“You’re right,” he says quietly, pressing his mouth to mine briefly.
Opening my eyes to meet his, I see pain and regret in his gaze that makes it almost hard to breathe. I hate that he feels so at fault for something completely out of his control.
“I love you,” I whisper as he helps me get into bed and adjust Hope between us.
“I love you too, both of you,” he says, turning off the light, casting the room in darkness. Lying there, I listen to him and Hope breathe, trying to sleep, but my brain refuses to shut off, and I can tell he’s having the same problem, because his fingers on my waist move continuously. Finally, light finds its way into the dark, and I’m able to fall asleep.
Waking up, I look across the expanse of the bed and panic when I see Jax and Hope are both gone. Sitting up, I put my feet to the floor then sag in relief when I see Hope is in the room across the hall from me, sitting on the floor, playing with both puppies and her doll. Grabbing my sweats, I put them on and walk across the hall, taking a seat next to her on the floor.
“Hey, Angel Baby,” I greet her quietly, seeing she’s not her normal happy, hyper self and that she hasn’t really acknowledged me.
“Are the bad men gone, Mama?” she asks, and my heart breaks as I pull her into my arms, settling her on my lap.
“Yes,” I whisper into her hair, breathing in her scent.
“They hurt Chocolate Chip,” she tells me, and I press my lips together to keep from crying.
“I know, Angel, but remember Aunt July said he would be okay,” I assure her. Chocolate chip had one of his legs broken and was now sporting a cast, but July said he would be fine; it would just take a few weeks for him to heal.
“Can we go home?” she asks, tilting her head back to look at me.
“In a few days.” I nod, running my fingers through her hair as she lays her head against my chest until she eventually gets up and begins playing with the puppies. Watching her for a long time, I don’t get up and leave until I hear her laugh. That sound lets me know she will be okay.
“Why didn’t you tell us you were going to talk to Jules?” I hear Cash ask as I walk around the corner into the kitchen, seeing Jax and his parents, along with Ashlyn, sitting at the table and drinking coffee.
“I didn’t want to bring up old shit for you guys. Really, I don’t know what I wanted from her,” Jax replies, rubbing his hands over his face. “When I saw her, she didn’t talk to me. I don’t even know why she was at my house yesterday,” he says in a voice full of pain as his eyes come to me and he holds out a hand in my direction. I take it, and he pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me, placing a kiss on the side of my neck.
“I’m glad she was there,” Lilly says softly, and I nod in agreement, turning in his lap and running my fingers over his jaw. If she weren’t there, things would be completely different right now. I don’t even want to imagine how terrible things could have turned out.
*
“I got it,” Jax yells from downstairs when the doorbell goes off.
“Okay,” I yell back, smiling at Hope when she laughs. It’s been three weeks since everything went down, and last night was the first time we’ve stayed in the house since then. It was terrifying walking through the front door, but Jax, along with his cousins and uncles, had painted and made some changes while we stayed with his parents, and also had the alarm system repaired and updated. Making it easier to deal with coming home.
“Are you ready to go hunt for Easter eggs, Angel?” I ask Hope, who has been sitting on the vanity in the bathroom, watching me put on makeup.
“Yep.” She grins, fluffing out her poufy eggshell-blue dress around her then kicking up her feet, clicking together her plastic, glittery dress-up shoes, which she won’t be wearing when we leave the house. “Can I have makeup?”
“A little.” I smile, dabbing her cheeks then eyes with a brush then let I her use my lip-gloss after I do.
“You look pretty, Mama.”
“So do you.” I smile at her, lifting her off the counter and setting her on her feet. “Go make sure the puppies are okay and change your shoes so we can leave.”
“But I want to wear my princess shoes.” She frowns.
“If you want to get lots of eggs, you have to be able to run fast, so you need your other shoes.”
“Okay,” she grumbles, leaving the bathroom with me shaking my head.
