The woman had opened her mouth, whether to insert herself into Ryder’s tour or say something that was sure to make Leia’s blood boil, she wasn’t sure. Wyatt, bless him, saw it and moved to intercept.
Denise smirked, as if she knew Zach’s brothers were protecting Leia. “Sure, I’ll be a taster.”
Leia followed Ryder to the hallway.
Ryder shoved his hands in the pockets of his gray slacks. “Do you really want a tour?”
She nodded. “I’d love to see the house.”
“Sorry Fiona didn’t tell you Denise would be here.”
Leia shrugged. “No apology necessary. It’s her house.”
“But you wouldn’t have come if you’d known?”
She hedged answering, following him when he pointed the way up the intricately decorated stairs. She didn’t know. Desperate as she was for family, for holidays, for a change in her life, she was only embroiled in this problem between parents and child because the subject was her and her lifestyle.
Ryder left her to her thoughts as they climbed the stairs. On the landing, he turned to the first bedroom that looked out over the front lawn.
“Fiona is a kid about Christmas.” He opened the door and flipped the light switch. “This room is her masterpiece—Santa’s workroom.”
She squeezed around him and stood in awe.
A seven-foot pine filled the double windows, the pine scent teasing her nostrils. The red and white lights flashed in a pattern. Leia watched for a moment and finally connected the Jingle Bells rhythm. The tree was decorated with nutcracker items, toys of all shapes and sizes, Santa figurines and red-plaid ribbon bows.
A life-size stuffed Santa in red pants and a white work shirt sat at a small walnut desk, front and center. He was working on a train, torn apart on the desk. The light switch had turned on another train that chugged around the loop at the edge of the room. The shelves and bed were filled with antique dolls, stuff animals, and old-fashioned toys.
“Oh my God,” she breathed. “This is like a life-size Christmas card. It’s beautiful.”
“Rest of the house is tame in comparison to this. She’s been adding to it for years. The room sits under the eaves and with the staircase, wasn’t much good for a bedroom. Over the years it was her work space, her sanctuary, if you will. Then, she started this about ten years ago. Adds something to it every year.”
“I don’t know what to look at first.” She walked carefully to the Santa and studied his sweet face. “Where did she get this?”
“Made him. She had three versions of the body before she was happy and I can’t tell how many versions of his hands and body. She used Tiny’s hands for the mold, but the face was a piece of work in itself.”
Leia stepped around the Santa and walked to the tea party in the corner. She went to her knees and delighted in the two large, white teddy bears dressed in Victorian style and sitting in black chairs at a red table. The tea party was spread out in front of them with miniature china cups and tea pot. A cinnamon colored candle in the center piece waited to be lit and the fake gingerbread on delicate china plates looked real enough to eat.
She looked up at Ryder. “She’s really something, your Aunt Fiona.”
“Don’t we know it.” His hands were flexing in his pocket and he’d pursed his mouth.
“What?” Leia knew the look of a man ready to launch into something.
“You’re in love with Zach.”
She nearly tumbled head first into the tea party. She balanced herself with her hands and shoved to her feet. “I’m not going to answer that.”
“Don’t have to. It’s obvious.”
Leia cringed. Was she really wearing her heart on her sleeve?
“We’re family, Leia. We’re close.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Zach’s never acted like this before. Not since Carlee was born.”
“Acted like what?” Cause as near as she could tell, Zach was a closed book, not leaking any emotion or any feelings about her at all.
“He’s protective of you, doing things for you that he doesn’t for anyone else. Man, do you think as sheriff he goes to the trouble to nurse someone back to health? Find someone to do it, yes. But not actually take that step. He and Denise had a horrible row about you.”
“I know. I was there.”
“Heard about that one. But nope, they had another one after that. I was there.”
“She sure can pick her moments, can’t she? Carlee wasn’t there, I hope.”
“Nope. She was at a friend’s house, thank God. Denise is the most self-absorbed person I’ve ever met. Sucks for Carlee.”
