by Lexi Blake
His lips curled up in the wickedest smile. “I think it was the way your pussy clenched around my thumb and how you screamed. Do you want to tell me you faked that? Because I won’t believe you and I might have to prove it to you all over again. This time we’ll be in private and I can show you exactly how nasty I can be.”
“What are you doing?” She realized with dawning horror that her nipples had gone hard, like they were saluting the Master.
“Like I said, I’m making some rules. Are you going to follow them or not?”
She couldn’t think long enough to follow them. “I don’t understand what’s going on here. Kai, we still work together. Unless you fired me. Did you fire me?”
He reached out and brushed her hair off her shoulder. The minute his fingers brushed her skin it was like she was back on that stage waiting for him to smack her ass hard. Her whole body had softened the minute he touched her. Except for her nipples, which still stood in a full-on salute, and the thin material of her tank wasn’t helping.
“I would never fire you. I would be lost without you. Which is precisely why we need rules.”
“I thought one of the rules was we didn’t play together because we work together.” She’d thought friendly Kai was dangerous. Who the hell was this guy?
“We broke that tonight and now we need new rules.”
“Or we could forgive ourselves and go back to the old rules.”
He stopped, his stare pinning her to the wall. “Are you afraid of me?”
Yes. She was terrified of him. He was everything she couldn’t have, and he knew exactly how to work her because she wasn’t about to tell him that. “Of course not.”
“Are you embarrassed by what happened?”
“Not particularly.” She was only worried about how it affected her relationship with Kai. Because Kai was too important to her. “I’m not willing to risk our friendship, Kai.”
“By adding to it?” He took a step back and some of the tension seemed to go out of the room. “We shouldn’t talk about this tonight. I’m too tired to be rational.”
Thank god. She had no idea how to respond to him. Well, she did. It would have been the easiest thing in the world to do what he wanted. Rule number one—she owed him a kiss. A kiss. She could have gone up on her toes and brushed her lips against his and then she would know what it felt like to kiss Kai Ferguson. Somehow it seemed more intimate than what they’d done in the club. It was sweeter. If she kissed Kai she couldn’t say they’d only been performing a scene for Jared’s sake. Jared. She latched on to that question. “Shouldn’t you be with your brother?”
He turned away and walked over to the couch. “Yeah, that’s kind of why I’m here. He’s apparently gotten extremely good at breaking and entering and he took over the guest room. Hell, the way he’s going he might have moved into my room, lock, stock, and entourage. He’s going to some nightclub but he’s planning on coming back to my place. I can’t get a full set of those laser things that chop off arms and stuff until tomorrow.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “You are not wiring our office with lasers to keep your brother out.”
“Okay, how about we go tomorrow morning, pick up three Dobermans and train them to eat anything that smells like Axe body spray.”
“We’re not killing your brother. Can you imagine the public mourning of his abs? You would have women from all over the planet showing up with wreaths and teddy bears, laying them out as a shrine to your brother’s hot bod.”
Kai made a gagging sound. “Don’t forget the gay guys. I was told Jared doesn’t discriminate against any gender that wants to worship him. I don’t want to go home.”
Something about the slump of his shoulders made her heart nearly break. This was Kai. He was always strong, always resilient. He was the one everyone came to for advice or help and he gave it immediately, even to people she knew he didn’t like. “Where would you go?”
“This couch looks comfy,” he said quietly.
“That couch is more of a love seat, and there’s zero chance of your six-foot-two-inch body fitting onto it.” He would have to bend that body in half to fit on it or most of his legs would be hanging off. Either way, she couldn’t imagine he would be comfortable.
He still didn’t turn, as though he wasn’t ready to face her. “Okay. I can sleep on the floor. I’ve slept in worse places.”
“You want to avoid your brother that much?” It wasn’t like she didn’t understand. Her sister had shown up in Dallas a few months before, wreaking havoc on Kori’s existence. She’d been high and angry, and who had Kori turned to when her sister got to be too much to deal with? Yeah, Kai had gotten Shawna into a rehab center. Kai was the one who traveled with Kori on family visitation days. Kai was the one who was going to help Shawna transition when she completed the course. Kai was the one who helped Kori finance it all.
“Just for tonight.” There was a weary tone to his voice. “I have to deal with him eventually, but I don’t want to do it tonight. All I need is a pillow.”
“I think Mia’s had too much to drink. She’s staying here tonight. I don’t know how comfortable she’ll feel sharing the living room.”
“Oh.” He nodded. “All right. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She stopped him before he made it to the door. Somehow her hand found its way into his. “Or you can stay with me. I have a queen-sized bed so there’s plenty of room. I think I snore though.”
It was a horrible mistake, but she couldn’t let him walk out that door. She couldn’t. After everything they’d meant to one another, she couldn’t be the one who shipped him back to somewhere he didn’t want to be. He would never do that to her.
“I can handle a little snoring,” he said, his eyes warm. “The way I feel I’ll sleep like a log.”
Something about the way his fingers curled around hers made her mushy. She hated feeling mushy and weepy and like something was happening that was way more important than it should be. “This doesn’t change anything between us.”
He nodded his head solemnly. “It only adds.”