Going to the closet, I slip on my heels then look at myself in the mirror once more before going downstairs, where I find Jax sitting in the living room with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
“What happened? Who was at the door?”
Lifting his head slowly, his eyes meet mine and his hand holds out a slip of folded paper to me.
“What is it?” I whisper, and he shakes his head. Taking the paper from him, I unfold it then move to sit on the couch when I see it’s a letter from his mom.
Dear Jax,
To say I was surprised to see you standing outside of my house would be the understatement of the century. For years and years, I thought of what I would say to you if we ever met face to face, but being in your presence and seeing up close the pain I caused you made it too real.
I could make a million excuses and tell you a million lies, but the truth is I was a selfish coward. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you and your family, and if it were possible to go back in time, know I would do a lot of things differently. All except for giving birth to you.
The first time I saw your dad hold you, I knew that was what love was supposed to look like, and even though I was jealous at the time, I now understand how wrong I was for feeling that way.
I was lucky for a brief moment to see something so beautiful and to know I helped bring it to life.
I know we will never be close, and I have made peace with that, but I wish you the best and hope you find your own piece of beautiful.
XX Jules
“Oh, my God,” I breathe as tears fall onto the bottom of the shaking paper in my hands.
“That’s why she was here; she was bringing me that letter. Her mom found it in her belongings when she got her stuff back from the medical examiner,” he says, clenching his jaw.
Getting off the couch, I walk to where he’s sitting, settle myself on his lap, and then hold his face between my hands. “I’m so sorry, Babe,” I whisper, watching his eyes close briefly before meeting mine again.
“She saved my life, and because of her, you and Hope are still here.”
“I know,” I agree, pressing my mouth to his then leaning back to search his face while my hand stays wrapped around his jaw and my thumb moves over his chin.
“I’ve hated her for so long, and now I don’t know what to feel.”
“I know it’s not easy after everything that happened, but I think you’ll feel better once you find a way to forgive her,” I tell him quietly, running my fingers over his lips.
“How do I do that?” he asks, looking lost.
“I don’t know,” I confess, feeling tears fill my eyes. “But I’ll help you.”
“I’ll help too, Daddy Ax,” Hope says as she runs into the living room and climbs onto the chair with us. “What are we doin?”
Laughing, Jax presses a kiss to her hair then smiles at her. “You’re doing it, sweetheart. You and your mom both are.”
“I’m a good helper.” She smiles, making us laugh.
“You’re the best helper there is, Angel baby,” I say, kissing her forehead then Jax before getting off his lap watching Hope kiss his cheek before getting off his lap and pulling him up, tugging on his hand.
“Are you ready to go Easter egg hunting?” he asks her.
“Yes, I’m going to get all the eggs,” she yells happily, running toward the front of her house. Taking his hand before he can follow her, I take a step toward him and lean up, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck, bringing his face closer to mine. “I would do it all again, even the scary parts, as
long as I knew Hope and I would have you in the end. I would do it all over again,” I tell him honestly.
“Baby.” He shakes his head, resting his forehead against mine.
“It’s the truth,” I murmur, and his arms tighten while his mouth drops down to mine, kissing me gently.
“Wet’s go, people!” Hope yells, breaking into the moment, making us both smile.
*
“Marry me.”
Opening my eyes to look at Jax through the moonlit room, I feel my mouth go dry. “What?”
“I had this whole fucking thing planned of how I was going to ask, but I don’t want to wait any longer. Marry me, Ellie,” he says, picking up my hand, settling something cool and heavy on my finger.
“Jax.”
“We’ll go to Vegas next weekend.”
“Oh, my God.” I shake my head, feeling my throat close up.
“We can take people with us or have a party when we get home, but I don’t want to wait.”
“Okay,” I whisper, pressing myself flush against him and balling my hand into a fist, afraid the ring will disappear if I don’t.
“What?” he asks against my forehead, where his lips have landed.
“When I was younger, I saw a commercial where this couple rented a convertible and got married at a drive-thru. Do they really have that?” I ask, and his face dips toward mine.
