by Sam Crescent
“I talked to Doctor Daniels. He’s the one who has been seeing me for the past ten years.” Not that she’d kept that many appointments with him. From the moment she’d known Sandy, she’d gotten any advice from her. Sandy was once a club whore, who also happened to be a doctor.
“I remember him. He’s the guy I go to for my checkups.”
She took a deep breath. “Well, it turns out I, erm, I kind of stopped listening to him all those years ago.” It was stupid of her, but she’d been so caught up in her own little world that the moment Daniels told her it would be impossible to get pregnant, she’d tuned out. Her world at the time had felt like it was caving in, and she had wanted to leave.
“Stopped listening to him?”
Rose was so embarrassed. “Well,” she stopped to let out a little chuckle, “it seems I could get pregnant, but Daniels said it would be near impossible for me to get pregnant. I heard impossible, and I just tuned out at the time.” She’d been so heartbroken that she’d not paid any attention to him talking, and his advice. Hearing the word “impossible” had shut her down. It wasn’t an excuse. She’d been young, stupid, married, and scared. They had been trying for a baby for a long time, and she’d been nagging Hardy over and over again. To not get pregnant, and keep on trying, then to be told impossible, she’d felt broken.
“Okay, if it’s near impossible then, what’s changed?” Hardy asked.
“Nothing. Nothing has changed. What Daniels actually said was it would be near impossible for me to get pregnant. However, if we took extreme lengths, I could in fact get pregnant.”
“I’m really fucking confused right now, babe.”
She was so embarrassed. All these years of pain, and it was all her fault. Rose couldn’t believe what was happening, and the fact it was, was crazy. Running fingers through her hair. “I don’t have a, regular cycle, I never have, so I don’t always release eggs on time.” They’d done all the necessary tests, and Hardy hadn’t been able to make the appointment all of those years ago, and so Rose went alone. He’d been on a run with the club, something neither of them had been able to change. Life back then had been chaotic, and they’d not been married long. Rose hadn’t wanted to put too much pressure on the relationship, but they were struggling to have kids. She hadn’t waited, and all the bad news had been happening because of her. “First, he suggested some treatments to help us conceive, and at the time, we couldn’t afford it. You were busy with club business, and didn’t make all the appointments. So, when I turned that down, Daniels advised that we take a break from having sex for a length of time, and during that time I could get checked to monitor my cycle as to when would be the best time for us to try. There were methods that were cheaper, and I didn’t take it in. The other way was for them to have sperm already on hand from you, so I could get pregnant. He tried to get me to go to future appointments, but none were kept by either of us, and Daniels didn’t bring it up as every time he did, I’d cry, and you’d shut down, not wanting to know. We were young, and Daniels figured when we were ready to take alternative routes, we’d talk to him. At the time, Daniels recommended that we would abstain from sex. You were perfectly healthy, but because we had a lot of sex, your sperm count was low. If you held off then your sperm count would increase, and overall, we’d possibly get lucky.”
Which they never did because she hadn’t taken his advice, and been too damn upset to hear she wasn’t going to get pregnant so easily. She’d watched women get pregnant, and not even want children, yet she couldn’t, and they were having lots of sex.
Hardy was silent for several minutes.
“You mean to tell me that during our time of separation because I wasn’t using my dick, I built my sperm up higher than usualand we were just lucky that we hit the right time.”
Rose nodded. “Daniels said if you’ve not been masturbating, and there hasn’t been any cheating or anything, you’d have accumulated up enough sperm, and if we had unprotected sex during a month that I released an egg, we increased the chances of my becoming pregnant. He said it was the luck of the draw. Some couples just need luck.”
“All this time we could have already had kids,” Hardy said.
“Yes.” She stared down at her lap, knowing all of their problems lay at her door. “Daniels isn’t happy that I hadn’t listened to him. He says we don’t pay him to be ignored.”
