by Robin Wells
“No. I brought you. I’ll take you home.”
“You’d lose forty-five minutes running me to the Big Sky, then turning around and going back to your ranch.”
“But I don’t want to abandon you here.”
“I’ll be fine.” She leaned forward and placed her palm on his hand. “Go on and take care of things at your shop.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He rose from the chair, circled around and kissed her soundly on the lips. “I’m really sorry about this.”
“It’s not your fault. Stuff happens.”
“Thanks for being so understanding.” He gave her another quick kiss, then strode for the door, stopping to talk to the manager on the way.
Understanding. Her eyes filled with tears again as she gazed out at the lake. Oh, she was understanding, all right. She understood that Austin didn’t have the time or the inclination for a relationship. She understood that she was just a diversion in his very busy, very full life. She understood that he might like her and even care for her, but he wasn’t looking for marriage or parenthood. He was looking for an escape from pressure and problems, not a whole new set of them.
But she also understood that he was a good-hearted man, the kind who would want to do the right thing. If she told him she was carrying his child, he would no doubt ask her to marry him out of a sense of duty.
Did she really want a husband who’d married her as an obligation? Did she really want a loveless marriage—one that left Austin feeling trapped, one that was sure to breed resentment, one that sooner or later would almost certainly end in divorce?
Wouldn’t everyone be better off—her, Austin and their child—if she dealt with the situation by herself from the very beginning?
Her heart knew the answer, but it hurt, letting go of her dreams and hopes. It hurt, accepting the truth.
And the truth was that Austin’s abandonment issues ran too deep. He didn’t want to get close, didn’t want to commit. Even if he married her, he’d never let her close enough to truly share his life, to truly know his heart. And Frannie was certain that a loveless marriage would leave her feeling more lonely than she’d ever feel on her own.
No. Marriage was out of the question. She would make a life for herself and the child without him. And it would be easier on everyone involved if she made it somewhere besides Whitehorn.
Austin pushed through the door of the Hip Hop Café early the following afternoon, scanning the room for Frannie. He’d stopped at the bank looking for her, and the receptionist had told him she’d come here to have lunch with Summer.
He spotted Frannie in a corner booth, and a feeling of delight welled up in his chest. She was wearing a sky-blue dress that reminded him of the day they’d spent together at his ranch. Good grief, but he was crazy about her! Just seeing her across the room made his heart seem to swell.
He’d been wanting to tell her as much, but he’d wanted to do it in an appropriate way. That was why every time he’d picked up the phone to call her over the past few weeks, he’d abruptly put it down without dialing her number. He was afraid he’d just blurt out “I love you” the moment she answered the phone, and he didn’t want to tell her that way.
He’d never felt this way about anyone. The need to tell her he loved her was burning a hole inside of him, but he wanted to do it in a romantic setting, when the two of them were alone. He guessed he’d have to wait until he returned to Whitehorn.
But he couldn’t wait that long to see her again. That was why he’d tracked her here.
He strode up to the booth, and both women turned toward him. From the grim looks on their faces, they were in the middle of a serious discussion.
He looked from Frannie to Summer, then back again. “Hi. Is everything okay?”
Frannie’s face went pale at the sight of him. Her cousin blanched, too, but she quickly recovered, pasting an unnaturally bright smile on her face. “Why, Austin! Good to see you again.” She scooted out of the booth. “Here, take my seat. I was just about to leave and go back to work.” She patted Frannie’s hand, gave her a long look, then quickly headed to the register, the bill in her hand.
Austin slid across from Frannie into the booth and looked at her questioningly. “You two looked like you were having a serious discussion. I hope I didn’t interrupt something important.”
“Oh. N-no. We were just finishing up. I have to get back to the bank in a minute.”
“Well, I didn’t want to leave town without seeing you again. I’m awfully sorry about last night. I hated running out and leaving you like that.”
“Is everything under control?”
“More or less. A swarm of contractors is buzzing around repairing the shop. When that engine blew, it took out half a wall that held a lot of our spare parts. My engine specialist is nearly finished building a new engine for an intermediate track, and Tommy is beating the bushes getting all the extra parts that we need. But it looks like it’ll all come together in time to make it to Denver.”
“Good.”
Austin reached out and covered Frannie’s hand with his. “I’m sorry I couldn’t spend more time with you this week. After this race is over, I’ll be back for three weeks in a row, and then…”
Frannie’s chin tilted up slightly. She pulled back her hand and swept a strand of hair behind her ear. “I, uh, won’t be here.”
Austin’s heart seemed to stop. “What do you mean?”
“I won’t be here. I’m moving to Billings.”
“But, Frannie—what for? Where did this come from?”
“The bank has a satellite office there, and they’ve been after me to transfer for some time. I finally decided to do it.”
“But, Frannie…” Austin ran a hand through his hair, completely bewildered. “When did this come up?”
“I made the decision to accept the offer this morning. It will be a big step up. I’ll be in line for a vice presidency.”
Austin stared at her, dumbfounded. “I thought you were more interested in staying near your family and writing children’s books than climbing some corporate ladder.”