“Kai, I’m not sleeping with you tonight.”
He frowned. “You’re taking the couch?”
He could be so obtuse at times for a man with a genius level IQ. “No. I was talking about sex. I’m not going to sleep on the couch. It’s lumpy and horrible. I’m not having sex with you tonight.”
“I promise to keep my hands to myself.”
That sounded terrible. “Come on. We have a long day tomorrow.”
She would set an alarm and maybe if she hustled him out of the door early enough tomorrow morning she could convince Sarah and Mia that nothing happened. Which was true because absolutely nothing was going to happen except some serious sleeping. That was totally going to happen.
She led him back to her bedroom. They’d been friends for a long time, worked together most of the time she’d been here in Dallas. He’d never been in her bedroom. She’d been in his a hundred times before, mostly since he worked and lived in the same building. First at Sanctum and then in their own place after the explosion. At least twice a year she would come into work and find him a ball of snot and sadness curled up in the middle of his futon. Yes, he was a grown man who slept on a futon. He claimed it helped his back or something but mostly she thought he couldn’t afford much else. She would have to spend days bringing him chicken soup and babying him.
Her bedroom was a bit plain, but it had some windows into her soul.
“Who is this?” Kai’s eyes almost immediately found the pictures on her dresser.
She closed the door behind her, locking out the world. The fact that she was alone in a bedroom with Kai was not lost on her. Alone and with every intention of getting into bed with him. Her room seemed smaller than before, with his big body taking up most of the space. “It’s me and my mom and my dogs. The pug was named Jinx, the pit bull mix was Cuddles, and the one I’m holding was named Butch.”
“You nam
ed the tiny Chihuahua Butch?”
She shrugged. “Better than that. He was a girl, but she humped everything she could so I think she was gender confused. I had a lot of dogs growing up.”
He nodded to the other pictures of pups she had framed around the room. “Obviously. Were you the girl who picked up strays?”
“I guess I tend to like animals more than people. I’m the person who stops traffic to move the turtle out of the road. I always wonder if the turtle is pissed because maybe he knew where he was going and I take him someplace different.” She’d always wanted to write a kids’ film about that possibility.
“You don’t keep animals here.”
She missed them with all her heart and soul, but it was another piece of herself that seemed lost. “Well, I work a lot.”
“You work at a place where the boss would pretty much let you do anything you like. If you want to bring a dog to work, do it. As long as the pup’s trained, it would probably be nice to have around. Which side do you sleep on?” He pulled off his jacket, laying it over the small chair tucked under her desk.
“Uhm, the right mostly. I think I move around a lot.”
“Then this should be fun. I’m very warm and cuddly, so if you end up wrapped around me, it’s going to be your fault because I’m a polite sleeper. I’m very Zen when I sleep.” His shirt was next to go.
Oh, that man was gorgeous. He might not be as cut as his brother, but she preferred his lean body. He did as much yoga as he lifted weights. Kai was flexible in more ways than one.
“Are you all right? I can go,” he offered.
“We’re friends. Friends can sleep together without sex. I’ll be right back. I’m going to brush my teeth. Make yourself comfortable.” She fled into her tiny bathroom even as she saw his hands go to the waistband of his jeans.
What was she doing? Was she actually going to hop in bed with Kai? Maybe she should sleep on the floor.
Like Kai would accept that. She looked at herself in the mirror. Kai obviously needed a friend. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t need her. He didn’t make a habit of showing up and needing a sleeping buddy. If she’d shown up on his doorstep and needed a cuddle, he would very likely open his arms and give it to her. Instead, she’d shown up with a junkie sister and he’d handled it, so she was going to brush her teeth and get her ass out there and sleep with her boss.
Five minutes later she walked out of the bathroom having made herself as hygienically ready for a sleep cycle as possible. Kai had turned off all the lights with the exception of the one by her side of the bed. He was lying back, the sheets halfway down his chest, and he was not wearing a shirt.
“Please tell me you’ve got something on under there.”
“I’m in my boxers. Do you want me to wear jeans?” He turned toward her, propping up his head in his hand.
He looked like the best man treat ever offered to a girl. “No, it’s fine.” She could handle it. He wasn’t wearing anything except his likely very thin boxers. It would be good. This would prove once and for all that they were friends and no amazingly hot spanking could change that. She slid into bed and turned out the light. “Good night, Kai.”
She lay there for a second. It was so odd to have someone in bed with her.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a masochist?”
Should she snore? Maybe if she gave him a couple of good snores, he would think she was asleep.
“Were you afraid of me? Don’t answer with arrogant Kori. I’m honestly asking. I told you I was a sadist when I first met you. You nodded and ignored me the rest of the day. I thought you would quit. I was a little surprised when you showed up the next day.”
Thank god for blackout shades. Somehow it was easier to talk in complete darkness. She remembered the day he was talking about. It had been before her first night at Sanctum. She’d started the job with Kai and Big Tag had sweetened the pot by offering her a membership at Sanctum as part of her salary. Back then, Big Tag had funded Kai’s practice. Kai had warned her that he would be in the dungeon that night and explained in perfectly academic terms his status as a sadist. She’d nearly gotten to her knees right then and there.