“What the fuck, Rose?”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, you were fucking sobbing on my shoulder because we couldn’t get pregnant. I fucked a woman I couldn’t stand. Ten years we could have been a family.”
“I’m sorry.”
He stopped, took a breath, and closed his eyes.
Rose remained silent, not wanting to interrupt his moment.
“We’re pregnant?” He finally spoke after a couple of minutes had passed.
“We’re pregnant. It’s bizarre. We were always screwing trying to get pregnant, we couldn’t get pregnant, then you cheated, and we moved on, yet this time, it was luck.” She shrugged. “I guess you can never really time these things. I’m really sorry, Hardy.”
“It’s over, Rose. We can’t change what happened, we can only accept it, and we’ve both made mistakes. Fucking hell. I can’t believe we’re finally pregnant,” Hardy said, grabbing her hand.
“We’re going to have a baby.” This had been the last thing she ever expected. No matter what happened, she couldn’t change their relationship. “It doesn’t change anything, Hardy.”
He paused. “Rose, you’re not going to push me out of our kid’s life.”
“I know. I just, I don’t know what to do with us.” She looked between them, pointing at his chest then her own. They had both fucked up, and she accepted that. Rose didn’t want to go back to what they had.
“Don’t do this, Rose.”
“I can’t stop.”
“No, you’ve got to stop. For fuck’s sake, it was ten years ago. I’m not holding shit over you.”
“And it still happened. I never cheated on you. I never fucked another man. I’ve never been with another man,” she said.
He got up, storming away. She watched him start to pace from one of the room to another.
“This isn’t going to work between us.” Rose was more convinced now than ever before. They’d gone from being young, to being set in their ways. They were two different people.
“All these months I thought we were growing closer, but it wasn’t what you wanted. You were using me, weren’t you?” he asked,
There was a short distance between them, and Rose struggled to swallow past the lump in her throat. “Yes.”
“I fucked up, Rose, and I’m more than sorry about that.”
“We can’t change it.”
“Exactly. We can’t change the fucking fact that I fucked another woman. I was young, I was stupid, a selfish bastard, and it’s my biggest regret. I’ve not looked at another woman, Rose. I’ve not looked at another woman in ten years. I’ve not wanted another woman. The only one I want is you.” He dropped back down in front of her, cupping her face. “Don’t do this to us.”
“I don’t know what to do, Hardy.”
“Give me a chance. I fucked up all those years ago. I shouldn’t have gone to that fucking party with you. I shouldn’t have let you change who you are. I love you. You’re my life, my soul, the fucking air I breathe is because of you. Don’t take that away from me, please.”
She saw the sincerity in his eyes. When she was in his arms the world fell away, and she didn’t have to remember the pain or what it meant. Rose wanted to be in his arms again.
“We can try.”
Hardy let out a gasp, tugging her into his arms.
“No, Hardy, we’ve got to take it slow,” she said, pressing a hand to his chest. “I don’t want to just rush into anything. We’ve got to take it steady.”
He pressed a hand to her stomach. “I swear to you, baby, I’m not going to let you down. I’m going to make yo
“I want to head back home. I’m tired and really want to relax,” she said.
“Shit, what did the doctor say? Are you at risk of losing our baby?”
“Please, stop.” She held her hand up, smiling. “I’m fine. Everything is fine. I’ve just been stressed out a little lately.”
“Come on, I’ll take you home.”
He helped her down the steps of the clubhouse until they got to the main room. Rose stopped as she took in the sight of the club. The members were all gathered together as a family. Tate had finally given birth to a baby girl in the last couple of days. Rose had visited her at the hospital to drop off flowers.
Murphy, Simon, and Tate were standing together, with the little bundle wrapped in her arms.
“I’m sorry, I completely forgot that she was coming home today,” Hardy said.
“It’s fine. It’s not like I’ve been a huge part of the club for some time.”
