by Marie James
“We’re going to clean the kennels, then we’ll walk the dogs and pet the kitties.”
“You’re going to help me clean kennels?” I raise a skeptical eyebrow at her as she pulls down two sets of coveralls.
A smile plays at the corner of her mouth. “Don’t make assumptions about me. It’s rude.”
“Touché,” I mutter.
We dress in the coveralls in companionable silence and then get to work on cleaning.
“I passed my test,” I confide as we strip out of the soiled coveralls. “All I have left now is wrapping up my community service this week.”
“I bet that’s a huge relief.”
“The biggest,” I agree. “I feel lighter. Like I can get on with my life. Make plans for the future.”
I hand her a bundle of three leashes and grab the same amount for me.
“What kind of plans?”
I follow her to the kennels all the way at the end. We’ll start there and work our way back.
I chuckle. “Couldn’t honestly tell you. I’ll start in the garage today. Jaxon made me wait until the test was over. He wanted me to study for the test, but it’s one of those things that if you don’t know it, spending a couple hours a day for a week isn’t going to do much good.”
“You spent those hours in your room,” she says as she clips a leash to the collar of a black dog.
“Yep,” I say with a pop of my lips.
“But not studying? Were you hiding out from everyone?”
“At first, but then after a while, I would just lie in bed and think about where I’m heading.” She smiles waiting for me to expand. “Don’t give me that look. I haven’t figured shit out.”
“College?”
I shake my head. “I’m not really a classroom kind of guy.”
We make our way to the second set of kennels so I can leash my three dogs. She remains silent, but I can tell from the mood surrounding her that she has plenty to say.
“Out with it,” I say nudging her shoulder with mine as we begin to make our way across the field.
“It’s just…” She looks off into the distance. “I don’t want to sound naggy, but you need goals or something to work toward.”
“I know.” Her telling me this doesn’t cause the same agitation as it would if it was Jaxon or Rob. “I think a mechanic would suit me well. Bikes, cars, that sort of thing.”
“To be a legit mechanic, you’ll have to go to school.”
“Yeah,” I shrug. “But it’s mainly hands-on experience. I can deal with that. I just have no interest in taking government and history.”
“The History of the Harley?” she offers.
“Now that I can get behind.”
The dogs bounce around, not having been walked by Delilah since Friday. I’d be anxious and full of energy if I had to go two full days without her, so I understand their eagerness.
When we finally have the last of the animals back in their kennels, fed and watered, we make our way to the supply closet to rehang the leashes.
With her back to me, I wrap my arms all the way around her, enjoying the way she relaxes into me.
“I hate that things were so hectic yesterday.” My breath whispers past the hairs that have escaped her ponytail. “It’s been over twenty-four hours since I’ve tasted your lips.”
“There you go with my mouth again,” she says with a sigh, but I can tell she’s not agitated by it. If anything, her breathless words reflect the same need I feel.
Turning her in my arms, I look down at her.
“Not just your mouth,” I vow against the soft spot below her ear.
Her head tilts, giving my mouth unfettered access to the delicate column of her neck.
“Every inch of you.” My hands find the break in the fabric between her tank top and the top band of her jeans. The coolness of her sweat-misted skin is almost more than I can bear.
My mouth seeks hers. When she whimpers at the kiss, I press against her more.
“Dana is going to catch us,” she pants against my swollen lips.
I grin and close my mouth over hers again. The world could implode around us, and it still wouldn’t be enough to pull me away from her.
As much as I hate it, the soft push against my chest by her small hands is enough to make me back away. I want this girl more than anything on this earth, but she’s calling the shots. If things are too heavy for her, if she’s pumping the brakes, all I can do is wait until she’s ready for everything I want to give her.
And I want to give Delilah Donovan the world.
“It’s time to go home.” Her breathless warning skates across my mouth, drawing my eyes to the pink of her lips.
I take a step back, my hand reaching up to cup her at the nape.
“Would you throw me out if I snuck into your room tonight?”
I see the war in her eyes as if she wants me there but being able to resist her temptations isn’t something she can handle. Her gaze drops to my chin and I miss the gorgeous beauty of her eyes the second they fall away.
“I’ll never push you, never pressure you. I’ll never expect more than you’re willing to give me.”
She takes a step back, her back meeting with the rough wood of the outdoor supply building. “My head doesn’t work like normal when I’m around you.”
“Likewise, Princess.” I clasp her hand in mine, uncaring of who sees us walking together to her car.
She’s not some dirty secret, some fling I don’t want to be questioned about in case things don’t work out. She doesn’t seem to mind either and only releases my hand long enough to climb behind the driver’s seat. Our hands are joined once more after we settle inside and get our seatbelts in place.
“Are you excited about working in the shop this afternoon?”
“More than I probably should be.”
“I heard Scooter and Rocker talking about you the other day.”
“Really?” I frown. Showing Scooter up with the bike tire my first day here probably didn’t make me a friend in his eyes. “I bet they hate me.”