Frannie shrugged. “Circumstances change. It seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up.”
It struck Austin as mighty odd, but if it was what she wanted, he’d support Frannie’s decision. More than anything, he wanted Frannie to be happy. “Well, then, I’ll come to Billings and see you there.”
Frannie looked down at the green-flecked Formica-topped table. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“What do you mean?” Austin leaned forward. She was acting distant, not at all like herself. He tightened his clutch on her hand. “Frannie, what’s going on?”
Frannie sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
Austin’s stomach knotted hard. “Why the hell not?”
She looked up at him. Her eyes were filled with pain. “I’m not cut out for this. I don’t want a part-time, long-distance relationship. I can’t make love with my body and keep my heart out of it. I’m an all-the-way, in-over-my-head, till-death-do-us-part kind of woman. I’m not what you need.”
“Frannie—”
She put up her hand. “Your life is too different from mine, and I can’t handle it. I never should have gotten involved with you in the first place.”
Hurt. It burned through him, hot and fierce, cutting into his chest. This was what happened when you let someone get close. His father had been right. “So you’re blowing me off? Is that what’s happening here?”
“Don’t put this all on me.” She looked up at him. “You’re the one who left for two and half weeks and didn’t call or drop a note or send an e-mail.”
She had no idea how many times he’d nearly done just that. “Now, look here, Frannie,” he began.
But she was in no mood to listen. She shook her head. “Don’t give me excuses or tell me what you think I want to hear. I prefer bein
g straightforward about this. We never should have gotten involved in the first place. It’ll never work. And I don’t want to pretend that it will.” She gathered up her purse and slung it over her shoulder.
“Can’t we talk about this?”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Austin. We want different things out of life. You want to risk your life on a racetrack every week, and I want a man who’ll be around to raise children and grow old with me.”
Her words hit him like a sledgehammer, the weight of their meaning pounding his heart. She was right. He wasn’t very good marriage material, and a woman such as Frannie was cut out for having a family.
She gazed at him pleadingly. “If you care for me at all, even a little bit, you’ll leave me alone. Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.”
He watched her slip out of the booth and hurry away, taking his heart with her.
He banged his fist on his thigh, hard enough to leave a bruise, but he hardly felt it. The pain in his chest was too all-consuming, too hot, too fierce.
Damn. The last thing he’d ever intended to do was to hurt Frannie, and it looked as if he had. And the way she’d left things, if he tried to make amends, he’d only hurt her more.
Damn, damn and double damn! He’d never felt about a woman the way he felt about Frannie, and she hadn’t even given him a chance to tell her.
Not that telling her would make any difference. She wanted a home and marriage. And he wanted…
Hell. Just what the heck did he want? He no longer knew. He used to think he just wanted to win races. But now he was winning, and he’d never been more mis erable in his life.
He propped his elbows on the table and sank his face in his hands. It wasn’t fair. He was at the top of his career. By all rights, he should be on top of the world. If he did well at the race in Denver, he would win the Winston Cup. It was the granddaddy of all wins, the dream of every race car driver out there. He should be thrilled and excited, chomping at the bit for that checkered flag to drop. So why did the prospect of heading to Denver leave him as flat as a can of cola that had sat open overnight?
Because all he wanted was Frannie, and all she wanted was to be left alone.
His father had been right, he thought bitterly. He could almost hear his old man’s voice, low and rumbly, barely audible over the rusty engine of his ancient pickup as they’d headed down the highway one hot day in June. Austin had been eight years old, and he’d tried hard to keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks as he waved goodbye to his best friend out the dusty rear window of the truck.
“If you let someone close, you give ’em the power to hurt you,” his father had said. “Don’t give away your heart, boy, unless you’re willin’ to live without it.”
Austin hadn’t meant to let it happen, but he’d given his heart away to Frannie.
The old man had been right, he thought grimly. It hurt like hell.
Fifteen
“You didn’t tell him?” Summer stared at Frannie incredulously.
“I never got the chance.” Frannie pulled a stack of folded knit shirts from her dresser drawer, then turned and placed them in the open suitcase on her bed. She was packing to move to Billings tomorrow. She didn’t yet have a place to live, but that was all right. She’d stay in a motel until she could locate an apartment and at least minimally furnish it. The important thing was to make a clean break, and the easiest way to do it was as quickly as possible.
Aunt Celeste sat beside Summer and Jasmine on Frannie’s bed, watching her pack.
“He’s the father of your baby,” she said, her face lined with concern. “He has a right to know, a right to be a part of his child’s life. You can’t just run away.”
“I know. I intend to tell him.” Frannie opened another drawer and pulled out a stack of underwear. “And I will. But right now, I just need some time to get over him.”
“Frannie, you’re making no sense.”
“I’m making perfect sense.” She placed the undies in the suitcase. “All my life I’ve wanted one simple, old-fashioned thing—marriage and a family. I want a loving, faithful, committed relationship with a man who loves me just as much as I love him. And Austin can’t give me that.”
“You’re not even giving him a chance!” Jasmine exclaimed.
