by Tracy Lee
"Do you know what you are going to put your father through for this lil stunt young lady? I told you Maxwell we should've put her in that boarding school years ago…she would've learned manners and respect then. I swear to that sweet, little baby Jesus in the manger that you have put your daddy through so much shit, he's probably on the verge of a heart attack…is that what you want, lil girl? You want your daddy buried right there next to your momma out in Oakland Heights Cemetery?"
"That's enough Mona!!" My father bellowed "How dare you talk to her right now like that. I don't know what the fuck you are thinking but you better back-track it real quick!"
Mona jolted back like she'd been hit by lightning. "Baby doll…I'm just thinkin of you, Sweetheart. I don't want you to over exert yourself. You know what stress can do to a body."
"Go home Mona, I'll have one of the attending drop me off later."
"But Suga-Britches-"
"NO! Just go!"
"Maxwell" she whispered.
"See you at home, Mona!"
The combination of Mona's mumbling and her shoes clickety-clacking made me realize that what she said was all true. I had been nothing but an irresponsible brat that more than likely did drive my daddy to the nuthouse, he just wouldn't get out of the car. I knew that whatever my decision was going to be, I was going to be alone and I would have to be ok with that.
"Daddy…" I said, closing my eyes and still resting my head against his chest. God I could smell his cologne and it would bring me back to when I was a kid again. I was still enjoying the feel of my dad pushing the hair out of my face.
"Yeah, Darlin.'"
"We can't tell anyone about this…ok? Aaannnddd you have to do whatever you have to do to make sure that Mona doesn't say a word."
"Baby, Trevor deserves to-"
"NO!!! He deserves to go to school and do what he's planned to do. He does not find out about this!"
"Elleny!"
"I know what I have to do, daddy."
Sitting up in the bed on the second floor of Richland Memorial hospital, I had made up my mind and I was sticking to it.
"You do? Well…let's hear it".
"It looks like I'm gonna be a momma."
Chapter Four
Present Day 2010
I finished my conversation with Rachel and exhaled staring into the restroom mirror. Thinking to myself what my next move was going to be, I came to the resolution that I was going to be professional about this and not let him get to me this way. I was going back out to my desk, I couldn't leave anyways, we had two more appointments that afternoon.
"It's been seventeen years, for god's sake, Elleny…let it go." I expressed to my reflection. "I'm sure he doesn't even give you a second thought. He's probably married and moved on, which is what you have done, so let it go."
I examined my outfit, straightened out my skirt and adjusted my blouse. My hair was pulled back in a chignon at the nape of my neck, so I fluffed my bangs and reached into my purse to grab some clear gloss. I wanted him to see that I was undisturbed by this cluster-fuck of a reunion. He was not going to get to me, no way, no how.
I threw everything back into my purse, took one more deep breath and walked out of the restroom straight to my desk. I didn't look around and I didn't converse with anyone. I had to concentrate on what my objective was…showing him that he does not now, nor did he ever cross my mind; yeah, right.
Mission accomplished. I made it to my desk and began to go through my email when I heard Mr. Steven's voice.
"But gentlemen, we can't prolong this transaction any longer, the board of director's at Richland Manufacturing wants to close this deal as soon as possible."
"We understand that, Mr. Stevens" I heard the older gentlemen retort.
At this point, all three men were coming out of Conference Room B and heading towards my desk to go to Mr. Stevens' office. As soon as they walked past my desk, his voice caught my attention.
"I'll tell you what, Stevens…" They stopped right in front of my desk. TJ turned to face me "…I know that you and Ms…Ms…I'm sorry, Ms…what was your name again?"
Trying not to grit my teeth, I smiled the biggest "fuck-off" smile I could produce while chanting subconsciously I hate this man, I hate this man over and over again. Answering with the most cynical, yet professional response I could squeeze out of my throat "Ms. Barker-Jackson, Mr. McHale. My name is Elleny Barker-Jackson".
"Ah, yes that's right, again, my apologies. Loren, I know that you and Ms. Barker-Jackson?" He asked as if he was looking for correction if he was wrong. "…have worked long hours on this arrangement, let's you and I make us a little deal; strictly off the record, of course. You give me forty-eight hours to go over this contract and on Thursday, Ms. Barker-Jackson can meet me in my hotel's restaurant, twelve-thirty, where she can pick up these contracts signed and agreed to, no stipulations."
Oh my god, what the fuck was he doing?
This question boggled my mind. I had to think of some excuse to get out of this and I had to think of it quick.
I began "Mr. McHale, I don't think-"
"You've got yourself a deal, McHale."
Whipping my head around from TJ to Loren, I know he had to see that my eyes were the size of dinner plates. My boss, Mr. Loren Stevens, unbeknownst to him just threw me under the metaphorical bus. That's right, the one who will be receiving my letter of resignation first thing Friday morning. I had to get out of this A.S.A.P!!
"Mr. Stevens, I'm sorry but I think that this is highly unethical-"
"Elle, we will discuss this at a more suitable time."