“I’ll find out.”
“Okay,” I murmur then tuck my head under his chin.
“You don’t want to see your ring?” he asks with a smile in his tone as his arms band tighter around me.
“I already know it’s perfect,” I whisper as tears fill my eyes. I know it’s going to take a while for all of us to heal, but I know, with time, things will get a little better everyday, and in the end, as long as we have each other, nothing else will matter.
Epilogue
Ellie
Three years and seven month later
“What the hell are you doing?” Jax roars, placing his hands on the back of my knees. Setting down the box of cereal on the shelf in the cabinet, I roll my eyes. I swear if he’s not roaring, he’s growling. “I asked you a damn question, Ellie Mayson.”
“I’m putting away the groceries,” I say, turning around to face him. Then I get down on my knees and swing my legs around so that I can take a seat on the countertop, which I had used a chair to climbed up onto so I could put away some of the extras I bought in the cabinets close to the ceiling.
“I told you I’d go shopping,” he says, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me against his body, and then sliding me carefully to the floor. “I also told you that if you needed to put anything away up there,” he says, pointing to the cabinets, “I’d do it when I got home. Are you even listening to me?” he frowns, moving his face closer to mine.
“Sorry, what?” I ask, blinking up at him. Since I got pregnant, he’s been bossier than ever, and half the time, I tend to zone him out when he’s talking about what I can or can’t do.
“Ellie, you’re seven months pregnant, not two anymore.”
“I’m being careful. I’m not doing anything the doctor hasn’t said is okay for me to do. You need to relax, Jax. Hey, that rhymed. Relax, Jax should be a slogan.” I smile and his frown grows deeper.
“The doctor told you it’s okay to climb up on the countertop?” he asks, ignoring my joke and placing his hands on my ever-growing belly, rubbing gently.
“No, but—”
“I don’t want anything to happen to you or my boy.”
“Fine, I won’t climb on the counter anymore,” I give in, knowing he won’t stop until I do.
“Between you and Hope, I’m going to turn gray by the time I’m thirty,” he says as his hands wrap around my back, settling on my ass.
Leaning up and kissing his chin, I say softly, “I’d like to remind you it was your bright idea to get her bunk beds, knowing she loves jumping on the bed.
“How was I supposed to know she would think it’s okay to jump off the top bunk?”
“Because she’s crazy and a thrill seeker. I wouldn’t be surprised if she goes skydiving and bungee jumping when she gets older.”
“Stop talking,” he says, making me laugh.
“It’s true, and this guy is going to be just as rambunctious, judging by the way he plays soccer with my bladder.”
“At least he’s stopped making you sick.”
That’s true. The first four months of my pregnancy were spent in the bathroom. Most days, I couldn’t even make it to work because of how sick I was.
“How long do we have before Hope gets off the school bus?” he asks, changing the subject.
Looking around his shoulder at the clock on the stove, I smile. “Long enough for me to take advantage of you,” I tell him, placing my hands on the button of his jeans.
“You’re just going to use me?” He grins.
“Don’t worry. I promise you’ll enjoy it,” I tell him as his hand wraps into my hair and his mouth lands on mine. Lifting me carefully to the countertop, he slides my maternity dress up around my hips and runs a finger over my clit.
“You’re swollen and wet baby.”
“I know.” I swallow, letting my head fall back as his fingers slip inside me.
“Lean back on your hands and spread your legs,” he commands, and I place my hands behind me on the counter and spread my legs as he unhooks his jeans then pulls down the top of my dress, exposing my breasts, which are now super sensitive.
“I love seeing you pregnant,” he says as his eyes darken further.
“Jax,” I breathe as his fingers slide through my folds once more then the head of his cock lines up and he slowly pushes deep inside of me.
“Fuck you’re so fucking hot,” he growls, leaning forward, pulling my breast into his mouth, which sends me over into a sudden orgasm that has me screaming his name and wrapping my legs tightly around him. “Jesus, baby.” He rams into me three more time, planting himself deep and coming.
