Digging through the mess, she located the bottle she wanted and brought it with her to the living room, handing him two pills with her glass of tea. “Swallow,” she commanded.
“Yes, ma’am,” he grumbled and complied.
“Well, not only are you a hero again, but now you have a survival story.” She gave him a bright, coaxing smile, and the corners of his mouth turned up in a small, tight, reluctant grin. “There’s that guy who traipsed into the woods to find me.” Something akin to sentimental concern swept through her, and Gillian had a sudden fear. What if something terrible had happened and Lucas had been gravely injured? “Do you always get into dangerous situations like this?”
He shook his head. “Usually, it’s a lot simpler than this. Someone’s lost on a trail or a couple of hikers are stuck because they decided to climb a tree and one fell out and broke a leg or something.” He sighed. “This one should have been simple. I should have checked the equipment before using it. The damn thing could have broken on one of the kids we rescued, and they wouldn’t have been able to hold their own weight up.”
Selfishly, Gillian didn’t care about the other people. And she certainly wasn’t worried about Lucas’s ability to perform in the bedroom. She honestly hated the thought of him hurting himself or worse. What would she do if something happened to him? How would she feel?
The answer was clear. She’d be devastated, and that only increased the fear in her chest. Why should she care that much? She had no real connection to Lucas. Sure, he’d saved her life, but how did that add up to the fact that she nearly panicked at the thought of losing him?
“Is there something on my face?” he asked with a small smirk, and Gillian turned away quickly, realizing she didn’t know how long she’d been staring at him. How did she explain that? She could only imagine the look on her face that whole time.
Clearing her throat, she pointed at his jeans. “I’m just remembering how you cut my pants off. I guess we’re almost even now, aren’t we?”
He quirked a brow at her. “I guess we are, aren’t we?” He reached out and stroked her cheek with the back of his knuckles, and she was caught off guard. It was the last thing she’d expected from him, and she leaned into his caress. “Can you help me get them off now? My chest hurts, and I don’t want to bend over too far.”
She wanted to help him get completely naked, but she didn’t want to encourage him in terms of carnal pleasure in his condition. She merely nodded and waited for him to stand and undo his fly. She pulled down to reveal those muscled legs of his below a thin waist and narrow hips, and she drew them off one leg at a time as he lifted his feet. When they were off, she tossed them aside and insisted he take off the cowboy shirt so they could look at the bruising on his chest.
“Nice outfit, by the way,” he quipped when he was finally down to nothing but the boxer briefs. It reminded Gillian of where they’d ended things when he left, and she swallowed hard to control her urges.
“Thanks,” she answered sarcastically. “I don’t like being naked for no reason, and I didn’t feel the urge to pull the dress back on. I hope you don’t mind my looking in your drawers.”
He sat down and locked gazes with her. “I have nothing to hide from you.”
You can get in my drawers anytime. That was a remark she would have expected from Lucas. The honest sentiment and the serious expression on his face came from a completely different side of him, and they took Gillian’s breath away. Why was he suddenly sounding romantic?
Maybe it was the near-death experience he’d just faced. Or maybe he was just in a strange mood. She had no idea, but in that moment, some strange bond she couldn’t define formed between her and Lucas. She was terrified of it and excited by it all at the same time. She found herself telling him, “And I have nothing to hide from you.”
Lucas leaned in, and this time, his kiss was tender and sweet, questioning, and almost tentative. Gillian rested her palm on his cheek, and she reveled in the softness of his lips and the way he tested the waters. She had never experienced a kiss like this with anyone, and while her loins burned and her body begged for physical satisfaction, her heart swelled. This was fulfilling in a completely different way, one she was sure she didn’t want to find an explanation for.
The tantalizing sensation lingered on her lips as he slowly drew away, and it took her a moment to open her eyes. The look in his was strange, full of confusion and something else Gillian couldn’t identify. It didn’t matter, though. He was so beautiful, and that open vulnerability only made him more so. God, she loved that face!
She hissed in a breath, not liking how easily that word came to mind. Nothing good could come of that train of thought. She had to shove aside the idea that she could love anything about this man, or any other for that matter.
He opened his mouth to speak, and Gillian braced herself. If he said anything that followed a similar train of thought, she’d be toast. Instead, he said, “Why did you give me that money?”
Chapter 20
Gillian’s soft expression hardened instantly, and Lucas wanted to kick his own ass. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut? “What are you talking about?” she asked, trying to pretend she had no clue and failing miserably.
It confirmed his suspicions, and he sighed, pulling away from her and pinching the bridge of his nose. It was too late to take it back now. He was in for a penny; he might as well buy in for a pound. “Come on, Gillian. You had to know how I would feel about charity. I’m not happy in the least about accepting it, and at some point I’m going to find a way to get it back to you. I don’t even know where you got it, much less why you would give it to me.”
She angled her body away from him and stared out the dark window at the front of the room. “You don’t know how to let anything go, do you? Does the word ‘anonymous’ mean nothing to you?”