Yes, we sure as shit will be discussing this just as soon as Trevor McHale, King of the douche lords gets the fuck out of my face. The nerve of him! I just want to kick him in the-
"Gentlemen;" My asshole of a boss' voice brings me out of my morning mental ball crushing.
"… I want to thank you for coming in and I look forward to receiving that information Thursday afternoon."
As I looked back at TJ "I just had my balls crushed inside Elleny's mind" McHale, I noticed his eyes never left me. He just stood there staring at me as though he knew exactly what was going on in my head. I stared back at him, this time through lethal eyes. He got my point, considering the large shit eating grin that covered his face.
"Until Thursday, Ms. Barker-Jackson…Loren, it is always a pleasure."
"Mr. McHale" was my only response.
I was already through with this whole fucking morning. Tonight was going to be a dinner and wine kind of night where wine will be served as the main course. Once again, Trevor had totally come in and out of my life like an F-5 tornado. I could not believe what the fuck just happened. I saw Loren coming back to his office from walking both gentlemen down to the elevators. I met him inside.
"Loren, this meeting on Thursday is a mistake. I cannot go meet that man. If you want, I will send a messenger to pick up the contracts but this little show down that you and McHale have agreed upon is not…going…to…happen!"
"Elleny, how long have you been my assistant?"
I looked at him perplexed and answered quickly; "fifteen years."
"And how many times have I asked you to do something that didn't have your best interest in mind?"
Knowing where this conversation was heading I didn't answer as quickly this time; "none".
"Do you know what this means for, not only me but for you as well when this merger goes through?"
Lowering my head and looking at the floor, I knew what this meant for the both of us, for him it meant that he would be partner and for me it meant a hefty, hefty raise and bonuses, which meant I wouldn't have to count on what little money He brought in and I could stash some away without him knowing.
"Loren, you know this meeting is bullshit, he's screwing with us. And to be quite honest I don't have the time nor the patience to deal with him."
"Elle, at the most thirty minutes, he probably wants to have a drink with you. Go, have a drink
then take the rest of the day off."
I scoffed at the attempt to butter me up "are you serious? You expect me to accept that offer? "
His face turned serious and the gleam left his eyes "Elle, I expect you to think about yourself and your kids."
The smile left my face and I began to pick up the stack of papers on his desk busying my hands and trying to forget this conversation is even happening.
"Elle-"
"Don't Loren!" I roared; throwing the papers I had made straight back down to his desk. "You know I have no choice. Leaving is not an option for me. He's made it quite obvious that he will take my children and hide them. He has all that…that backwoods family who live in those fucking swamps down in Louisiana. I would never see my children again. How dare you even think that I'm not considering my kids. Everything I do is for their benefit."
"I know Elleny. Look, I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I…ummm, it's just that I worry about you."
"Well you have wasted your time! Worrying is not doing anyone, especially me any good. So just go ahead and worry about someone or something else. By the way I will be taking that meeting on Thursday and the afternoon off just so this conversation will be over with."
I walked past him to leave his office and stopped. Closing my eyes, I felt remorseful for just ripping this poor man's head off when all he was doing was being concerned.
Turning around, I lost my attitude; "Thank you for thinking about me, I appreciate it. You are like family to me Loren, both you and Leeza, and I respect you immensely. Please don't take offense, I am just pissed off that McHale put us both in this position and I feel I have no other option."
"I understand. You know I would never put you in a situation where you felt uncomfortable or in danger don't you?"
Exhaling hard, "Yes and I totally agree; this is something we can't pass up so I will be leaving at noon on Thursday to pick up the contracts from McHale and then I will swing them by here so that you can get them filed and then I am going shopping."
Laughing and rolling his eyes he approved.
* * *
After lunch, the day that began like the day from hell, surprisingly flew by; maybe because we were crazy busy. The other two appointments went off without a hitch. Presentations went well, contracts were signed, champagne was popped and off they went on their merry way.
Now here it was, five forty-five and I was actually leaving work fifteen minutes early. As I climbed into my truck and fastened my seat belt I could hear my phone jingling in my purse. Reaching down on the floorboard of the passenger seat I pulled my purse up and grabbed my phone. Looking at the caller ID I could see it was Lilly, so I had a feeling I knew what this conversation was going to consist of. I Started the car and let the A/C get cool and I answered the call.
"Hell-"
"Oh my God Elle! Are you ok? Where are you? Do we need to come over for a girl's night? I can bring the tequila."
"First off Lils…Hi! Calm down, take a breath. I'm fine. I'm leaving work. No, I can't get together tonight, we have a shitload to do, but I will take a rain check on the liquor."
"Ok hun, wanna get together tomorrow night? I know this was a big deal today, and I think it would be good if you talked about it."
No, she thinks it will be good if I talked about it because she's nosy and wants details.
"That sounds great, tomorrow night will be good and I think it would be better if I didn't talk about it."
"That hard huh."
"Lils, I've always known in the back of my mind that this day would come, but I never really knew how I would react to seeing him again and let me tell you I wish I would've had a chance to brace myself."
"I'm so sorry, sweetie."
"I know me too, look Lils, I have to run. I have to take JoJo to her thing tonight. Take the baked goods to the football field to give to the booster president and I had a shit morning even before my run in with TJ because I had that fucking dream again."
