“I think mom’s death day cancels out my birthday. I don’t want to think about it much less talk. Okay?”
There was silence for a long time then he sighed. I hated it when he sighed. I’d much rather have a lecture. I knew what to do with those. “All right. We’ll figure out another day that’s better to celebrate,” he said and left me alone in my room with my iPod. I listened to Oliver’s song on repeat almost wishing I had a Cole to be obsessed about so I wouldn’t have to think about my mother.
That night after the house was quiet I biked myself out to Stinky Lake. I wore a sweater over my nightshirt and leggings because it was getting pretty cold. I hadn’t been to the lake since I’d started swimming in the pool. I felt the strangeness of sneaking out to a lake, but it didn’t matter. I had to go and remember however much I’d rather have buried myself in rapid drum beats.
I found my rock and sat there for a while, letting the darkness and night wind soak into my skin. It wasn’t that dark; I could see the lights of the town and the millions of stars up above my head. It was quiet and solemn, a moment that stretched out forever until I needed to add my voice to the darkness.
The song swelled out of me like a moan, low and whispering until I found myself on my feet singing like I knew I shouldn’t, but I didn't pass out right away, and my voice sounded good to me, right with the wind wrapping around me and my hair tangling in my face. The lullaby had the beat of my heart to keep it in time, a rapid beat that grew louder along with my voice. I sang for her, for me, for the becoming of who I almost was until I felt a gasp, the loss of oxygen. My voice whispered away as I fell into darkness.
I woke up with someone pulling me, holding me above water where I sputtered and coughed, thrashing until Oliver’s voice in my ear calmed me down. I relaxed, limp and let him drag me to shore. He threw me onto a muddy bank before he climbed out and dropped down beside me. He started rubbing my sides, turning me so I could cough and spit out whatever stinky lake I drank until my throat ached while tears trailed down my cheeks. I breathed, relieved that I could breathe, that I hadn’t drowned, feeling a growing horror at the stupidity of what I’d done. I could swim, but not when I was unconscious and I usually lost consciousness when I sang to my mother. I couldn’t help it, but I could help standing up on the rock as though I didn’t already know exactly what would happen. Sean was right. I was an idiot.
I pushed away Oliver and tried to sit up. I leaned my forehead on my knees and focused on the breathing, on the feeling of my wet clothes dragging around me and the night wind piercing through the fibers of my wet sweater. I shivered and Oliver put his hands around me, pulling me against his warm chest, warm in spite of his near nudity and still wet skin.
I shuddered, too aware of him without being able to find the distance, the reason why I shouldn’t relax against him and let the sound of his heart beat away all my other thoughts. I thought of Sean again, saw his cold eyes mocking me and pulled away from Oliver, rubbing my arms while I tried to stand up.
“Thanks for the swim. I’ve got to get home,” I mumbled and tried to see in the dark where my bike would be. Were we on the muddy bank to the left or right of the rock?
“I saw you floating in the lake. You looked…” Oliver grabbed my hand while he wrapped an arm around my waist. “You were so still until I got close, and then you sank. It was like something held you up until I could get to you.” He started smoothing my wet hair away from my face. “It was like a fairytale, a sleeping princess floating on the water, bathed in moonlight.”
“That sounds pretty,” I said with my hoarse voice while my head reeled. “What are you doing here?”
“I like it here. It’s a good place to think,” he said, leading me away from the lake as though he wasn’t wearing nothing but underwear.
“Where are your clothes?” I asked, stumbling over something in the dark.
“I’ll get them later,” he said, wrapping his arm tighter around me.
I shivered and said through chattering teeth, “How are you not cold?”
“I don’t know, adrenaline? I’ve swam through ice floes so this isn’t very cold water to me.”
“Ice floes. Huh. I have no idea what those are. Where are we going? I have my bike…”
“I can’t let you ride home in this condition. You could get hypothermia.”