“Why are you asking me about how I feel?”
“Zach, he’s been hurt.”
“I’m not Denise.”
He held up his hands to placate here. “No, you aren’t. You’re more—could possibly turn out to be everything he needs. He’s gone a long time working on everyone and everything including Carlee, his job, this town, the family…but it’s never been about what he needed. I just wanted you to understand that.”
She rose to her feet and walked to Ryder, putting out her hands. He took them and she squeezed the strong fingers. “I can’t tell you where this is going, but I can tell you that I do care about him. I’m feeling my way here, though, and not getting much feedback from him.”
Ryder snorted. “You wouldn’t. Watch what he does, you’ll get a clue.”
They both heard the footsteps and Leia dropped Ryder’s hands and turned to the doorway.
Carlee stood there, arms wrapped around herself and glowering. “Going to sleep with him, too?”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Carlee Marie, you apologize right now.” Ryder started across the room.
Leia grabbed his arm and stopped him. “Let me talk to her, please. Alone.”
He looked back at Carlee and then at Leia. “Okay.”
He crossed to the doorway and stopped by the girl. “But you apologize. That’s no way for you to talk.” Ryder touched her shoulder. “Understand?”
“Yes, sir.” She shrugged away from his hand and kept her eyes downcast.
Leia sighed. Of all the things she’d expected from her night with Zach, fallout with Carlee hadn’t been one of them. She considered all the ways she could approach this. Friend, confidant, parent; nothing seemed to really fit.
Carlee raised her head and stared her down. “So let me have it. That’s what you want to do. What everybody is doing. Nobody listens to me. Nobody cares.”
Leia crossed her arms and stayed silent.
Carlee’s face turned red. “What? You think that’s not true? Go ahead. Tell me that’s not true.”
Leia crossed to the Christmas tree and fingered the ornaments, trying to transmit a calm demeanor in the face of her hostility. “You may feel like that’s true because you’re angry.”
The girl stepped further into the room, sagging a bit in her defensiveness. “You slept with my Dad, didn’t you?”
Leia turned from the tree and walked to the girl. “I deeply care about your father.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.” She rubbed the toe of her shoe on the carpet.
“No, it doesn’t. But that’s something you should understand before anything else.”
How should she say the rest? She felt like she was fumbling in the dark for a light switch, waiting for illumination or rescue by the man who was the topic of conversation.
She wanted honesty between her and Carlee, but this thing with Zach, well she didn’t know what it was for him. For her, she was in love. Had been since she’d laid eyes on the man, but because she didn’t believe in that sort of thing and because of the cynicism that had overtaken her attitude, she refused to recognize it.
If she wanted to change her life, change exactly this kind of cynicism, she had to be straight with the man’s twelve-year-old daughter. Her mother’s voice pounded in her head. Begin how you mean to go.
“Didn’t think you’d answer me.” C
arlee turned away, starting to leave the room.
Leia touched her shoulder, turning her back around. “Yes, your father and I spent the night together. I’m in love with him, Carlee. Two adults can and do express their feelings that way.”
“My dad loves you?” She stared at Leia with disbelief. “You love him? Same as you loved Derek Cobb and Josh Draper? I read the tabloids, too. I kept up on your boyfriends. It was glamorous and exciting. My dad isn’t glamorous and exciting. He’s mine!”
Carlee jerked away from her and ran down the stairs. Leia bit her lip and stayed rooted in the same spot, uncertain about everything and everyone. She was allowed to have a past, wasn’t she? And she’d never dated Josh Draper. The tabloids had made that up.
Beau crested the top of the stairs and came to lean in the doorframe. “I heard. She’ll come around.”
“I had to be honest. Lying after what she saw the other morning, it wasn’t the way to go.”
“You did better than Zach. He’s been so busy, he hasn’t been able to talk to her. Not sure what he’d say if he did. He’s pretty private and probably thinks this is none of her business.”
