“How are you girls doing with the bows?”
“Good, Mommy,” Lacey said. “I made more bows then Jenny.”
“Yeah,” Jenny said, “but mine are prettier.”
“They are not.”
“They are too.”
Mallory stood and stared them down. “Enough.”
“Okay, Mom. I was only kidding her.”
Lacey started to say something. “Lacey, hush.”
Mallory walked into her office and dialed Jodi’s phone number and daydreamed while she waited for her to pick up hoping AJ would be in the showroom when she returned. Ten minutes later, Mallory came out of her office.
“Christmas party is on, girls.”
“Yay.” Lacey ran toward her. “Oh, Mommy, I’m so excited.”
“I know. Me too.” She turned and headed back out into the showroom and saw that the store was packed with customers. Scanning the room with her eyes, an empty feeling churned in her stomach and tugged on her heartstrings when she didn’t see him. She pulled herself together as two customers approached, but that did nothing to stop her mind from working overtime.
The very fact that things had begun to work in her favor with the two girls and him was totally confusing. Maybe he was afraid of commitment. She scoffed. Maybe, maybe, maybe. She sucked in a breath and decided there could be a million and one reasons why he hadn’t been around. Miriam’s Tarot readings came to mind. Yeah, a lot of good they did her. For whatever reason he was absent, this would definitely be the last time she’d fall for that voodoo crap again. She couldn’t believe she’d actually started to believe there was more to those readings than she’d originally thought.
“What did Jodi say?” Dina asked when things slowed down a bit.
“She’s on her way over to the shop for the house key. She’ll cook today and tomorrow.”
“Good. What is she making?”
“I told her she could make whatever she wants. Just to make it festive and plentiful. I also invited her to join us.”
“That was nice of you.”
“Well, they weren’t doing anything special for the holiday with both their families living out of state. Besides, it’ll be good exposure for her new business venture.”
“You definitely have the spirit of Christmas in your heart, Mal,” Dina said, giving her a tight hug. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Sis.”
~~~
“Girls, let’s go for pizza tonight,” Mallory said closing the shop.
“Can we bring it home with us instead?” Jenny asked.
“If that’s what you want to do, but then we have to clean up afterward and I’m too tired to clean. Why don’t you want to eat at the restaurant?”
“Because I want to give you your Christmas present.”
“Oh, sweetie, wouldn’t you rather wait until Christmas to do that?”
“No, Mom. I want you to have it tonight. You’ll understand why after you open your gift.”
“All right. Then let’s get going because now I can’t wait.”
“Does that mean we get to open all our gifts tonight, Mom?” Lacey asked.
Mallory laughed. “No. You have to wait for Santa.”
“That’s not fair,” Lacey complained.
“Life isn’t fair, my darling, but you learn to roll with the punches.” She guided them toward the door. “Let’s go order our pizza.”
~~~
“Wow, the house smells good, doesn’t it?” Lacey said while Jenny walked to her bedroom.
“Yeah, Jodi’s been cooking all day for Christmas Eve’s party.” Mallory inhaled, “And this pizza smells pretty good too. Why don’t you get the paper plates, Lace?”
“Okay, Mommy.”
Seconds later and Jenny reappeared with a gift-wrapped box in her hand and gave it to her mother. “Merry Christmas, Mom. I love you.”
“Thank you. Do you want me to open this right now?”
“Right now.”
Mallory removed her coat and sat down on the sofa.
“I’ll get the pizza and bring it into the living room so you can eat while you’re opening your present.”
“Thank you.” Mallory shook the light box and heard something moving around inside and decided it may have broken when she shook it. Regardless, she was going to love whatever it was no matter what. She slid her fingers under the tape and lifted the lid. Jenny’s eyes remained affixed on her mother’s face. Inside, Mallory found an envelope and tore it open. It was a letter written in Jenny’s handwriting.