"Well… did you drink the tea?"
"Yes Lilly, I drank the goddamn tea! Look, shit… I have to go, Bear will have a fit if I am late and since he tore me a new one this morning, I don't need to hear how I'm the biggest fuck up ever born again tonight."
A moment of silence hovered over the line, it lingered so long I thought I got disconnected or hung up on.
"Lil-"
"YOU ARE NOT A FUCK UP, ELLENY JEAN!! I don't ever want to hear that come out of your mouth again." I could tell her voice was becoming shaky. "You are a wonderful, loving mother, friend and wife even to that fucking asshole! You have sacrificed everything for your family and friends even for that fucking dickhead. You are extremely loved by your friends and your children. Do not ever let him tear you down Elle, don't believe a word he says."
My other rock, right here.
As tears welled up in my eyes, I needed to hear that encouragement so much. Today was so much harder then I wanted to admit but I wouldn't let anyone know that. My girls have stood beside me through the worst in my life and have supported my decisions, even if they didn't agree with the choices I had made. They knew I was doing what I had to do for my children and especially for TJ. They were aware of my secrets…all of them and they vowed to take them to the grave and I knew that they would.
"Thank you Lilly. Thank you for being there to encourage, love and support me. I love you so much."
I could hear her sniffling; "Elleny, you have no idea how fearless you are."
Harshly, I sneer and grumble while wiping the tear from my eyes "I'm a coward, Lilly."
Speaking softly Lilly retorted "Sweetie, you're a conqueror."
Tears sliding down my cheeks; I couldn't take anymore "Love you, Lils."
"Love you too babe, I'll talk with you soon. Ok?"
"Ok…night."
"Night."
I pulled my truck to the main entrance to the building and the street. I popped in my Jimmy Buffett CD and pushed the number to my favorite song… number nine. Hearing the beginning of Margaritaville come over my speakers took me back…
Key West; summer of '91. Lying out on the beach with the girls while the boys tossed the football back and forth. Sitting up and looking out over crystal clear ocean water made my head clear. I walked to the water's edge feeling the crest of the waves roll over the tops of my feet, I fought against the tickle that the bubbled foam left when the waves rolled back out. The warmth of two arms wrapped around me, feeling a sweet, gentle kiss on the back of my neck and hearing a whispered "love ya, babe" in my ear seemed so real to me.
Fuck, why can't I stop thinking about him, why does he have to invade my thoughts? What I would give to have him totally erased from my memories. I loathe him for making me continually think about him and I despise him for a decision I made that he knew absolutely nothing about.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
I began thinking that I had absolutely lost my mind. How did any of this make sense? He had nothing to do with any of this, but yet I hated him for my choices.
The decisions I made were in his best interest. He didn't need to be tied down to a baby and married to a teenage mom that he would eventually come to despise for ruining his life. He was above that. He needed to do what he had to do, which was what he had done; lived his life. I had no claim to him, I wasn't his wife nor would I ever be.
As I pulled into my neighborhood I decided to push all thoughts and memories of Trevor McHale to the farthest corner of my mind and put up my defenses. I had a feeling the way my day was going, tonight wasn't going to be any different.
Turning the corner and seeing my house, I noticed that Bear's truck was not in the driveway. Maybe I'd be getting off easy. I pushed the garage door opener and pulled in, put the car in park and got out leaving my purse in the car because I was just going in to get JoJo, two pans of brownies and 2 pans of cupcakes and then leaving again.
Walking in the house from the back door I yelled "JoJo…come on, darlin'…we gotta go!"
; JoJo stumbled down the stairs, eyes red and gasping like she'd been crying, which was rare seeing as though she was tough as nails.
My body went straight and my face went blank and I quickly assessed this situation. What's wrong, thinking maybe something is wrong with one of the other kids.
"It's daddy, momma."
Shit on a stick, what the fuck had he done now, I asked myself.
"I think he stopped by Toppers."
Topper's is the bar that replaced Sheila Kay's ten years ago and it's exactly what the name said it was. It's a strip club on the outskirts of town that Bear liked to frequent, drink beer with the rest of his white trash friends and hand over his paycheck to the white trash dancers instead of bringing it home to his family.
WHAT THE FUCK!!! I screamed mentally.
He knew he had football practice tonight. Now, not only did I have to extinguish this fire but I had to show up at football practice and lie my ass off as to why Bear wouldn't be showing up for practice…again.
Why can't anything be simple!
Holding my breath to calm myself, I braced against the stove top, closed my eyes to think what my best option would be…see, I knew with the day I was having that tonight was going to go worse.
"First off…where's your sister? What did he do…hit you? Say something to you??"
"Momma, I think he's drunk…real drunk this time."
Panic kicking in, I tried to stay calm for the sake of my daughter but inside I was stabbing that mother fucker to death. "JoJo, where's your sister? Did he take her somewhere?"
"I made her go next door to Mrs. Lewis' house. Momma, he was saying some awful things. How Luc and I were bastard kids and how he should've let your ass sink itself, whatever that means, how he wished we were never born and how we were all fucking up his life."