“Hypothermia. How did I not die in the lake?”
“Can you remember what happened?”
I shook my head then shrugged. “I fell off the rock. I don’t remember anything after that. Why are you here, again?”
We came out of the bushes onto the road right beside my bike. He let go of me so he could push my bike down the road a little ways to where he’d parked his car. I followed, shivering while my feet squelched in my sneakers. He stuck my bike in the trunk then he opened my door and left me to climb in while he went around to start the car and turn the heater on high.
I shivered and trembled as I held my hands over the hot air. I felt awkward when I realized that he was staring at me, but then he said, “I’ll be right back,” and he left me with the heater on while he went back into the dark and cold.
I couldn’t help but notice that my wet clothes were soaking the nice leather seat and I’d gotten mud all over the floor. I stayed perched on the edge, trying to not make more of a mess than I already had.
Oliver came back quickly, sliding in and setting a t-shirt on the dash in front of me.
“You should probably change into my clothes,” he said gesturing at it. I blinked, staring at the small innocent looking bundle and remembered the last time I’d put on a guy’s shirt.
I shook my head. “I’m fine. If you take me home then I can take a shower and get into some clean clothes. Like this I’d only soak them anyway. I just want to go home.”
“If you insist,” he said but sounded disappointed.
I felt oddly guilty for not taking his shirt, but then he grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his chest. I felt much better after that. He wasn’t Sean, leaner and shorter, but still solidly muscular in a way that fascinated me too much. He finally put the car into gear and after a drive during which he seemed to go too slow, he pulled up at my house.
“How did you know where I lived?”
“I think Sean mentioned it. I live with him you know. He’s going to give me a lecture when he sees the upholstery on his car.”
Sean’s car? Of course. Oliver was an exchange student. He wouldn’t have his own car.
“Great. Well, tell Sean I’m sorry, and thanks for saving me, Oliver.” I got out of the car before I had to look at him again, but stood beside it, shivering as I waited for him to drive away.
He rolled down the window. “Next time you go out to the lake you should take someone with you for safety.”
“Are you offering?”
He nodded, his face lit weirdly by the green neon of the car’s radio. “Of course. I’m not joking Genevieve. The lake isn’t safe. Something held you up, and I don’t think it was human.”
I stared at him. He didn’t sound nearly as freaked out as he should have been for someone who thought there was some thing in the lake. “Like the Lochness monster, only, in Ohio?”
He smiled a little bit, his eyes looking black instead of emerald where he sat in shadows. “Dolphins save humans sometimes. Maybe someone released one of them into the lake.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” I rolled my eyes. “Good night.” Nothing was going to make sense until I took a hot shower.
“Just stay away from the lake for a while. Promise?” he asked. I nodded although it was the same promise I’d made and broken to my dad a dozen times.
“Sure. Don’t worry about me. See you later.”
He nodded then said as the window began rolling up, “Good night then.”
“Night,” I said still waiting for him to drive away so that I could climb onto the porch and through my window so that my dad didn’t freak out on me. I only realized after I’d show
ered until I stopped shivering that I’d left my bike in his, no Sean’s trunk. Awesome.
Chapter 16
The next day my dad and I ate cake for breakfast. And lunch. And dinner. I couldn't stand chocolate cake, I mean, I think I liked it when I was four, but then for my birthday my mom was dead and I was trying to eat cake. It became torture to smile at my dad and swallow it down. I couldn't tell my dad though. It was tradition, and he was trying. I had to give him something normal to do.
I wanted to call Oliver, to get my bike back, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. First, I’d have to ask around for his number, and Junie probably had Sean’s, and that's where he lived but Sean… well, I could wait until Monday.
