by Candy Sloane
He pressed into her back, his erection scorching against the lace-covered cheeks of her ass. “Have you ever let someone take that sweet pussy from behind?”
She shook her head, not wanting to speak, afraid if she did her heart might fly out of her mouth.
He put a hand to the waistband of her panties and ripped them down before she could even get another breath out. “This is the kind of encore where I give you a standing O.”
She heard a zipper unzip, a wrapper open, and he was inside her, pounding her slow and deep, his arms and hands on top of hers.
“Fuck, I didn’t think it was possible, but you are even hotter from behind.”
She strained down on him, the feel of him slapping against her ass as he went deeper and deeper taking her over the edge. He kissed at her neck, licked at her shoulder, his breath in her ear coming as powerful as his thrusts.
He took one of her hands away from the wall. “I can touch you, but a dirty girl knows how to touch herself.”
“Alec,” she breathed, as he slid her hand lower, lower. He was taking her somewhere she’d never gone. Every time their bodies met this weekend she’d gone deeper and dirtier than she’d ever thought possible.
He found the spot he was looking for and guided her finger against it. The first contact with herself while he plunged inside almost made her legs give out. He pressed harder, leading her finger in a syrupy circle, and the second contact almost broke her in half.
He moved his finger away. “Just like that, Dirty Girl; you work that clit while I fuck you deep.”
Hot, searing need trampled any embarrassment and she continued the teasing circles he’d started. Everything in that moment became her finger and his dick, working in tandem to bring her higher than she’d ever been. The first hint of release glided up from her toes still tight in her heels. The surge grew and rose from her ankles, sliding up her shins and thighs. Her legs shook as he continued to pound against her while her finger slicked a circle at her swollen core.
She slowed her movements; she was going to finish in seconds, and she wanted this to never end.
“Come, Dirty Girl,” Alec said, “I’ll be right here all night.”
One hard swipe of her finger, one more enormous thrust and she did, convulsing around him. Her limbs went loose, but he held her up and kept pumping.
He kissed her neck, licked the back of her earlobe. “Get that finger working for round two. This time we’re going to ride the wave together.”
She was blind with relief, but the promise of more sweet satisfaction, of being in that beautiful place at the same time Alec was, brought her finger down again.
“You feel so good,” he said. “I could fuck you like this forever.”
Valerie focused on the word—forever—let it slip in and spin around in her mind.
“Forever,” she repeated, the word taking root. They had been best friends forever and now they could, they would, be more.
Alec’s thrusts turned feral, primal, and the speed of her finger met them. She was on the heels of another orgasm. It was speeding at her, a crash she couldn’t avoid. The word he’d used was the word she thought of—forever, forever, forever—just as the hot release hit. Her thighs tensed as he jerked against her, a choked groan escaping as he pounded her with one last thrust.
He was still inside her, gasping hot against her shoulder, laying small kisses there as she worked to catch her breath. He eased out. She heard the sound of the condom being tossed, his boxers being pulled back up.
He guided her panties back on. “If I stare at your naked ass for one more minute we are never getting out of here.” He laughed, giving it a squeeze.
She turned to face him. “Why do we have to leave?”
“We don’t, but we do have a room to ourselves upstairs, just an elevator ride away.” He slanted his mouth over hers, his lips whisper light. “I want to spend the rest of the night kissing you.”
It was sweeter than he usually was, but she certainly wasn’t against it.
“Just kissing?” she joked.
His eyes turned dark with significance. “We have years and years to make up for, Valerie, and it starts with every missed kiss.”
Chapter Sixteen
Valerie snuggled over to Alec’s side of the bed. It was warm but empty, sunlight floating over his pillow. The shower was running. She was hoping to be awoken by a kiss, since that was how she’d been put to sleep, but the smell of him and the whisper of warmth he’d left behind would have to do for now.
She inhaled against his pillow. Losing herself in his scent—leather and sex—she allowed it to pull her back to the two of them in bed last night. After they got back to the room they spent the night making out as he’d promised, just kissing for hours and hours.
She hugged herself and replayed getting lost in his lips again and again as he counted each kiss, whispering numbers into her mouth. He was well into the hundreds before they fell asleep.
She couldn’t leave him and go to London now. At the very least she needed to tell him she didn’t want to, that she would consider declining her seat with The Philharmonic to see what they could turn into. She still had her spot in Philadelphia. She could apply for London again next year, or maybe even for the L.A. Philharmonic.
It was crazy and reckless, but it also seemed like it might be the best decision she’d ever made. How life was with Alec. How she wanted her life to be now—like she was falling, but he was there to catch her.
She picked up her cell and read through the email from The London Philharmonic again. Her dreams were right there on the screen, but they were also behind the bathroom door. Over the course of the weekend Alec had become the man she’d been waiting for. He’d shown that he wanted to be that man.
Ten years ago he’d asked her to take a chance on him. Saying no to London would show she was truly ready, would be the ultimate way to say yes.