“It’s a process of elimination, Gillian,” he told her, a bit exasperated. “There’s no one in town who would give me that kind of cash, except maybe Garrett, and he’d already loaned me what I asked for. I thought about your aunt and uncle, but I doubt they have that kind of spare cash lying around with the renovations, especially since they just bought the land on a foreclosure. And while I wouldn’t have thought you would say the sorts of things that I read in the letter, I knew there was no other possible explanation.”
She threw her hands in the air and rounded on him. “How was I supposed to feel? You came to rescue me when you were in the middle of trying to save your ranch. All I could think was that, if you lost this beautiful place you’ve poured so much of yourself into, it would be my fault. I couldn’t let that guilt ride on my shoulders.”
Lucas didn’t buy it. “That would mean it was a completely selfish gesture, and no one would give up that kind of cash for a selfish purpose. Be honest with me. After all the shit we’ve gone through in the last few days, can’t you tell me the truth?” The look in her eyes was unreadable, and that worried Lucas. Was she really going to hold back now? And if she did, why did it feel like his heart would shatter? What was so important about Gillian Grayson and her motives that he really felt it would make that much of a difference in his life?
Hanging her head, she told him in a quiet voice, “I like your ranch, Lucas, and I like you. You deserve better than to have to struggle to make this place successful. I don’t know if you want to work in search and rescue forever, but if you don’t, you need to be able to stop worrying about income. It was the only way I saw to repair the damage I did to your attempt at saving the place. If you hadn’t come after me, you might have gotten that check on time.”
That made some sense, but not enough. “That check wasn’t going to be anywhere near three thousand dollars, though. You could have probably easily gotten a few hundred to me. That money…” He trailed off, not liking the pleading in his tone, or the way his heart fluttered at the thought of someone caring so much about his livelihood. Starting again, he tried, “You had to be saving for somethi
ng big to have that amount of money to hand over, and it had to be an entire account you emptied, considering it wasn’t an even amount of cash.”
Gillian’s eyes grew watery, and Lucas prayed she wouldn’t cry. That was the last thing he needed right now as he sat on the couch in his boxers, with the gorgeous woman wearing panties and his t-shirt. She looked sexier than ever like that, and he felt particularly vulnerable in his state of undress. “Lucas, I…” She didn’t finish her statement, and he wanted to put his fist through a wall in frustration. But she sniffled a couple of times and sat up straighter, looking determined.
Clasping her hands together in her lap, Gillian stared at them as she spoke in carefully calculated and enunciated syllables. “I’m not quite sure what’s going on. What I know is this. I had that money saved for my apartment. It was the deposit and first and last month’s rent. But in the grand scheme of things, another year in my mother’s house didn’t seem like a real sacrifice compared to the idea of you not having to struggle anymore. You are a good man, and you always put others first. I thought it was time someone put you first.”
No one had ever said anything like that to him, and his heart pumped hard in his chest. For some reason, he didn’t think it would matter as much hearing it from someone else. Gillian was…special. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he connected with her on a completely different level than anyone else he’d ever met in his life. “Thank you,” he said simply, not knowing what else to say.
“You’re welcome,” she returned, her voice raspy with what Lucas could only assume was overwhelming emotion. She gave a nervous laugh. “I’m in uncharted territory here, but I have to admit that I feel something for you that I don’t understand. I’m attracted to you, and I want you so badly it hurts. But there’s more to it than that. If you want to turn me away and stop things right here, I’ll understand.”
His head reeling, Lucas tried to process that. Was she saying she had real feelings for him? This woman, who was so adamantly against committed relationships, couldn’t possibly want to consider something more than a fling or a sexual relationship with him, could she? Lucas wasn’t sure, and his confusion grew. At the same time, he had some confessions of his own.
“I can’t say my desire for you is purely sexual, either,” he told her, refusing to meet her eyes. “I don’t know what it is, but I can’t stop thinking about you, no matter what I do. And it’s not always images of you naked beneath me, though there’s a lot of that, too.”
He chanced a glance at her to find her blushing and biting her bottom lip against a smile. It was one of his favorite expressions she had, so endearing he couldn’t turn away. “Laugh all you want, doll. I’m just following the whole idea of being honest here.” He put his head in his hands, leaning his elbows on his knees and instantly regretting it as pain shot through his ribs.
“What do you want to do, Lucas? I’m so far out of my element I can’t even think about the different choices we have here. So, I’m leaving the ball in your court.” Gillian sounded as confused as he felt.
Lucas shrugged. “Does it really make a difference what I want to do? I mean, you leave for Richmond in three days, and that’s where your life is. Even if I thought it was a good idea to try something out, how would we do it with all those miles between us? It doesn’t exactly make sense, does it?”
She didn’t answer, and that was answer enough for Lucas. He should have been relieved, but he was choked up. The thought of her disappearing to the East Coast while he stayed here on the ranch was a bit too difficult to swallow, and it made him want to panic. What was that all about?
“I don’t have to go home now,” she said, and her voice was barely above a whisper. Lucas wouldn’t have heard her at all if there had been any background noise. “I could reschedule my flight and stay awhile. I doubt Aunt Carrie and Uncle Roger would mind.”