“Yes, I am. I’m giving him a chance to live his life the way he wants to live it.” Frannie crossed to the closet and pulled a pair of slacks off a hanger. “That’s the best I can give.”
Aunt Celeste’s eyes were warm with concern. “But, Frannie, why do you have to move? You need the support of your family at a time like this!”
“Don’t you see? The media is constantly following Austin. He lives under a microscope. And because of the publicity from that rescue, I’m linked with him. If I stay in town and start sprouting a pregnant belly, well, it won’t take anyone very long to put two and two together. And a scandal would ruin his career. He’s a spokes man for a detergent company, for heaven’s sake. He needs to keep his image squeaky-clean in order to keep his sponsors.”
Summer eyed her soberly. “You really do love him, don’t you?”
Frannie nodded.
“But, Frannie,” Aunt Celeste said, “if Austin knew you were pregnant, I’m sure he’d want to marry you.”
Frannie plopped onto the bed and sighed. “I don’t want him marrying me out of a sense of obligation. It would kill me, living with a man I’d trapped into marriage. No. I won’t do that. Not to Austin, and not to myself.” Frannie picked up the slacks and started folding them. “For the first time in my life, I feel like I deserve to be loved. Austin helped me see that. He helped me put that whole college episode behind me, once and for all. And I’m not going to throw away all that hard-won self-esteem by entering into a one-sided marriage where I love a man and he doesn’t love me.”
“Marriages don’t always start off even,” Summer said gently. “In time, Austin might grow to love you.”
“It’s more likely he’d just grow to resent me. No, thanks.” Frannie shook her head. “It’s not an option.”
“But you shouldn’t be alone at a time like this,” Jasmine said, her brow furrowed with concern.
“I know.” Frannie looked into Jasmine’s warm eyes. “Promise me you’ll come see me often. And after some time has gone by and the baby’s born, I’ll come back and visit here, too. But I can’t for a while. Not until this whole media thing has died down.”
The telephone rang in the hall. Celeste rose to go get it. She returned, her forehead puckered. “Frannie, it’s Tommy. He says he needs to talk to you right away.”
“Tommy? Austin’s crew chief?”
Celeste nodded.
Frannie felt the blood drain from her face. “Has something happened to Austin?”
“I don’t know.”
Frannie dashed to the phone, her heart in her throat, and grabbed the phone. “Yes?”
“Frannie, it’s Tommy.”
“Is Austin all right?”
“Well, not really.”
Frannie’s heart skipped a beat, then drubbed madly. “What happened? Was there an accident?”
“Nothing major. He crunched the nose of his car, but he’s all right. And he managed to qualify for the race, but just barely.”
“So, what— Why—”
“Frannie, he’s not himself. He’s drivin’ reckless. Makin’ stupid mistakes. I’m worried about him.”
“Why…why are you calling me?”
“Well, because it’s kinda your fault.”
“My fault?”
“That didn’t come out right. What I mean is, he’s all torn up over you breakin’ up with him.”
“Tommy, Austin’s the one who didn’t want a relationship.”
“That’s not what he told me.”
Frannie couldn’t believe her ears. “What?”
“He got pretty loaded Wednesday night, drank more than I ever saw him drink. We sat up, talkin’. An’ he told
me he loves you, but he doesn’t know how to handle it. Says he’s never loved before, and he acted like a jackass, and now he’s gone and lost you. An’ he hasn’t been himself ever since.”
He loved her? Austin loved her? The concept whirled around her brain, then spun into her chest, where it grew and expanded like a hurricane, gaining force and strength, until her heart felt as if it would explode.
“He…loves me?” Frannie’s voice was just a whisper.
“Yes, ma’am. That’s what he said. I tried to get him to call you, but he tol’ me some nonsense ‘bout you sayin’ that if he tried to call you, it would mean he’d never cared about you at all.”
That was what she’d told him, all right. She’d said as much just before she walked out of the café.
“Now, I don’t know what this is all about,” Tommy continued, “but I know this—if you care the least little bit about him, why, you’ll get your tail down here to Denver as fast as you can. ‘Cause the frame of mind he’s in, he’s not drivin’ worth a damn. I’m not worried about him not winnin’. I’m worried about him crashin’.”
Frannie didn’t hesitate. The words were out before she knew she’d even said them. “I’ll come.”
“Thank heaven!” Relief flooded the older man’s voice. “Now, listen—I’ve already got you booked on a plane. It leaves from Bozeman tomorrow mornin’ at six. Can you make it?”
“I’ll be there.”
“I’ll send someone to meet you at the Denver airport and bring you straight to the track. Austin will already be racin’ by the time you get here, but we’ll get you seated where he can see you, and hopefully that’ll pull him out of this black state of mind.”
“Okay.” Frannie hung up the phone and turned to find Celeste, Summer and Jasmine staring at her in fascination.
“Well?” Jasmine said.
“He loves me. Austin loves me!”
Amid war whoops and squeals of delight, the women hugged Frannie. “Come on, I’ve got to pack,” she said abruptly.
Summer frowned. “But, Frannie, surely you’re not still planning to go to Billings!”