While she waited for him to finish his pacing, she ran through what being his EA would be like. She enjoyed working as his temp secretary in the last few weeks. She appreciated the challenge of editing his blog posts and his newsletters. She didn’t get that kind of challenge often in a temp job.
Cameron O’Toole headed his own hand-built empire of internet consultation, motivational material, podcasts, blog, and master courses for executive teams and political hopefuls. He spent his whole life commanding. He commanded her, too, but he did it in such a way that inspired her to rise to greater success in her own career while contributing to his. He made money hand over fist making everyone in the world believe they could be as successful as he was.
At last, he sat back down in his chair and picked up his tablet. “I guess we can get started on the speech now.”
Sonya picked up her pen. No hurry. She could wait all day for him to be ready.
Instead of starting on it, though, he tossed the tablet down again. “The thing is, Sonya, I really need an EA and I don’t want another one. I want you. As a matter of fact, it has to be you.”
“Why does it have to be me? I’m sure there are plenty of others you could screen to find one more qualified than me. I really don’t have any EA experience.”
“Nope. I don’t want to screen any others. The way you’ve edited my work in the last three weeks has been invaluable.” He covered his mouth with his hand to suppress a laugh. “Do you want to hear something funny? Everyone who has ever edited my work has made me feel inadequate.”
“You? Inadequate? I don’t think so.”
“Hard to believe, I know, but it’s true. I can’t stand having my work edited, but you do it in a way that makes me want to improve it. I don’t take it personally from you. That’s how I know you have to be my EA. I’ve studied motivation most of my adult life, and I still can’t figure out what you do or how you do it, but it sure works. I can’t see any of my own methods in your approach, but I want to study it and apply it to my business.”
“Excuse me, Cameron, but with all due respect, I don’t have to be your EA. I don’t even have to be your secretary. I’m a free agent. I decide what I do and where I work and for whom.”
“I know. That’s what makes you so fascinating.”
Sonya blushed. “I’m hardly fascinating, and I came in here to edit a speech, not talk about myself.”
“Actually, I brought you in here to talk about yourself. I want to know what I can do to get you as my EA. Is it the freedom of movement you want? I can do that. Is it the independent contractor role? We can do that, too. I can tailor your employment conditions to match your requirements.”
Sonya shifted her pen and notepad into one hand. “Listen, Cameron, I already said no. If you can’t accept that as my final answer, I probably shouldn’t be working with you at all. I’ll gather up my stuff and contact the temp service to send you another secretary.”
He held out his hand, but he didn’t even try to hide his smile. “Sit down, Sonya. If you don’t want to be my EA, you don’t have to be. Come on and sit down.”
She eyed him. “I won’t sit down unless you promise you won’t mention me being your EA again.”
He laughed out loud. “I promise I won’t mention it again, and I won’t email you a long-term job offer, and I won’t compliment you on your editorial style, either.”
She did her best not smile and resumed her seat. “All right. Can we work on the speech now?”
“No, we can’t. I’m not done asking you about yourself. I want you to tell me something about your personal life.”
She let her wrist fall on her knee. “Do we have to?”
“Yes, we have to. All that globe-trotting must play havoc on your personal relationships.”
“Not really. I don’t really have any personal relationship.”
His eyes flew open. “You don’t? Well, that proves my point, doesn’t it?”
"What exactly is your point?”
“That globe-trotting plays havoc with your personal relationships.”
“I didn’t have any personal relationships when I wasn’t globe-trotting, either. I’ve got my mother in Boise, but she’s my only relative.”
“What about your friends? Do you have friends?”
“I have my best friend from college, but she got married and moved to Seattle, so I haven’t seen her in a few years. I have two other good friends, but since I moved to the East Coast, we only communicate by email and occasionally Skype. Other than that, I meet people at my postings and usually move on.”
“What about boyfriends? How do you meet boyfriends?”
“I have a boyfriend.”
His head whipped around. “You do? You never told me that.”
“You never asked.”
“So what’s his name?”
Sonya looked right and left. “Is this conversation relevant to your Rotary speech?”
“It’s not relevant to my speech, but it’s relevant to me. What’s your boyfriend’s name, and how did you meet him?”
“His name is Liam, and I met him on OKCupid .”
“So that’s how you do it. You meet people on the internet when you move to a new place, and when you move on, you leave them behind. I understand. Easy come, easy go.”
“It’s not like that. Liam and I are very close. There’s nothing easy come, easy go about it.”
“How long have you two been together?”
“I’ve been temping around Philly for three years, so that’s how long we’ve been together.”
“And are you happy with your relationship?”
“If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be in it.”
“Come on, Sonya. You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. I don’t see how my relationship with Liam can have anything to do with you.”
“I want to know how you can stay in a relationship with a man for three years but you won’t commit to a job for the long term.”
“I haven’t committed to Liam for the long term, either. We aren’t married.”
“Are you monogamous?”