She looked around the room and knew deep in her heart that this was what she’d missed. The Skulls wasn’t just a regular MC; they were a family. They cared for each other, loved one another.
Even Sunshine and Alex were here, embracing Tate.
Taking a deep breath, Rose rubbed at her chest. It hurt seeing them all happy and knowing she’d been her own worst enemy. This was her family.
“How’s it feeling, Grandpa?” Hardy asked.
She turned to see Tiny and Eva had joined them.
“Hardy, I will beat the ever loving shit out of you,” Tiny said. He turned to her. “Are you here because you want to be here?”
“Yes, I’m here because I want to be.”
“We’re pregnant,” Hardy said, gripping her shoulder.
“Congratulations,” Eva said, rushing toward her, and hugging her.
“We’ll be pregnant together,” Rose said, holding Eva close to her.
She had wanted a baby for the longest time, and now she was finally getting her wish. The only problem she faced was the fear that was constantly scaring her. What if she was a bad mother? What if her baby hated her? Could she handle being a mom?
They were all questions she’d not even considered years ago.
“I’ll have to take time and listen to you,” she said.
“I’ll talk you through it. We have to stick together.”
Rose chuckled, and for a split second, she really thought they could work.
****
“I won’t stick around,” Hardy said, closing the door behind him. He was no longer living in his home, but maybe when Rose started to trust him again, she’d give him the opportunity to live with her.
He’d fucked up once, and he wasn’t going to fuck up again.
“Fighter is going to be staying with you.” He followed her through to the living room. She’d been redecorating the whole of the house. Whenever he looked at the house he was aware that she’d tried to wipe all memory of him out of the house. Either that or she’d finally gotten the decorating bug. When it came to Rose he really didn’t know anymore.
“He doesn’t need to come and stay with me. Lots of women live by themselves while dealing with having a child.” She took a seat, kicking her shoes off.
He couldn’t help but admire the length of her body. Rose had filled out a little since they’d been separated. Her body was softer, fuller, and far more desirable than he ever imagined.
“I’m going to make you some hot chocolate.” He didn’t wait for her to dispute him, walking into the kitchen.
Reaching for the cupboard, he was surprised to see his hands shaking.
You’re going to be a father.
This is your chance.
For the past year he’d been trying to find any excuse to keep Rose by him. He’d cheated on her over ten years ago, and yet she was still keeping him at arms’ length. They would get past this. He wasn’t going to hold the pregnancy over her. It wasn’t in the same league as cheating, but he’d not lied to her. There hadn’t been another woman for him.
Fisting his hand, he closed his eyes, and tried to calm down his racing emotions. Tears filled his eyes, and his throat felt clogged as if he couldn’t breathe.
Moving to the door, he opened it up, and stared out at the yard. It was overgrown and needed a good mow.
Taking several deep breaths of fresh air, he finally calmed down enough to make her a drink.
“Are you okay?” Rose asked.
He turned to find her leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.
“I’m fine.”
“What is it?” She stepped into the room, moving toward him, and touching his head. He took hold of her wrist, and kissed the inside over her pulse.
“It’s nothing.”
“You’re worried?”
“Yes, I’m worried. I’ve always wanted us to have a baby. I always thought we’d have a kid when we were at a better place than we are now. We’re not at the right place right now. This is just surreal to me. I’m scared, Rose,” he said, going for honesty.
“What are you scared of?”
“Losing you. Losing our baby, losing this opportunity.” He pressed his hand against her stomach. There was no sign of her being pregnant, and he couldn’t wait to touch her when she was swollen with his kid. The truth was, he was terrified of losing Rose for good. Once she had their baby, where did he come into it? He needed to work his way back into her heart if he was ever going to have any chance of being in her life once again.
“We’re going to be okay,” Rose said. She cupped his cheek, and Hardy didn’t know what to say or to do. It seemed surreal to be having this moment with her. They’d been married for ten years, separated for another year, and now they were about to have a baby.
