by Lauren Wood
“You shouldn’t have done that Sandra. They had been together for a year.”
She snickered. “So where were you two last night dear brother?”
“What do you mean?”
“I noticed that both of you were gone.”
How did she know? Sandra was scary sometimes because she just knew things. There was no telling how or why, just that she did. I wasn’t going to admit to it, but I didn’t really have to.
“I don’t know. I was there all night.”
“Yeah, okay brother.”
There was a silence and then she asked me if I was done getting in her business.
“Yeah.”
“Well mom told me to tell you to make it home for dinner. She’s making meatloaf.”
“Alright.”
“See ya sis.”
She hung up and I was left shaking my head. My sister was a confusing sort. There was a big part of me that knew I’d made her that way. I was her only sibling and she’d looked up to me. I wasn’t in the best things and neither was she. She wanted to hang out with us guys and she had. But it had made her a little harsh. I felt bad for inviting her, but she was right in a way. I’d gotten what I wanted out of it.
That wasn’t the easiest pill to swallow, but I had work to do. The first shipment would be in from the south in a couple of days and I had to make sure that the place was secure for the goods. I didn’t want anyone getting ahold of my guns. It was what was going to put this club charter on the map and since I now had a crew put together, it was time to get every other moving piece in line.
Racen called a little while later, wanting to know when Gemma was going to be back. I called her to find out where she was, and she didn’t answer for a while. When I did get ahold of her, she was stopping for some gas.
“So Racen wants to know when you’ll be back.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to come back. Do you ever feel like it would be best just to ride somewhere else and never look back?”
I had felt that way ten years ago. I left, and I missed it the whole time I was gone. It was good for me to go and do what I did. It started my life and what I wanted to do, but then again, I’d left her behind and I was surer than ever before that it had been one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
“Sometimes. Why do you want to leave? I thought we had a good time last night.” I was hoping that we could have more nights like that, but I didn’t put those wishes out loud for her to hear.
“We did, but you know what that was.”
If she said one-night stand again, I was going to have to prove her wrong. I knew that there was a part of me that knew she was saying that to protect herself. We both knew that it was a lie.
“Yeah I do.”
“Well I will have his bike back in a few. I’m just picking up some things and then I will be back out at the cabin.”
“So, you’re staying another night?”
“Yeah, you don’t mind, do you?”
“No, not at all. Stay as long as you like. Do you want some company tonight?”
She told me that she would think about it. It wasn’t company that I was selling, and she knew that. I wanted something more. We both did. I wanted to ask her about her and Justin, but it was just something else that I wasn’t going to be able to put in words. It was like walking on egg shells. I wasn’t sure what to say and knowing that it was my sister he cheated with didn’t make any of it any easier.
When I hung up the phone, I was confused. I stared off at the blinking light for a while, not sure what was going to happen next. I never did know with Gemma.
Gemma
Frank called, talking about coming by to give me some company. He was also bringing dinner with him, so I was looking forward to seeing him. It was strange to be at the cabin by myself and I was going to be thankful for him. It had been quiet since the guys left that were working on it earlier.
When I heard the door open out front, my heart skipped a beat and I knew that it was Frank. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way, but it was Frank, and I did. I’d always felt some sort of way with him and I wasn’t sure why. What shocked me was that after all this time, I still did.
I’d pushed Justin out of my head. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. I turned my phone off and went to go meet Frank at the door.
“Honey, I’m home.”
I looked around and told him that he’d came to the wrong house. The place was empty, but it still felt good to be there with him. I didn’t realize how much he lit up my life.
He gave me a peck on the cheek that turned into something more. His lips were on mine and before I knew it, he was dropping bags onto the floor and the sound made me realize what I was doing. I wasn’t supposed to be kissing him. I’d made it clear that we weren’t going to do this again, yet here I was, doing it again with him.
“We can’t do this Frank.”
“Why not?”
I was about to say something about Justin and I stopped. I wasn’t ready to come out with that because I was going to get mad, we were going to get in a fight and it just wasn’t worth it. I knew that there was a big part of me that was going to melt if I didn’t put some distance in between us.
Grabbing the bags off the floor, I sidestepped his attempt to get me back into his arms and I couldn’t help but giggle. “Some things never change. Is that all you think about?” Here I was starving and of course Frank was much more worried about the other sort of hunger.
“When I’m around you, yes.”
“Well, at least your honest I guess.”
“I’ve missed this. I never have been comfortable around women like I was with you. You were always more of a friend that I wanted to fuck, then anything else.”
I knew that it was a compliment, but I didn’t like where it was going. I wasn’t ready for those sorts of emotions and I just waved him off.
“Well I’m starving Frank. What did you bring with you?”
“Some chicken marsala.”
“You remembered?”
“Of course. I really could never forget you Gemma. You don’t know how many nights I’ve stayed up thinking about you.”