“What!? What are you talking about? Now I know you’re messing with me. I’m outta here.”
He didn’t jump up to stop her walking out. He didn’t even lean forward in his chair. He fixed his sharp eyes on her. “I’m trying to assess your ability to commit to anything, animal, vegetable, or mineral. Are you monogamous with the Liam of yours or not?”
She sank back into her chair. How did he manage to deflate her so fast? “We haven’t had that conversation.”
“You haven’t had that conversation in three years? That means you’re not monogamous.”
Sonya’s cheeks burned. She looked away.
“That bothers you, doesn’t it? It bothers you that you’re not monogamous.”
“It doesn’t bother me.”
“Then why are you so mad at me for saying it?”
“It doesn’t bother me that we’re not monogamous, and I’m not mad at you for saying it. I mad at....I’m not mad at anything.”
“You’re mad at Liam about something, something related to you’re not being monogamous.”
She muttered down at her pen. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“I’m only asking because I care about you, Sonya. I wouldn’t like to think anyone was taking advantage of you.”
She couldn’t lift her head to look at him. “Liam is not taking advantage of me. He’s cheating on me.”
Chapter 2
Cameron sat perfectly still. He didn’t swivel in his chair, and he didn’t say a word. How did he worm that confession out of her with so many pointed questions? How did he know? He didn’t know. That was the thing. No one could weasel his way into a person’s brain like Cameron. He aimed for the heart of everything, and he hit it.
Sonya glanced up at him. “I guess cheating on me isn’t the right word for it since we never had a conversation about being monogamous. I never minded
being non-monogamous, as long as I knew that’s what we were. I just wanted to know that’s what we were. I wanted everything to be out in the open, above board, with no secret agendas. You know?”
“What does he do?”
“He doesn’t do anything. He just lives his normal life. He loves me and cares about me and takes me out on the weekends and everything. I just suspected for a long time he was seeing other people on the side. ‘Seeing them’ isn’t the right way to put it, either. He just shags other women when the opportunity arises, whenever he feels like it. For all I know, he’s still using OKCupid to find people.”
“Are you satisfied with your relationship with him?”
“I’m satisfied with everything except that. I wouldn’t even mind him screwing around, as long as he was upfront with me about what he was doing.”
His eyes drilled into her being. “Would you like to screw around on him? Would you like to shag other men on the side, whenever you felt like it?”
“No, I wouldn’t. I’m a one-man woman.”
“Are you? Do you really think Liam deserves that?”
“I deserve it. I don’t want to screw around. I never have, and I never will.”
He swiveled sideways then. He was Cameron O’Toole, the world famous psychoanalyst analyzing the weak and helpless unsatisfied housewife. “How often do you have sex?”
She brushed her bangs off her forehead. “What difference does it make?”
“It makes a difference if you’re not satisfied.”
“I am satisfied. I just told you I was satisfied.”
“Just tell me. How often do you have sex?”
“Maybe twice a week, sometimes three.”
“Is that enough for you?”
“It’s more than enough. I don’t want any more.”
“Does Liam want more?”
“He doesn’t say he does. He just leaves it as it is.”
“Is that what makes you think he’s screwing around?”
“Not really.”
“Then what makes you think he’s screwing around?”
“Nothing in particular. Maybe you’re right. Maybe it’s that he never says anything about us doing it more or less or anything. He just accepts the relationship as it is.”
“And that strikes you as unusual? You think he shouldn’t accept it.”
“I find it hard to believe he would accept it without a word, without any discussion at all. He would only do that if he had something else going.”
“I see. And what about you? Do you accept the situation as it is, with no discussion or anything?”
“I just said I did. What am I talking to you about this for? It’s none of your business.”
“You’re my business, Sonya. If you’re unhappy, I want to fix it. That’s my business.”
“I’m not one of your clients. I’m your secretary, nothing more.”
“You’re a human being. I can’t live in the world without trying to help the person in front of me. That’s just the way I’m made.”
“Well, I don’t need your help. I’m just fine the way I am. I’m perfectly happy with my life and my job and my relationship, so we can work on your speech now.”
“If you’re perfectly happy, why can’t you smile when you talk about Liam screwing around whenever he feels like it? Look at you, Sonya. You’re miserable.”
“I’m not miserable. I might not be happy about it, but I’m not miserable.”
“Then there’s only one thing for you to do. You have to screw around with another man and not tell Liam about it.”
Sonya snorted. “And I suppose you think I should screw around with you. Well, forget it, and this conversation is over. I quit. I’m not your secretary anymore. I don’t screw around with my boss. I have some scruples, you know.”
“If you quit and you’re not my secretary, then you won’t be screwing around with your boss. You quit, so I’m just Joe Blow from down the block. There’s nothing in your scruples to stop you screwing around with me. What do you say now?”
“I say you’re soft in the head.”
“Does Liam satisfy you sexually? Tell the truth, Sonya. Does he light your fire and leave you breathless, or is the sex just sort of so-so?”
