Recoil

by Evelyn Drake

  Moving for the stairs felt surreal. He felt slightly detached from his body and let it do what it knew how to do as he walked down the still-dark stairs toward the body he knew—or rather hoped—still lay at the bottom. His legs felt like rubber and he kept a hand on the banister in case the gave way and sent him tumbling down the stairs.

  Reaching the bottom step, Kyle fought to control his jagged breathing as, with shaking hands, he fumbled his phone’s camera light to life once more. Shining it at the body, he stepped off the bottom stair but kept his back snug against the thick, heavy bottom-most post of the stair’s railing as he skirted to the side. The entire time he kept the light on the dead figure, studying the bloated face. It was the stuff of nightmares. It looked as if a movie SFX master had spent the last month detailing a fresh corpse to be placed in the entryway of his home. Yet, the face… it was a face he knew.

  Having cleared the banister, Kyle made his way to the kitchen. There, he retrieved a hard cider from the fridge and without looking grabbed a bag of gingersnaps from out of a cabinet.

  Then, teetering as if he might fall, he popped the cap off of the hard cider and drank deeply. Closing his eyes, he leaned onto the fridge with one arm draped over its top as he held the cold bottle to his cheek.

  Don’t pass out. For the love of God and Monica, don’t pass out. The aftereffects of shock were ravaging his system, he knew.

  Stumbling, his head spinning, he made it to the doorway of the kitchen, opened the door and sank to the floor once more. From the light that flooded out of the kitchen, he could just make out one side of the dead body where it lay near the stairs.

  He shoved two sandwiched cookies in his mouth and crunched. Their light spice and heat paired well with the hard cider, and he felt his strength ebbing back into him.

  Picking up his cell phone, he dialed Tobias. He did not put it on speaker phone. In the event that someone else was still in the house, he didn’t want to broadcast his location to them or what he was doing any more than he already was.

  Fuck! Hang up! He fumbled with the phone and nearly dropped it just after the second ring, realizing what he had done. He had no business calling Tobias. They were done. For God’s sake, it could be Tobias behind this!

  But it was too late. His instinct to seek safety and shelter in the other man’s arms was too strong.

  Which means I don’t believe what I heard. I don’t believe it’s him. I believe in him.

  Tobias’s voice broke the silence. “Kyle?” Tobias voice sounded uncertain but hopeful.

  “Tobias…” Kyle’s voice sounded wrong to even his own ears. It had the sound of someone who had been dropped down a well and left there for days.

  “What’s wrong?” Tobias voice went into high alert. “Are you okay? Is Monica okay?”

  “Yes… No.” He breathed in a shaky breath. “There’s a dead body in my house. It’s Therman Johnson.”

  Tobias hissed through the phone. “Are you inside or outside? Are you safe?”

  “Yes, I think so. I’m inside.”

  “Is anyone in the house with you?”

  “I don’t think so… I don’t know. Haven’t checked. Just looked in on Monica. That’s all.”

  “Is the door locked?”

  Kyle had to think. Yes, it would be locked. He locked it before he fell over the body. He answered as much.

  “Okay, stay where you are, just as you are. I’m going to hang up and head to you. I want you to call 911 and stay on the phone with them until I get there. Do not move. Do not go outside unless you must. And, do not answer the door until myself or the police arrive. Got it?”

  “Yes,” Kyle said, nodding.

  “Say it back to me,” Tobias directed. Kyle could hear him moving, rushing, a door slamming and then running.

  “Stay in the house. Don’t go outside unless I have to. Don’t answer the door except for you or the other officers.”

  “Even if someone from your work shows up—especially if someone from your work shows up! They come to the door, you don’t let them in. And slide a chair’s back under the doorknob. If you didn’t notice a break-in, it could be that they have a key.”

  Kyle’s blood ran cold anew. “Okay.”

  “Hang up. I’ll be there soon. Dial 911. Now.”

  “Okay,” Kyle said, and clicked off. Then he dialed 911. It took a moment to be connected.

