by Lois Richer
“And you didn’t?” she pressed, needing to understand just how big a gulf spanned between them.
“I don’t believe in punishing animals. I get better results with patience and persuasion.” Cade hung his rubbing cloth on a hook, his back to her. “Mastery is important to my father. That’s why he likes to hunt.”
“Hunt?” She frowned until understanding dawned. “Hunt animals, you mean?” His head jerked once in a nod. “And you don’t?”
Silence filled the room for several minutes, the only sound the creak of the wooden floor as Cade shifted on it. When he spoke, Abby had to lean forward to hear his words.
“I tried once, to appease him. But I just couldn’t pull the trigger. They were so beautiful, such wonderful creatures that took a risk in trusting us enough to come close. I’d fed the deer for years. They were my friends. I couldn’t turn on them, kill them.”
When Cade turned around and she saw the sheer pain in his eyes, something squeezed her heart so tight Abby could barely breathe. They were my friends. A second later his face changed and the tenderness she’d glimpsed was chased away by a self-mocking grin.
“I sound like a kid. It wasn’t that bad.”
But she knew it had been.
“Do you want to go for a sleigh ride?” he asked suddenly.
“Now?” Startled, Abby stared at him. “But it’s late.”
“And since you’re still up and wandering out here, I’m assuming you’re not tired.” His coaxing grin sent a wiggle of delight right to her toes. “Come on, Abby. It’s a beautiful world at night and since that chinook blew in today, it’s not cold at all.”
She shouldn’t do it and she knew it. Hadn’t she just spent two weeks trying to stay away from him, to ignore the feelings that being around him evoked? Nevertheless, Abby nodded.
“Great.” His whole face brightened. “Stay here while I get the sleigh hooked up. I’ll come and get you.”
“Couldn’t I go with you?” A picture of Cade with Liberty flashed through her mind, the way he caressed the horse, whispered in her ear. It couldn’t hurt to watch him with his beloved horse, could it?
“Why not?” He slid on his jacket, then held out his arm, waiting for her to link hers with it. When she hesitated, he arched an eyebrow. “Is something wrong?”
“No.” Abby slipped her arm through his and tried to pretend that touching him had no effect.
But as they walked to the horse barn, she realized it wasn’t true. She felt coddled, protected, safe when she was with Cade. You feel a lot more than that, a little voice in her head chided.
“I’m sorry you missed eating dinner with us tonight. Ed’s made some progress with his speech. He kept us quite entertained.” She tipped up her face to study the full, white moon. Its glow on the piles of snow lit up the night with a dreamy iridescence. “Was anything wrong?”
“No.” Cade seemed to be thinking something over. Finally he said, “A man wanted to see me. He’s from out of town and couldn’t manage another time.”
“Too bad. You should have brought him in for dinner.” Watching his face, Abby felt as if there was something he wasn’t saying. His next words confirmed her feeling.
“He couldn’t stay.”
“Maybe next time then,” she said wondering what it was he was hiding. “Anyway, it’s nice to see your dad not have to use his writing pad so much. He’s only mastered words for now, but I don’t think it will be long until he’ll be speaking entire sentences.”
“A lot of credit for that goes to your encouragement, Abby.” Cade held open the door for her to enter. “You’ve been a great cheerleader for him.”
“It’s nice of you to say, but actually, I think being part of the quilt project for the adoption agency has made the most difference.” She leaned against the wall, watching as he led Liberty out of the stall and began to harness the horse. “I think Ed now feels like he has something to do, something that makes a difference, something that matters.”
“Also due to you,” Cade murmured. His big, capable hands moved quickly and the horse was soon ready to hitch to the sleigh. “I guess I should have done more,” he muttered as he led Liberty to the back of the barn and through big double doors where the sleigh waited outside. “Maybe I didn’t pay enough attention to him but—”
“You can’t blame yourself, Cade. You have your hands full with the ranch,” Abby insisted, watching as he closed the door, then hooked Liberty’s harness to the sleigh. “And anyway, you did try. You’ve been a great son, taking over despite all his grumbling. Helping with the quilts has been an answer to my prayer for something to grab his attention.”
“It always comes back to God with you, doesn’t it?” A teasing smile curved his lips as he spread his hands around her waist and lifted her into the sleigh.
When he climbed in beside her, Abby recited, “‘The righteous man trusts in God and lives.’ Habakkuk 2, verse 4.” She grinned. “My mother taught me that when I was four years old. It’s stuck with me.”
“Habakkuk, huh?” Cade flicked the reins and Liberty began trotting down a path with which she was clearly familiar. “I had a friend, Anita, who used to quote from that book. She said the Minor Prophets had a lot of good advice about life.”
“She was right.” Somehow she’d never thought of Cade in love with someone from the past, yet she could tell from the way he’d said her name that Anita had been special to him. A flutter of something uncomfortable wiggled inside. How could she possibly envy this Anita? “Do you still see her?” Abby asked hesitantly.
“No. She wasn’t from around here. I met her when I was in the military. We broke up after I brought her here to meet my dad.” His lips tightened. “That was a mistake.”
