Find the four letters added to B, C, D, and R to make four words that don’t rhyme.
This one is easy. You shouldn’t require any sort of hints.
But, then again, you aren’t the sharpest knife in the block, are you?
So here’s a clue.
SPOILER ALERT!
Off! Ow! Oh!
Got the answer? Go to www.StopAMurder.com and type it in.
You write about detectives all the time, Joe. Now here you are, playing detective.
How does it feel?
Are you enjoying the hunt?
This is as close as you’ve ever gotten to real crime, I bet. And I don’t mean speeding tickets, or a drunk and disorderly charge.
I mean real crime.
I mean murder.
There are actual stakes here, Joseph. A person’s life depends on if you’re smart enough to stop me before I kill.
Feeling the pressure?
I’d like to share something with you. It has nothing to do with the puzzles, but maybe it will help you to understand me a little better.
I was a naughty child. I did all sorts of naughty things. I’m not talking about the ordinary naughty things that children do, like lying about taking a cookie, or using bad words.
I did real naughty things.
I put a razor blade in the handle of the school drinking fountain.
I poured drain cleaner in the fish bowl.
I threw lit fire crackers in baby strollers.
I put fish hooks in Daddy’s pillow case.
I started fires. So many fires.
Sometimes, I got caught being naughty. Daddy would lock me in the Punishment Box.
What, is that too dark?
TMI?
Am I making you uncomfortable, Joe?
Did you think this was just going to be some innocent little children’s game?
You write about killers, Joe. You write about horror.
You don’t know SHIT about real horror. To have someone who is supposed to care about you do unspeakable things. Things your court-appointed shrink won’t even believe.
Not even when you show her the scars from the curling iron.
Did you know that if you’re burned for over fifteen seconds, it smells like bacon?
Have you ever been so hungry you’re drooling at the smell of your own flesh being cooked?
Or maybe I’m just making this up, to freak you out.
That’s what you do, right? You make things up. And people actually pay money for you to scare them with your morbid little stories.
Good work if you can get it.
But, you see, I can plot as well, if not better, than you can. But whereas you put made-up people in plots, I put real people in plots.
Get it? It’s a joke. Plots = graves.
I know you appreciate the pun. You use them all the time in your quaint, little stories. Feel free to steal that one in an upcoming book. No need to pay me for it, but remember to thank Unknown Sender in the acknowledgements.
It isn’t nice to steal without attribution.
I’ll be in touch.
Be Good,
Unknown Seynder
From: Joe Konrath
To: Unknown Sender
US—
I blocked your email. Don’t bother trying to contact me again.
Joe
From: Unknown Sender
To: JA Konrath
Subject: How I’ll Do It–4
Joe—
YOU CAN’T BLOCK ME.
That isn’t a threat. Though I could threaten you, if you’d like.
I use disposable, temporary email addresses, on TOR, so I have an infinite amount at my disposal. I can change emails almost instantly. I can’t be blocked, and I can’t be traced. I’m completely anonymous.
Now I suppose you could try to change your email address, but that would be a big hindrance to you, I’m guessing. Especially since I could then contact you on social media.
You’re a public figure, Joe. You can’t hide from the public without losing those all-important book sales.
Want to go dark? I’ll just post a bounty on 4Chan to get your new email.
Want to give up the Internet completely?
Then I’ll send mail directly to your house.
Don’t think I know your address? Want me to prove it to you?
How about you just stop this nonsense, and focus on the matter at hand.
I’m going to murder someone. I’m giving you a chance to be a hero and stop me.
Follow my directions, and stop trying to piss me off.
And stop trying to pretend like you’re not already invested. I saw that you solved the last puzzle.
So let’s set up the next puzzle.
Occasionally, the electricity goes out in my home. This is just a minor inconvenience for me, because I’m a prepper.
Do you prep, Joe? I read about it in one of your books. The one where Jack Daniels runs and hides in Wisconsin. Rum Runner, I think it was.
I didn’t care for the book, but it makes sense to have certain supplies at hand in case of emergencies.
You never know when the shit is going to go down, big time.
So I’ve prepped for surviving without power. But I’ve got a little dilemma here, that I need your help with.
See, I’ve got all of these things I can light in case the electricity goes out, but currently I’m low on matches. In fact, I only have one left. So I need to use it wisely.
Take a look at this picture, at some of my supplies.
I’ve got some charcoal lighter fluid (almost empty), several cans of Sterno, a scented candle with three wicks, a propane torch (good for many intriguing uses), a glass oil lamp, 4 nine-hour emergency candles, half a bottle of Zippo lighter fluid, a full bottle of 3-in-one oil, 5 four-point-five hour emergency candles, and a paper towel.
PUZZLE #4
Which should I light first?
Think carefully, Joe. I only get one shot at this. And one never knows when electricity will be restored. Besides needing light, I may also need heat, and to cook food.