  Kyle told them everything he knew while he also worked to barricade the front door. He took great pains to minimize disturbance to the area surrounding Therman’s body, but he did his best, and then returned to his spot on the floor in the kitchen doorway.

  By the time Tobias arrived, his heart had slowed and his breathing had calmed. His body felt as if it was finally getting oxygen again. He saw the flash of headlights light the darkened rooms through the windows and he got a text on his phone while he maintained the open line with the 911 operator.

  Moving carefully but with much of his strength returned, Kyle could see that it was Tobias approaching the front door and he opened it before Tobias had a chance to knock or ring the bell. But once he’d allowed Tobias inside, Kyle got back out of the way once more and returned to his spot in the kitchen doorway. He watched as Tobias flipped on the foyer’s light for the first time since Kyle had gotten home and began to examine the body without actually touching it.

  Within minutes more officers arrived until Kyle had a whole team of people in his home. He stayed downstairs in the kitchen—though he moved to the small breakfast table next to the tall windows in the corner—and trusted the female officer that had gone upstairs to wake and interview Monica. He didn’t want Monica to come downstairs and see the bloated figure that would forever taint his thoughts and feelings about their home, but he also didn’t want to go upstairs himself. He wanted to be nearby. He wanted to know what it was that they were doing with his house and the dead body that lay in it. As far as he was concerned, they could cut out that whole section of floor and take it with them. He didn’t want it. Didn’t have use for it. He wanted it gone.

  Kyle caught a glimpse of Tobias through the open kitchen door and saw Tobias look at him for what had to have been the hundredth time since he’d arrived. Kyle could tell that the man desperately wanted the opportunity to talk to him without other ears, so when Tobias headed his way, it was no surprise.

  Tobias opened his mouth to speak but Kyle spoke first. “Thank you for coming. That you came to take care of me and Monica, it means a lot.”

  Tobias pulled out one of the table chairs and sat down next to Kyle. “Of course. Kyle, what did you hear?”

  “You said…” Kyle trailed off, lifting a brow and looking over toward the other officers. I don’t think he wants them hearing this. “I think I heard it all.”

  Tobias swallowed hard. “I realized a little too late how that must have sounded.”

  “Yeah.” Kyle managed a breathy laugh. “No kidding. And I realized a little too late… well. I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking straight. I accepted it at face value.”

  “You thought I could do that?” Tobias murmured, leaning in.

  “You thought I could?” Kyle countered, keeping his voice gentle to make it clear he wasn’t starting a fight. It was Tobias’s job to suspect him; it was Kyle’s to suspect him, if he had to keep the girls at the club safe.

  Tobias reeled for a moment, and then slowly nodded. “Point taken. But you’re right. This can’t keep on going while the case is unsolved. I need to solve it first, for you—and Monica—and everyone.”

  This wasn’t going the way Kyle had meant. “No, I—”

  “I’ve gotta do this. You know why.”

  The guilt that must be crushing Tobias at another death, even if it was hardly an innocent bystander… Kyle knew what it was like, because he felt it, too. Two girls dead, because of him.

  And Tobias thought it was because of him. Why? Because he’d left, and Kyle had taken other lovers, and they wouldn’t be dead if not?

&n
bsp; It was batshit logic, but Kyle knew damn well his own logic wasn’t sound.

  “I want to walk away from it all,” Tobias whispered, his voice breaking. “But I need to do this first.”

  Kyle curled his fists. Tobias would destroy himself just to prove some stupid point. “I believe you. Tobias. I do. I freaked out and ran, because that’s what I do. It’s not you.”

  But he wasn’t getting through.

  Kyle hung his head and rubbed his face. The scraping of a chair sounded, followed by footsteps.

  Glancing to his side again, Kyle saw that Tobias was finally gone, and even with the world in his house, he put his forehead on his hands upon the table, and let his pain cry itself out as quietly as he could.

  21

  Tobias

  Tobias stood in front of his living room window, and he smiled as the warmth of the morning light bathed his skin. He felt reborn, renewed. He felt as if he had a tomorrow once more worth having, even if he had no idea what it would bring.