I had an idea because I’d done the same myself, but at the end of the day, we weren’t supposed to be talking about this. I was with Justin, for the time being and I didn’t want to get it all confused with Frank. I wanted a clean break. It wasn’t a question of if, just when. I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. I would be soon, I was sure of it. Just not yet.
“Enough of all that Frank. When did you get all mushy on me?”
He gave me a look and I just smiled his way. He didn’t like me saying that about him and I knew that it was because he wanted to be extra manly. He was. Frank was about as manly as it got, but we’d been close once and we’d stayed up late, talking about dreams and the like. It was hard to rectify that with the biker in front of me. The leather told the world that he was bad ass and he was. But there was another side of Frank altogether and I really liked that side of him as well.
I pulled out the to-go trays and opened one, handing it to him.
“Are they the same?”
“No, I thought we would share like we used to.”
He knew me too well. I’d never liked to order from a restaurant because I always wanted something different when I got the food. Frank always shared with me, so it was like we both got two things. It was just another reminder of where we were at one point. We used to be very close and I didn’t realize how much I just missed him as a friend to hang out with.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor, we ate dinner together and talked about his adventures away. I had missed him, and it was good to hear about all of the things he had done. He’d always wanted to get out Hartford and he had. I didn’t think that he was going to start a gang, but he had. It made sense because he was never one to follow too many rules. I just couldn’t believe what he was into now. He had really upped his game when it came to crime.
“Did you e
ver miss Hartford?”
“I missed old Rusty and I missed you, some of the old friends, but most of it I didn’t miss at all. There is a lot more going on outside of here, though it’s good to be back to familiar. I think it was just time for me to come back. I’m really glad that I did.”
He was talking about me and what was going on with us. I wasn’t sure what this was, but I knew that there was another reason. He’d talked about setting up shop here, although I didn’t really know what that actually meant. What was he doing here and why did he have a cabin out in the middle of nowhere, as well as a warehouse that I had heard Racen talking about with another guy earlier? There was so much that I didn’t know, but I didn’t care. I was just happy he was back. That’s all I knew for sure.
“So, are you going to tell me what happened last night?”
It was a conversation that I didn’t want to get into, even though I knew it was going to be something we were going to have to talk about.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you kind of jumped on me all of a sudden. Did something happen to change your mind?”
It felt like he knew what was going on, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to talk about it. It was embarrassing, included his sister and his best friend. It was all just more complicated than I liked my life to be. I never wanted to be in this situation and I certainly didn’t want to share it with anyone else. It was humiliating and I felt like an idiot.
“No, nothing happened.”
Frank had an expression on his face that I didn’t know what to make of it.
“Nothing happened?”
I sighed and asked him what he knew.
“I think I know why you changed your mind to being with me and I want to know if that’s the only reason.”
“What, because I caught my boyfriend with your sister in my bed?”
Frank nodded.
“Well, I’m not going to say that it didn’t push me one way or another, but at the end of the day, I guess I wanted to bang it out with you anyways.”
“Bang it out? I thought guys were bad with that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard such a thing said by a chick before.”
I gave him a look. “How many girls have you actually talked to after doing the deed?”
All of a sudden, I had all these unorthodox euphemisms for sex and I don’t know why I was using them. Frank had me in this silly mood and it was hard to not smile. There was just something about him and even after all of this time, I was still trying hard not to let him back in. I’d loved this man, so much. Too much because at the end of the day, I’d gotten a broken heart out of it and I can’t say that I wanted to revisit it. I didn’t like that period of my life when he first left. I will be the first to admit that I was a mess.
“What happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, one minute you’re laughing and joking with me and the next you got this look on your face that I don’t really understand.”
I waved him off and grabbed the trays. We were both done and maybe we’d had enough going down memory lane for the time being. It was a painful stroll to have and I wasn’t sure how I felt about all of it. There was still a big part of me that was afraid of going back there.
“Nothing. It’s just been a long day. I think I’m going to try and get some sleep. I need to go to work tomorrow around noon. Do you think you could give me a ride in the morning to Justin’s house after nine? I will grab my car once he’s gone for the day.”
“You know you’re going to have to face him eventually. Have you talked to him at all?”
I told him that I hadn’t, and he asked me why not. I wasn’t sure of the answer. Maybe I was supposed to be more upset and I was waiting for it to sink in. All I could think about was Frank at the moment. I hadn’t thought that much about Sandra and Justin, which was strange because he was my boyfriend. But deep down, I don’t think that I’d ever really loved him, no matter how badly I wanted to believe that I did.
“I will talk to Justin when I’m ready.”
“Okay, well I won’t tell him you’re staying here. I don’t think he’s going to understand why you’re here.”