Dear Mom,
I have so much to tell you. Dr. Bean thought this would be a good time to give you this letter so we can start to put all the bad stuff behind us and start fresh. I’ve always wanted our lives to be like the families they show in the Disney movies. Maybe that’s not exactly possible, but I’d sure like to try.
Today I want to tell you how sorry I am and apologize for all the nasty things I’ve said to you. I’ve been blaming you for killing Dad because you upset him. But it wasn’t you who upset him. He was mad at me. And I’ve blamed myself ever since and used you as my whipping post.
Dr. Bean tells me being mean was my way of pushing you away so you’d hate me the way I hated myself. She said by saying all those things, I was punishing myself because I didn’t deserve to have a mom like you. And the more you tried to console me, the meaner I got.
That day when Dad stormed off like a teenager, it wasn’t because of your argument with him; it was because of what I said to him. I thought if I begged him to stay home, he’d stay home for me, but he laughed in my face too. That’s when I got mad and said I was going to tell you what he’d been doing all this time. You didn’t know it, but he smacked me and sent me to my room. Since he didn’t stay home, I guess Lacey and I didn’t mean very much to him either. But I guess the important thing here is to tell you even though I blamed you for his death, it was because of me that he died. Not you.
Tears rolled down Mallory’s cheeks. She looked at Jenny whose tears were rushing down her cheeks at the same time. Mallory pulled Jenny down on the sofa and hugged her tight, then put her arm around her waist and continued to read.
But I guess I should start at the beginning.
Remember when Dad was out of work and he’d watch me during the day so you could go to the shop? Well, it was during those days that he’d take me with him to ride. At least, that’s what he told you. The only riding we did was to see his friends and this woman named Ellie.
Once we got there, he’d drink a lot and smoke. At the time, I didn’t know he was smoking pot until we covered that subject in health class. I should have realized something was wrong by the way they all acted, but I guess I was too young to know any better. And I’m sure that’s just what he was counting on. I thought they were just having a good time.
It wasn’t until I saw Dad and Ellie in bed one day that I became confused. Dad was kissing her and well…let’s just say I was naive. When I asked him about the other times I’d see them together, his answer was always the same. They were just kissing friends. He said it wasn’t any different than when he kissed Aunt Dina hello. He explained the bed part by saying he’d had a headache and fell asleep, and again, he compared it to me crawling into bed with you. He asked me not to tell you because you wouldn’t understand, so I kept his secret.
There were even times when Ellie watched me so Dad could misbehave with his friends. And for a while, I believed all the bad things he said about you. At night when I’d hear you two fighting behind closed doors, I figured all those things he said were true.
But then something changed along the way. I’m not sure exactly what happened, but I started paying more attention to your fights. As I’d sit by your closed bedroom door at night, I’d listen to you beg him to stop. That’s when I began to realize he’d lied to me. I heard you tell him you didn’t want to lose him and heard him laugh and call you names. I even heard you tell him how important your marriage was, that you cou
ld handle most things, but cheating wasn’t one of them. And I listened to him lie to you over and over again. He said you were imagining things.
I guess the worst part for me was when you begged him to stay home so we could spend some family time together, and he smacked you so hard, you were sobbing. Yeah, I could hear that noise through the door. I cried myself to sleep that night and many nights since then.
Dr. Bean tells me I’m not responsible for his death. She said I have a lot of work to do yet, and that I’m carrying around things I shouldn’t have to for a girl my age. It wasn’t fair for him to put me in that position, but it isn’t fair for me to blame you either. You did nothing wrong by trying to keep us together. It was Dad who was mean and selfish.
If I were granted one Christmas wish, my wish would be that someday you’ll find a man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated and be a good dad to Lacey and me.
Despite Dad’s flaws, I will always love and miss him, but I won’t ever forgive or forget what he’s done to us as a family.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for treating you badly. I really didn’t mean all those things I said and it feels so good to finally be able to tell you about it. I hope you believe that I never meant to hurt you.