  He took a deep breath, feeling like it was the first time he could truly breathe in years.

  “I’ll hand in my badge as soon as I can. As soon as Kyle’s safe.”

  It had only been just over twenty-four hours since Kyle had a dead body delivered to his door—or rather inside his home. And yet, it was time to walk away. As soon as this case was done. As soon as they had no cause for suspicion or blame or grief between them.

  His cell phone chimed with an incoming call. He didn’t recognize the number but he swiped to answer it anyway.

  “Hello?”

  “Tobias?”

  “Monica? Are you okay?” Panic instantly flooded Tobias.

  “Yes, yes. But I need you to come over right now. Right this instant.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Don’t you mind that. You just get here right now.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Tobias said and then the call went dead.

  Oh, fuck. What’s wrong?

  Tobias finished getting himself put together and was out the door in less than three minutes. He did his best not to drive too much over the speed limit on the way to Kyle’s house. Getting pulled over would eat up more time than going a little slower than mach nine.

  Parking his car in the empty drive of Kyle’s house, Tobias was out and running to the front door a second later. To his extreme relief, as he vaulted up the few stairs to the small front porch, the door opened to reveal Monica standing, waiting on him. While she did not look especially happy, she did look fine.

  “Are you okay? Is Kyle okay?” Tobias asked, needing to ask the questions again even though they’d already been answered. The floor in front of the door was now completely clean and empty with no signs of what had transpired just a day earlier.

  “I’m fine, Tobias,” Monica declared in a calm voice that gave a glimpse at the strength beneath, “but we need to talk. Come in here,” she said and led the way into the sitting room on the opposite side of the foyer. It was the spot where she and Tobias had talked once before. There was a pot of tea ready, two cups on saucers, and a plate of coconut macaroons laid out.

  Monica sat down in the straight backed chair adjacent to the sofa and Tobias took the corner of the sofa nearest to her. He waited patiently as she poured out two cups of tea, lifting a sugar cube as a way of asking if he wanted some. He nodded yes, and soon he had a perfect-temperature cup of tea in his hand. Taking a sip, he could taste the oils from the well-brewed tea play and tease the various areas of his tongue before he swallowed the brew down to warm his stomach.

  Meanwhile, Monica still hadn’t explained why she had called him to her and Kyle’s home. Even when she lifted the plate of macaroons, she still gave no indication. It was not until she scooted back in her chair, crossed her legs, and took a sip from her own tea cup that Tobias felt that learning why he’d been summoned was finally imminent.

  Her teacup clicked down onto her saucer and she cleared her throat, and Tobias leaned forward, hanging on every sound and movement she made. Yet when she turned her stern eye on him, it made him wonder if he were actually ready to hear what she had to say.

  What does she know?

  “I’m old,” Monica said simply with a strong voice full of absolute certainty.

  Tobias’s mouth fell open and then closed. He wasn’t sure what to say. He’d learned better than to ever common on a woman’s age, and here he was faced with having to agree to a woman being actually “old.”

  “Well, you seem very youthful, though,” Tobias said, covering as best he could.

  “Pshhh,” Monica said, waving off his comment with the flip of her hand. “I’m old,” she said again, “and I’m going to die.” Tobias felt the color drain out of his face but then Monica added, “Eventually.”

  “Oh, well…” Tobias said, feeling a little breathless.

  “And, I don’t want my boy left alone. He needs someone, and all he’s got is me. I want that to change.”

  Tobias cleared his throat and set his teacup and saucer back down on the table. “I don’t know if I’m the one for Kyle,” he said.

  “You’re not the one for Kyle or Kyle’s not the one for you? Which is it?”

  Fuck, we should hire her for interrogations. There was something terrifying about being grilled by her.

  “Uh, I’m not the one for him. He’s… we need more…” Tobias’s voice broke. He cleared his throat. “I need to be ready.”

  “You told him this?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Did you cheat on him?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Hit him?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Lie to him?”