Bernice wasn’t there at the pool in the morning, but The Captain was. At first I thought he was going to yell at me for getting his car muddy but instead he walked right up to me and began talking about basic water safety. His voice was dead serious, cold, but it didn’t stop him from being impossibly gorgeous with those piercing blue eyes and glaring six-pack. I felt completely disoriented. In my wildest dreams I never would have asked him to help me with swimming. I wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t let me drown. No, of course he wouldn’t let me drown. It only felt like I'd rather drown than see him stare at me, making me more clumsy and accident prone than I usually was.
"Your form isn’t bad, but you need to work on elongating your limbs."
I inhaled water and coughed and choked for a few minutes while he waited, like a floating statue, patient and so cold.
"Try again."
No comments about the choking incident, actually, there was nothing cruel about anything he said or did at all, but the way he watched me was so unnerving. I kept expecting him to mention the mud in his car, but he never said anything about that, only grabbed my wrist to show me how to hold them right then guided my hand through the water. I could feel the difference, but when he let go I couldn’t do it the right way.
When the swim team came in he ignored them completely, keeping his gaze locked on mine while he finished up my lesson. The technique I’d almost learned drowned a quick death since I was distracted by Oliver and Bernice. They were laughing at something another guy said, apparently taking the chance to mess around while their fearless leader was occupied.
“Focus.” Sean’s sharp voice grabbed my attention and his eyes kept it. “You know what panic feels like. Even experienced swimmers can panic, get turned around and make a lethal mistake. If you can’t focus you could die. Control your body, control your mind; show me what I know you’ve learned.”
For a few minutes the rest of the world disappeared and it was only me and my body moving while Sean’s voice guided me.
His arm brushed mine beneath the water and the rhythm and concentration evaporated. I gasped and would have inhaled water if Sean didn’t have his hands on my shoulders, holding me in place.
“Concentrate.”
With him keeping me up, I closed my eyes and shoved the worry about drowning down. Instead I thought about my body, kicking, breathing, so many things to think about but somehow possible without the fear of sinking occupying so much space.
“Good,” he said.
I opened my eyes and realized that he had moved me to the edge of the pool. “Good?” I didn’t expect him to say something positive.
“Adequate,” he said with a flicker of a smile. “That’s it for today.”
I nodded and he stayed there treading water, staring at me until I pulled myself out of the pool and headed to the locker room, shivering. I should have asked him if my bike was still in his trunk, but then I would have to admit that I’d gotten mud on the seat and all the idiocy that had happened before that. I liked him saying ‘good’ much better than his usual comments.
At lunch Oliver sat at the table with the swim team with Sean. He had a girl beside him who wasn’t on the swim team, a cute brunette who I thought might be a sophomore. He draped his arm around the back of her chair while smiling at everyone at the table. I had to get my bike, but I couldn’t make myself intrude. I’d thought there was something with him at Flop’s party, and then at the lake… but no. Apparently not.
I had choir practice for the big concert coming up with work afterwards, then the long walk home. The next morning I wished I’d been able to at least talk to Bernice and find out if Sean would be in the pool with me again. I could sleep in for Sean however productive I was with him. I went to the pool, almost hoping it would be empty and I could practice by myself. Bernice was already there.
“So Sean yesterday… that was weird,” I said.
“Oh yeah. I meant to call you, but I don’t have your number,” she said, and then we had to trade numbers. She programmed her phone while I scribbled her number on my hand. Techno me. After that we were ready for swimming.
“I had fun at the anti-Homecoming,” she said before we got in the pool.
“Oh, yeah, it was fun.” I didn’t sound as enthusiastic as I would have before I’d seen Oliver with that girl. She definitely was a sophomore. “Wasn’t Aaron a great Yoda?”
She nodded.
“So, why weren’t you here yesterday morning?” I asked.
Bernice kind of blushed. “Sean wanted to make sure that you were getting the basics down. He’s certified and stuff to teach swimming and I’m really not. He wanted to make sure that you weren’t getting trained all wrong so you’d end up dead, and the blame would fall on the team. He’s kind of annoying like that.”
“Ah. So, did you pass?”