This one is simple, right?
No?
You actually need a hint?
SPOILER ALERT!
It’s from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
I know, that’s not your typical prepper store. Don’t bother looking for ammunition, MREs, or potassium iodide tablets at BB&B. But they had this simple item.
Now get to www.stopamurder.com and put in the right answer.
Hurry. The clock is ticking.
All best,
Unknown Sendor
From: Joe Konrath
To: Unknown Sender
I’m not reading your emails anymore. Find someone else to play with.
J
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Qlv—
R’oo nzpv gsrh lmv ivzoob hrnkov.
KFAAOV #5
Dszg uznlfh wlt dzh ldmvw yb gsv gsrigb-hvevmgs Kivhrwvmg lu gsv FHZ?
Vzhb, irtsg?
Dszg, blf mvvw z srmg?
HKLROVI ZOVIG!
Rg’h gsv mznv lu z tznv gszg’h kozbvw lm z xsvhh ylziw.
Qfhg gbkv rm gsv zmhdvi, xliivxgob. R’oo yv rm glfxs hllm.
olev,
Fmpmldm Hvmfvi
From: Unknown Sender
To: JA Konrath
Subject: How I’ll Do It–6
Josephus—
Stop fighting this. You’re acting like a baby.
I know you went to the www.stopamurder.com website. I’ve got trackers on it. I can read your IP address.
Seriously, Joe, figure out how to use a VPN.
I saw you visited my site several times. I saw all your wrong answers. Once you figured out you needed to input the answer with the same cypher, Z to A, you solved it pretty quick.
So obviously you’re reading my emails, even though you said you wouldn’t.
; You’re a liar, Joe.
Don’t lie to me. It makes me angry.
You’re not going to quit. Neither am I. Let’s just accept that and move on.
Now here’s an easy one.
PUZZLE #6
I once made a Mild chili with a store-bought MIX and a special kind of meat. A friend came over, and lifted the Lid to see what I was cooking. He saw my protein source and immediately became siCk. So I had to dispatch him before he called the police. Which, happily, kept me in meat for the rest of the month. Now this paragraph may seem run of the MIll, but you’d have to be DIm not to notice something strange. So what’s the puzzle? There are X numbers in this paragraph. Add them up to get your answer.
I’ll be honest with you, Joe. I’ve never actually eaten a person before.
I know, you’re probably disappointed. You’re getting it in your head that I’m some sort of inhuman monster. A psychopath, following base instincts.
Well, I’m not. I’ve never, not once, had any desire to eat human flesh. The very idea grosses me out.
Not because I have any aversion to harming my fellow man. Not at all.
And I certainly wouldn’t begrudge someone else from feasting on the long pig, if they so desired. To each his own.
No, my problem with eating people is purely a matter of personal taste.
See, I’ve drank human blood before, and I didn’t enjoy it.
Made me sick, actually.
There’s your proof that vampires can’t exist in real life. You can’t suck down more than a swallow or two of the red stuff without vomiting in an explosive, and embarrassing manner.
Consider the scene. Chained and helpless before you is someone you despise. You want to hurt this person. And eventually kill this person. But the thing you want most is to terrify him. After all, he terrified you for years, when you were at your most vulnerable, and you really want him to know how you felt, powerless and frightened, waiting for Punishment to come. So you let dear old Daddy out of the Punishment Box for a few minutes, and you take a cannula—you know cannulas, right?—and you stick it in his arm and fill up a glass with blood and drink it right in front of him to show him what kind of monster he raised.
Scary, right?
Well, not so scary when you immediately throw up.
Sure, he might still look scared. And he’d probably say as much, if you hadn’t sewn his lips closed. But it wasn’t my shining moment, Joe. And it completely dissuaded me from cutting off his fingers one by one and eating them while he watched.
I did some other things, though. Bad things.
Maybe I’ll tell you about them later.
But I want you to know that—however our little game turns out—I won’t be consuming any part of my victim.
Anyway, I got off tangent a little bit. Did you need a hint for the above puzzle?
SPOILER ALERT!
When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
And you’re going to want to enter the answer in the same way it was asked.
Are you having fun yet? Go to www.stopamurder.com and put in the answer. Until next time…
Yours,
Unknowwn Sender
From: Joe Konrath
To: Unknown Sender
Contact me again and I’m going to the police.
From: Unknown Sender
To: JA Konrath
Subject: How I’ll Do It–7
Hey JoJo—
The police?!?! Oh no!!!! I’m sooooo scared!!!!
You dumbass. The police can’t do shit.
Even if they could track me—which they can’t because it’s impossible with the layers of security I use—what do you expect them to do?
Illinois tried to enforce a cyberstalking statute. The appellate court ruled it was unconstitutional.
Do your research before you start making threats. And stop irritating me.
I have a lot to do today, so here’s a quick one.
