by Tracy Lee
Yep, I blurted that out too. He definitely wasn't expecting that.
"Oh, I see."
I brought my finger up to his nose and put the pad of my finger up to the tip and held it there for a moment while I whispered "I've missed you". I saw his eyes close after. I began to bring my hand down and back underneath my head.
His hand came up and wrapped around the back of my neck and his thumb ran across my cheek, just like he used to do. I felt his warmth shoot throughout my body just like I did in that dream I had of him while I was pregnant with the twins. He moved his thumb down to brush against my lips. Back and forth he went; as he did he dropped his eyes to watch himself.
He didn't say a word, just continually brushed back and forth across my lips. I didn't say anything either. I raised my hand and held on to his lower arm just to have some type of contact with him. Finally, he spoke.
"I'm sorry about your dad."
I closed my eyes at the thought of my daddy. I reopened them.
"I know."
We sat there in silence a little bit longer. My eyes just taking in every square inch of this face.
"Should ‘a been me, Elle."
Still looking at him, I lowered my eyebrows in confusion, but he doesn't say anything. Now I'm really confused. Was he talking about my dad still? I watched him pull me closer to him, his hand still around the back of my neck. Closer, closer until there's no space between us. Air couldn't even wedge between us. He pulled my forehead down until it settled touching his. He closed his eyes.
"Goodnight, Babe."
Oh shit, did he just say what he used to say to me almost eighteen years ago? Oh yeah, I'm totally fucked.
"Night."
I was just about to drift off into deep sleep when I felt him put his arm over me and heard him say three little words I never thought I'd hear him say again to me;
"She's with me."
I closed my eyes and did something I hadn't done in seventeen years; I slept soundly and was protected.
* * *
"Good Morning, Ellie-Bean." I heard inside my head. I felt soft tickling touches down the side of my body. "I've missed waking up to you like this, Ellie-bean."
I'm having that fucking dream again.
I murmur to myself with my eyes still closed "Goddammit, I forgot to drink the tea last night, I hate this dream. I've got to get up, wake up Elle, it's another day in hell".
I hear quiet laughing coming from beside me, but it doesn't sound like Bears, in fact, I don't think I have ever heard Bear laugh. I popped my eyes opened and got a full view of the ceiling. "Oh shit, that's not my ceiling."
Memories from last night come flooding back to me. Hotel; penthouse suite. Bottle of whisky; TJ in the same hotel suite. I sat up quickly, which I found out just as fast was a huge mistake. "Oh god, my head" I moaned as I grabbed ahold of both sides to make the spinning stop; it didn't help. "What are you doing in my bed?" I asked through one squinted eye. "I said good morning, Elle, there is usually a positive response to that comment" he said through a very handsome one sided morning smile.
"Morning, TJ. Now what are you doing in my bed?"
"You asked me to lay with you last night and truthfully; I enjoyed it, immensely. I forgot how much you talk in your sleep. I must say I don't know whether to blush or feel honored that I make you, hmmmmm" he began as he set his chin in the nook between his index finger and thumb as though he was engrossed in deep thought.
"What's a perfect word I can think of to describe those noises you were making after you said my name…moans? Groans? Nah…not descriptive enough."
Oh shit, oh fuck, please let this still be the dream! I promise, I will drink my tea like a good girl every night, please let this be a dream.
"You're lying!" I huffed, as I threw the blankets that were covering me up back over onto him so I could leave this bed. I plodded straight to my bedroom door and opened it. "Thank you for your comforting last night, but seeing as I have to meet you in…" I look at the clock 6:30, shit I only have an hour and a half to get dressed in, "an hour and a half, to have breakfast and start the day I have a lot to get done before then. Until then, Mr. McHale." I say as I throw my arm out to the living area.
