by Beth Wiseman
“Ya. And if you’re going to worry about anyone stealing Sadie away, you better worry about him.”
Jonas grunted. “At least he’s Old Order. Sadie wouldn’t be veering from her faith and facing a shunning.”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Lillian said. But something in Lillian’s tone made Lizzie suspect that maybe there was something to fear.
“Irma Rose, pass those rolls over here, can ya, please?”
Lizzie took a deep breath. Sarah Jane reached over and clutched Lizzie’s free hand as she looked at her father. “Pop, this is Lizzie,” she said in a firm voice.
Jonas looked up and seemed to realize what he’d done. “I’m sorry, Lizzie,” he said, regret in his voice. And then he kept staring at her.
Lizzie grasped her spoon extra tight and said, “It’s all right, Jonas.”
But Jonas didn’t look all right. His gaze lowered, as did his voice. “No, it’s not all right,” he said.
Everyone was quiet again for a few moments, and Lizzie knew she was trembling. It happened when her nerves got the best of her.
But then Lillian began to talk about her visit at the doctor’s office, the mood lightened, and they all finished supper without incident. When it was time for Jonas to take Lizzie home, each one of his family hugged her neck and thanked her for coming. Given the circumstances, she figured things had gone rather well.
Jonas was quiet on the drive home.
“Danki for having me to supper with your family, Jonas,” Lizzie said.
He nodded as he turned onto Lizzie’s driveway, but he said nothing. Something was terribly wrong. Maybe it was a bad idea to have supper where he’d dined with Irma Rose for most of his life. Or perhaps she was being her normal worrisome self. She sat up a little taller. “Will I be seeing you for chess tomorrow? I think we have a rematch to play.” She offered him a hopeful smile.
Jonas didn’t answer and pulled the buggy to a stop. “Whoa, Jessie.”
Lizzie fought the tears building in the corners of her eyes, and her heart was thumping madly. Please, Jonas. No.
Jonas hung his head. “Lizzie . . .” He gazed in her direction, and even in the darkness, his eyes told the tale. “Let’s get you in out of this cold, and we’ll talk inside.”
He walked around to her side of the buggy and helped her down. And as she’d done before, she locked her arm in his and they headed up the porch steps. Lizzie held on extra tight.
“A game of chess before you go?” She tried to sound as cheerful as possible, even though her heart was breaking.
Jonas’s eyes narrowed as he walked Lizzie to the bench at her kitchen table and motioned for her to sit down. He took a seat beside her.
“You don’t have to say anything, Jonas.” Lizzie lowered her eyes.
Jonas reached over and held her hand. With his other hand, he lifted her chin and gently turned her face toward him. “Lizzie, you are a special woman. A gut woman.” She began to cry, and Jonas brushed away a tear with his thumb. “But I can’t do this.”
Lizzie pulled her hand from his and wept into her palms, not wanting him to see her like this, but unable to control the grief of not having him in her life.
Jonas stood up. “I’m sorry, Lizzie. I’ve only loved one woman. And it might be my silly way of thinking, but I feel like I’m betraying Irma Rose. I’m sorry. I think it’d be best if I not be comin’ around anymore like this, and—”
“No, Jonas.” She cried harder. “Please don’t do this. We’ve enjoyed each other’s company so. Surely, we can continue on in a friendly manner. We can still play chess, and you can still be my huggy bear, and—”
“Good-bye, Lizzie.”
Lizzie followed him onto the front porch. “Jonas?”
He stopped, and then slowly turned around. “Ya?”
Lizzie wiped her eyes and caught her breath. “You can always come back, huggy bear.”
He gave a sympathetic smile, and then he was gone.
Lizzie clutched her sides and wept, watching until he was out of sight
Kade dressed Tyler the next morning and indulged his son by letting him lick the bowl clean of the tapioca pudding. “That might be all the pudding we have for a while,” he said to Tyler. But then added, “Until I get things fixed with Sadie.”
He’d had a sleepless night. Sadie’s tearful face, her pleading eyes. He couldn’t let her leave for Texas, not like this, anyway, with so much unsaid. It was a mess, and he wasn’t sure how he was going to fix things, but her leaving because he forced her to go didn’t seem to be the answer.