“It doesn’t matter what he thinks. You’re just letting me stay with you because I asked. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“I wouldn’t say wrong, but it’s hard to forget what we did a couple of hours ago.”
“It was more than a couple.”
“You two are still together.”
“That relationship stopped as soon as I found him with Sandra in my bed. That’s how I feel about this being cheating. We weren’t together anymore from that moment on as far as I’m concerned. So whatever I did after that, I did as a free woman.”
“It was most likely a mistake on his part. He was trapped into it. My sister can be devious and the pair of you have always had this thing between you. I never understood it, but she might have provoked it.”
“She didn’t like me dating you. Thought I was making you soft. I don’t know. But she’s always been jealous of what we had with each other. I think she just idolized you and I took up all of her time with you.”
“That could be. I never really knew why, but there was always this tension. I don’t much get women.”
I giggled. “That’s the most honest thing you’ve said all night.”
“I know that if you want real honesty, I haven’t stopped thinking about you in all of this time. Even now, knowing that you want to wait, knowing that you have a boyfriend that happens to be my oldest friend, I still want to get on top of you and make sweet love. It’s all I can think about and that’s honest.”
He left me with my mouth opened and I didn’t know what to say. It was the best answer to a question that I hadn’t even asked. I wanted to believe him because I felt the same away about our time together. I thought about it a lot, but Frank was right. There was a lot between us right now and this wasn’t the time to get everything all confused.
“Thank you, Frank. That’s sweet.”
He growled at me. “The last thing that I want to be is sweet baby. I want to be so much more, if you’d let me.”
Frank
She shut me down. It was in a nice way, but the results were still the same. I was sleeping alone, and I didn’t want to be. I wanted her next to me, but instead I got on the bike and went back to the small apartment that I’d rented. I would have invited Gemma here, but she wanted some privacy and neither one of us wanted to have to explain to Justin why she was there. I knew that I was going to have to say something to him, whether she did or not.
Justin was an old friend and I had to come clean. I didn’t have to tell him that we’d been together necessarily, but I did need to tell him that she was staying with me until they worked things out. If I was a good friend, I would have given him a heads up to the fact that Gemma knew about Sandra. I should have, but I didn’t want to help him at all. He’d fucked it up all by himself and I was happy with letting it play out and me not having anything to do with it. Or anything more to do with it.
I got to the apartment and there were several guys there. Most were coming in from Texas, so I had a few guests over. And where there were guys on bikes, there were girls that wanted to ride on the back of them. Several women I’d never met before were walking around, but they were there for entertainment purposes from what I could tell. I didn’t pay too much mind to them, getting a beer and jumping in the shower. It had been a long day at the warehouse and the sun had made me sweaty.
I thought of Gemma and had to pop one off before I could get myself together. The girl was always twisting me up and this was no different. I just couldn’t stop thinking about her and I went downstairs to try and get my mind off of her. Racen was there and of course, the first thing he said was something about Gemma. He wanted to know if she was going to be up at the cabin tomorrow.
“Yeah, I think so, but I will give her a ride early.”
“I can if you do
n’t want to. I’ll be there any ways after all.”
I told him that I was fine to go. I could see the attraction in his eyes and I didn’t like to see it one bit. The last thing that I wanted was for another friend and club member to eye my girl. But at the same time, I couldn’t claim her, now could I? It was all a headache and I just mentioned that she was with the VP the last I’d heard. I didn’t mention that I’d banged her brains out the night before last.
“Oh shit. Sorry. I didn’t know she was taken. That’s one hot little bitch there.”
I was trying hard not to let his words get to me, but so help me they were. I didn’t like to hear anyone talk about her like that, no matter who they are.
“Yeah, that little bitch was the one that got me riding bikes. I’ve known her a long time. For a while, we thought we were going to get married.”
“You, married? I can’t believe that. I don’t think you’ve hit the same woman twice as far as I know.”
I had of course but not very often, and I had a couple of last resorts that would tide me over when I needed them to. They were just girls like the ones that were running around here. They would go into the bedroom with me and do whatever I wanted. It should have been a dream come true, but pussy was never on short supply. It was quality that I was looking for over quantity. That had changed as I got older.
“Things change Racen. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting older.”
He nodded, but I could tell that his attention was on other things. He was checking out the girls that were there and I just waved him off. He wasn’t worried about talking to me. He was worried about the girls. Hopefully, knowing that Gemma was off limits would push him away from her and back to some of the more easily accessible girls. They were there for all of them.
“Hey baby.”
I was paying attention to Racen and I didn’t see the tiny blonde come up to me. She had a smile on her face and I knew what she was thinking. I was President and that meant that I always had the pick of the litter. I was worth more and if one of them got with me, they would have more status than the other women. It was all very strange, but even though the blonde was smoking hot, I wasn’t interested. I had another woman on my mind and no one else was going to do.