TJ slowly pulled the covers away from him and stood next to the bed. I saw him grab his sweats off the chair, but he failed to put them on. Walking towards me, in just his boxers, I can't help but stare at this embodiment of the perfect man walking towards me. His chest thrusted out showing how tight his pectoral muscles are, he knows what he's doing and he's pulling it off flawlessly. I have to tell myself to pull my lower jaw up so that my mouth will close and to wipe that greedy look off my face, but I keep thinking back to when I had him. I had touched and kissed every part of that body, had him buried inside of me. I remembered begging and pleading for him to make love to me. How I felt every thrust hitting against my internal wall letting us both know he couldn't go any further. Screaming his name as though I could absorb him into me. I know my eyes were sluggishly blinking with all the dirty thoughts that were going through my mind. He went to walk by me and stopped looking right into my face. He smiled and touched his finger to my nose, like I did last night to him. Softly, he whispered "I've missed you too, Ellie-bean" and walked straight into his room.
Oh yeah; completely fucked!
I grabbed my iPod and immediately went straight for the shower. Turning it on, my all-time favorite song played. "Pain" by Three Days Grace. It described my life so well. I had become so numb from everything that has happened over my life span that they only way I could feel anything anymore was when it came with pain.
I lifted my head up under the shower so that the hot water could revive me. I felt like shit, I haven't drank like that since I was a teenager and this hangover, well I am just too old for this shit. I washed my body and brushed my teeth accomplishing two things at one time, so maybe I would actually have time to do something with my hair.
I seized the towel from off of the warmer and wrapped it around my body. I grabbed another one and wrap it around my head. Listening to the lyrics of Seether now blasting at full volume, I begin to wake up. I wouldn't officially be awake until I grabbed a cup of coffee. I go to snatch my makeup bag out of my suitcase when I hear a knock at the door.
Shit! I mouth to myself.
I dragged in a breath and blew it out quickly. I walked to the door and stood there a moment to clear my head. Peeking through the door just slightly, TJ was standing there in his sweats again.
Oh, he's good at this game.
"I thought maybe you'd like a cup of coffee."
I look down to his hand and see a cup of slightly creamed coffee in his hand.
"One sugar, dash of milk… just like you like it… go ahead, take it". He smiled that grin again.
I opened the door a little further and grabbed the cup out of his hand.
"Thanks." I replied truthfully.
"Ah-huh" he said as he headed back into his room.
I closed the door and went back into the bathroom. I began with my make-up, I didn't want anything that was too dramatic, but I needed something to cover up this hangover.
Minutes later, I'm finished and quite happy with the results. I needed to work on finding an outfit.
I grabbed my thin beige pencil skirt and my short sleeved V-neck top with the lace overlay out of the closet and neatly laid them on the bed. The shirt bunched at the sides to define my curvy hips. "Looks good". I grab my beige heels and set them beside the bed and voila! My outfit was ready.
Back into the bathroom with my hair dryer and begin working on my hair.
I heard Damn Yankees' "High Enough" come on and I flipped the hairdryer off for a moment. I couldn't help but think back to when we were at the lake that weekend where we made our babies. How I thought that things would end up so much differently. I was never happier. I threw that thought into the recycle bin and dumped it. I couldn't think of that right now. This was about business and getting home. I turned
the hair dryer back on and continued styling my hair.
I ran the straightener through my hair one last time and set it down. It wasn't bad but it wasn't "club hair". I spritzed some perfume all over my body, a nice floral scent. I unplugged the straightener and left it on the counter to cool down. Walking back into the bedroom I looked at the clock 7:49, perfect timing. I was feeling awake now, still running a little slow from the drinking but I could function. I threw my clothes on and then added a lime green and cream scarf around my neck that hung low. I was ready to start the day and I was doing it looking good.
I opened my door and walked out shutting it behind me. TJ was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in front of him and newspaper in hand. He was wearing a dark gray suit that almost looked black I noticed he also had on a black tie that accentuated his suit. His hair was styled in that messy look. He looked; appetizing. I looked up at him with a fresh smile on my face and informed him that I was ready to go, he just stood there frozen; his eyes were the only piece of his body that was moving.