Trying to catch my breath, I lie back against the counter then moan as he pulls out and helps me sit up.
“Go lay down, baby,” he says, holding my face gently between his hands. “I’ll take Chip and Pancake with me to the bus stop to pick up Hope.”
“Are you sure?”
“I know you haven’t been sleeping well,” he says running his fingers under my eyes.
“That’s your son’s fault,” I point out, making him smile as his hands move to hold my stomach.
“Not much longer and he’ll be here, and I can help you when he’s trying to keep you up.”
“I can’t wait to meet him,” I say, placing my hands over his.
“Hope is still annoyed he’s a boy.” He smiles and I laugh.
“She’ll get use to it eventually.”
*
Jax
There are a few times in my life I can look back on and know exactly what Jules was talking about: Every time my dad gave me a pat on the back or a word of advice when I needed it. The moment Lilly looked at me the way a mother looks at her son, with pride in her eyes. The first time I saw Ellie and knew I was seeing my future when I looked at her. The day Hope called me Daddy, and the day I signed her adoption papers.
And then today, the day my son was born and took his first breath.
Lifting Jasper from his sleeper, I pull down the edge of the blanket Ellie wrapped him tightly in, turning him into a baby burrito, as Hope had joked, and run my finger over his chin. I can’t believe I helped create this tiny human, that Ellie and I made something so perfect. He has his mom’s cheeks, but he is all me. Bringing him up to my chest, I press a kiss to his forehead and breathe him in. Walking him across the room to where his mom and sister are talking quietly, I sit on the side of the hospital bed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before placing him in Ellie’s arms. I watch her face soften as Hope leans in to kiss his cheek, giving me one more pause, one more beautiful moment.
*
> Five years later
“Mom, Dad, I demand a sister!” Hope screams at the top of her lungs from somewhere in the house as Ellie looks at me from across the kitchen table.
“One more?” I ask, grinning, and Ellie rolls her eyes.
“We are not having any more babies. I still don’t quite know how I ended up with the last one,” she mutters, and I look at Toby, who is sitting in his highchair, shoving noodles into his mouth…or attempting to, anyways. “Not that I would change him for the world, but still.” She smiles at him, running her finger over his chubby cheek, gaining a one-toothed smile from him.
“Mom, Dad, I’m serious. I want a sister,” Hope says, stomping into the kitchen, followed by both dogs, Jasper and Edward, who are both singing, “Hope and Ty, sitting in a tree.”
“The baby shop is closed, honey. Besides, if you had a sister, you would have to share your room,” Ellie says, while my eyes narrow, listening to the boys singing.
“Who’s Ty?” I ask, and Hope’s face turns red.
“I can’t wait until I can move out!” she yells, stomping off, presumably to her room, where I hear the door slam.
“Who’s Ty?” I ask Ellie, and she rolls her eyes then hands me Toby.
“Who’s Ty?” I ask my boys, and they just look at me before taking off to cause chaos somewhere else.
“Do you know who Ty is?” I ask Toby, who pats my cheek and babbles something I can’t make out.
*
Ellie
“Shhhhhh,” Jax says, covering my mouth with his hand, which only makes me giggle louder, because he’s the one who slammed me up against the kitchen wall so hard the cabinets shook when he found me getting a late-night snack. Wrapping my legs tighter around his hips, I moan against the palm of his hand as the fingers from his free hand slide between my folds.
“No panties and you’re wet,” he groans, and I feel the head of his cock slide over my clit then down to enter me slowly.
“Oh, God,” I breathe, feeling his thick length fill me then the head rub perfectly against my g-spot. “Harder,” I plea as my head falls back against the wall and his hand drops from my mouth.
“No, just like this,” he says, moving slowly, so slowly it feels like torture as one of his hands cups my breast and the other palms my ass.
Until Jax Page 22