She beamed at me. “Yeah. He said you’re coming along great, and that I’m doing an adequate job. From him that’s serious praise.”
“Adequate?” For some reason I had to fight down the snicker. “Yeah, from him that is serious. He could be a little less hard on people.” Then I wouldn’t have to fear asking him about my bike.
She shrugged. “Maybe, but when he finally does tell you it’s good, you know that it really is. So, do you want to come to the party at Sean’s house this weekend?”
I stared at her as she slid into the pool. “Sean of adequate fame? I think he’d kick me out.”
“No he wouldn’t. I can bring a friend or a date. I asked specifically because the last time I went I felt stupid, so I wasn’t going to go unless I had someone to talk to. In the water I’m one of them but out of the water… I’m more comfortable with my old friends.”
I took my time getting in, testing the water with my feet before plunging in completely over my head. When I came up she was waiting for my answer.
“Football players and cheerleaders?” The expression on her face answered that question. I had to get my bike, and I wanted to be her friend, maybe not the way we’d used to be, but still friends. “Yeah, I guess. If you’re sure no one will mind, that would be cool.”
Her squeal banished most of my reservations.
That day after school and choir practice I went to Stinky Lake. I’d told Oliver I wouldn’t go without taking him, but he’d been with a different girl at lunch, blond this time, Kate who was in choir with me. It didn’t matter. It was fine except that I didn’t have my bike and I couldn’t stop thinking about what would have happened if he hadn’t come along. Maybe nothing. Maybe I would have floated until I’d come to and been able to swim to shore on my own.
I drove the car, which was nice because it had been drizzling steadily all day not to mention the fact that I hadn’t gotten my bike back yet. I walked through the wet grass in my slicker watching the rain come down and down. At the rock I was careful; I didn't climb on it because it was slippery and falling was not on my to-do list.
I heard a motor on the lake and wondered who would be crazy enough to fish in that weather. The sound of the engine came closer. It wasn’t a fishing boat. It was bigger and louder with nets, hooks, pulleys and other weird gear rigged around it. I saw lots of people on board, but I couldn't really tell what they were doing from that distance.
The vibe I got was all w
rong. Instead of relaxed I got more and more keyed up until I shook my head and returned to my car. Once there I turned the heater up while the sound of the radio blocked the rain.
Finally I put the car in gear and drove home to call Junie about it. I didn’t call Junie very often, not to just talk because that’s not what she does, but if anyone knew what was going on at the lake, she would. I would also get Sean’s number. I needed my bike.
She didn't know Sean’s number. She had his address though. When I asked her about the lake she said that it had been closed because some kind of toxic bacteria had gotten in it that they were trying to treat before winter. Then she went on about the eco system of the lake and the way that conservation was never effective when you had more and more people acting irresponsibly, anyway, I kind of tuned out at that point because it wasn’t anything I hadn’t heard before. I still thought it was weird that anyone cared that much about a little bit of bacteria at Stinky Lake. Hardly anyone ever went there anyway; that’s why I liked it so much. After I hung up, I spent some time in my bathroom, staring into the mirror and wondering if I looked like a mutant from the toxic lake when I’d fallen in, but the same boring girl with boring brown eyes and brown hair stared back at me. I had Sean’s address so I could go to his house and… No. I would wait until the party to get my bike.
Chapter 17
For the party there was the issue of what to wear, but Bernice said a swimming suit was the only requirement, no sweat. I still didn’t actually own a suit so I headed over to Flop’s to apologize about missing movie night and beg her for help in the suiting up arena. She of course had a cute topper thing to wear over the ruffly bikini she loaned me.
“You’re awesome,” I said, looking in the mirror. I looked kind of cute. “I wish you would come.”
She made a face. “No thanks. Sean is supposed to have an incredible pool and the best parties, but you’d have to hang out with him. He’s not a warm person. If you leave early, feel free to come back over to watch a movie.”
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