Alec stepped out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist. His taut chest and block-like abs were on display, tattoos shiny with water droplets.
“What is it?” he asked, the steam from the bathroom flowing all around him.
“What do you mean?” The air in front of Val’s eyes went blurry, her heart roared like a thousand oceans in her ears. Why was she so nervous? She just needed to tell him and then everything would be okay. He would catch her.
“Valerie.” A smile played on his lips. “Don’t act like I can’t tell when something is on your mind.”
She could never hide anything from him. She never wanted to again.
She slapped his side of the bed, calling him to her. She was ready to say it all, but she needed him close—needed his arms within reach, his lips within reach.
He sat down on the bed beside her, making the sheets damp.
“I want to talk about London,” she finally said.
He nodded, but his face was pinched. “Okay.”
“I’m thinking what we have now is too new for me to be in another country for a whole year. I’m thinking about turning it down.” The words exited her body and instead of being caught by him, seemed to float between them like dust. She wrung her hands, the soft scratch of her fingers the only sound in the room.
“Are you nuts?” he finally replied, his voice sharp, droplets of water from his hair dribbling on his bare shoulders.
She’d been prepared to hear we can make it through anything. Or, I was wishing you would tell me that, but not even an ocean can keep us apart. Instead his tone was firm.
He rose from the bed. “It’s too big of an opportunity. You’re going.”
She managed to suck in a breath, but it stung. “I think that’s my choice.”
“Then why the hell would you be stupid enough to turn it down?”
“Us,” she said, the word hitching in her throat.
His glanced skittered; he looked down, his eyes anywhere but on Valerie. “This weekend has been great, amazing even, but I…” He moved his hand between the
two of them. “I am not what you change your life over.”
She heard the words under that. You are not what I change my life over. We are not what you think we are.
She hated how beautiful he looked in the sunlight with the fog of the shower behind him, his face freshly shaved, his hair a jumble of wet wisps along his brow. She hated that she still wanted to kiss him. She hated that their next words would determine if she ever would again.
“But last night…” She fought her watery eyes, stupidity raining down on her. She was falling, falling, and he was walking away. Her heart slackened, as if someone had thrown it bloody and beating against the wall, and now it was slithering to the floor to take its last gasping beat.
She was an idiot. Alec hadn’t promised her anything. She had turned what he’d done, what he’d said, into a promise of forever. He’d never given her that.
He’d said the word. But he’d never used it the way she’d taken it. He’d said he wanted to fuck her forever, and that didn’t mean anything.
He looked away, not even correcting what he had to know she was thinking. “What if something happens two weeks from now, or a month from now? You’ll regret you didn’t go—”
“Something?” she interrupted. “Or you mean someone.”
Her nagging insecurity rose as she fell even further. When he had his choice of everyone in the world, why would he choose Valerie?
He rocked on his heels. “So that’s why you want to stay, you don’t trust me?”
She’d thought it was because of them, because of what they could be, but she knew his question was as true as anything. As true as the lie she’d been telling herself all weekend. I am good enough for Alec. He is ready to be solid for me.
“What does it matter when you don’t want me to stay anyway?” Her words flew faster.
“So you don’t trust me,” he repeated.
She looked down, swallowed acid.
He shook his head slowly. “What have I ever done to you to make you not trust me?”
“Why are you changing the subject?”
“Why are you avoiding the subject?” His question wasn’t thrown back in anger, but laid at his feet like a bridge.
Even so, she still couldn’t respond. She wanted to trust him. She wanted to trust that what they had could last on two separate continents, in two separate time zones, but that didn’t mean she believed it would.
He sighed. “There are all kinds of things that can go wrong, Valerie, that have nothing to do with someone else.”
“It’s good to know you’ve been cataloging them.” It came out nastier than she’d intended, but she needed to replace the air in her veins with fire. Her pain with anger, or there would be nothing left.
…
He sensed a pulsing in his jaw. “That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s hard to know. I’m starting to wonder if anything you say is the truth.” She pressed her lips together.
How had this gone south so quickly? This was why he’d never gotten in too deep. He was terrible at digging his way out. “I’ve never lied to you.”
“You’re right,” she replied, “I’ve been the one lying to myself, believing you could actually care.”
His stomach became a rock, a weight that seemed to be towing him down into an abyss. At times like this he would look for Valerie to save him. For once, he would be the one to save her. To make sure she didn’t throw an opportunity like this away carelessly.
“How can you say that? I’m telling you to go to London because I care.” His shoulders fell, and he tightened his towel. “I don’t understand why you’re upset.” He’d said what he’d said for Valerie’s own good, because he wanted what was best for her.
Unfortunately, he was not what was best for her. In a choice between him and London, London had to prevail. He wished he could be exactly who she needed, the man who could offer her the forever she dreamed of, but because he couldn’t, he would not stand in her way. He would do for her what she’d done for him ten years ago when he asked her to move to New York—be the voice of reason. No matter how far down into the abyss life without Valerie took him, he would not allow her to follow him down.