I looked down at my outfit and turned my head to the side to look at the back of me.
"What, is there something on me? I knew I shouldn't have laid this on the bed, shit give me a minute I'll go-"
"You look….You look beautiful, Elle."
I turned back around towards him and had to swallow two or three times to get the lump in my throat to go down. I put my mask back in place and walked towards him.
"Oh please, you already were in my bed last night, McHale, it won't be happening again and that sweet talk is just wasting your oxygen" I walked passed him straight towards the door and heard him guff as he followed me. He opened the door and held it as I went through and made my way to the elevator to push the down button. "I hope you're ready to work, Mister because I'm not here to play."
I looked at him straight-faced and saw his lip turn up into that handsome half smile as he replied "Yes, Ma'am."
Just at that moment the elevator dinged and the doors opened and I walked in ready to kick some Mac-Gentry ass and not take any names.
"So, I have two assistants; Mary and Sara who are now your assistants. Use them. Don't be afraid to tell them what to do and how to do it. Your methods are the best I've come across. You and Stevens have a nice system going, uncomplicated and very thorough." TJ stated as he picked through his eggs and hash.
Cutting at my enormous egg white and mushroom omelet I said "Thank you, I've tried to comprise everything into what would take the smallest amount of time but would cover all that needs to be covered. , I know how you business men are very busy workaholics".
He chuckled while putting a bite into his mouth. "That we are."
"Sara will show you to your office, she knows you're coming in today, she can help you find the names of the clients and all their information. Mary on the other hand is fairly new so you can use her to make the copies and she can help out putting the presentations together."
"Great, I will need to have a memory stick for each client that has outstanding mergers with you that are still pending. That makes it easy because I can put all that specific clients info onto one and everything we need is right there at our fingertips. I could, of course with Sara's help probably have those done by tomorrow afternoon so that we can begin putting presentations together."
I have noticed that he has laid his fork down altogether and was looking at me with a look. That look that I haven't seen in seventeen years. His hazel eyes look like they are on fire. The lust that has taken over his stare is burning a hole right between my eyes.
"You're staring again, TJ" I informed him as I go back for another bite of my breakfast.
"You're spellbinding."
I pulled my face up out of my plate and I looked at him for a moment then I mouth to him "Stop."
"Stop what…why?" he said with the sexiest smile I'd ever seen on a man.
This time it was me that laid my fork down and I asked him quietly "Why are you doing this? Is this some game to get back at me for what happened between us?"
The smile that was on his face immediately left and I could see that his jaws were clenching together. I saw him get up in a rush but I didn't register his path until he has my wrist in his grip and he was pulling me behind him rapidly. I was wearing heels and his step was bigger than mine, so it took me a minute to step into his rhythm. I saw a hallway that possibly lead to the restrooms, he quickly turned the corner and rushed down to the men's restroom; he opened the door, looked in and saw no one was in there. He pulled me inside and locked the door as he pushed me up against the wall. He was so close to me I could feel his hot breath on my eyelashes. He pushed closer.
"Do you feel that, Elle?" He yelled right in my face. "Does this feel like a fucking game to you?" I plan on not answering him because I CAN feel it and I don't want my voice to give anything away. His cock was as hard as stone; pushing up against my stomach. "Nothing about me and you is a game! Don't ever let me hear you say that again!" I felt his fist hit the wall right beside my head. I closed my eyes. I knew he wasn't Bear and I know he would never raise a hand to me, but I was still scared and I didn't want him to see that. He bent down further so his length hit me right between my legs then he began to straighten himself up to his full standing position, making his hard length travel up against my slit. I closed my eyes, because I was on the verge of ripping my clothes off and mounting this man in front of me. I had to mentally restrain myself. Standing right in front of me is the man I have for months been having erotic dreams about and he is pushing his hard throbbing cock up against my most sensitive area.