Pulling away from her, he kissed her ever so gently, and finished making her a hot chocolate.
“You really don’t have to do this,” she said.
“I want to do this. I can’t do much in life, but I can make you a hot chocolate.” He finished making her a hot chocolate, herding her toward the sitting room.
He arranged the pillows around her, and Rose giggled. “What are you doing?”
“I’m making you comfortable.”
When he heard Fighter’s bike pulling into the driveway, he stood away.
“Who’s that?” she asked.
“It’s Fighter. I’m going to head out.” He kissed her forehead. “Take care, Rose. I’ll be back to keep an eye on you.”
“You don’t have to go, Hardy.”
“I do. I have to go right now.” He smiled at her. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back. We’re still getting through a divorce, and I’m not going to try and push my luck.” The last thing he wanted to do was leave, but he wasn’t going to risk losing her by becoming overbearing. He’d fucked up so many times, and he wouldn’t risk messing up again.
Fighter knocked at the door, and Hardy went to open it.
“I’m here because she wanted me here,” he said, holding his hands up in surrender.
“I know. Congratulations, man. Tiny let us know that you were expecting.”
“Take care of her.” He shook Fighter’s hand then made his way out to his car. Climbing inside, he watched Fighter close the door.
It should be you in there.
Hardy hated the fact another man was taking care of his woman, but there wasn’t anything he could do to change what happened. The only thing he could do was make sure it was him that Rose wanted at the end of the day.
Driving back toward the clubhouse he parked the car, and found Lash standing outside, alone, and smoking.
“I didn’t know you smoked,” Hardy said.
In the last couple of weeks, Lash had been voted in as the club president after Tiny handed over the gavel to him. Lash was the best choice out of all of the men, even though he was younger than Hardy. Hardy wouldn’t ever want to have control of the club. He couldn’t even control his life right now, and the last thing he needed was the club looking toward him.
“I didn’t until now.”
“Angel know you smoke?”
“Yes, she doesn’t like it. Won’t let me kiss her after I’ve had one.” Lash dropped the cigarette on the floor and stomped on it to put it out.
Hardy chuckled as Lash pulled out some gum, sticking three pieces into his mouth. Next came the body spray. “Why bother smoking if you’ve got a little routine like that?”
“It eases the tension.”
“Yeah, how did the meet-and-greet go with the other MC presidents?” Hardy asked. He’d not gone along for the ride with Lash. Instead, Lash, Tiny, Killer, and Nash had all taken the trip. With Lash now the president of The Skulls, Killer had become the enforcer, the club protector. The man was like a fucking giant, and Hardy wouldn’t willingly go up against Killer in a fight. Anyone who did was insane. Hardy had seen how he’d thrown Zero and Butch around like rag dolls. Speaking of Butch, Hardy had not seen or heard from the brother since he’d been sent to Vegas.
“It was fine. There wasn’t any real conflict, and Tiny was there.” Lash rubbed at his temples. “I find it hard, you know? Tiny was the best damn thing that ever happened to the whole of Fort Wills, and now he has handed it over to me. I don’t know what to do about that.”
Fort Wills wasn’t always a good, clean, happy town. For the longest time it had been overrun by another club, The Darkness. They terrorized the locals, killed and raped men and women, without a care for the destruction they were causing. This was the place where Devil, the president of the Chaos Bleeds crew, once lived. Tiny, along with Alex, and several other men, had fought their way to claim back the town.
The Skulls had its good and bad days, but for the most part, it was all good.
“You’re going to do good, Lash,” Hardy said, slapping him on the back. “You’re not alone. You’ve got the whole club at your back, supporting you.”
“Really? Tiny didn’t exactly allow for a vote. How do I know you’re not looking for a reason to off me?”
Hardy laughed. “I’ve got too many problems of my own. I’m not going to kill you, and no brother has any plans to kill you. You’re the best candidate for the club. There’s no one who’ll give a shit as much as you.”
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