by Lois Richer
“No! No way.” Abby realized she’d spoken too loudly when both Cade and Ivor glanced at her. Cade started to come toward them but she shook her head. Frowning he returned to work. “God isn’t like that,” she insisted. “He doesn’t steal the things or people we love. He loves me and He loves you. He wants you to love your son because God is love.”
Tears trickled down Ed’s sun-wrinkled cheeks. “Angry,” he murmured.
“You were angry at God?” She squeezed his fingers. “I know. But God understood. He knows your pain, knows how much you missed your wife, how terrified you were to raise a child all by yourself,” she guessed and knew she was right when he nodded. “God knew all that and He loved you anyway.”
From the corner of her eye she saw Cade join in a game with Ivor and his friends, tossing a football that they raced over the fresh spring grass to catch. The ranch had changed Ivor and Cade’s relationship, too. If only they could all stay here.
“Apologize,” Ed said. “Cade.” His tears fell more freely now.
“Yes, and you need to tell him you love him because he doesn’t know. He thinks you hate him because his mother died giving birth to him.”
“No.” Ed’s eyes widened. He shook his head. “No, no.”
“Then tell him that you love him. Make sure he knows that he’s the most important person in your life.”
“Can’t.” He stared at his hands. “Won’t forgive.”
“Of course he will. I told you, Cade loves you. That’s why he’s trying to do his best for you. God loves you, too, Ed. So much.” Without asking permission, Abby bowed her head and prayed, asking God to reveal his forgiveness to Ed and to heal the breach with his son. When she was finished, she lifted her head and saw Ed’s troubled gaze resting on Cade.
“Don’t want the ranch sold,” he said slowly and clearly.
“I know.” She wrapped an arm around his shoulder and hugged him.
“It’s home.”
“Yes,” she whispered, her gaze drawn again to the man she loved. “We have to keep praying.” The babies began crying. Ed touched her arm.
“Hold?” he asked, his blue eyes hopeful.
“Of course.” She lifted Eric from his blanket and laid him in Ed’s arms. The old man’s face filled with wonder as he gazed at the child.
“Looks good on you, Dad,” Cade called, loping toward them. His face creased in a grin. “You look like a grandpa.”
Ed lifted his head and stared at his son. “Home,” he said.
Cade shook his head.
“I know. I wish we could stay but selling the Double L will provide the care you need. I’m doing it to make sure you can get back your health.” Cade sighed. “I wish you could understand that if I could, I’d do anything else but sell this place. I know how much it means to you.”
Ed studied him for a long time. Then he motioned for Abby to take the baby. With his hands free, he reached out and took Cade’s hands. “Forgive,” he said.
“What?” Cade glanced from him to Abby. “What do I need forgiveness for?”
“Cade, just listen, please.” Abby smiled to encourage him, then glanced at Ed. “Go on.”
“Forgive me. Treated you bad,” Ed said slowly, obviously working hard to say the words he needed. “Bad father. Afraid.”
“You were afraid?” Cade asked. He crouched in front of his father. “Why?”
In painstakingly slow speech, Ed explained his fear of God taking his son.
“Loved you,” he finished. “Loved. Always. Built fireplace for you so you’d come back, come home.”
Cade stayed immobile for a very long time. Then he leaned forward, and for what Abby was certain was probably the first time in his life, he hugged his father and Ed hugged him back. She felt like an intruder, in the way. She wanted to give them some privacy, but a moment later Cade enveloped her in an embrace from which she had no desire to be freed.
“You did this,” he murmured in her ear. “I have no idea how, but I know you did it. Thank you.”
“It’s Ed, not me. He loves you. He doesn’t want you to sell the ranch. You share this legacy.” Abby did everything she could to make him see. “This is where you belong, Cade. If you could just trust a little longer—”
“Abby, I’ve only had one solid offer. There aren’t a lot of people who can raise the cash to buy a place like this.” His forehead pleated as he let go of her and rose. “I don’t have another choice.”
“All I’m asking you to do is wait, don’t rush into anything. It would mean so much to Ed,” she added. “This ranch has been his home for a long time.”
“I know. But the money is too good. Dad will have everything he needs.” He glanced around, then his gaze returned to her. “It’s my home, too, and you’ve helped me realize how much I love it. I hate giving up all the plans I had for the Double L but I don’t see any other way.”
“If you waited—” Abby stopped when Cade shook his head.
“I’ve given up on dreaming that some kind of intervention will happen. This is reality. I’m only sorry it hurts you so much.” He said the last to his father, then turned and walked back to his bales.
“I’m sorry, Ed,” Abby whispered, witnessing the devastation on his leathery face.
“No.” Ed straightened. A new resolve filled his eyes so like Cade’s. “Son back. God forgives. All good.”
But it wasn’t. Abby felt as though everything was falling apart around her and she could do nothing to stop it. Worst of all, when the ranch sold she’d have nowhere to go, no place to take her babies. If something went wrong with Cade’s latest plan to raise funds for the adoption agency, she’d have no job, either.
Then how would she care for the twins?
Lord? she whispered when Ed returned to the house, leaving her to enjoy the spring afternoon. What are You doing?