“Let’s go, buddy.” He helped Tyler get his warm clothes on, although it was a sunny day outside. Maybe they would be able to shed some of this winter gear later this morning.
First stop, a flower boutique. It had been a long time since he’d given a woman flowers, but it was the thing to do when you’d made one cry. “Let’s go get Miss Sadie some flowers. What do you think about that?”
“Love Sadie.” Tyler smiled.
“Me too, buddy. Me too.”
Kade pulled his car out of the barn for the first time since the blizzard, and he found a flower shop on Lincoln Highway.
He knew that extravagant would not impress Sadie. Quality of the bloom itself would. He had heard her talk more than once about how the Amish prided themselves for toiling the land and producing quality products. Roses. Elegant and traditional. He chose two dozen, realizing when he left that a dozen might have been more appropriate. “We’ll just say a dozen of them are from you,” he told Tyler.
His son had behaved so well in the flower shop, Kade decided to stop at the bakery and reward the boy with a whoopie pie.
“Tyler, you do realize that you won’t always be able to eat tapioca pudding and whoopie pies, right?” Kade smiled. Tyler shoved the last bite in his mouth, and then grinned back at his father.
“Let’s head to Sadie’s and see if we can fix things somehow.”
It was close to lunchtime when Kade pulled into Sadie’s driveway. He wasn’t sure if she’d be at her shop again today. Even when it wasn’t a scheduled day to work, the ladies seemed to gather there. Kade would stop there on the way to the farmhouse.
“Hello, Kade,” Lillian said when he and Tyler walked in. “Is everything all right?”
“Yeah. I was looking for Sadie. I figured I’d stop here on the way to the house.”
“Actually, she told me to help you with anything you might need while she’s away.”
Kade took a step forward. “What do you mean, away? ”
Lillian set aside some sort of knitting project she was working on. Her eyes grew serious. “Kade, she left for Texas this morning with Milo.”
Despair gnawed at Kade’s heart. “For how long?”
“I don’t know. Possibly a few weeks. Maybe longer.” Lillian didn’t seem surprised by Kade’s reaction to the news.
“I thought she wasn’t leaving until Saturday. Why’d she leave today?”
Lillian’s questioning eyes met with Kade’s. “You tell me.”
Kade realized that Sadie must have confided in Lillian, but he was unsure how much she knew, and he didn’t want to get Sadie in any trouble with her friend. “I’m guessing maybe she was upset with me?” Kade posed the question as if he might already know the answer.
“This is an opportunity for her to find happiness, Kade,” Lillian said. “I don’t want Sadie to leave here. She’s my best friend. But I want her to be happy.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed heavily. “That’s exactly why I told her to go.”
“I am sensing that was hard for you to do.”
“How much did she tell you?”
“Enough.”
Kade needed a spark of hope. “Can you maybe throw me a bone, here? I mean, does she care about me in the least?”
Lillian smiled. “I think you know the answer to that.”
Tyler walked up to Lillian and touched her on the leg.
“Well, hello there, Tyler,” she said.
“Kade loves Sadie.” He smiled broadly.
“Wait! No. I mean, I never said that,” Kade said. He turned to Tyler. “Tyler, why did you say that?” Then Kade remembered—Tyler had told him earlier that he loved Sadie, and Kade had said, “Me too, buddy.” He couldn’t make his child out to be a liar. “Okay, I might have sort of said it.”
Lillian cocked her head to one side. “And how does one sort of say it?”
Kade put his hands on his hips, paced around the room. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You did do the right thing,” Lillian said.
“Then why do I feel so crummy?”
“Kade, what did you think would happen if feelings continued to develop between the two of you? That Sadie would leave everything she loves, her friends, her family, and travel to a life that is foreign to her?”
“Didn’t she just do that?” He was sure his hurt shone through in his sarcastic tone.
“You know what I mean. Or, even a further stretch, were you willing to give up all you know to be a part of Sadie’s life here? If the answer to both those questions is no, then you did the right thing by letting go of Sadie, no matter your feelings for her.”
Lillian was right. It was the reason Kade told Sadie to go to Texas in the first place. He just didn’t realize it was going to hurt so much. “You’re right.” He had no one to blame for his defeat but himself. A knot churned his stomach.