He whispered in my ear, feeling his breath blowing up against the side of my face brought me out of my attempt of restraining myself "Open your eyes and look at me, Sweetness". Sluggishly, I opened my eyes and noticed he had his face turned towards me with his lips right next to my cheek.
"Do you feel how hard you make me, Elle? My cock is pulsing here. My body is vibrating from attempting to restrain myself from touching you. This has been going on since the first time I saw you walk into that conference room. Do you know how excruciating it is to jack off, just too immediately go hard again? Do you, Elle? I don't think you do. You're destroying me, Elle" He grabbed my hand and put it to his pants. I can feel him throbbing beneath my fingers and think to myself; Holy shit! This is really happening. Without even noticing, I wrapped my fingers around his length. Still looking straight ahead, I could see him out of the corner of my eye, his eyes were heavy. I heard and felt his breaths beginning to occur faster.
"That's it Elle, do you feel that baby? That's what you do to me, it's all for you, Sweetness."
I begin to move my fingers over his pants, slowly up his length. I feel his hissing on my face. I bring my fingers up to the tip of his head and ease my fingers back down.
"Ya Elle, fuck; you do this to me. Do you see how much power you have over me?" I feel his face coming around, when in actuality I'm the one moving my face towards him.
"Elle, you don't know how bad I've missed your touch."
My hand is still working his length touching him slowly through the material of his suit pants. My fingers go to the travel down to the bottom of his shaft then work their way back up to the tip. His hips are moving in slow small circles to the pace of me working him. By this time my face is completely turned to him and he's moaning, deep harsh moans that are driving me wild. He touched his forehead to mine. My eyes are closed. I can feel his breath dance down my slant of my nose and the skin above my lip. I take his scent in and let it absorb into me. I feel the tip of his tongue touch the middle of my lips and that's my breaking point.
I open my lips to give him full access to explore my mouth and end up wrapping my lips around his tongue and sucking delightfully on the taste that is TJ. The fingers that are gripping him have now spread out and are building up friction against him as his hips gyrate more. I hear sensuous moans echoing throughout the restroom and realize they're coming from me. I push my
hips toward him while my other hand covers the button on his pants to get them undone.
Still kissing me deeply, I hear him breathe; "Tell me Elle, all you have to do is say the words." I think ok; I'm gonna say the words, oh god, I need this fuck so bad. Goddammit! What fucking words does he want me to spout out because right now, I'm really not in the mood for guessing games, and then it hit me.
It will be you, Miss Barker who begs me for everything I have just said to you.
He wants me to beg him. He wants me to play this game. It's then I realize he hasn't touched any part of my body except his lips to mine. My hands are the ones that are dry-jacking him.
What the fuck Elleny!!!
I pushed him away with all my strength. That barely knocks him off of me. I need oxygen, I need to come back to my senses. Reality is beginning to set in and I realize I'm standing in the men's room, getting ready to raise my skirt for this man who wants me to ask him to fuck me; no scratch that, he wants me to BEG him for his dick. "I aint 2 proud 2 beg" by TLC pops into my mind and I begin to sing the chorus to myself and come to the decision I'm not a fan of that life theory. I don't beg for food, lil 'lone dick!
I stroll very slowly over to the mirror. I check my hair and my lips that have become red and swollen from our harsh kissing. I turn around, straighten my shoulders and my skirt and tell him how it's going to be.
"I'm going back up to the room to freshen up, Mr. McHale, I will be ready to leave for the office in fifteen. If you ever try something like that again, you won't be fucking anything again for a while, are we clear?"
He put that shit-eating grin back on his face, nodded one time and unlocked the door. I walked towards it and looked at him with the glare that told him to open up the fucking door for me. He read my face and held it open as I walked through. I then proceeded upstairs to burn this pair of fucking panties.
I entered the bathroom in my suite, put my hands on the sink and stared at myself in the mirror.
"What the fuck are you thinking, Elleny?" again, I wait for an answer that will not come.