by John McElroy
CHAPTER XVIII. A SUNDAY OFF
SI AND SHORTY GET A MUCH-NEEDED WASH-UP.
"YOU can take it easy to-day, boys, for we ain't goin' to move!" said theOrderly of Co. Q one morning at roll-call. "The orders is for to put thecamp in nice shape, and for the men to wash up. We're goin' to have anextra ration of soap this mornin', and you fellows want to stir aroundlively and fix yerselves as if it was Sunday and ye was goin' tomeetin'. The fust thing after breakfast all hands 'll turn out andp'leece ther camp."
"What in the world does he mean by p'leecin' the camp?" Corporal Kleggasked Shorty, as they stood by the fire making coffee and warming upthe fragments of chicken that had been left over from supper the nightbefore. "I didn't c'pose," said Si, "that we 'listed to be p'leecemen!"
Shorty replied that he didn't know, but he reckoned they'd find outsoon enough. The 200th Ind. had been on the jump every day sinceleaving Louisville, and this was the first time it had been called on to"police" a camp.
As soon as breakfast was over the Orderly directed each man to providehimself with a small bundle of sticks, made by putting together a dozenbits of brush or "switches" three or four feet long, such as are usedto rural pedagogs to enforce discipline. These, he said, were theimplements used in policing camp, which meant brushing the leaves andloose debris outside the grounds.
"Does Corprils have to do that sort o' thing?" asked Si. He thought armyregulations and camp usage ought to show some consideration for hisrank. "What's the use of bein' a Corporil," he said to himself, "if itdon't give a feller a chance to play off once in a while?"
"Corporals ain't no better'n anybody else," replied the Orderly, "'n'you can jist git some brush and go to work, 'long with the rest!"
Si was disposed to grumble a little, but he obeyed orders and was soonscratching up the leaves and dust with great zeal. He did not find ita particularly pleasant occupation, but the camp looked so much betterwhen the job was done, that he thought it was not a bad thing, afterall.
"Now, Shorty," said Si, "let's go down to the creek and do our washin'.My clothes has got to be biled, and I shouldn't wonder if yourn had,too."
"Yes, that's a fact!" said Shorty.
They got a big camp-kettle that had been used, and would be again, formaking bean-soup, and started for the stream back of the camp. They hadno change of clothing with them. Some days before, in order to lightentheir knapsacks, they had taken out their extra shirts and drawers,tied them in a bundle, and put them on the company wagon, and this wassomewhere back in the rear, owing to the confusion of the campaign.
"Seems to me," observed Si, "it ain't hardly a fair shake for Uncle Samto make us do our washin'. They ought to confiscate the niggers 'n'set them at it; or I don't see why the Guvyment can't furnish a washin'masheen for each comp'ny! 'Twouldn't be no more'n the square thing!"
SI WAS DISPOSED TO GRUMBLE 181 ]
"The wimmen does the washin', ye know, Si, up where we live," saidShorty, "'n' I don't quite like the notion o' doin' that kind o' workt,but I can't jest see how we're goin' to git out of it. It's got to bedone, that's sure!"
On the bank of the stream they quickly threw off their clothes for abath. Si cast rueful glances at his nether garments as he laid them onthe ground.
"Hadn't we better pile some rocks on 'em, Shorty?" said he. I'm affearedif we don't they'll crawl off into the bush.
"Guess we had," replied Shorty. "I b'lieve mine's started already!"
Having made sure of them, they plunged into the water. Far up and downthe stream were hundreds of men, swimming and splashing about.
The soldiers availed themselves of every opportunity to enjoy thisluxury.
Having thoroughly performed their ablutions. Si and Shorty turned theirenergies toward the clothes, which were in such sore need of soap andhot water. Putting their garments into the kettle and filling it withwater, they built a fire under it. After half an hour of vigorousboiling they concluded they were "done." Plenty of soap, rubbing andrinsing finished the work, and the clothes sure presented a remarkableappearance, particularly the blue trousers.
"How're we going to git 'em dry?" asked Si, as he wrung out the last ofhis "wash."
"Hang 'em on the fence in the sun!" replied Shorty.
"But what'll we wear while they're dryin'?"
"Nothin', I reckon!"
So they spread out their garments, and then dashed again into thewater. After splashing awhile they came out and drew on their half-driedtrousers. Shorty lighted his pipe as they sat down to wait for thesunshine to do its perfect work. All along the stream were soldiers insimilar stages of dishabille. It seemed like the Garden of Eden.
SHOWING THE OLD MAN A TRICK 183 ]
"Say, Shorty," said Si, "'taint very wicked to smoke, is it?"
"Guess not!" was the reply.
"That's the way it 'pears to me, 'n' I've been kinder thinkin' latelythat I'd learn how. The soljers all seem to enjoy their smokin' so much.You know. Shorty, that I was always a reel good boy--never smoked,nor chawed terbacker, nor cussed, nor done nothin' that was out o' thestraight an' narrer way. When I jined the regiment my good old mothersays to me: 'Now, Si,' says she, 'I do hope ye'll 'member what I'vealways taught ye. I've beam 'em tell that they does dretful things inthe army, and I want ye to see if ye can't be as good a boy as ye'vebeen at home.' Of course, I told her I would, 'n' I mean, ter stickto it; but I don't b'lieve there's any harm in smokin'. Is it hard tolearn?"
"Wall, I dunno; I reck'n ye can't most always tell till ye try. Take awhiff, 'nd see how she goes!" And Shorty handed him his pipe, which he hadjust refilled with whittlings of black "navy plug."