Considering the way Carrie was suddenly avoiding him like the plague, Lucas doubted it would be that simple. Besides, dating and sex were not something easy to deal with when the girl you were with lived with family who felt responsible and protective. She’d probably had to practically rip the keys out of Carrie’s hands to get Roger to bring her over here tonight. And besides, look how everything turned out anytime they tried to be together.
And yet, he couldn’t just tell Gillian to go home. “I think there would have to be a better solution than that.” He could only think of one, though, and it seemed a bit much under the circumstances. She’d probably laugh in his face if he made the suggestion, but for some reason, he didn’t feel the usual fright at the thought of sharing his bed for more than a few hours. “You could stay here.”
Gillian’s jaw hung slack, and her mouth moved, but nothing came out. Seeming to recover, she asked, “Does that mean you want me to stay?”
“I don’t want you to leave yet.” He snorted. “I guess that means I want you to stay. But how long can you put off your life, Gillian? You were going to get an apartment, and you have a job lined up. Your mother is back in Virginia, and I’m assuming you have friends there. What is there for you here?” He couldn’t hinder the life of another person. There were too many people who were stuck in Courage against their wills. He wasn’t going to be the reason for one more life disrupted.
“You’re here, Lucas.” The words were simple, but the meaning behind them was complex. He gazed at Gillian in shock, reading the truth of the statement in the adoration that openly poured from her eyes. “You’re here, and that would mean a lot if this worked out. I can make other friends here. I can find a way to support myself, whether taking a job in town or starting a business of some sort online. There are lots of opportunities when you’re on the outside looking in. Besides, you could teach me more about running a ranch, and I could help with that, too.”
It all sounded so perfect, but Lucas was too busy considering everything that could go wrong. He couldn’t just smile and say they could live happily ever after. But in the interest of finding out what Gillian really meant to him, he said, “If this is something you want to do, I’m not going to turn you down. I’m curious and terrified of what I’m feeling, but I need to know what it means.”
“That’s my thought exactly,” she laughed softly. She’d faced him again, her body language no longer angry. She placed a hand on his knee and told him, “Remember, this is just a trial, and you can change your mind anytime. It might be hard for me when that time comes, but I’ll understand, and I’ll leave without a scene.”
Somehow, though, Lucas didn’t think he’d be the one to end things if, or rather when, that time came. Gillian would grow to hate and resent Lucas’s lifestyle, and when she realized he had no intention of letting a woman run his life, she’d be on the first plane back to Richmond, where she could cry on her mother’s shoulder about what a horrible man he was.
Unable to resist, he leaned over and kissed her, reaching for that sweet, strawberry flavor of hers that he’d found earlier. The sensual kiss quickly became ravenous, and Lucas lunged, pushing Gillian to her back and leaning over her. His ribs sang, and he grunted, but he wasn’t going to give up.
Unfortunately, he was exhausted, and when Gillian pushed him off, he couldn’t stop her. “Come on, Lucas. We’ve made it this far. We can wait a little longer. I don’t want you hurting yourself any further because we’re too desperate to act like grownups.”
Lucas hated the idea, but she was right. And especially if she was going to stick around for a while, there was no rush. A self-assessment told him he was far too tired and in too much pain even with the ibuprofen to perform well. He wasn’t going to expend the energy to argue.
“Why don’t I dig around in the kitchen and find us something to snack on?” Gillian offered, sitting up and scooting away from him. “We’ll make sure our stomachs are fat and happy, and then we’ll go to bed and get some rest. Tomorrow, we’ll figure out how we’re going to make this work.”
Lucas hated waiting for anything, but he was sud
denly starving. “I guess that’s probably the best plan.” Sitting back, he watched her as she hobbled on her booted foot toward the kitchen. Sadly, the awkward movement didn’t do anything to take away from her appeal, and he turned away with a growl before he got himself in trouble.
Chapter 21
As it turned out, Gillian had to force Lucas to go to the medical center, and he ended up having not one but three cracked ribs. He complained about the whole thing and told her the bandages wrapped around his chest weren’t going to do anything but piss him off. But Gillian reminded him that he now had a week of paid vacation from the day job, which meant no one could even call him out to a rescue until the doctor cleared him to work again.
Gillian had the hard conversation with her mother about staying in Courage the day before her flight was supposed to leave, and she paid the hefty cancellation fee for not taking the flight. She also had to talk to her aunt and uncle. Aunt Carrie was beside herself with worry and adamant disapproval, but Uncle Roger seemed to be okay with Gillian’s decision. She got the idea her uncle thought Lucas was a good man and realized that she was an adult who could do what she wanted. By contrast, her aunt was in her own bad place and thought Gillian was being too spontaneous, asking for pain.
Gillian’s mother was hurt but supportive, and she told Gillian not to worry about her health. She’d just had another doctor’s appointment that cleared her of concern. She was still in complete remission, and that was cause for celebration.
Lucas was a grumpy ass with the hindrance of his broken ribs, and he paced around the house half the time, stir-crazy for something to do. He taught Gillian how to feed and water the horse and how to take care of the cows. He also taught her a little about caring for chickens, though he wouldn’t let her start building the chicken coup. He insisted that wait until he could move properly.
Courage To Believe (Cowboys of Courage 2) Page 13