Apparently, my shoulder wasn’t in fact broken but it had been popped out of the socket. It was put back in by one of the brunette EMTs, her technique helped minimize the pain, which I wasn’t sure if my body could even take anymore.
I still needed something to numb the pain.
I needed to numb a lot.
I couldn’t sleep that night. Or the next. Nor the next.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
It was on the fourth night that I could sleep. And it was only because I was with Ryan when he finally woke up. I’ll never forget that moment. The moment when I felt as though I could take an actual breath again. As though my eyes could properly process color and my hearing wasn’t so muffled anymore. The air around me felt brand new the moment Ryan opened his eyes, the beeping of medical machines creating a surreal backdrop as everything slowed down. I was there, sitting next to him, reading Gone Girl, when I heard a small whimper. I turned and that’s when I looked into Ryan’s eyes again. I couldn’t help but start crying as I put my hand in his and felt him squeeze just the slightest bit.
Seeing him awake eased every single fear I had. When he was brought in the doctors didn’t even know if he would be waking up, they had no clue as to whether the swelling in his brain would have caused a permanent coma or not. All they could tell me was to stay positive and hope for the best because it was out of our hands. The answer frustrated me to no end and the four previous days were spent by his bedside, jumping at the slightest hint of movement. It was always just the wind picking up a corner of the bed sheet or an ant crawling across the wall, but it still tricked me into thinking Ryan was back.
And now he actually was.
I brought his IV infused hand up to my lips and kissed him. Over and over again as his fingers hugged my hand tighter.
“I was so scared,” I said, looking into his hazel green eyes.
“So was I, but you were there.”
“That hardly means anything,” I said, wiping away the tears.
“It means I knew it was all going to be ok,” he said weakly, his throat parched.
I grabbed him a cup of water, my hand shaking from the emotions coursing through me. His words kept echoing through my head. It was all going to be ok.
“How long have I been asleep?”
“Seven years,” I said, smiling down at him.
“And look at you, you haven’t aged a bit,” he said, smiling back at me.
“Four days. Four very hard days.” My smile weakened as I remembered all the trauma that we had endured over the past week. It was all so much to handle, but I was happy I had someone to handle it with. If I had to face this all by myself, I honestly wasn’t sure if I would have made it through. But now I had a chance.
We had a chance.
“I’m sorry,” he said, genuinely sounding apologetic for getting shot.
“Are you kidding me? I’m the one that put you into this, I feel devastated inside.”
“Well don’t. We have each other now,” he said, giving my hand another squeeze. Then he remembered.
“Wait, how’s Jason?” he asked, worry crossing his features. My heart broke again, I wasn’t sure what to tell him.
“He was worse off, Ryan. From what I’ve seen, he’s been in and out of surgery. I’m sorry,” I said, resting my head down on Ryan’s chest. I made certain to avoid getting close to the bandaged shoulder which I’m sure still hurt him.
“He’ll be fine. I can never get rid of that asshole.” I could tell he was trying to convince himself of that fact. It was how he coped with things, always looking for the positive, for that little glimmer of hope at the bottom of a pile of crap. It was something else I found so admirable about him. Even here, in the darkest of places, Ryan still clung on to the good side of life.
“Dr. Matthews! You’re up!”
It was Wanda, the resident night nurse on shift. We had gotten to know each other quite well over the past few days. I heard all about her two kids going to live with their father in Alaska and the rocky divorce that came between her and her husband. She also talked a lot about how she couldn’t figure out how to keep her sunflowers alive.
“Wanda!” Ryan said, his memory still intact apparently.
“Oh you gave us a real good scare,” she adjusted his pillows and looked over some charts, marking things off and double checking his vital signs. I shifted a little, recalling the earlier times when the roles were reversed and it was Ryan that was above me. It made me realize just how far our journey was in such a short amount of time, and I couldn’t be happier. It was such a weird thing to say; I felt happiness. But I did. I couldn’t be happier that I shared this journey with someone who showed me that love does exist and that I have power within myself, I don’t have it within others. It was a valuable lesson to learn. Ryan also was there to help me come to terms with the fact that not everyone could be saved. I made peace with losing Eric when he laid his hands on me, but it was never easy thinking that he was truly suffering. Just because I knew that the real Eric, my old one, could still be somewhere in there.
But I had Ryan. I looked at him, his smile growing bigger and bigger.
“I like to keep everyone on their toes,” he said, gaining his strength back, slowly but surely.
“Well let’s not do that again, ok?” Wendy said, walking out to go grab another doctor.
“It’s not on my list of things to do.”
I returned to his side, not wanting to leave it ever again. It was incredible how fast I had fallen for him and how irrevocably strong those feelings were. It was as though my own cells cried out for him to be next to me, a feeling I started to realize never happened with the monster. The one that I refused to call by name.
No, the monster killed my Eric long ago. I just never understood what was happening until it was too late. The man locked up behind cold metal bars was not my Eric.
“I’m glad you were the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes,” he said, his voice sounding like the best song I had ever had.
“I'm glad I was here.” I said, beaming down through more happy tears.
“So can we finally watch that Game of Thrones episode we missed?”
I looked down at him and smiled, kissing his gentle lips. I couldn’t help but chuckle at it all. Everything felt so right, like I didn’t have to worry, like I could breathe and feel alive again.
“Yes. Yes we can.”
And I knew it was all going to be ok.
Thanks for reading Prescribed! Hope you enjoyed the crazy ride! If you did, then consider reading the the next addition to The White Coat series, titled NUMBED, which follows Jason, the resident bad boy turned doc battling with a drug addiction. You can pick up a copy here: http://amzn.to/1qxuBAN
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Prescribed (The White Coat Series) Page 10