"Bartending doesn't pay enough for a bed huh?" Pagan teases.
"I have two hungover females in it."
"How heartbreaking it must’ve been for you to have to leave them then." This time it's Nash ribbing him.
"Gross, they're my sisters." Nick shudders.
"If y'all don't get out of here I'll put you to work," Tony calls out before continuing on.
"I'm out of here. It's my day off." Brenda shoulders her huge purse and leaves, her high heels clicking all the way out.
"Me too," Kenneth says, "I don't come in until later. And he will put me to work as payback."
"What does that mean?"
"Nash, the things we do behind closed doors should not be repeated." Kenneth smiles wickedly and winks at her.
"That's disgusting. Tony's my boss, and now I'm going to spend my whole day wondering how y'all get each other off."
"You didn't have to say that," Pagan whines. "No one wants to imagine Tony's sex life."
"I can't imagine it's much of a life for you," Nick interjects. "The way he's everywhere all the time. Does he slow down enough for you, Kenny?"
"Please stop." Pagan covers her ears.
"Yes, please. I happen to enjoy my sex life. If Tony hears y'all talking about it, there's a good chance it will go bye-bye."
Kenneth laughs when we all groan.
"Seriously, we have to work with the two of you," Nash says.
"You're the one who asked, Nashy," Nick reminds her.
"I would have done well with him saying nothing, or to fuck off or something. He's the one who brought up sex."
"No, you brought up sex," Pagan counters. "He just said that what happens in their bedroom stays in their bedroom. You're the one with the dirty mind, dragging us down with you."
"And what about you? The two of you are always all over each other." Nash motions between Pagan and me.
"I'm not opening up that can of worms with you," Pagan tells her.
"Whatever." Nash rolls her eyes.
"I'm so glad I don't work in the dining room with y'all," Nick says. "My girls give me enough trouble as it is. So glad none of them were in here for this conversation.
You girls think it's us guys who talk about sex all the time. No, it's women. I swear that's all I hear all day long. We need some males working the bar. All this estrogen is driving me crazy."
"I thought you were leaving?" Nash says, crossing her arms.
"I am, Nashy, I am. I'm just saying." Nick gives us all one final grin before walking out the door.
"I'm off as well," Kenneth says, "Tony is probably trying to think of things for me to do as we speak."
"Yeah, I have things to do." Nash follows Kenneth out, and it's just me and Pagan now.
"We could go down to the beach," I say. "We haven't done that yet, and June is halfway over already."
"We don't have any supplies."
"We'll go get some."
"So we're going to go all the way home, get everything we need, come back here, and set it up? Then we're going to lie on the beach until we have to pack it all back up before we have to work?"
"We don't have to come back here. There are some public beaches within driving distance."
"Public beaches? Wyatt Hensley wants to go to a public beach?"
"Don't knock it till you try it. Or are you too good for a public beach?"
"Way too good. There are like average people there," she says quietly.
"Well then, no public beaches. We can't have Pagan Fallon at a public beach."
"You're such a dork."
"You started it."
"Seriously, we can't go to the beach now. That's something we have to plan. We can go on Sunday or Monday."
"Okay. Well, we can still go swimming."
"Okay. Swimming it is then. Gran will be happy to see you. You haven't been over since Friday."
"I know. I'll make it up to her."
"She knows you're busy, Wyatt. She doesn't blame you. But I do think she misses you. Gramps. too."
"What about you?"
"Well let's see. I stayed over Saturday and last night. I don't have time to miss you."
"That's not what I asked."
"I do miss you. When I'm home without you, it's different. It's like you belong there with me," she whispers.
"I know. I feel the same." I pull her closer until there's no space between us. It's a good thing we're alone. Because all I want is to kiss the shit out of this beautiful girl.
No matter how many times our lips touch, I still feel like it's the first time. There's a brief moment of hesitation from each of us. Even though every possible part of Pagan is touching every possible part of me at the moment, it's not enough. It probably will never be enough.