In a way, Leia agreed. She and Zach were consenting adults and needed to explain themselves to no one. But Carlee had a complicated situation that at times shook her foundation. Zach was her foundation. The predictability of Dad’s behavior was what kept Carlee rooted. Now she’d rocked that foundation.
Regret flashed through Leia. She’d never wanted Carlee to be sorry for being friends and she did consider Carlee a friend.
“Don’t put too much of this on your shoulders. I should have stopped Denise from leaving the lodge with Carlee the other morning. Roads weren’t that good, but she wouldn’t listen. I don’t know exactly what Carlee told her about you, but she insisted she had to meet up with Zach. I didn’t argue it.”
She shook her head. “You didn’t know.”
She turned back to the tree, trying to remember the trees her mother must have decorated and coming up with only vague details. “I should go.”
“No. You shouldn’t give in to a twelve-year-old or her mother. Carlee’s a young woman now and has to figure out how to handle these things without having a snit fit, which I told her.” He came up behind her and rubbed a hand down her shoulder. “I know this is awkward, but for Zach’s sake, stay.”
She turned to him, squaring her shoulders. “You’re right. I know you are.”
“Then let’s go to breakfast.” He held out his arm.
“Zach here yet?” The hopeful ring in her voice was pathetic.
Beau held out his arm with a grin. “On his way. Imagine having to go on a domestic call on Christmas morning. Not exactly the kind of morning he’d planned either.”
She gave one last wistful look to the room and let Beau led her out. “The promise of Christmas morning rarely pans out the way we plan.”
“Isn’t that the truth. But let’s see if we can salvage this one.”
“Don’t suppose Carlee will want the present I got her now.”
“Give it to her anyway. She needs it.”
The tense situation rubbed against the secret of the guitar in her back seat, picked out especially for the girl. Given how Carlee felt about her at the moment, she’d be lucky if Carlee didn’t break the thing over her head.
“If you say so.” She followed Beau down the stairs, trying to bolster herself with love for Zach, trying to connect again to that moment when they’d made love and she’d felt a part of him and his life, and tempering the want to be a part of this family so bad.
Her confidence wavered on new baby legs. Would she do anything for this, for Zach? Because it was obvious Carlee still had stars in her eyes about Leia and they were burning out rapidly in what she perceived as a competition for her Dad’s love and the humbling truth that Carlee’s hero was just a human being.
Could she win the heart of the young woman with the real Leia, not Rock Star Leia?
Zach stomped his feet on the porch and opened the front door. The smell of bacon and roasting turkey and fresh coffee loosened the tension from his shoulders. Damn ugly morning. A man beats his wife close-to-dead bloody on Christmas morning, ends up in jail, leaving wife in intensive care in the hospital, and the poor kids end up with a neighbor for the holidays. Merry effing Christmas. Domestic violence frustrated him on the best of days, but on Christmas, it just wasn’t right.
His own child was suffering, too. He’d seen it in her eyes when he’d wakened her to tell her he had to go on a call, leaving her at the house alone until Wyatt had been able to get to town from the farm. He’d wanted to surprise Carlee one-on-one with his Christmas present for her this morning before they’d come here for the day—the designer ski boots she’d wanted—and have a talk with her about Leia. Now the gift would just end up being mixed with the mob of presents and the talk would have to wait yet again.
Unfortunately, when he’d signed up for this job, it was understood he’d respond to officer needs assistance at five a.m., holiday or not. He didn’t have to like it.
He took a deep breath and tried to shake off his job. In measured movements, he closed the door behind him and dropped his small bag on the floor. He listened to the chatter in the kitchen, let the sounds and the smells wash over him and pushed aside the tiredness. He shrugged out of his jacket, then saw Leia descending the stairs with Beau on her heels.
Her dark hair brushed her face, and the green of her festive sweater shaped her body, leaving a sweet reminder of whispers in the dark. God, he wanted to hold her. She saw him and hurried down the remainder of the steps and came directly to him. Beau gave him a wave and disappeared into the dining room.