She shakes her head and uses our joined hands to put the car in drive. “They were impressed. I know Diego is impressed with your skill level. He wouldn’t allow you in the shop if he didn’t think you could handle it.”
“The vote of confidence is a huge ego boost. I still have lots to learn,” I add.
“Make sure you talk to Dad about mechanic school. He knows people all over, and I know he’d love to get you hooked up with someone to make your dreams come true.”
“We’ll see,” I tell her with non-committal wariness.
If only for being the catalyst to meet Delilah, I feel like I owe him everything. I don’t know how much more I can give the man without handing over my soul.
Chapter 20
Delilah
“You’re hiding,” my brother says after the quick knock on my door and enters without me answering.
“You could wait for me to invite you in,” I scold as he walks up and sits on the end of my bed.
I shouldn’t be snippy with him, but it’s the only way to get out my agitation that it’s Samson and not Lawson coming in here.
“I feel like we haven’t talked in forever.” Falling to his back on my bed, he stares up at the ceiling.
I put my novel on my bedside table, shift my body, and lie down beside him.
“We won’t ever see each other in a week after football practice starts,” I tell him.
He sighs. “I don’t even know if I’m going to play this year.”
I shake my head, confused. “You’ve played every year since you were five, Samson. Of course, you’re going to play your senior year.”
“Kennedy thinks it’s dumb.”
“Kennedy is dumb for thinking that.” I pause when he stiffens beside me. “Okay, maybe she isn’t dumb for thinking it, but she sure as hell shouldn’t try to change you.”
He grunts but doesn’t reply.
“So,” I begi
n. “About Rachel.”
“What about her?” He doesn’t pull his eyes from the ceiling, staring as if it holds the answers to the universe.
“You’ve switched your focus.” Not a question. It’s obvious now with his attention on Kennedy. “Does that mean you’re not upset with Lawson anymore?”
He grunts again, and I wait in silence, knowing he’ll respond if I fill the room with awkward silence. The wait isn’t long, and I hate that because it means he’s still fired up about Lawson’s mistake in the kitchen last week.
“It’s like he’s purposely trying to destroy us.”
“I don’t see things that way,” I defend.
“Well, you’re obsessed with him, so I wouldn’t expect you to be on my side.”
I recoil at his view of the situation. “I’m not obsessed with him.” I totally am, but not for the reasons he thinks. “He made a mistake.”
I’m hesitant to explain to him the man I know, the man that Lawson is around me when no one else is around, but with the attitude my brother is tossing my way I know the outcome won’t be him understanding but using my feelings for Lawson against me. Samson has such strong opinions about the situation, there’s no way to change his mind.
“He’s a calculating asshole,” he mutters. “And you’re all cozy with him.”
“He has community service to finish,” I explain. “Dad set that up, not me.”
“You didn’t object.”
“Do I ever object to anything Dad tells me to do?”
Another grunt.
“He’s not a bad guy. He’s done what Dad told him to do and is staying away from Rachel.”
His eyes close, the corners crinkling with agitation.
“Only because the damage has been done.”
No, because he never wanted her and his fixation is on a different blonde-haired girl.
“What’s he got planned next?” he asks. “Is he going to start sneaking in here, trying to fuck you, too?”
I stiffen beside him, my body responding to his words before I can stop it.
“What?” He turns his head in my direction. “Has he already started?”
“No,” I answer with incredulity. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
My voice breaks, causing his eyes to narrow. He can always tell when I’m lying.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“There’s nothing to tell,” I lie. “We don’t even talk. We go separate ways at the animal shelter. He cleans up shit, and I walk dogs and play with the cats. Besides, his last day was today.”
I’m going to miss our time together, but he’d mentioned still going to the animal shelter to help a few days a week. Dana likes having some muscle around for the heavy lifting. I love watching his muscles bunch under his t-shirt, and I lose my breath when he gets so hot he pulls it off to wipe sweat from his face. My cheeks flush, but I refuse to look away from Samson.
He studies my face, and his scrutiny makes tears burn the backs of my eyes. I’m upset that he would hate me if he knew about the private moments Lawson and I shared. I’m hurt that the feelings I have for him have to be kept secret. I hate that I can’t profess how I feel and have everyone around me be happy.
“You’d tell me if he tried anything, right?”
“Of course.” Another lie. “He won’t though. He seems pretty focused on getting done with probation and maybe going to school to be a mechanic.”
I realize my mistake the second the words are out of my mouth.
“Don’t talk, huh?”
I shrug. “I mean. Sometimes we chat to and from the shelter, but nothing like what you’re thinking.”
He turns his eyes back toward the ceiling. I know he knows I’m lying, but it’s still not enough to lay it all out and confess the things I so desperately want him to hear and be okay with hearing.
“I texted Rachel,” he says after several long minutes.
“Since the party?”
“Yeah. She told me she doesn’t date boys.” I watch him as his left eye twitches. “She implied that Lawson was a man and she didn’t have time to waste on me.”
“That’s Rachel’s hang-up. I don’t think it’s an honest reflection of who you are.”
