“Is something wrong?” she asked.
“No. I was just daydreaming. He turned, a half smile encroaching his face, unlocked the door and exited. Breathing in the cool damp air, he marched down the path toward the coffee shop when her daughters came to mind. He wondered what the appointment with the doctor was for, but knew better than to ask. That would be too pushy. Judging form Jenny’s attitude, he speculated it was probably with a family counselor. What little he knew about Mallory, he was certain she’d know when it was the right time. He remembered Jenny’s curt responses and a flashback to his sisters being the devils in disguise came to mind. Maybe it was a girl thing. He raised his shoulders briefly and slowly retracted them. Would she ever confide in him? When she was ready, he decided. He wasn’t willing to ruin a good thing when things were going so well.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Waiting in Dr. Bean’s office, Mallory looked around the room filled with empty fabric- covered chairs lined up against each wall. Magazines were haphazardly tossed on a round table in the center. Jenny hadn’t said much since she’d picked them up from school. Lacey, however, was never at a loss for words. Glancing over to Jenny, she noticed the tense expression on her face. In an attempt to help, she began asking her about school.
“What did you learn today?” she asked her, but the effervescent Lacey was the first to speak up. “In Home and Careers class today, we learned how to make anisette loaf cookies that were filled with raspberry jam. Ooh.” She rubbed her stomach. “They were so good.” The child stood and jiggled excitedly in place. “Can I make them at home for Christmas this year, and can we have a party like we used to instead of having just Aunt Dina and Uncle Sammy?”
“Is that what you want to do?”
“Yes, Mom. I think it’s time.”
Mallory smiled. She was so grown up for her ten years. “How about you, Jen? Do you think it’s time?”
“I don’t care,” she gave a disinterested cross of her arms and rested them against her chest.
“Jenny,” Lacey cut in, “want to bake the cookies with me?” Before Jenny could answer, Lacey’s eyes suddenly opened wide with surprise. “Mommy.” She patted her shoulder to get her attention. “Why don’t we have a bake off? That’s what Lisa’s family does every Christmas.”
Mallory noticed Dr. Bean standing by the opened door, smiling. Mallory hadn’t seen her in a while, but not much had changed about the way she looked. She was dressed in a gray tailored suit with a white blouse. Her silver hair pulled back tightly into a bun, and her wire-rimmed glasses gave her the appearance of a librarian.
“Girls, Dr. Bean is ready for us. How about we talk about baking later? Okay, Lacey?”
“Okay,” she said, skipping toward the office door. Lacey waved to the doctor and entered into the office. Mallory stopped and waited for Jenny who continued to stare into space.
“Jenny, please join us,” the doctor said.
Jenny dragged out a few more seconds before standing. Mallory was convinced it was Jenny’s way of getting even with her mother for bringing them here in the first place. The familiar ache squeezed her heart. She wanted this to work out so their lives could get back to normal. Jenny finally stood and walked inside the doctor’s office.
“Please,” Dr. Bean gestured, “have a seat so I can explain what I’ve found works best for my patients.” She looked to the girls. “Your mom has provided a little background information when she scheduled the appointment. The next step is for her to sit with me and elaborate with a bit more detail before I speak to each one of you—in private.” Jenny expression of scorn didn’t go unnoticed. She scoffed. “What’s wrong, Jenny?” the doctor asked.
“Sure, Mom gets to tell her side of the story and because she’s the adult, you’ll believe her before you’ll believe our side.”
“Jenny, I think you have the wrong idea about how family counseling works. There is no side taking on my part and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. My only job is to help you learn how to deal with how it affects you.” Dr. Bean looked into Jenny’s eyes. “Is that clearer? Do you understand the process better?”
Jenny’s slightly twisted mouth and reluctant nod lacked conviction, but Dr. Bean looked to Mallory instead.
Lacey patted her sister’s back but she jerked away. “Leave me alone.”
“Girls, please…” Dr. Bean interrupted Mallory with a shake of her head to discourage anymore talk.
“Shall we get started?”
“Where should we go?” Lacey asked.
The doctor stood and guided the two girls toward the glass-enclosed room. “There’s a television in there, lots of books, and even some puzzles if you like them.”
“I do,” Lacey said. “C’mon, Jen,” she reached out for her hand. “Play with me.” Jenny pushed Lacey’s hand aside and walked behind in silence. When the door locked into place, Dr. Bean faced Mallory who had tears running down her cheeks.
Dr. Bean handed her the box of tissues. “Talk to me, Mallory.”
“I’m here because I just don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t reach Jenny. We have these sporadic shouting matches, and I’ve lost control of the situation.”
“Okay, take me back to when this all started.”
“My husband, Mitch, died two years ago. We married when I was eighteen, Mitch was twenty-six. As with most couples, we had a romantic beginning spending our time doing what most newlyweds do.”
“How did your parents feel about you marrying someone so much older than you?” Dr. Bean asked.