“Are you all right?” The concern in her eyes touched something deep that simultaneously made him want to embrace or run.
He reached for her hand, desperate to say how bad he needed her. Instead, he heard Carlee complaining about something in the dining room and closed it off. “Yeah. Bad one, that’s all.”
He dropped his hand after brushing her fingers and shrugged out of his jacket. He bent to pick up his bag. “Let me change clothes and I’ll meet you at the table.”
He would have been a bastard not to see the yearning in her eyes. So he did what both of them wanted and leaned in for a quick, “I missed you” kiss.
Surprisingly, that was enough to put a sparkle of hope in Leia’s eyes and made Zach’s need to run abate.
Maybe he should take a risk. Wasn’t love what Christmas was all about?
Three days later, Leia unwrapped another strand of lights from around the tree. She’d planned to leave the decoration up until New Year’s, but after the awkwardness of Christmas, she was done with the holidays. The needles dropping from the tree seemed to agree.
She’d left the Murphy’s after dinner Christmas Day. Eight hours of strain, of watching Carlee set her guitar aside as if it meant nothing, of whispered words in fast exchanges with Zach and acting like he wasn’t her whole world so as to avoid the confrontation with Denise and Carlee—all pushed her to the limits of her civility.
She’d come home exhausted with a pounding headache. To top it off, Zach had promised to come by so they could talk and ended up on a call instead. Seems the holidays meant more work for the police, not less.
Her cell phone vibrated on the counter. She tucked the lights into the storage box and turned on the light against the gathering darkness. She picked up the phone and glanced at the display. Banning.
She pushed the answer button. “Mark.”
“Happy New Year. I can’t hold Cale off anymore. He wants to talk to you.”
“Maybe he wants to know which rehab hospital I’m in,” she answered, sweetly.
Banning snorted. “They are grasping at straws. Can’t find you, so they’re making up stuff per usual.”
She went back to her tree, removing a few ornaments she missed. “I wish they’d forget about me.”
“Part of the package and you know
it.” His words scraped tender feelings.
“Lies and truths. I’ll call him. Time for me to get back to work.”
“Doctor cleared you yet?”
Leia grimaced. “No. But I think I should fly into L.A. and see a throat specialist and call my old voice coach. Voice definitely needs some work.” She’d learned that trying to sing carols at the Murphy’s.
“How much longer are you going to keep the house there a secret?”
She’d hadn’t really thought about it, but all of sudden the decision popped out of her mouth. “No more. I like it here. I’m staying here. But I’ll take that up with Cale.”
“Let me know when you fly in, I’ll pick you up.”
“Thanks, Mark. Happy New Year.”
She clicked the off button and went back to the almost bare tree. Things weren’t quite working out like she hoped. She should consider how she was going to feel when Zach walked away. Would it change how she felt about living in Parson Corners, living in this house across the street from him? Just having to consider that hurt unbearably.
To stop the direction of her thoughts, she dialed Cale’s number and waited for him to pick up. When he didn’t, she left a message on his voice mail and disconnected, then turned off her phone. She was going to go take a hot bath, play her guitar and turn in. She was tired of replaying every action and its results, and the need skirting just under her senses was exhausting.
She wanted Zach. Wanted him to hold her, talk to her, give her some idea what he wanted from her. Looked like another night was going to pass without answers.
She left the dry tree as it was and moved the storage boxes against the wall. She’d have to call Zach to remove the tree tomorrow.
The doorbell rang, startling her. She looked out the side window and saw Zach on the porch. Her heart soared, her hands shaking with the sudden rush of emotion. She’d never felt anything like this before. She stood trapped in the flush, the terror, the need before finally rushing to the door.
She flung it open, wishing for more aplomb, but failing to find it. “Hi.”
Pumpkins, Cowboys & Guitars Page 64