“He’s only two years older than us,” he spits. “And he’s a fucking criminal.”
“Hey,” I chide. “That’s not fair. He did what he thought was best while taking care of Drew while his mom partied all the time. She didn’t care that she was supposed to be raising two boys. He had to be the man of the house, and that led to some decisions he now regrets. He didn’t see any other way out.”
Samson’s huff as he gets off of the bed makes my skin crawl.
“Sure do know a lot from just chatting.”
I flinch when the door slams shut behind him. Calming breaths don’t help to ease the tremble in my fingers. I wish I had a Magic 8 Ball. Looking into my future, knowing how Dad and Pop would respond to the news of what Lawson and I are building, would be amazing. Living in fear that Samson will say something, and they hate me for it is my worst nightmare.
I need someone to talk to, but confiding in Ivy is tricky when Gigi seems to find out everything we say. I know being honest is best, but the fallout could be monumental, disastrous even. Dad and Pop could insist we stop, which would be impossible. They’d know how hard it would be and could make him leave. Distance from him is the last thing I want. Being separated from Drew isn’t an option, and I could never put myself between Lawson and his brother.
“It’s just a stupid crush,” I mumble to myself.
The tears rolling down my cheeks tell a different story.
He’s forbidden, so that makes him more appealing.
I can stop what we’ve been doing. Lie.
I can go back to ignoring him, wanting him in private without him even knowing I’m hurting to touch him. Lie.
I can get over him as quickly as I became attracted to him. Lie
Destroying my family is worth my temporary happiness. I waver on this one. I’m not a martyr, but the pain I could potentially cause those I care for isn’t something I can handle as easily as suffering in silence.
Determined, mind made up, I head downstairs.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Dad says with a quick kiss on my forehead.
I fall unceremoniously into a chair at the breakfast table.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as he pulls the lid from the saucepan and stirs its contents.
“Not feeling so well.”
Seeing Lawson today while my decision is so fresh will only have me doubting it. I have to create distance between us, even if it means pretending to be sick and missing supper. My stomach growls at the thought, and the amazing aroma of alfredo sauce only makes it worse.
“Hungry?”
“No. I can’t even think about eating.”
“About to start? You always get like this around that time.”
I groan. “Seriously, Dad? I’m not talking to you about my cycle.”
He shrugs.
I want to tell him. The words are right on the tip of my tongue, but a cheer from Drew as he plays Xbox makes my mouth snap shut.
“I think I’m going to skip dinner and go to bed early.”
He replaces the lid and drops the spatula on the spoon rest. He walks across the room, his warm lips meeting my forehead. I nearly cave again.
“You don’t feel warm.”
He pulls back, studying my face with hands cupped on both cheeks.
“I think I got too hot at the shelter today. New Mexico summers suck.”
He releases me, believing my lies and takes a step back.
“Well you only have one more, then you have the choice of whether you want to stay in Rhode Island or come home to visit.”
The reminder about college helps. It keeps me focused, and forces me to focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. A couple of kisses and a few kind words isn’t enough to take the chance of ruining a family.
I
don’t feel like what Lawson and I are feeling for each other is wrong, but my opinions aren’t the only ones to consider.
“Get some rest, sweetheart.” He heads back to the cabinet to pull out pasta. “Maybe consider missing tomorrow at the shelter.”
“Night, Dad.”
I head up the stairs, thankful I have a few snacks up there. Maybe once everyone is asleep, I’ll sneak down and grab some leftovers.
Avoiding Lawson may be easier than I thought. I lock my bedroom door behind me and settle in for a long, boring night alone.
Chapter 21
Lawson
“Damn, you’re quick.”
I find myself at ease with Jaxon’s fatherly clap on my shoulder.
“Quick?” Diego snorts from the other side of the garage. “The boy’s a natural around these machines.”
“He sure as hell didn’t leave much work for tomorrow,” Shadow adds.
I frown. Knowing I need more work to pay Jaxon back, but going slow just for the sake of wasting time isn’t something I’ll do either.
“There’s plenty more where that came from,” Diego says with a nod before walking out of the garage.
“Not easy to impress Prez,” Shadow says with a quick nod before heading out of the garage.
“Not easy to impress Shadow either,” Jaxon says in a low voice. “Finished up community service this morning. GED test is taken and passed. Fees are paid. You’re finished.”
“Not yet,” I mutter, sure there are still hoops to jump through.
“Sign this,” he says pulling a small stack of rolled paper from his back pocket.
I look down, recognizing the probation discharge from Navajo County. The PO back in Texas had shown it to me when I was first placed at the boot camp.
“Your light at the end of the tunnel,” he’d told me. “Something to work toward.”
I take the pen he offers. “I’ll FedEx it to them, and they’ll send official copies signed by the judge no later than two weeks from now.”
I sign and hand it back to him. He signs it and puts it back in his pocket.
“Relieved?” He slaps me on the back again.
“More than you could ever know,” I confess.
He shakes his head. “I know exactly how it feels to cut those kinds of chains off.”