How should she explain this to him without giving away everything? She stared up at the darkness. “I’d just moved here. I’d been in a relationship that was unhealthy to say the least. I didn’t know you. It seemed easiest to keep the two things separate.”
“Was he your Dom?”
“Yes. For several years. I was in the lifestyle before he was and then he took over everything. My life. My career. I moved to Arizona for a couple of years and then I came out here. I didn’t want to get back to that place again.”
“So that’s why you don’t let anyone give you what you need.”
She didn’t say the truth. The truth was no one at Sanctum with the exception of Kai could give her what she needed. She needed more than a hard hand on her ass. She needed Kai’s unique brand of dominance. “I think it’s dangerous for a person like me.”
“He abused your trust. Not every Dom would do that. I wouldn’t even call him a Dom. A Dom puts his sub’s needs first.”
She’d spent the last five years of her life dissecting that relationship. “I know that intellectually, but I don’t think I can ever go back. I can’t get in that deep again. Tonight was fun, but I have to leave it there.”
“So you’re leaving Sanctum? Because the other Dominants aren’t going to let you get away with faking anymore.”
She hadn’t even thought of that. Silence filled the dark as the real ramifications of the night hit her. She was stuck. Now that everyone knew, no one would play with her. Not the way they had before. She’d been outed. Even if they forgave her for keeping the truth from them, most of the Dominants wouldn’t want to play with a sub who had zero interest in ever letting them in.
“I’m going to move my arm out,” Kai said, his voice carefully polite. “I told you I wouldn’t lay a hand on you but if you rolled over and cuddled up against me and then my arm kind of turned in, that wouldn’t be the same thing, right?”
He was offering her comfort without asking for anything in return. She was sick of overthinking, sick of constantly putting up boundaries and barriers. Kori rolled to her side and sure enough Kai’s arm wrapped around her, drawing her against the warmth and strength of his body. “It’s not the same thing at all.”
He cocooned her in the dark, his hand holding her head against his chest. “I’ll talk to them. I’ll make sure you have a safe place to play.”
Or she could accept that she had a play partner. It wasn’t like she’d been there alone tonight. Kai was excellent at compartmentalizing. She let her head rest on his chest, hearing the beat of his heart. Slowly she relaxed, her arm winding around his torso so they were wrapped together. It didn’t have to mean anything beyond they were friends and she needed comfort. He needed comfort, too. It was obvious his brother’s appearance threatened Kai’s much needed calm. What if she could give him some of that peace back through play? He hadn’t found a play partner who met his needs either. They could help each other. She could stay at Sanctum and nothing had to change with the singular exception of getting to go to her happy place a couple of times a week. Kai wasn’t Morgan. Kai wouldn’t take her freedom and turn her into some kind of pathetic acolyte who gave up her own credit to please the Master.
No one could do that to her. No one except herself. She’d made those choices. She’d let herself slide.
If she was vigilant about keeping herself in check, she could have what she needed. And it wasn’t like Kai was looking for scripts he could pretend were his own. Kai likely wouldn’t insist he got full credit for watering the plants or keeping his schedule organized.
“Kori? Talk to me. I’m getting afraid.”
She nestled closer to him because somehow in the safety of the darkness it seemed all right to cuddle. Especially with a man who wasn’t scared of saying he was afraid. This was one of the thing
s she adored about Kai. He was open with his feelings. She could trust that he was always honest with her. “Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that you’re going to push me away because of what happened tonight. I don’t want that. I enjoyed our scene, but if it scared you that much, I won’t ask you to play again. This relationship is important to me.” His fingers moved over her, running across her hair.
This was what she’d missed earlier, the connection, the sweet intimacy. She’d been wrong to run away. Kai just wanted the connection that came from a scene. That was all. “I wasn’t thinking of pushing you away. I was wondering if it wouldn’t make sense for us to be play partners.”
He moved, his lips brushing her forehead in a sweet gesture of affection. “I think that makes complete sense. We’re obviously well matched. I haven’t met anyone who needs me the way you do. I call myself a sadist, but I don’t really want to cause pain that isn’t necessary. I suppose in the strictest sense that makes me more a rough Dom than a sadist. I enjoy the play. I sometimes think I need it so the part of me that gets fulfilled by hurting someone doesn’t take over my life. I can keep it at bay, be the man I want to be. Lately I haven’t…well, let’s say I haven’t fed the beast and I worry he’s coming out in little ways. I’m short with everyone if I don’t think about what I say.”
She understood. She’d spent years keeping everyone at arm’s length because there was a part of her that she’d hidden away. It was out now and the choice was to accept what she needed or run away again. “I think we can make it work. This relationship is important to me, too.”
So important. They could make this work. They could stay friends. She played with friends all the time.
“We need rules.”
Rules. Kai was a big fan of rules. At least he wasn’t talking about a contract at this point. The idea of signing a contract again made her antsy. “Sure, we can talk about some common sense rules in the morning.”
He would likely want to talk about compartmentalizing. He would want to keep the play strictly to the club and that was fine with her.
He was quiet for a moment. “Thank you for telling me why you worry.”