by Marie James
A fellow biker claps him on the shoulder. “You can’t get pissed that the kid schooled you today.”
“This is the clubhouse,” Kincaid explains when we walk into the wide open front room of the building we arrived at last night. “Looks a lot different now than it did when your mom was around.”
I remain silent, not wanting to know if, as club president, he took advantage of what my mom was offering while she was here.
“Knocked that wall out.” He points to the area to the left. “Still have rooms down the hall to the right. That’s where the guys outside stay.”
“Where was my mom’s room?”
His steps falter, but he turns and faces me like I’m a man and not a child. I can tell by the clouded look in his eyes that I’m not going to like what he has to say, so I steel my spine. “Darby didn’t exactly have a room. She, umm… she stayed in different rooms while she was here. Same as all of the other women. Khloe was the only female who had her own room for a while, and that was only because she was underage when she arrived.”
I nod, trying to act like the man he’s expecting me to be. “I understand.”
And I do. My mother was always a giving person, be it the shirt off of her back, the last piece of bread in the cabinet, her body to any man that smiled her way. Realization is painful, but it’s no less the truth because of the pain in my chest.
“It’s the same now?”
Kincaid chuckles, but I can tell he’s not laughing at me. I suspect he thinks I’m wondering about the women for personal use.
“There aren’t any women around much these days. Original members have gotten married and built their houses out back, like your d-, like Snatch… I mean like Jaxon and Rob have.”
I follow him as he heads into the surprisingly clean kitchen off to the right and accept a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Thanks.”
“Anytime,” he says with another smile.
“Back to your question. It’s not unheard of for one of the guys to bring a chick home, but they entertain in their rooms. We gather here sometimes. It’s the only place on the property big enough to house us all and summertime in New Mexico is brutal. We were having a Saturday lunch yesterday when you and your brother showed up.”
I appreciate the explanation, even more so since I don’t have to ask for information. I know he can tell I need it but would rather die than ask Jaxon.
“My girls Gigi and Ivy rarely come over here unless I’m here. Delilah keeps to herself mostly. The guys come over. Sam mostly. The younger kids tend to stick around the pool, especially this time of year.”
“There’s a pool?” I hadn’t seen one since showing up.
“Two actually. We have an indoor one. It’s in the building to the far right. That’s the one the kids use.” He points in the opposite direction as if I can see through walls. “The other one has a fence around it, but it’s for Cerberus members only.”
“Don’t want the dirty bikers around your kids?” I clarify.
He laughs. “Spot on, kid.” I frown even though I don’t think he’s using it in a derogatory way. “I have two teenage daughters, Lawson. Ivy, I don’t have to worry about so much. I’m sure she’ll find the love of her life at the library. Gigi?” He shakes his head. “She’s a handful. The more I can keep her away from the guys the less chance of me having to kill one of them.”
He narrows his eyes at me, and I don’t miss his warning. Gigi has to be the one that put on the show with her tanning oil yesterday.
“Hands off,” I say with a grin. “Got it.”
After a long chug from his own bottle of water, Kincaid speaks again. “Where were you headed just now?”
“I don’t have a fucking clue,” I confide.
“Strong language,” he chides.
“I’m a man,” I say standing from my leaning position against the counter.
“Men don’t run from their problems,” he counters. “Where were you running off to?”
“I—” I shake my head and clear my throat. “I was trying to cool off.”
“In the summer heat with a heavy duffel bag? You were sure to fail just because you were attempting the impossible.”
“I manage just fine,” I hiss.
He holds his hand up. “Calm down. Life is about preparation. You have to be prepared for everything.”
“I’ve managed this far,” I mutter. “I’m prepared for anything life can throw at me.”
“You’re wrong.” The soft tone of his voice makes me uncomfortable. “You’re prepared for the bad, the ugly. You’re prepared to survive things no man your age should be faced with.”
“Damn straight,” I agree.
“But.” He holds a finger up, pointing it to the ceiling for emphasis. “You’re nowhere near prepared to accept help from Jaxon and Rob. You’re not prepared to understand that even though none of us knew you existed until sixteen hours ago, every one of us is here for you.”
“I don’t—”
“You do,” he interrupts. “You do need us. Drew needs us. There’s no reason for you to fight every day, to scrape for food, to get arrested for just trying to survive.”
Silence falls over the room as his words sink in.
“Did Jaxon tell you about his own youth?” I narrow my eyes at him. “Of course not. With that chip on your shoulder, you wouldn’t have given him the time of day.”
I shake my head. Why? I’m not sure. I don’t want to listen to him, no matter how much sense he’s making.
“No shame in just going back over there.” He hitches his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the house I never wanted to enter in the first place.
I knew less than a minute after slamming the door that I wouldn’t be able to walk away from my brother. I was afraid that they would use him as a bargaining chip to control me, but it seems Drew has found his own voice. It makes me both irritated as hell, as well as proud he’s finally growing into his own person.
“Jaxon makes like twenty different pancakes. You don’t want to miss it.” He begins to walk away. Stopping at the threshold, he turns back. “Your father is one of the most loyal men I know. If he seems agitated, frustrated, or unhappy it’s because of the years he’s missed with you in his life. His anger is with your mother, where it belongs. Not one bit of it is because of you.”