And even though I feel her relax in my embrace, I can sense that there's still something she's holding back. One last secret stands between us, and I don't know if we can move forward until it's gone.
I also don't know if she ever plans on telling me what it is. And that is the scariest part.
I trust her with everything I have. But I don't think she trusts me.
That's an issue for me. Because I cannot keep making her promises if I think she's going to leave. I've already given her so much.
I'm starting to wonder how much more I can give before I break.
***
My wet hair hangs in my eyes. I'm sitting at the island watching Jodie prepare dinner. It's only one o'clock, but she's making her famous homemade lasagna, walking me through every step.
"I should get Mary over here," I tell her. "Most of the time I don't have it in me to cook. I can, it's just hard."
"I understand. Cooking is a job within itself, no matter what you're making. And I'd be happy to have Mary over anytime. I love teaching and showing others how to cook certain things. Pagan isn't a good cook. At all. That girl inherited her mother's ability to burn water."
I laugh and watch as she turns down the flame on her sauce.
"I made the sauce yesterday," she confesses. "But I like to have the meat cook some in it to get the flavors infused."
"Please don't tell me she's trying to turn you against me," Pagan says. "Just because I'm not the greatest chef doesn't mean I can't cook some things."
"Too late. Sorry, Pay, but until the day comes that I see you slaving over the stove, I'm going to believe Gran."
"You guys are terrible," she says, taking a seat next to me.
"I was telling Wyatt the secret to the lasagna. Next time I'll have him prepare it with me."
"That would be great."
"You're staying for dinner tonight, Wyatt," Jodie says, stirring the pot. "I know the girls aren't home and you missed Sunday dinner."
"Sorry, I just needed some time."
"It's okay, dear." Jodie smiles softly at me, like she knows the truth.
The truth is I stayed awake all night, paranoid that Janet was going to die. I don't particularly care what my mother does with herself. She's been ruining her body for years.
But I do care about my sisters having some kind of mother. There are moments when she acts like she cares. She can't stand me, but at least she actually likes the girls.
She must have a new boyfriend because Sunday night, around ten, she stumbled into the house drunk off her ass. Not unusual. What was unusual was the fact that she puked her guts out not even five minutes later. Right in the middle of the kitchen.
She only drinks like that when she gets in a fight with whoever she's fucking at the time. I haven't noticed any telltale signs of her trying to impress someone new, so I'm not sure. Or maybe she was just feeling extra bitchy and decided to make my life harder.
After I had cleaned her up, I contemplated leaving and coming here. But even though there's an open door policy, I'm not sure it extends into the middle of the night.
I could have called Pagan, but I didn't want to drag her into it. She gets so protective whenever Janet pulls something.
"Hey, Jodi
e," I say.
"Yes?"She stops what she's doing to give me her full attention. That's one thing I love and admire about her. When you speak, Jodie Fallon listens.
"Adele's birthday is in July. I was wondering if you could make her cake if you had time? Normally Terrence does it, but Scooter's been a real dick lately, so he's been working at the shop more."
"I'd love to." She smiles at me. "What were you thinking? Where are you having it?"
"I don't know yet. She's going to be five, so I want to make it special, but I don't know." What I do know is I should not be the one planning her birthday. That should be my mother's job.
"When is her birthday?"
"July seventh. It's a Saturday."
"We could have a pool party here. Does she know how to swim?"
"She does. Her father has a pool. It's a lot, Jodie. I don't expect you to host her party."
"I want to, Wyatt. It will liven things up around here." She doesn't look up as she grates fresh mozzarella cheese.
***
I'm heading back to the dining room from the bathroom when the doorbell rings. "I'll get it," I shout.
When I open the door, everything in me freezes. The girl standing in front of me is familiar, not because the resemblance is profound, but because my favorite picture has her in it.
Her blue eyes are wide, almost as light as Ava's but not quite. Her long red hair is stick-straight, and I wonder if it's naturally straight or crazy curly like her sister's.