  Tobias fell silent, then rubbed his eyes. “By omission, yes. It’s baggage from… our history.” Tobias’s voice trailed off.

  Monica’s shrewd gaze studied him. “Would it hurt him more to know, or not know?”

  Tobias flinched and thought for a moment. “I’d never hurt him on purpose. But I suppose… not knowing.” He knew exactly what that did to a person.

  The lock in the front door turned a second before the door opened, and Tobias’s stomach leapt up into his throat. He stood, wiping his instantly sweaty palms on his thighs, as Kyle walked in.

  Kyle froze with a bag of groceries in his arm. His eyes went from Tobias to Monica and then back to Tobias.

  “What are you doing here?” Kyle asked, his voice low.

  “Kyle.” Monica’s clipped use of Kyle’s name silenced him instantly. “Sit down.” She waved a hand toward the far end of the sofa on which Tobias sat.

  Kyle looked at Tobias, then he looked at the spot next to Tobias, then he turned and grabbed a chair from the dining room table and carried it into the room. Flipping it so that its back faced forward, he straddled it with his long legs and folded his forearms over the back’s top.

  The sight of Kyle’s widely spread muscular thighs visible through the wicker back of the chair made Tobias swallow hard, and he felt his face heat as his breath grew shallow with want.

  Stop it! Just stop! He’s not yours, not anymore. Maybe not ever again. Not if you can’t solve this case.

  “Kyle, I’m old and I’m going to die,” Monica began, heading into the same spiel that she’d given Tobias.

  Kyle rolled his eyes and waved his hand, dismissing her words. “I’ll get put in the ground sooner than you.”

  “Kyle…” Monica said, this time her tone softer, and Kyle finally looked at her straight on before taking a deep breath. He seemed to deflate with acceptance rather than hold her words at bay with deflection. “I want you to have someone,” Monica continued. “You’ve loved Tobias for most of your life.” Kyle’s gaze shifted to Tobias before he looked away, his cheeks taking their turn to heat. “Whatever’s gone wrong between you, I want you to work it out.”

  Kyle looked at Monica again and he shook his head. “He said he killed those people, when he thought I couldn’t hear. I think it’s guilt, but I believe
d him at first. What does that say about either of us?”

  Monica took in a quick breath and then redirected her focus on Tobias, and Tobias could see her brain turning as she worked through how to feel about the matter. “Have you seen the psychologist on staff?”

  “Only when they made me,” Tobias murmured. He sure as hell hadn’t told them about the nightmares, the visions of bodies. That shit would get him out of work, and he’d needed this work more than any old job.

  “Do you know you both have PTSD?” She set her cup of tea aside and waited with her hands crossed over her lap, leaning forward slightly as if ready to hang on every word.

  They looked at each other, then her.

  Kyle rose to his feet. “I don’t have anything wrong with me.”

  “Sit back down,” Monica ordered, and he sat. “I have watched you pine for this man for the fifteen years that I have known you, and I know that you have loved him even longer than that. He’s here. I can see that he loves you, and he’s got baggage. Grow up, Kyle. You’ve got baggage. Loads of it. You had a dead body delivered to your house the night before last. If that’s not baggage, then I don’t know what is. You both react like you’re still fighting for your lives, and when you turn that on each other, you screw up what you’ve got going.”

  Tobias tried to interrupt and apologize. He didn’t want Kyle feeling… well… mentally ill. He knew his history. “I—”

  “I’m not done. So he’s guilty he’s screwed up at his job, got people killed, so what? Give me a time machine and send me back to when your parents died, and I’d do the deed myself. They were monsters.” Her voice broke as her eyes grew shiny. “What they did to you, if I could have stopped it before it started, I would have. They brainwashed you into thinking that people wanted to hunt you down and kill you just because you loved this man”—she pointed toward Tobias—“and they convinced you that he had been murdered and left to rot in some alley. Conversion therapy. They tortured you until it took decades to accept love.” She stood as she talked. “Is that what loving parents do? Is that what good people do?”