My heart pounds a rhythm matching his boots as he heads back out the front door of the clubhouse, no doubt to do whatever it was he’d planned before finding me facing off with his members.
I don’t want to stay, but I’m terrified to leave. Cupping my head in my hands, I crouch on the floor, trying to clear my mind enough to make the right choice.
Chapter 8
Delilah
“This is so freaking awesome,” Drew says as his hands manipulate the controller in his hands.
“You ever play this one before?” Samson asks, not taking his eyes from the racing cars on the screen.
“Not this version. The one before this I played a little at a friend’s house last year.” He smiles wide. “But it wasn’t on a TV this damn big.”
“Makes all the difference,” I chime in even though I don’t play video games or have a clue about what’s better and what isn’t.
I want Drew to feel welcome in our home, and if I’m being honest with myself, I want the same for Lawson.
“So,” Drew begins, but pauses as if he’s thought better of what he was going to say.
“What’s up?” I go for nonchalant, but I wonder if he can hear the curiosity in my voice.
“Jaxon and Rob make Sunday breakfast every week?”
“Awesome, right?” Sam says before grumbling when his car spins out and crashes down a steep embankment on the screen. “Taco Tuesday is even more epic.”
“I wouldn’t call it Taco Tuesday,” I say.
Drew’s eyes turn over to mine. “No?”
Samson chuckles when I smile. “The kitchen pretty much turns into a Mexican rest
aurant. Tacos, fajitas, enchiladas, you name it, and we will probably have it.”
The look on Drew’s face is almost euphoric. “You like Mexican food, dude?”
Drew looks over at Sam and nods. “Love it, but if you guys are feasting every day how do you keep from getting fat.”
“Swimming,” I answer when Sam blurts, “Sex.”
I kick at him with my foot when Drew’s cheeks heat and turn pink in embarrassment.
“Don’t let him fool you, Drew.” I stick my tongue out at my sneering brother. “There’s not a girl in Farmington who will give him the time of day.”
Drew laughs as Sam’s scowl deepens. “Bullshit. Rachel is going to come around. You’ll see.”
“Of course she will,” I assure Samson when I realize I may have taken it too far. I’m not one to hurt people’s feelings just to get a laugh. “I think a serious love connection will happen at our birthday party.”
“When is your birth—?”
The front door opens, and we all fall silent as Lawson walks inside. He’s been gone for over an hour, but just as Drew predicted, he’s back. The blank look on his face and the fierceness in his eyes are still present, but I no longer feel the vibrations of anger rolling off his shoulders.
First, his eyes find his brother, and I commend him for his loyalty. When his eyes sweep to me, I feel his hot gaze like a physical thing. His blue stare rolls slowly over my bare feet, up my calves, and to the hem of my cutoff shorts. By the time they scroll over my stomach, I’m panting.
You’ll suck me off eventually.
Lips parting to accommodate my harsh breathing, I find that I can’t look away from him.
“Dude,” I register Samson saying from the other side of the room. “Quit eye-fucking my sister.”
Lawson’s eyes narrow, but he doesn’t say anything as he leaves the room, heading toward the stairs. I sag deeper into the couch as if him walking away was the relief I needed to have control over my own body again.
I look down at my eReader, but my fingers are trembling too much to type in the PIN to open the screen. Calming breaths help some, but each time I close my eyes to regain composure, I feel his hot eyes on my body again.
Clearing my throat, I turn and place my feet on the floor. The motion sends a ripple of awareness up my spine.
“Wanna go again?” I look over at Sam and find him pointing his controller at the screen.
“Umm.” Hesitation is in Drew’s voice as he swipes his eyes from Sam to the direction his brother disappeared. “I need to go talk to him.”
His voice cracks and I sit up straighter.
“Are you afraid of him? Will he hurt you?”
Drew gives his head a vehement shake. “Never. Lawson wouldn’t lay a hand on me in that way.”
He shudders and stands from his spot on the floor. Placing his controller on the low coffee table, he looks back at both of us. “My brother is an asshole on his best day, but he loves me. He’d never hurt me.”
“I didn’t,” I begin, but he cuts me off.
“He’s the only family I have. He’d protect me with his life.”
Before I can respond, he’s flying up the stairs.
“What was that about?” Samson mutters tossing his controller on the table with a clatter.
“Loyalty,” I whisper with my eyes on the empty staircase. “Family.”
“Well, I can tell you Drew is pretty cool until that asshole is around. He’s just dragging him down if you ask me.” Samson shifts and sits beside me on the couch.
“They’re a package deal,” I tell him.
“Too bad.” He scoops his phone up and activates the screen, sighing loudly when he doesn’t have any notifications. “Life would be much better if it were only Drew here.”
“How can you even say that?” I turn my eyes to his. “They’re brothers. Would life be better around here if I wasn’t in the picture?”
He shakes his head, frustrated. “This isn’t about you. Lawson is a grown man.”
“And? Next year when you hit eighteen, you just want to be thrown out?”