“But if there is anything you need, one of us is here at the shop during the day. I’m filling in for Mary Ellen today, as she has a sick child. We mix things up a bit, but one of us will be here—short of a blizzard.” Lillian smiled.
The only thing Kade needed was Sadie.
“Thanks,” he said. He motioned Tyler toward the door.
“What do you mean you won’t be seeing Lizzie anymore?” Sarah Jane asked her father over lunch a few days later. “I thought the two of you enjoyed each other’s company, enjoyed playing chess together.”
“Ya, we did.” Jonas opened the Budget and scanned the pages. It didn’t appear that he felt the subject warranted further conversation, but Sarah Jane suspected it did.
“What happened, Pop?” She folded the kitchen towel over her arm and stood beside her father, who was seated at the kitchen table.
He peered above the paper and cut his eyes in her direction. “I reckon this is not conversation for a father to be havin’ with his daughter.”
Sarah Jane chuckled. “Pop, I’m a middle-aged woman, not a child. And you sure did seem happy when you were spending time with Lizzie.” She paused and recalled the way Lizzie gazed at Jonas during supper the other night. “And Lizzie sure is crazy about you.”
Jonas folded the newspaper, blew out a breath of frustration, and looked up at Sarah Jane. “Lizzie is a gut woman. But it seems rather silly to be courtin’ at my age.” He took a sip of the sweet tea Sarah Jane had prepared for him.
“Why? Why is that silly, Pop? I think you should do whatever makes you happy.” She walked to the counter and finished preparing a turkey sandwich for him. When he didn’t answer, she took him the sandwich, then took a seat across from him. “Why is it silly, Pop?” she asked again.
Jonas took a big bite, chewed it, and thought over his response. “She’s not my Irma Rose. Sometimes I might think she is.” His face twisted into a scowl. “I know I get a bit confused sometimes, and I reckon it ain’t fair to Lizzie.” Her pop held his head high. “I’ve only loved one woman, Sarah Jane. My Irma Rose. Your mamm.”
“Pop, I know how much you loved Mamm. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be happy with someone else too. I think Mamm would want that, and she thought the world of Lizzie. It just makes me sad, because the two of you seem to get along so well.”
He took another bite of his sandwich, mulled it over some more. Then he swallowed and shook his head. “Something ’bout seeing Lizzie sitting there in Irma Rose’s chair just—”
Sarah Jane reached over and touched her father’s hand. “Go on,” she said.
“It didn’t seem right, I reckon. And it can’t be gut that sometimes I think Lizzie is Irma Rose.” Jonas pushed back his plate, half a sandwich still left. “I choose not to talk about this anymore, Sarah Jane.”
She was clear on the rules. When the man of the house said a topic was not up for discussion, it was not to be debated. But Sarah Jane had spent a large part of her life living with the Englisch, and she tended to push when she shouldn’t. “All I’m saying, Pop, is that—”
Jonas spun around. “Sarah Jane, did you not hear me?”
“Ya, Pop.” His face was fire red, and Sarah Jane didn’t want his blood pressure to get any higher. Between her father’s cancer and the onset of Alzheimer’s, they had enough to deal with. Maybe there would be a better time to talk about this, when her father wasn’t feeling so sensitive. He’d been sulking for the past several days.
“I’m gonna go over to Sadie’s place, check on that Englisch fella. He oughta not even be left alone out there. Might steal everything Sadie’s got.” Jonas put on his straw hat and grabbed his long, black coat from the rack.
Sarah Jane grinned. “Pop. Surely you’re not serious. That man is filthy rich. He’s not going to steal anything from Sadie. That’s ridiculous.” She cleared the plates from the table.
Jonas grumbled, and Sarah Jane couldn’t make out what he said. “What?” she asked.
“I said I think I heard the word filthy in there somewhere.” He pulled his coat tight. “I’ll be back later, Lilly.”
Sarah Jane watched him walk out the door and hoped he would be safe in the buggy, realizing he had just called her Lilly.