PUZZLE #7
What number would you have to count up to in order to first use the letter “A” in the English language spelling of the actual number? As an example: ONE, TWO, and THREE all do not have the letter “A” when you spell them out. What’s the first number that does?
I know you hate math puzzles, but technically this is spelling. I know spelling isn’t one of your strengths, Joe. How do you get away with publishing books that have so many errors in them? Don’t you use a word processing program? Haven’t you heard of spell check?
I suppose your readers are exceptionally forgiving.
Me? Not so much.
You might say I hold grudges.
You might say I nurse grudges like a cow with bleeding udders nurses a calf, letting the pain and rage build until I’m ready to boil over.
But enough about me. Need a hint?
SPOILER ALERT!
If you counted to this number while playing hide and seek, your playmates would likely grow bored and leave before you reached it.
That should help you solve it without wasting too much time. Input the answer as a number at www.stopamurder.com.
Now, you might have noticed that this group of emails are supposed to be about how I plan on murdering my victim, but I have given you very little information about that topic.
This is intentional.
I could spell out my modus operandi right here, in the emails I send you. Or even tease it out, bit by bit, whenever you solve a puzzle.
But where’s the fun in that?
If you want to know how I’m going to kill, you have to follow my trail, picking up the breadcrumbs I toss you, until I’m ready to reveal it.
You’re the puppet. I pull the strings.
But surely you’re considering the different methods of killing. You’ve used many of them, in your books.
Something bloodless, like poison? Suffocation? Strangulation? Drowning? Hanging?
Or something bloody, like a knife? Gun? Ax? Garrote? Chainsaw?
Perhaps something in between, like electrocution? Burning? Boiling?
You don’t hear about many people being boiled these days. Back in the Middle Ages, boiling was a thing. Boiled in oil. Boiled in soup. Tar.
How horrible would that be, boiling alive in hot tar?
I bet it would get a lot of YouTube hits.
I want you to think about all the possible ways to die, Joe.
I’ll reveal my method. In good time.
Kisses,
Unknown Sander
From: Unknown Sender
To: JA Konrath
Subject: How I’ll Do It–8
Hey Josef—
Playing petulant child again? Do you really believe, by not replying to my emails, that I’m going to stop?
I’m not going to stop. And according to my tracking software, neither are you.
You figured out that last solution pretty fast.
Was it actually you who solved it?
Lots of IPs visited my website. So either you started using a VPN and spoofing your address, or…
Or you’re getting help.
Is that what you’re doing? Reaching out to other people?
I don’t mind if you get help. In fact, I encourage it. Alert the media if you wish. From your quick response, you’re obviously drawn to our little game. Why not involve others? Let all be lured in, like moths to a flame.
Read this poem, then solve the puzzle.
She wins jenGa eAch time,
But she won’t clean up Her meSs,
She continues to amaZe uS,
But she cAreS not of our stress,
She hides her miCron uSage,
Striking a Pose i doN’t do,
Because she Had eStablished,
A grAph rod I tEll you.
Okay, I admit that poem doesn’t make a lot of sense. I went for rhyme rather than logic. But here’s your puzzle:
PUZZLE #8
Find the celestial body that’s missing.
Wait… what? Does that even make sense?
You’re looking for flaws, aren’t you? Mistakes? Boo-boos? Proof that I’m a fallible human being?
Keep looking. Let me know if you find proof that I’m flawed.
Or proof that I’m human.
Here’s the hint you need:
SPOILER ALERT!
This may seem all Greek to you, but it makes sense in a milky way.
That should be enough for you to figure this out. If you’re not bright enough, you can follow the hints on my lovely website.
Or you can just keep guessing answers until you get it right. Kind of a cheat, but if you’re the type of person who needs to cheat, no words from me will stop you.
Full candor, though… I’m not a fan of cheaters.
There are many terrible things that human beings do to one another. Murder seems to be the worst, but I assure you, it isn’t. You can hurt someone in far worse ways.
I’m not even talking about physical pain. Sure, you can chisel out someone’s teeth, and that qualifies as horrible. But are those few minutes of agony as bad as years of emotional abuse?
A beating is bad. Living in fear of the next beating is even badder.
How about thieves? What if someone took everything you owned? Everything you ever worked for? Isn’t that worse than a punch in the face? Worse than the loss of a limb?
I had a shrink when I was in jail. She seemed to think that criminal behavior was due to impulse control.
I found that hilarious. Like I’m a child unable to resist the temptation of a cookie before supper. What about motive? Is an eye-for-an-eye an impulse problem? Or is it justice?
I believe revenge is all about self-control. About delaying gratification until just the right moment.
I hope nobody ever does to you what was done to me. Figure out my motive before you judge…
Eternally yours,
Unknown Senner
From: Joe Konrath
To: Unknown Sender
STOP A MURDER - HOW (Mystery Puzzle Book 1) Page 2