“They weren’t thrilled, but they saw how much in love we were and adjusted to it.” Mallory pursed her lips together in a tight line. “When I became pregnant with Jenny, he wasn’t happy. He blamed me for not taking care of the birth control issues. He became depressed and distanced himself from me, and our bedroom. It was as if having a child was a huge burden. For the first two years of her life, he wasn’t around much at all. But when he was, Jenny idolized the man and was right there next to him. Eventually, they formed a strong bond.
After he lost his job, he watched her during the day so I could go to the shop to work. I was fortunate that my parents had left the shop to my sister and me when they died because it was our only source of income.
Mitch pretty much treated Jenny like she was a son, teaching her everything from fixing car engines to riding on his motorcycle. I’m sure she didn’t learn much about cars—she was too young to even understand, but the motorcycle riding didn’t sit too well with me. I didn’t like the idea of him having a motorcycle to begin with. I’d already lost one boyfriend to a motorcycle accident; I certainly didn’t want to lose the father of our child to one. Things were fine for a while when he started taking on the daddy role and Jenny was in her glory. Every time he’d walk into the room her face would light up like a Christmas tree, and I no longer existed, but I was thrilled he was taking his responsibilities as a parent seriously.”
Mallory took a sip of water from the glass Dr. Bean handed her.
“Had he looked for another job?” she asked.
“He said he did, but nothing ever happened. And then he got involved with a younger crowd who were off-road dirt bikers. I was against him bringing Jenny with him, but he said he was hanging out with them because one of the guys wanted to go into a partnership with him selling bikes. He convinced me being around them was in our best interest. He felt if he didn’t show up, the guy would choose someone else. So I allowed it. I really didn’t believe he’d do anything to hurt Jenny. He was her father.” Mallory shrugged.
“Things were fine for a while. Nothing seemed to be happening with a partnership, and every time I’d ask, he’d assure me these things take time. I was very young and naive. I didn’t know what else to do about it. He’d get furious if I asked too many questions and I already felt like I was the cause of his problems.”
Mallory stopped talking when the doctor jotted down something in her notebook. She nodded for her to continue.
“It’s okay, Mallory, take your time. We’re in no hurry here, and it’s important for me to understand everything you’re dealing with.
Mallory nodded. “Thank you.” Seeing a loose thread on the edge of her jacket, she played with it, wrapping it around her finger, straightening it out, and then pulling on it. “It wasn’t long after that he convinced me to spend money on getting him a dirt bike. Oh, he had all the right arguments about why it was necessary for him to have one. We didn’t really have the money to buy one, but we took out a loan because he said the guy would pick up on him not having the money to go into a partnership if it looked like he couldn’t afford a bike; and of course, he had to have the biggest and fastest bike they made. That’s when he insisted having Jenny with him wasn’t good for developing a business relationship. So I enrolled her in pre-school. By now, he was spending the entire weekend with this new group of buddies in the Pennsylvania Alleghany Mountains. I was told they were attending conferences, networking and learning the latest and greatest techniques for selling bikes.”
“Was he having an affair?”
“I suspected as much, but I wasn’t sure until after he died. It was more certain than not because after I became pregnant with Lacey, he went back to no contact again. And that was okay. I was so disgusted by him I didn’t want him touching me anyway. He was gone every weekend and eventually began to stay away longer. I tolerated his need to feel important. He wanted the partnership so bad, it seemed like he was jumping through hoops to make it happen.”
“But you’d already stopped loving him. Is that right?”
“I think I loved him,” she gave a dismissive shrug of one shoulder, “but I wasn’t ‘in love’ with him. And I guess I thought if I was patient, I could change him. Unfortunately, the only thing that changed was me.” She glanced toward the glass window in the playroom and stared at the top of Lacey’s head. “I eventually became bitter, and whenever we were together, we fought. I thought I’d shielded the girls from it, but obviously with Jenny’s resentful attitude and anger pointed at me, I guess I didn’t do as good job as I thought.” Mallory took a large gulp of water to saturate her parched throat. “The last time Mitch and I were together, we’d had a huge argument about his riding. I told him how worried I was about him being involved in a dangerous sport…I was afraid he’d hurt himself, you know?” She swallowed hard.
Dr. Bean nodded, her face showing no emotion. “Please continue.”
“I even got down on bended knees and begged him. He promptly laughed and stepped over me, slamming the door as he left. When I heard the garage door open, and listened to him revving the engine of his bike, I knew I’d lost the argument. The next thing I heard was his tires kicking up gravel as he peeled out of the driveway. He was so mad, he never even closed the garage door.” Mallory wiped her nose. “My guess is that Jenny heard us arguing....” Mallory sighed. “And that’s when her downhill spiral began. She has mood swings like I’ve never seen before. She’s happy and hugging me one minute, angry and screaming at me the next. She fights with her sister, and then the next day she gets up like nothing ever happened and makes us pancakes for breakfast.”
“How did you find out Mitch died?”
“His girlfriend. She was a young twenty-something. She had called to let me know they’d gone off by themselves because they wanted to be alone. Their intentional disregard to tell the others where they were going was almost as if Mitch knew this was the end. Although, she did say they had smoked a lot of pot. Enjoying his high, he’d decided to take what she called a huge daredevil jump over the river. He said he wanted to go down in history.” Mallory harrumphed. “Stupid fool. Ever since then, Jenny has continually said it was my fault he died. I killed him.”