The guy next to her is tall and blond. His eyes are blue as well, only there's a coldness to them. I have a good idea who he is.
"Who are you?" the girl asks.
"Who are you?" I shoot back.
"Dakota Fallon. This is my grandparents’ house. I'm here to see them. Who are you?"
Dakota has sass like her sister. I like it.
"And you?" I ask the guy.
"Why does it matter? Just let us in, man."
"I know who she is, so I can let her in. You, however…I don't know who you are. And the people in there," I gesture behind me, "are important to me, so I will not allow you into this house without knowing who you are."
"Jonathan Pender. Now who are you?"
"Wyatt Hensley, my boyfriend," Pagan says from behind.
I turn to face her, one-half of me thinking boyfriend. That's the second time she's referred to us being something more than friends.
The other half is studying her carefully. I take in her stiff posture, her balled-up fists, her calm face. I can only guess at how she's feeling, what she's thinking. I want to take her into my arms and steady her, but I also don't want to move from in front of the door, because I don't want the asshole in front of me anywhere near my girlfriend.
"It's okay, Wyatt," she says, not taking her eyes off the visitors. "You can let them in. Gran was concerned that you were taking too long. She wants you to go back and finish eating before it gets cold." Her voice is void of emotion.
Stiffly, Pagan turns and walks back to the dining room. Not once does she look at me.
I don't say anything to Dakota and Jonathan. They don't say anything to me. I meet Jonathan's eyes as he passes me when I finally move out of the doorway. He glares, his blue eyes boring into mine. I give nothing away.
Jodie jumps up from her chair when we enter the room, and Dakota runs into her arms. Tears run down Jodie's face, and I think it hurts me to see them even more than seeing Pagan's tears.
"Sit." Frank motions to my seat next to Pagan. "Nice to see you again, Jonathan."
"You too, Mr. Fallon."
Mr. Fallon.
Pagan dated this guy for almost two years, and he calls her grandparents Mr. and Mrs. Fallon. I knew them less than an hour when they insisted I call them Frank and Jodie.
Pagan's small hand lands on my thigh under the table. Slowly I pick up my fork and finish what's on my plate. But everything tastes bland. There's a knot in my stomach. My hand is shaking.
"It's okay. I'm okay. I promise," she whispers in my ear.
Jonathan sits across from me, Jodie thrusts a plate into his hand, and he's happily eating my favorite meal. I think I'm going to be sick.
When Dakota sits down with her own plate of food across from Pagan, I place my hand on top of hers.
She flips her hand over, and our fingers lace together. We will get through this.
"So, what brings y'all here?" Jodie asks. I notice she's twisting the delicate cross that hangs from her neck.
"Mom and Richard bought a house here. Richard said it's good to have a second home. We're staying here for the summer. Richard thought it'd be a good idea to invite Pagan over for dinner on Sunday," Dakota says, her eyes on her sister.
"Since it seems y'all are screening your calls, I thought it best to drive Dakota over here." Says Jonathan.
"I'm sure," Pagan says. "Well I would love to come, but we already have plans."
"Change them. What's more important? Your family or your new toy?" Jonathan snaps.
"You are not my family. Nobody in that house is my family. I thought I made that perfectly clear when Olivia showed up to my work.
And you will not disrespect the people I care about in this house."
"There’s no need to get heated," Jodie snaps. "I will throw all of you out. You're at the dinner table for heaven's sake. Have some manners."
"Wyatt," Frank says, surprising me by getting into this topic. Usually, Jodie is the one who gives the directives in the heat of the moment. Frank only smoothes it over after the fact. "Do you think you can cancel your plans? You and Pagan should go over. At least so you can get to know them a little better. It might be good for both of you."
"I suppose so," I say, playing into Pagan's lie. We don't have any plans on Sunday. I'm sure we'll be together doing something, but there was never anything planned. "But only if Pagan is okay with it."