“I’m not angry you’re telling me to go.” Her eyes were burning, the usual brown obscured by black smoke. “I’m not even angry at all, I’m hurt. Hurt you wouldn’t even talk through me wanting to stay for one second.”
“I can’t be the reason you stay.” His lips burned from his words, but couldn’t she understand that throwing her life away on him was a terrible bet?
“Why?” she asked, her face pink with insistence.
His chest constricted, making each breath feel like it was his last. Hell, it might as well have been. He couldn’t make the promise she needed to hear, and he couldn’t tell her the truth. She wanted a husband, a partner, and he was neither of those things. “You know why.”
“You’re trying to punish me for saying no to you ten years ago. You’re trying to show me how it feels.” Her words came out fast, careening from her lips.
“No,” he said, fighting to keep his composure. “I just know you made the right decision then, and I’m not going to let you make the wrong decision now.”
“So you’re telling me not to choose you. That’s what you’re really saying.”
“Even without London, but especially because of it.” His throat thickened. “I’m not the guy you should choose. We both know I’m not the guy you can count on. I’d like to be, but I wasn’t ten years ago, and I’m not now.”
“What? I’m supposed to just go back to normal now? Oh right, of course. Our weekend is over. My expiration date is past due. You can find someone else to fuck,” she spoke quickly.
His insides seemed gray. “How can you say that?”
“Because you can’t say anything that I need you to say, you can’t do anything I need you to do.”
“Valerie.” He opened his arms. “I’m still right here.”
She stayed on the bed, wringing her hands.
Why wouldn’t she come to him? “Valerie,” he tried again, his arms still out.
She kept his gaze but didn’t move to embrace him.
How could he expect her to, when she couldn’t be at all sure how long he’d continue to hold on? He couldn’t see a time where he would let go, but that wasn’t the same thing as forever.
“I’m through with being your backup,” she finally said, “being the one you call when everyone is busy, who you text when everyone else is asleep.”
He let his arms fall to his sides. His body was hollowed from her words and from his realization that maybe he didn’t have the capacity to make this okay anymore. “That’s how you view the last ten years? You mean something to me. I don’t know how you can’t see that.” His eyes stung. “How is it wrong for me to want you to live your life?” The question hung there like a rope, but she wouldn’t grab onto it.
“What’s wrong is you don’t feel like fighting to stay in it. But why should I be surprised? You are your mother’s son.” Her eyes widened, as if she was surprised by how cruel her words had been. “Alec…” She rose as if to apologize.
He reeled back from her and held his hand in front of him. The truth was out. That was what she really thought and why she didn’t trust him—she thought he was weak. He’d believed his body was empty, but he realized now it was actually full to drowning. His blood had become water, and with that sentence it had turned to ice.
“I’ve never gotten to experience your bad side, Valerie. I have to say it’s ugly.”
Her eyes were dark and shiny as she exhaled. “Well, I’ve never been on your fuck-them-and-leave-them side and I have to say, it’s cliché as hell.”
They stared at each other for seconds that became interminable minutes. Neither one of them spoke. There was only the silence that said it all.
He put his hand to the side of his face, kneaded at his temple, the pain starting to throb. He couldn’t do this anymore. He shoo
k his head, trying to wrench the ache free, and walked back toward the bathroom. “Good luck in London.”
He waited behind the closed door, listening; his breath like the insistent pulse of a countdown clock. He thought she might knock, might whisper through the wood that their fight had gone too far, but instead the door of their hotel room slammed, echoed, and the room collapsed into silence.
Chapter Seventeen
Fuck. As quickly as Valerie had walked into his life she was running the hell out of it thanks to his baggage. But it wasn’t like she was innocent, either. He might have been willing to try at a relationship if she went to London, but she didn’t trust him enough to even consider going.
Didn’t believe he could stay true to her after being her best friend for fourteen years. But she wasn’t only asking him to stay true. She was asking him to be the one. The one she had been waiting for.
While he wished he could be that man, wished he could say, yes I will be your life now, he could not. It had hurt when she hurled it at him, but he was his mother’s son—someone who did not fight, who did not leap. Who let the world make his decisions for him.
He stepped out of the bathroom and sat on the bed, Valerie’s perfume assaulting him, punching his already ravaged gut.
Fuck this place.
He scrolled through his phone to call for his plane and felt a stab when he saw Valerie’s text stream.
He couldn’t call her to make him feel better this time—maybe ever again.
He clicked on Gideon’s number, but it went to voicemail. He swallowed a shudder. He couldn’t remember the last time one of his calls went to Val’s voicemail. The last time she didn’t respond to one of his texts.
He’d lost that now, too.
His finger hovered over the number for his plane. He knew he should want to be alone. He should be mountain angry and kicking and pounding and hating, but in that moment his heart screamed for someone to talk to.
He dropped his phone on the nightstand. He didn’t want his plane. He didn’t want to run. He wanted someone to listen, someone to hear him. He breathed in again, each petal of her perfume stabbing him like tiny knives.