“Why do you suppose she thinks that?”
“She says I upset him, and he couldn’t concentrate on what he was doing.”
“Surely, she can’t believe that.”
“I’ve tried to talk to her, but she doesn’t want to hear it.”
“Okay. I think I understand. Why don’t you go to the waiting room and I’ll call Jenny in here to talk and save Lacey for last? She seems to be well adjusted to the situation.” She walked Mallory to the door.
“Lacey doesn’t have the same kind of issues her sister has, but she took her father’s death pretty hard, too.”
~~~
An hour later, Dr. Bean was calling Mallory back into the office. Both girls were sitting in the room. The seat in the center was left vacant for Mallory. She could tell that Jenny had been crying, and the thought squeezed her heart. She reached out for both their hands.
“You have a lovely family,” Dr. Bean said.
“Thank you.”
“After talking to each of you, I have a good idea of what is happening in your lives. Today has been an emotional upheaval for all of you having to relive those days over again. But we’ve made great progress. I’d like to cut it short here because I don’t feel we need any more discussion right now. I’d like you to go home and digest our meeting. Our next step is something my patients find extremely helpful. It’s a written exercise I want you to do.”
Lacey groaned. “Homework?”
The others laughed.
“Sort of. But this will be an easy assignment, Lacey. No one gets to see it but you.” She gave her a stern look. “And that doesn’t mean you don’t have to do it, young lady,” Dr. Bean warned. Lacey rolled her eyes and made a face. “Mallory, on your way home, I want you to stop at the store and pick up three journals for recording your feelings,” she said. “Each day, I’d like you to write your emotions, whether it’s anger, sadness or happiness—it doesn’t matter. Just write it. Then I’d like you to stop and think about the situation and how you think it could be improved. Use this journal as your sounding board. Now here’s the caveat: You are not to discuss the contents of your journal or show it to anyone. The objective here is to transfer your problems to the journal. My patients have had great success with this method because they were able to unload their problems on paper and not worry about being judged by anyone. Just remember, it’s solely for you. Be completely honest because it won’t work if you hold anything back.”
“That sounds like a great idea,” Mallory said. “Thank you, Doctor. I’ll stop on the way home.”
“Good. Let’s schedule your next appointment for later in the day so the girls don’t have to take off from school.” She stopped talking and focused on Jenny for a brief moment. “I’m giving each of you my business card, and I want you to call me whenever you need to talk to me. I may not be able to converse with you right away, but I will call you back.” She looked to each of them. “Okay?”
“Oh darn,” Lacey said, snapping her fingers together. “I thought we could get more time off from school.”
“I’ll just bet you were,” Dr. Bean said, “but I’m sorry. I can’t contribute to your delinquencies.” She looked to Mallory. “How about same day, next week?” she said, glancing at her datebook. “Three-thirty sound good?”
Mallory checked her calendar. “Sure. That’ll work out fine.”
“Good, because I’ll be out of town the following week celebrating Christmas with my family.”
“I think that should work out well. If it turns out to be an issue, I’ll call the office and let you know.”
Dr. Bean walked them to the door, resting her hand on Lacey’s shoulder.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Mallory waved to the girls as they boarded the school bus. When the driver closed the door, she waited for the girls to sit down, and then made a beeline to the shower. She was wearing jeans today to decorate the tree at AJ’s. Excitement danced through her veins at an alarming rate convincing her AJ was more than just a passing fancy. Was she falling in love with him? How could that be so soon?
She stepped i
nside the shower, her mind filled with a host of thoughts. Thinking back to last evening, she pictured Jenny’s docile mood. The poor kid seemed mentally exhausted and especially clingy to both her mother and Lacey. Mallory loved every minute of it, but she wished she knew what was bothering her eldest child. Hopefully, Dr. Bean could get them to a place where they could have a heart-to-heart talk. She knew unless Jenny wanted to talk about it, she’d never find out. The best she could hope for was that her daughter would find peace through therapy. Mallory just wanted to be a family again.
AJ came to mind, and she smiled. Being with him took her to a happy place where she felt contented and knew everything was going to be okay. She’d never had that before or ever met anyone like him. The thought actually terrified her because she knew she was falling for him and worried that nothing would ever come of it. One trip to the therapist was not going to solve their issues. Jenny was a daddy’s girl who thought her mother had taken her father away from her.
~~~
Filling her thermal mug with coffee, Mallory twisted the lid and headed out to the car. Trying to warm up the car quickly, she slid the lever for the blower on high and shivered when the cool air blasted against her damp hair. After shoving the air vents in the opposite direction, she drove out of the driveway and headed for town. Thoughts of being alone with AJ made her nervous. Would his aunt be there? That was a silly question, she told herself. This was a surprise for his aunt. Reaching for the tuner on the radio, she changed the station and sang to a Katy Perry song to stop the traffic tie-up in her brain.
Mistletoe and Magic Page 6