"I'm most certainly not okay with it," she snaps. Her hold on my hand is punishing.
"Pay," I say softly.
She ignores me. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you do not get to come here and ruin everything for me." I don't know who she's talking to, probably both of them.
"Watch your tongue," Jodie reprimands.
"Please, Pagan," Dakota says on a sob. "I miss you. I need you. Please, you're my big sister. I need you back."
"You should have thought of that before you chose the whore over me."
"Pagan Elizabeth I will not have such language at my table." Jodie slaps the table, causing us all to jump.
"Fine." She pushes away from the table, grabs her plate, and heads into the kitchen.
I stand and quickly follow suit.
Pagan dumps the rest of her food in the trash, and I do the same. My stomach turns, wanting to expel everything I already ate. I need to be strong for Pagan, but being around Jonathan angers me, saddens me, and does a whole bunch of things that I can't comprehend.
We're putting our plates in the dishwasher when Jonathan and Dakota walk in.
The four of us stand on opposite sides of the kitchen. Jonathan sets the plates he was carrying on the island and wraps his arm around a crying Dakota.
I pull my beautiful broken girl into my arms. Her stiff body relaxes slightly. Having her in my embrace helps me breathe. My stomach stops turning, and I can look at the traitors and not feel sick.
"You need to leave," Pagan says.
She rests her hands on my arms, and I relax some more.
"Not until you give us what we want," Jonathan says to her while looking at me.
"I can't give you what you want because what you want is to hurt me. I'm done letting you do that. I'm done letting anyone hurt me." Pagan's voice is strong. She's leaning into me. I can feel her chest rise and fall steadily. And I realize my girl is strong. In this moment, she is the one who grounds us.
I'm the one losing it. I'm the weak one in this situation. I don't know how I feel about that.
"Pagan. I don't understand. I don't un
derstand how you can hurt me. You're supposed to protect me."
"It's time I start protecting me," Pagan says as she presses closer to me. "I came here broken. I'm still broken, Dakota. You broke me. You, and Olivia, and especially Jonathan.
You broke me.
I'm trying to heal. I need to heal and being here helps. I'm sorry. I will always love you, but I can't. I cannot be around any of them. I can't be around you." She lets out a shaky breath, and I know she's crying now.
"Life is about choices, Dakota," I say. "Everyone has to make choices for themselves and for their loved ones. Parents should always choose what's best for their children. Siblings should always choose each other. And boyfriends should always choose truth.
But sometimes people don't always make the right choices. And unfortunately, your family didn't make the right ones.
Pagan can't see you on Sunday. She can't talk to you when you call. And she can't see you again until she's ready. So don't come back here.
I can't see her hurt anymore. I won't see her hurt anymore."
Pagan turns in my arms, throwing herself against my chest. She holds me tight, her tears wetting my shirt.
Dakota sobs. Her cries break my heart. But she's not my concern.
"Truth, huh?" Jonathan says.
Pagan stiffens once more.
"Did Pagan tell you what she did? Did she give you the truth about how much of a hypocrite she is?"
Pagan turns back around to face him. "Don't," she says lowly.
"Oh, so you didn't? I'm not surprised. You try so hard to be someone you're not. Nice hair by the way." He sneers. His eyes are cold, full of malice. I've seen the same look in Janet's eyes many times, usually right before she screams at me.
"Shut the fuck up. Get out. I don't know why I thought you could be civil. You need to leave. Now."
"Olivia is a horrible person for cheating on her husband, huh? My dad is horrible for cheating on my mom? Isn’t that right, Wyatt? Isn’t it wrong to cheat on someone you say you love? Doesn’t that make you a hideous person who deserves to have the shit beaten out of them?
That's what you screamed at our parents, isn't it, Pagan? You called your mother a whore to her face. You called my father a worthless man who didn't deserve a cock. And you called me a lying asshole because I was trying to protect you from getting hurt.
Forever (Destroyed by Love #1) Page 18