“He didn’t like her?”
“He put her down, made rude remarks about her being a city girl who’d never make it on the ranch, things like that.” Cade’s voice hardened. “I was going to propose to her that weekend but she broke it off.”
“I’m sorry.” A new thought dawned. “So though you left the ranch to join the military, you intended to come back?” Abby asked.
“I wasn’t sure. I had a dream of being the next generation of Lebrets to run the place but by then I was so fed up with our arguments...” He let the words trail away and pointed to the deer that stood bathed in moonlight in a meadow glade surrounded by massive pine trees.
Liberty stopped and for a few moments they simply sat together and watched the animals. Then the deer lifted their heads and dashed across the snow into the forest. Cade started them on their journey again, this time driving the sleigh under snow-laden boughs that felt like a secret passage, leading them into a more intimate world.
“I’ve always loved the Double L.” Cade sounded amazed, as if he’d only recently realized how much the place meant to him. “It’s not just that I’m my own boss. It’s more that I can make my own goals and dreams come true. Or at least, I thought I could.”
“What’s changed?” she murmured, anxious to hear more of his innermost thoughts.
“Everything. Dad and I have never really agreed. He always focused on raising prize horses, but that’s costly and you have to wait years, build up your reputation before it pays off. I insisted we start ranching cattle. He didn’t like that but they provide our bread and butter. The horses are a sideline we can only continue if we sell our beef. Dad doesn’t think that way.”
“I see.” It was clear to Abby that Cade didn’t share his father’s dream and imagined the tension that had caused over the years.
“The money that sustains this place really comes from the beef we raise. Our animals are always grass fed. We use no chemicals.” He flicked the reins and Liberty turned right, picking a path toward what sounded like a bubbling creek. “Because we own so much land, we have the ability to let them graze freel
y and to bale our own hay. Our organic beef commands a high price because it’s so clean. But lately the price isn’t quite high enough to sustain all we need.”
“Couldn’t you sell some of the land?” she asked.
“Then we’d have to cut our herd. We need every acre to support the cattle and we need the cattle for our income.” He smiled at her. “Anyway, the future of this ranch is really a moot point. Dad needs to be in some kind of care facility where he’ll get the support and help that will help him regain full health. The only way I can think of to get the money to make that happen is to sell the ranch.”
Abby stemmed the urge to blurt out “No!” Instead she sat silent, praying for help for this kind, hurting man.
“I’m glad he’s improving, but his progress would be much quicker if he was where help was readily available and we don’t have that availability in Buffalo Gap. The therapist’s time is very limited.” He made a face. “Maybe I’m hoping that when he finally gets well, he’ll forgive me.”
“For what?” she murmured.
“Being born.” The gut-wrenching hurt in those words kept her silent as they rode deeper into the woods.
What can I say to help him, Lord?
“It will get better,” she promised softly.
“Will it?” The dubious note in Cade’s voice hurt to hear.
“Yes, if you’ll trust God,” she told him. “Even though you can’t see how it will get better, even though you don’t have an answer, trust God.”
“I feel like He’s angry at me,” Cade admitted.
“He’s not,” Abby said. “When you hurt, God hurts because we’re His children. Psalms says, ‘Lord, You are kind and forgiving and have great love for those who call to You.’ He’s not angry, Cade. He’s waiting for you to ask for help.”
“Do I sound stupid if I say I’m afraid to do that?” Cade stared into the distance. “I trusted Him once and—”
“And you didn’t get the answers you wanted,” Abby finished. “But you see, where God’s love is, there is no fear. You can let go and trust.”
Cade didn’t respond so she said nothing else, leaving it to God to work in the rancher’s heart. Moments later they slid across a small bridge. Abby narrowed her gaze, peering to distinguish what she saw nestled into the trees.
“A log cabin,” she exclaimed at last, amazed by the perfect location for the tiny building. She felt Cade go very still beside her. “Is it yours?”
“I built it when I was thirteen. At twenty I redid a lot of my original work.” He directed Liberty near the front of the cabin, then stopped. “I guess you’d call it my sanctuary.”
“Sanctuary from?” His childhood? Somehow Abby knew Cade hadn’t visited this place in some time. Because it was painful?
“Life.” He sighed. “I suppose you want to go inside.”
“If you don’t mind.” Though she sensed his reluctance she couldn’t suppress her longing to see his handiwork from the inside. Maybe then he’d open his heart to her even more.
“It’s not locked. Wait, let me see if there’s a flashlight here.” He dug under the seat of the sleigh, produced a crank lantern. Once he’d wound it up, he lifted her down and helped her to the doorway where the snow had melted, leaving dry, bare earth. He flicked the latch and the door easily swung inward. Cade frowned. “I thought it would stick,” he said.
“Maybe someone oiled the hinges,” she said but Cade was shaking his head.
“My father hates this cabin. He once said it was inferior work and threatened to knock it over.” He motioned Abby through the entrance.
“I don’t think it’s inferior. I think it’s wonderful.” She stepped inside and glanced around the tiny interior. After several minutes she sensed something was wrong and turned.
Cade stood in the doorway, staring at the back wall.
