergeant.”

  Somewhat reluctantly, I carried Topsie outside and lodged her, unprotesting, back in the dog house. She looked very sad, I must admit, and I was sure she was crying as I closed the wire mesh door and turned my back upon her. She whimpered softly as I walked away.

  In the office, Sergeant Blaketon was examining all the books and as I entered through the rear door, a tall, rather haughty woman entered through the front. Blaketon saw her and stood upright, revealing the full splendour of his ex-guardsman figure.

  “Good evening, madam,” he spoke politely.

  “Sergeant,” she said without smiling “I need help.”

  “Certainly, madam.”