Merry Christmas, Mom. I love you with all my heart. Jen
Mallory reached for a napkin and wiped her nose; the tears refusing to stop from the ache in her heart. “Jenny, I had no idea you were carrying around such terrible guilt.” She pulled her close. “I’m so sorry. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you were finally able to tell me all that stuff corroding your mind.”
Reaching for Lacey, she pulled her into the fold and together, they all cried. Moving in front of them, she kneeled down and dried their tears. Lacey seemed to be confused and not understanding what was happening, but cried right along with them. “I love you girls,” Mallory said, brushing their hair back, “and no matter what, you’ll always be the most important part of my life. Always remember that.”
“Mommy,” Lacey said, “Why are we all crying?”
“Because I have my family back.”
“We didn’t go anywhere,” she said. “Did we?”
“No, you didn’t, sweetheart. Somehow, we got lost along the way, but now we’ve found each other for evermore.” She turned toward Jenny. “Are you okay now?”
“I’m relieved Mom. Thank you for understanding.” She kissed her mother’s cheek. “I know we’re going to be fine now and that we can work it out as a family.”
“Yes, we can.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Mallory closed the store at four o’clock on Christmas Eve. Relieved to have a few days off so she could spend it with the two most important people in her life, she thought about Jenny’s confession and it hurt her to think that her daughter had carried around that guilt for two years; even longer since she knew about her father’s lies.
It was now four days since she’d seen or heard from AJ and although it hurt like hell inside her aching heart, she chalked it up to things working out the way they were supposed to. With the store closed, she had four solid days to spend with the girls, the beginning of rebuilding their lives and she was ready to put everything she had and more into helping Jenny deal with the seesaw effect of her emotions.
A sense of sadness centered in her chest, and tears welled in her eyes. Fortunately the day had been busy. Dina had even given her time to go Christmas shopping for presents. She’d purchased a lot of electronic items to keep them busy for days while she licked her wounds. She flipped the closed sign over and shut out the lights. Jenny, who was watching Lacey at home, hadn’t called but once during the day. She hoped that was a good sign.
Driving out of the parking lot, she stopped for a red light and watched people walking into several homes carrying packages inside the houses. She was glad they were celebrating. Her New Year’s resolution was to continue to put the past behind her and move forward with their lives. AJ or not, the one thing she had to admit, she knew that now, she was ready to move forward with her life. She’d even consider dating. But more than anything, having her family free of their demons was at the top of the list.
Pulling into the driveway, the garage door opened. Jenny must have heard her coming. She really needed to rush and take a shower. Inside, Jodi was setting up a buffet table.
“Thanks for opening the garage door, Jodi.”
“It was me,” Jenny said and gave her mother a hug.
“Mommy, Mommy,” Lacey interrupted, “it’s Christmas Eve. I wonder what Santa brought me.”
“I’m wondering too,” she teased.
“Mom, you’d better get into the shower,” Jenny suggested. “Our company will be here in an hour.”
“I’m going, I’m going. Thanks!” Sniffing the air, Mallory inhaled the aromas of cooking and baking, while she removed her coat and hung it in the hall closet. She couldn’t decipher between them, but it sure smelled good. “Oh my God, this house smells divine. Between the pine, the candles, the food, the baking, oh man, the calories…I’m in big trouble.”
“Right,” Jodi said, “with a body like yours you really need to worry.” She laughed.
“Do you need my help?” Mallory asked.
“Nope. Jenny and Lacey helped me. Now, go take your shower.”
“I’m going. Girls, thank you.” She rushed into the bathroom and turned on the shower to heat the water. Earlier, she’d decided to wear a Christmas outfit she’d been saving for the last two years. Mallory smiled at her image in the mirror when she held it up against her body. This dress was beautiful. Bright red, off the shoulder on one side; the other a long sheer sleeve shaped in a point that rested on the top of her hand. Empire waistline with a ruched skirt made of silk jersey fabric gave it a soft flow. Placing it on the bed, she pulled out the T-strap rhinestone shoes. Excitement rushed through her as she plugged in the curling iron to give the ends of her hair another twist. Remembering the floral crystal hair comb she’d brought a few months ago at the insistence of Jenny, she decided tonight would be a perfect time to use it. She hustled into the shower and gave her body a quick wash, rinsed off and reached for the towel to dry off.