“That fireplace,” he murmured in a dazed tone. “I never put that in.”
Abby turned to survey a lovely river-rock fireplace. Someone had painstakingly chosen similar stones to frame a hearth. Kindling under logs waited to be lit.
“There are matches on this mantle,” she said, pointing to the glass jar. “Shall we try it out?”
“I—I guess.” He seemed utterly confused as he bent to light the kindling. “Who could have done this?”
“Your father?” she suggested as she sat down on a rough plank bench.
“I don’t think so. This is where I came to hide from him when he wanted me to hunt with him.” Cade’s head twisted to the window. “I used to watch the animals through there. When I thought he was getting near, I’d make a noise to scare them away.”
Abby ached to comfort Cade’s tender heart.
“I can’t figure out who would do this. Who would even know it was here?” It was clear Cade wasn’t talking to her. “He said it was ugly, a blotch on the landscape.”
She waited until he blinked back to reality, his eyes widening as he noticed her sitting there.
“Cade, I think your father did it while you were overseas. I’m sure he must have been worried about you. Maybe this was his way of urging you home,” she offered. “Maybe he didn’t know how else to tell you he loved you, cared about you, wanted you back on the ranch.”
Cade shook his head, obviously unable to accept that. But he said nothing more as he fell into thought. Abby sat in front of the flickering fire, content to leave him with his thoughts while she dealt with hers.
This was the kind of place she’d love to have for her children. A place to come and contemplate, to enjoy the nature God had provided. A secret place to talk to Him. She was growing to love the ranch with its wide-open spaces that offered a sense of freedom she’d never known before.
In this place she’d found people she cared about and promise for the future that could fulfill her dreams of helping children. If only the adoption agency could go ahead.
“It’s late.” Cade stood in front of her, watching her. “We should get back.”
“Yes. You have to work in the morning.” Abby rose. “But I’m glad we stopped here. I love your little hideaway.” She tilted her head so she could smile at him and found her gaze locked with his. If only— Abby refused to let that thought grow.
“I’ll throw some snow on the fire.” He moved quickly to douse the flames. When it was out he waited for her at the door, casting one last glance around the room.
Neither of them said a word on the way back. Cade seemed impatient and let the horse move into a fast trot so they glided over the snow quickly. Abby mourned the loss of the gentle camaraderie they’d shared. Too soon Cade pulled up in front of the house.
“I’ll let you out here so you don’t have to walk,” he said.
He lifted her out of the sleigh before Abby could step down, but when he swung her to the ground, she found herself light-headed. She reached out and grabbed Cade’s shoulders, clinging until the world stopped spinning. Cade continued to hold her but there was a question in his voice when he murmured, “Abby?”
His face dipped close to hers, his eyes scanning hers, moving over her cheeks to her lips. She couldn’t look away, couldn’t stop staring into the blue vastness of his eyes. His hands tightened around her waist, drawing her infinitesimally closer. If he shifted just the tiniest bit, his lips would graze hers.
Longing rose in her, longing to be held, to be loved, to belong. But she couldn’t have that. She wasn’t any good at love. She’d failed Max. She could never forgive herself if she failed Cade, too. Sanity returned and Abby drew back, freeing herself from Cade’s disturbing touch.
“I’m fine. Just a little dizzy from moving too quickly.” She took another step away from him. “I’ll be all right,” she whispered. “You see to Liberty.”
Then, turning, she escaped into the house without looking back.
/> Though Abby immediately prepared for bed and switched out her light it was a very long time before she closed her eyes. She couldn’t stop puzzling over her reaction earlier. What was wrong with her? She couldn’t have wanted Cade to kiss her or embrace her because she knew no good could come of it.
But no matter how much she repeated that to herself, the image of Cade’s blue eyes searching hers would not leave her mind.
Tomorrow she’d have to go back to hiding, maybe in the quilt room where she’d have something to keep her thoughts off Cade.
Chapter Ten
“So do you finally have all your questions answered?” Abby asked, trying to smother her smile.
“For now.” Cade had never been more aware of the interest of the townsfolk as they left her doctor’s office and walked down the streets of Buffalo Gap. The only thing that made it worthwhile was that it was Abby by his side. “Go ahead, make fun of me, but I like to be prepared.”
“I am making fun of you,” she chirped, her grin widening when he rolled his eyes. “As long as you feel better, that’s the important thing. Now we’d better hightail it over to the seniors’ center and get the finishing touches on that Valentine’s party. We have a lot of money to raise.”
“I know.” He drew her to a stop, determined to say this. “Abby, you have to promise me you won’t overdo today. You heard what the doctor said. This is an important growing time for the twins. It’s not the time to overtax yourself.”
“Okay, Uncle Cade. I hear you.”
“Uncle Cade?” he said with a frown.
“That’s what you’ll be to the twins.” Abby grinned. “Now let’s focus on the party.” She studied him for several moments until Cade got the feeling she needed to unload on someone. “Do you really think we can raise enough tonight to pay for what we need at Family Ties?”
Cade didn’t, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud. Anyway, Abby beat him to it.