"Derned if I don't try it!" said Si, as he took the pipe and began topuff with great energy. He made a few wry faces at first, but Shortytold him to stick to it, and he bravely pulled away while the clouds ofsmoke curled above him.
It was not long till the color left his face, his head was in a whirl,and his stomach began to manifest eruptive symptoms.
"Shorty," he gasped, "I'm awful sick. If smokin' makes a feller feellike this I don't want any more of it in mine."
"Where's all yer sand ye brag so much about?" said Shorty, laughing."You're mighty poor timber for a soljer if ye can't stand a little pipeo' terbacker like that. You'll get over it purty soon, and it won'tbother ye any next time ye try it."
Si found that he had on hand about as much as he could manage with hisdizzy head and the rebellion that was so actively going on at a pointa little lower in his physical system. The feeling wore gradually off,however, and by the time he was able to walk their clothes were welldried. They proceeded to "dress up," and then returned to camp.
During the afternoon the camp was visited by natives, black and white,from the region round about, with corn "pones," alleged pies, boiledeggs, and truck of various kinds, which they sought to dispose of for avaluable consideration. They struck a bad crowd, however, in a financialsense. The members of the 200th Ind. were not at this time in acondition of opulence. Most of them had spent what money they broughtfrom home, and they had not been out long enough yet to receive a visitfrom the Paymaster. The lank men and scrawny women cried their waresvociferously, but with indifferent results. The boys wanted the stuff,but they were "busted," and trade was dull.
Si looked wistfully at the "pies," and suggested to Shorty a jointinvestment. Their purses were nearly empty, but the temptation was toostrong to be resisted.
"Them looks nice," said Si. They were the first pies he had seen sinceleaving home, and his judgment was a little "off." As a matter of fact,it was only by the greatest stretch of courtesy that they could becalled pies at all. But the word touched Si in a tender spot, and heonly thought of such as his mother used to make.
Si and Shorty "pooled in" and bought a pie. Impatiently whipping outhis pocket knife Si tried to cut it in two. It was hard work, for the"crust"--so called--was as tough as the hide of a mule. By their unitedefforts they at length succeeded in sawing it asunder. It was a fearfuland w
onderful specimen of culinary effort. It was made of two slabsof sodden, leathery dough, with a very feeble layer of dried applessandwiched between them.
Si tried his teeth on the pie, but it was like trying to chew an oldboot-leg.
"I say, old lady," said he, turning to the female of whom he had boughtit, "is these pies pegged or sewed?"
"Look a hyar, young feller," said the woman, with considerable vinegarin her tone, "p'raps you-uns-all thinks it's right smart to insultwe-uns; it shows how yer wuz broughten up. I don't 'low yer ever seedany nicer dog-g-goned pies 'n them is. Ye needn't try ter argify 'long'th me, fur I kin jest knock the spots off'n any woman there is 'roundhere in cookin'."
Si saw that it would be profitless to discuss the matter, and concludedto make the best of a bad bargain. But he wouldn't eat the pie.
On the whole, the hucksters fared rather badly. The boys confiscatedmost of the stuff that was brought in, promising to pay next timethey came that way. There was a good deal of grumbling, but the troublealways ended in the soldiers getting the plunder.
The climax was reached when a putty-faced citizen drove into camp a bonymule tied with straps and ropes and strings to a crazy cart, on whichwas a barrel of cider, which he "allowed" to sell out to the boys at 10cents a drink, or a quarter a canteen full. He had a spigot rigged upin one end and an old tin cup, with which he dealt out the seductivebeverage to such as would pay.
A thirsty crowd gathered around him, but sales were slow, on accountof the scarcity of money. Si and Shorty mingled with the boys, and thendrew aside and engaged in a whispered consultation.
"That'll be jest bully!" said Shorty. "If you can raise an augersomewhere we'll git the bulge on that old chap."
WAITING FOR THEIR CLOTHES TO DRY 187 ]
Si returned after a brief absence, with an auger which he had borrowedfrom the driver of an ammunition wagon.
"Now, Shorty," said Si, "you git the boys to stand around and keep upa racket, and I'll crawl under the cart and bore a hole into that 'erebarrel. Then pass in yer canteens and army kettles 'n' we'll show theold man a trick!"
Shorty quietly broached the scheme to a few of his comrades, who fell inwith it at once. Gathering around the cart, they cheered and chatteredso as to drown any noise Si might make while carrying out his plan, andwhich would "give it away."
It was not more than a minute till a gurgling sound was heard, and Sibegan to pass out to the boys the buckets and canteens which they sofreely furnished him, filled with the fast-flowing contents of thebarrel. It didn't take long to empty it entirely, nor did the citizendiscover the state of affairs until the cider no longer ran from thespigot.
He had not sold more than a gallon or two, and he was amazed when theliquid ceased to respond. Then he resolved himself into an investigatingcommittee, and after a protracted search he discovered the trick thathad been played on him.
"Wall, I'll be gosh-durned!" he exclaimed. "I've hearn tell 'bout Yankeetricks, but dog my cats if this 'ere don't beat 'em all! I'd like to cutthe gizzard outen the rascal that bored the hole in that bar'l!"
"I declare, old pard; that was mean!" said Si, who stood looking on,with his hands in his trousers pockets, the very picture of innocence."I'm jist goin' to flax 'round 'n' help ye find that feller. If I wasyou I'd pound the stuffin' out of him--when ye cotch him!"