“Go jump off a cliff.”
She threw her notepad and pen on the desk, but for some reason, she didn’t get up and walk out of the room.
“Does Liam get you all hot and wet two or three times a week in between nailing his secretary in the toilet stall of his office building? Do you lie naked on your bed waiting for him to come home in the afternoon in breathless anticipation of him doing it with you? Do you crave him more than anything?”
She stared at him with saucer eyes. His eyes glittered with a knowing spark. How did he know? How did he read the situation with such unerring accuracy, just from the little she told him about it?
Did she get hot and wet waiting for Liam to come home from work in the afternoons? She didn’t even have to ask. Sex with Liam meant as little to her as it did to him, so why did she call herself a one-man woman? That was a joke. That was her way of avoiding finding someone she did crave more than anything.
She didn’t have time to crave anyone. She never let herself have time for it. She wasted her time with the Liams of the world so she could tell herself she wasn’t avoiding relationships.
Cameron knew it all. He put the puzzle pieces together and knew. That was his job. He judged people and sized up their problems for a living. Why did she think she could work for a man like that and get away with not being sized up along with the rest of the human race?
She ought to run out of that room, leave town, and get herself another temp job in a city on the other side of the world. She ought to leave Liam behind and find herself another OKCupid to shack up with. She’d done it dozens of times, and she could do it again.
So why didn’t she run? Why did she sit there like a deer in the headlights and let Cameron O'Toole hypnotize her with his snake eyes? Why did she let him continue to interrogate her about her personal life when she had no intention of baring her soul to him?
He didn’t swivel back and forth in his seat anymore. He sat still and returned her stare with his direct gaze. “Would you do it with another man if you knew he could satisfy you the way Liam doesn’t?”
She had to swallow hard before she got the words out. “I don’t know. Probably not.”
“What would it take to get you to sleep with another man?”
“I don’t think I would ever sleep with another man—ever.”
“Never? Not even if it meant you could feel the pleasure and fulfillment of a satisfying sexual experience?”
“I don’t associate fulfillment with sex.”
“You don’t? Now I know you’re not satisfied with your sex life. That’s what sex is. It’s all about being fulfilled and complete, not just in the other person, but in yourself, in receiving pleasure and satisfying your needs and desires.”
Sonya blushed. She didn’t have her notepad and pen to look down at, so she studied the cuticles of her fingernails instead. “I’ve never had sex like that.”
“Would you like to?”
She couldn’t help but smirk at him. “That’s what this whole conversation has been leading up to, hasn’t it? That’s the whole reason you brought me in here, so you could proposition me for sex.”
“If you want it, there’s no reason you shouldn’t get it. If you haven’t had fulfilling and satisfying sex, what’s to stop you having it now, with me?”
“I just told you I don’t screw around. I would never do it with another man as long as I was with Liam. I would have to break up with him before I did it with anyone else, and I wouldn’t do it with you, anyway. I would do it with someone else.”
“You wouldn’t have to do it with me. I could give it to you without ever touching you.”
Her eyes popped open. “What are you talking about?”
“You don’t believe me because yo
u haven’t experienced it before, but it’s not about doing it with someone else. It’s about you and your desires. You could experience it simply by giving in to your desires.”
“I don’t desire you.”
“Do you desire?”
“What do you mean? Do I desire what?”
“Do you desire fulfillment and pleasure and satisfaction? Forget Liam and me and every other guy in the world. Just think about yourself.”
She tried to say she wasn’t thinking about sex in some horny executive’s office, but she couldn’t say anything. He worked his magic on her so she had to think about what he told her to think about. She couldn’t think about anything but her own hidden desires. What did she really want? What would really satisfy her and please her?
No guy had ever asked her those questions in her life, and here was her boss, asking them from behind his desk. What harm could come from just talking about it? As long as he stayed over there in his chair, with both of them fully dressed, she wasn’t actually cheating on Liam, was she? They were just talking.
His voice rumbled low in his chest. She could barely hear him, but the deep vibrations worked through her skin to the muscle and bone hidden underneath. His voice made her flesh creep and the tiny hairs stand up along her spine. “Do you want to experience sexual pleasure, Sonya? Do you want to experience more sexual fulfillment than you’ve ever experienced in your life?”
Her lips formed the word, “Yes,” but no sound came out.
“Are you hot right now, Sonya? Are you wet right now?”
She didn’t want to admit it to herself, but that bubbly mixture of toxic juices seethed between her legs. What did he do to make her burst into flame like that?
“Do you like me talking to you like this, Sonya? Does this turn you on?”
She looked around in confusion. Did she like it? She couldn’t say she exactly liked it. She didn’t like it at all, but it did turn her on. It turned her on more than anything Liam ever did.
Her cheeks burned, and her lips pouted open, but she couldn’t move. She could only stare at Cameron. Even then, she couldn’t see any of him but his burning eyes. “I asked you a question, Sonya. Does this turn you on?”
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