Jonas headed down Black Horse Road toward Sadie’s place. He slowed down and hesitated at Lizzie’s driveway. She’d been pretty torn up when he last saw her, and the vision haunted him. But he sped up again and passed her house. No good could come of his spending time with Lizzie. Jonas was sure she wanted to marry him, and that was something he wasn’t about to consider. Irma Rose would be throwing stones at him from heaven.
But he couldn’t help but wonder how Lizzie was and what she might be up to right now.
Jonas pushed the thoughts about Lizzie aside and turned into Sadie’s driveway. He stepped out of the buggy onto the packed snow, glad the sun was out and warming things up a bit. Jonas knocked on the door of the cottage.
To his surprise, a small person answered. A cute youngster. Must be the slow child he’d heard the others talking about. “Hello. Where is your pop?” Jonas asked.
“Pop, pop, pop!” the boy yelled, but he didn’t move from the door. “Pop, pop, pop!”
Jonas couldn’t help but grin. The young lad was beaming and cute as he could be.
He heard footsteps approaching and saw the Englischer coming up behind his son.
“Jonas.” The fella looked surprised, ran his hand nervously through his hair. “What brings you here?” Then he looked down at the boy. “Did you meet Tyler? Tyler, this is Mr. Jonas.”
“Just Jonas will be fine,” he said. “Hello, Tyler.” He tipped his hat in the child’s direction. “I’m just checkin’ on you.” Jonas lifted his chin, eyed the Englischer. “Why are you still here? I understand the boy’s mother passed. Don’t you need to be gettin’ back to the city?”
“I probably do.” Kade shrugged. “But I’m not ready to face my life back there, plus I told Sadie I’d take care of things around here while she’s gone, which reminds me . . .” He put his hands on his hips. “Her friend forgot to show me how to take care of these animals.”
“Ach, you mean Milo, her future husband?” Jonas asked. Then he laughed. “I reckon to venture that you don’t know a thing ’bout tending to Sadie’s animals.”
“I don’t believe I’ve heard anyone say that Milo is her future husband.”
Jonas was enjoying the Englischer’s irritation, which he knew was wrong in God’s eyes. But
he couldn’t help himself. “They’ll be wed soon enough, I reckon.”
“Whatever.” Kade rolled his eyes. Jonas grinned. “Is there something you need, Jonas? Tyler, why don’t you go play with your letters.” Kade motioned for Tyler to step into the house, and the boy did so.
Jonas pushed back the rim of his hat. “Just checkin’ on things.” He paused, then sighed. “But I reckon since I’m here, I’d best show you how to tend to Sadie’s animals since you said you’d take care of that, which was probably a silly thing to do.”
“It can’t be that hard. Let me throw on my shoes and coat, and get Tyler dressed. We’ll be right back.” He paused at the door. “Do you want to come in, out of the cold?”
Jonas shook his head. “I’m plenty fine right here.”
“Okay.” Kade closed the door.
It just didn’t make no sense to him why the Englischer didn’t go back to where he came from, unless he had some pretty strong feelings for Sadie. After a couple of minutes, Kade and the boy were back.
“Come on, Tyler.” Kade escorted Tyler through the doorway and closed the door behind him. “We’re ready.”
When they got to the barn, the boy’s eyes lit up at the sight of Sadie’s two horses. He ran to the stall and climbed up on the first notch of the gate.
“You like the horses?” Jonas asked. He patted the boy on the head. The child jerked away from him like Jonas had hurt him.
“He doesn’t like to be touched,” Kade said. “Well, I mean, he does. He likes to be hugged, but he sort of lets us know. He doesn’t like to be touched otherwise.”
Jonas nodded, although he wasn’t sure he understood what Kade meant by that. “This here is Sugar, and that one is Spice. Silliest names I’ve ever heard for horses.” Jonas shook his head.
“Sugar!” the boy echoed enthusiastically. Jonas couldn’t get over what a handsome youngster he was. He had to admit, if he was fair, the boy did get his looks from his father.
“They like to have their noses scratched. See here.” Jonas showed the boy how to scratch Sugar’s nose, then Spice’s. Then he walked around the barn and showed Kade where everything was kept. Feed, supplies to clean the stalls, horse grooming brushes. “You’ll be needin’ to tend to the pigs as well.” Jonas stopped and studied Kade’s fancy clothes. “You gonna be able to handle all this?”