* * *
“You did it.” Two weeks later Abby gazed at Cade, her big emerald eyes wide, her voice hushed. “You got them to release my money.”
“Some of it,” he reminded. “At least you’re no longer destitute and it represents a commitment on their part to follow through with what they owe.”
“It’s a lot of money, at least for me.” She stared at the check, then held it out. “Use it for Ed’s care. Keep the ranch.”
“Your responsibility is to provide a home for the twins, Abby.” Cade loved her for the gesture but he shook his head. “You have to use your money for that.”
She looked so lovely sitting on the garden bench, the climbing rose vines leafing out behind her. The soft spring air played with the few tendrils of hair she hadn’t caught up in a green-checkered bow.
“There’s a place in town that might be suitable to rent until your plans firm up,” he said.
“I could stay here,” she whispered, watching him.
“There’s nothing to stay for,” he said, and clenched his jaw against the pain. “The new owners will take over in a month. We’ll all have to leave then.”
Abby being Abby frowned at him but he knew she hadn’t given up. His spirit sighed with relief when she changed the subject.
“What’s happening with the adoption agency? You haven’t said much.” She tilted her head to one side. “Is there a reason for that?”
“Things have come to a halt while I’ve been sorting out terms on the ranch sale,” he told her. “I’ll get back on it soon.”
“I’d like to help,” she said, her smile lighting up her eyes. “But as you say, for now I have to focus on the twins.” She giggled. “And getting some sleep. You’ve been so helpful. I don’t know how I’ll manage on my own.”
“The kids are settling down.” Cade hated that the twins would no longer be there for him to check on, protect and watch over. He hated it even more that he would
no longer be able to help out Abby.
The thought that she might need him and he wouldn’t be there plagued him.
“Maybe I could come over some afternoons and take them out while you rest,” he offered.
Despite his determination to remain objective, the twins had nestled into a special spot in his heart. Right next to Abby.
“Come anytime.” She smiled, then sobered. “I guess I should go look at this rental house.”
From then on, things moved way too fast for Cade. Abby rented the house, he moved in her few belongings and added others from the ranch house, including a crib his father had mentioned storing in an outbuilding.
“He said it was once mine.” Cade showed her the teeth marks on one side. “I restored it as best I could but I couldn’t completely erase those.”
“It’s perfect,” she told him.
Her hand reached for his and Cade automatically enfolded it as they stood staring at the twins, one nestled in the cradle from Boris, the other in the crib. At least he’d been able to provide a bed for them.
“I wish I didn’t have to leave the ranch,” Abby said in a soft voice. “I love it here, Cade.”
He slid his hand free.
“Do you want me to leave?” she asked. If she only knew how much he wanted her to stay.
“Staying wouldn’t work.” How he hated saying that.
“Because you won’t trust God,” she murmured. “But I do. I trust Him with my life. You need to, too, because God is going to work things out, Cade. You’ll see.”
After filling her pantry, Cade returned to the ranch. But nothing was the same. Her lilting voice wasn’t there to tease him about being late for dinner, the babies didn’t call out for him in the night and Abby didn’t share the early sunrises as she had for the past weeks.
Why don’t You do something? Cade prayed as he rode the ranch, checking on his stock and the new arrivals that filled his pastures. Why can’t You work this out?
But he found no response.
Life on the ranch no longer brought Cade the joy it once had. Watching the place burst with new life, working with the animals—it was a bittersweet time. At least every five minutes he questioned whether he was doing the right thing or not. But when he came home one afternoon and found his father sprawled on the floor, too weak to get back in his chair, Cade knew selling was the only option.
Oddly enough, Ed didn’t seem fazed by his fall. In fact, he told Cade to bring him ropes and had him rig up a workout station outside in which he could cling to the ropes while walking around them. The first day he barely made it three steps. But Ed persisted, humming songs Cade vaguely remembered from his Sunday school days, songs of faith and promise. Cade didn’t see any progress but that didn’t seem to bother Ed.
Was Cade the only one who didn’t trust God?
And then the worst possible thing happened. The painter they’d finally been able to hire to redo the windows at Family Ties found asbestos in the paint on the sills. The building could not be entered, let alone used for anything, until remediation was complete. Wanda phoned to tell him she could not afford to pay for that. Everything was on hold.
Cade could hardly bear to tell Abby the news.
* * *
“You’re saying I won’t be able to work there.” Devastation washed over her face. “So I don’t have a job and I don’t have enough of my money to cover the cost for repairs. I’m some partner.”
“Nobody can go in,” he told her. “It’s too dangerous. The dream of an adoption agency opening in this town is dead.”
“Don’t say that!” She glared at him, both hands on her hips. “You may be finished but God isn’t. He still has a plan and His will is going to be done. I know you won’t believe that and because you don’t you’ll miss out on the best God has in store for you. You won’t even believe in me.”
“Abby, I can’t wait around hoping—”
“Faith is believing God will do what is right,” she said, dashing away the tears that spilled down her cheeks. “It’s a choice you have to make, Cade. Either you’ll trust and believe God’s doing His best for you, or you push along your own path, trying to manage everything by yourself.”