Mallory couldn’t believe how excited she was. Seeing the girls filled with so much excitement had a good effect on her. AJ passed through her mind as she slipped into her bathrobe; she walked to the door and called out to Jenny.
“Can you help me with my hair?”
“Yeah, Mom,” she shouted. “I’ll be right there.”
Mallory sat down at her vanity table and brushed color on her eyelids, then lined her eyes. A swipe of mascara, and Jenny and Lacey burst into the room.
“Look at you two,” Mallory said. “You both look gorgeous.” Lacey was beaming and turning around so her mother could see all sides of her party dress. Jenny had on a simple red dress with a pretty necklace. She’d used a comb to hold her hair up. Soft wisps of hair scattered about the framework of her face. “Excited?” Mallory asked.
Lacey began jumping up and down. “I can’t wait for Santa.”
“Well, I think Santa is going to be extra nice to us this year, and I can’t wait for Christmas morning to see your faces when you open your presents.”
“What did you buy me, Mommy?” Lacey asked.
“You’ll just have to wait and see.”
She made a pouty face. “I didn’t get you anything, Mommy.”
“Yes, you did,” Jenny confirmed.
“I did? What did I get her?”
“Never mind,” Jenny said. “But you got her a gift.”
“Oh. Okay. Will you tell me later?”
She nodded in the affirmative. “What do you need help with?” Jenny asked.
“My hair. The curling iron is plugged in and ready.”
Jenny picked up the brush and ran it through her mother’s hair. Once she finished, she took the curling iron and twisted small lengths around the rod, waited a few minutes and droppe
d the curl down on her shoulder. “What kind of style do you want?”
“Do you think we can pin it to one side and let it drape over my bare shoulder?” She picked up the crystal hair comb. “And maybe use this for a decoration?”
“Ooh, that would look pretty. I can try.”
“That’s all I can ask for.” Mallory watched Lacey posing in front of the mirror, smiling and stepping back to see how she looked. “Like that look, huh, Lace?”
She giggled. “I do, Mommy. I’m gonna be a model when I grow up. Can I?”
“You can do whatever you put your mind to Lacey…after you graduate from college.”
“Oh no. More school?”
“I’m afraid so, pumpkin. But we have plenty of time to talk about that when you’re older. Like a lot of time.” She peered at Jenny in the mirror. “You know, sweetheart, I feel so good about the three of us.”
“I do too, Mom.”
Finished with the curling iron, Jenny turned it off and brushed her mother’s hair again, then started pinning the hair into place. “What do you think, Mom? Does it look okay?”
“It’s looks more than okay.” The three of them stopped talking when the doorbell rang. “Uh oh, I guess I’d better hurry.”
Jenny swirled the curls and layered them on Mallory’s shoulder, then sprayed it into place. “It looks beautiful. Okay, why don’t you two go out and entertain whoever arrived, and I’ll get dressed and be right out?”
“All right. You look beautiful, Mom.”
“So do you girls. Thanks for the hairdo.” She hugged and kissed both of them before they walked out of the room. “See you in a few minutes.”
Checking the hairdo, Mallory pulled a few pieces of hair out to soften the other side of her face. When she felt satisfied, she reached for her dress, stepped into it, and zipped the back with a few gyrations, then adjusted the sleeve on her shoulder. She slipped the shoes on her feet and checked her outfit in front of the mirror. She felt like Cinderella going to the ball. With a twist of the knob, she was in the hallway and walking toward the festive holiday music. This was going to be a perfect celebration. But the most important thing was having her family back and knowing that, together, they could work on anything.
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