He rolls his eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying. My point is he doesn’t have to be here if he doesn’t want to be. I just get the feeling he’s going to make everyone’s life miserable on purpose.”
I remain silent because I’m pretty sure those are Lawson’s exact intentions.
“Have you talked to Dad?” I raise an eyebrow at him. “About the senior trip?”
“One, when have I had time in the last twenty-hours? Two, he’s already made up his mind.”
“If you get Pop on board, I don’t think it will take much to get him to agree.”
I shake my head. “Why do you keep worrying about it? You’ll get to go next year.”
“You can’t be serious.” He’s snarky. “Next year? That’s like a lifetime from now. Rachel could fall in love with someone else. This may be the only chance I get.”
He has to know that he doesn’t have a chance with Rachel right? Every guy she’s dated is a dark-haired, all-around bad boy. The girl loves danger, and she definitely has a type. Samson comes nowhere near it. After inserting herself into our lives at a few parties over the years, I realized that she comes in hopes of catching the eye of one of the Cerberus guys. High school boys are the last thing she’ll consider.
“Isn’t she dating Tristen?”
“For now,” he insists.
“And isn’t Tristen going on the senior trip?”
“That’s the rumor.” He frowns when I raise my eyebrow at him again. “The relationships never last very long.”
“Exactly.” He stares at me, clearly not connecting the dots. “What makes you think you will last longer?”
“I just,” he stares down at his hands, and I hate the vulnerability he’s showing while talking about a girl who wouldn’t even consider him a friend. “Things feel different with her.”
“I’m sorry.” I sympathize with him. I really do, but he needs to manage his expectations.
Wanting to hook up or date Rachel is a lofty goal. The equivalent would be me driving to Ireland with mapped-out plans to catch Jamie Dornan’s eye.
“If you agree to go, they will let me go.” A smile spreads across his face and makes his dimples pop out.
“You don’t know that. Dad is pretty set on you staying home this summer.”
“Only because they’ve cooked up all these dangers. Mexico isn’t all that bad.”
I glare at him. “Cooked them up? You’ve heard their stories. You’re well aware of the things Cerberus has done, the missions they still get called out on.”
“Girls get abducted. I’m in no danger,” he counters.
“Guys have been taken as well.” I sigh. “But you want me to come along and risk that chance?”
“You're ridiculous,” he huffs. “I’ll be there. You’d have nothing to worry about.”
“You’ll be following Rachel around like a lost puppy.”
“And?” He’s getting angrier which has happened all the times we’ve had this conversation over the last couple of weeks. “You’ll be in the hotel room, reading a damn book. You’ll be safe.”
“Right,” I say. “Your loser sister has no life.”
“You’re so fucking selfish.”
“Enough,” Dad says walking into the living room. I wonder how much of our conversation he’s heard.
I look up at him, smiling and relieved for the intervention.
Samson looks up at Dad with resolve in his eyes.
“You don’t have the money to go on the senior trip, so there’s no point in even arguing about it.”
“We have plenty of money,” Sam counters.
“I have money,” Dad corrects. “You’ve done nothing but sit on your ass all summer.”
I do my best to hide the smile I feel tugging at my lips.
“But if I come up with the money, I can go?” Hope fills my brother’s voice. We both know Dad is changing his mind,
and he’s elated.
“And how do you plan to do that?” Dad looks at him, waiting for a response.
“I’ll do anything. Pick up cans, work in the shop. I’ll sell plasma if it means I can go.”
I shove his shoulder. “You’re not old enough to sell plasma.”
Dad laughs at Samson’s eagerness. “Well? No time like the present.”
Samson is on his feet and out of the room so fast he doesn’t even realize he’s left his cell phone on the cushion where he was sitting.
We both laugh as he hightails it out of the room.
“How are you, baby girl?” Dad brushes his lips across my forehead. “I hope the drama that unfolded this morning hasn’t upset you.”
“I’m good, Dad. Worried about them.” I see nothing but compassion in his eyes. Why can’t Lawson see that he’s a good man and only wants to help? “They seem to have had a rough start.”
“I imagine they have,” he agrees. “We’ll do anything we can to help them, but you may want to stay away from Lawson. He seems the type to self-destruct. I don’t want you in the middle of that.”
“Yes, sir,” I say as his phone starts to ring.
He pulls it from his jeans pocket and looks down at the screen. “I have to take this.”
I nod, watching his back as he walks out of the room.
“Blade, tell me how bad it is.”
I figure the conversation is about the boys upstairs, but he walks out the back door, and I’m unable to get the full scoop.
Chapter 9
Lawson
“So you decided to stay?” Drew asks as he closes the door to the bedroom.
I brood, knowing it’s not his fault, but feeling pissed off regardless.
“I couldn’t leave you, could I?”
He gives me a small smile.
“I wasn’t choosing them over you,” he says softly. “I was choosing me over the unknown. If there’s a chance for me to have a different life than the one we’ve had, I feel like I need to jump at that opportunity.”
I bristle, knowing I’ve done the best I fucking can for the both of us.
“Sorry for providing such a shitty life, man.”
I turn my back to him. The view outside, although empty, is better than seeing the disappointment he has for me in his eyes.