“It’s not that easy,” he protested.
“Yes, Cade, it is.” She held his gaze. “He’s forgiven me for my failures. I should have phoned Max’s commanding officer and told him my suspicions that my husband was suffering from PTSD, but I didn’t and Max died. Maybe that was my fault. I certainly wasn’t the loving wife he deserved.”
“Max thought you were,” Cade murmured. “He loved you. He’d have done anything for you.”
“Anything but share the horror he kept locked inside. He always kept me at arm’s distance from that.” Abby wept, releasing it all into God’s hands. “I was determined never to let myself trust in love again. And then I met you and you showed me what true love is. It’s total sharing. It’s believing, hoping, trusting in the other person with nothing between you. That’s what I want from my love for you, Cade. I love you. If God is with us, no one and nothing can defeat us.”
He was the most unlovable man in town. Everyone knew that. And yet—how he wanted to be the man she thought he was. But he wasn’t and never would be.
“I can’t be that person, Abby. I’m sorry.” There was nothing more to say. Cade turned and left, wishing with all his heart that he didn’t have to but knowing there was no other way.
To drag Abby and the twins into his uncertain future was a betrayal of everything he’d promised Max, of everything he wanted for her. She’d received enough money to tide her over for a few months. Eventually the rest would come. She would find a job. Abby’s friends would gather around her and help her through whatever she encountered.
She didn’t need Cade messing up her life.
I love you.
Abby’s words to him the afternoon of the babies’ births wouldn’t be silenced. Cade drove himself relentlessly to finish up the things on the ranch that needed doing, but no matter how long he worked, the image of her face and her profession of trust never left his brain. He longed to hold her and the babies, to assure them that he would always be there.
But when God didn’t answer his plea for help, Cade knew that even though Abby was the woman of his dreams, some things just weren’t meant to be.
Chapter Fifteen
Abby opened her front door two weeks later and blinked in surprise.
“I’ve brought you a baby gift.” Hilda Vermeer pointed behind to an old-fashioned red car sitting in Abby’s driveway. “I know it’s not the usual gift, but I thought you needed transportation more than another fancy outfit or stack of diapers for those babies.”
“Hilda, that’s—”
“Don’t argue with me,” Hilda said sternly. “It’s been sitting in my garage doing nothing for years. It might as well be used. Oh.”
Abby cut off the rest of her words by the simple expedient of reaching out and folding the older woman into her arms, hugging her and ignoring Hilda’s stiffening body.
“You are a darling,” she said and kissed the woman’s perfumed cheek. “What a lovely, thoughtful gift. Thank you so much.”
Hilda huffed and grumped, withdrawing, then blurting, “Well, are you going to show them to me?”
“The twins? Of course. I’m a very proud mama.” Abby ushered Hilda into her tiny home. “Have a seat,” she said, moving a stack of fresh laundry. She lifted Adam and set him in Hilda’s arms. “Meet Adam Maxwell McDonald. This is his brother, Eric.”
“Oh.” Hilda seemed frozen, her arms rigid as she stared at Adam. “He’s—small.”
“Well, yes.” Abby laughed. “He’s only a baby but he’ll grow.”
“Maybe the car seats I had installed are too big,” Hilda worried. “I don�
�t know anything about babies. I never had one.” She lifted her head and looked straight at Abby. “I always secretly wished I’d been a mother.”
“I’d love for you to be godmother to my twins. I’m going to ask Ed to be their godfather.” She saw Hilda’s frown and hurried to explain. “It’s not that I’d expect anything from you. It could be an honorary title only.”
“That’s too bad.” Hilda finally moved, cradling Adam against her. “I think I’d have to object to a mere honorary title.”
“Oh.” Abby sighed. What mistake had she made now?
“I’d need more of a relationship than a title.” Hilda grinned at Abby. “Much closer. Like maybe godmother and honorary grandmother. And not so honorary that I can’t stop by to spoil them. Okay?”
“Absolutely.” Abby hugged her again. Then Hilda asked her a hundred questions about the babies and Abby answered them all. After a while she put the twins down for their nap and served tea. “Peppermint because caffeine keeps those two up,” she explained.
“I like peppermint tea. My mother used to make it.” Hilda accepted a cup and leaned back in her chair, eyes narrowed. “Now tell me about the adoption agency. I haven’t seen anyone working there for days.”
Abby explained about the asbestos.
“We worked so hard,” she said sadly. “And the community was so gracious in their donations. But Wanda can’t afford the remedial work that needs to be done to get rid of the asbestos and I haven’t got enough money to help her.” She named the figure she’d been given. “That’s way beyond our means.”
“So you’ve had to abandon the project. Which means you’re out of a job,” Hilda added.
“I’m afraid so.” Abby sighed. “I think I can manage six months of what I’m calling maternity leave. Then I’ll have to start looking for work.”
“Here in Buffalo Gap?” Hilda asked.
“I’m a social worker. If the agency doesn’t go ahead, there’s really nowhere else for me to work in town. I’ll have to move, make a new home for my children.” Abby told her sadly. “But at least, thanks to Cade’s persistence, I won’t have to give them up.”