by Will Craig
We must be very careful what we tell ourselves because our Genie, as wonderful as he is, cannot distinguish our real intent. Everything we say passes to him without going through any filters. We may tell ourselves, “This is stupid. I’m not going to try very hard to do my best because I’ll probably fail anyway.” Our intent may have been to give ourselves a cushion to fall back on just in case we didn’t do as well as we’d hoped. The trouble with giving ourselves that out is that Genie will do everything in his power to grant our request of failure. He is undermining our ultimate desire to be the best we can be. He doesn’t mean to do this, of course; he is just following the orders we gave him.
We all have this magical power. Sometimes we don’t even know it, much less take responsibility for it. We tend to pay more attention to the events in our lives. When we react to something that has happened to us, we label it and then attach a story to it. Good, bad, exhilarating, depressing, rewarding, or unfair, we make a note of it. We give these stories to our Genie for safe keeping. He stores them in the unconscious and will dutifully recover these accounts of events just as you have filed them. When we come to a similar event in our life—sometimes years after Genie first filed the original story—he quickly provides us with the immediate reaction to take on our current dilemma based on this historical precedent.
At first glance, this sounds well and good. You have a living encyclopedia at your disposal along with your own Genie librarian to tell you the correct response in any given situation. The challenge associated with this repository of stored responses is that many times those responses are out of date and overdue for a change. We may have matured and outgrown a conditioned response, yet we continue to engage in inappropriate, self-destructive behavior, simply because we have programmed ourselves to do so.
Our lives today are the culmination of every thought we’ve ever had. Once we embrace this concept—once we recognize we have created our world and take responsibility for it—we also realize we have the power to change our world by simply changing our thoughts. We can rewrite our story through new experiences and different responses, and enjoy a renewal of our inner lives.
Reviewing the Map
Joseph Campbell’s original Hero’s Journey—along with Christopher Vogler’s masterful adjustments and fine-tuning—provide a useful template for our inner journey. As we overlay the elements of personal growth and development, a fascinating Map of Self-Discovery reveals itself. The map discloses the symbols, metaphors, and rites of passage that provide direction and expose the ideal path right beneath our feet.
Following this route requires the use of our moral compass. Living an authentic life and following our true north is not always as simple as it seems. The testing of our values, principles, and boundaries is endless. Ironically, the biggest enemy we face comes from within.
The information and experience you feed your mind(s) determines the quality of your life. If you want to change your life, change your thoughts. What you say to yourself (your subconscious) truly does matter, and your zany subconscious librarian will take your every thought literally. Life is challenging enough without sabotaging yourself. Think well.
Behold the Journey That Awaits You
Unroll the Map of Self-Discovery at: willcraig.com
CHAPTER 4
Circle of Life
It's the circle of life, and it moves us all, through despair and hope, through faith and love, 'till we find our place, on the path unwinding. ~ Elton John, “Circle of Life,” from The Lion King
W ithin just a few months’ time, the hero character of An Officer and a Gentleman comes full circle, a changed man. Zach Mayo (Richard Gere) meets Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant Foley (Lou Gossett, Jr.). Zach is the officer candidate and Sgt. Foley, the berating drill instructor. The 13-week program is designed to weed out those unfit to become an Ensign in the U.S. Navy.
Sgt. Foley believes Zach lacks motivation and is not a team player. He bullies and torments the young candidate, trying to get him to drop out. Zach refuses. In a moment of frustration, distress, and total exhaustion, Zach finally admits he has no options in civilian life. This pivotal self-realization is a major turning point for Zach, and he commits to becoming an officer and a gentleman.
After completing his training and attending graduation ceremonies, Zach—still in his dress whites—rides his motorcycle back to the training area. He watches Sgt. Foley, his former nemesis (and mentor), berating a fresh batch of officer candidates. One kid in particular is getting the brunt of Foley’s wrath. Zach listens to the same speech in the same tone at the same volume that he had personally received just weeks earlier.
Ensign Zach Mayo smiles, turns, and rides off.
Life is a circle. We come back around to some of the same places we’ve been before, literally and figuratively. With a modicum of hope, we have grown into a better human being. If not, life has a way of sending us around the same loop again until the lesson—and the growth—is complete. The end of one journey transitions us to the next. We may not look much different, but we are not the same person we were before. We change whether we choose to grow or not.
Awareness, Change, Renewal
We continue our transition from the external world to the inner world; from the ordinary and special worlds to the conscious and unconscious.
In place of the three main external segments of the Hero’s Journey (departure, initiation, and return) let’s overlay awareness, change, and renewal to reflect better the personal growth we seek. The three main segments of the inner journey take us through not just our lifelong expedition but the cycles through mini-journeys, hikes, and crossings along life’s path. Each adventure begins as it always does–with awareness.
Awareness: Our experience of awareness happens at the conscious level. Once we experience something (good or bad); once we garner new information; once we become mindful of something we had previously been clueless about (an issue, a threat, a toleration), we reach a crossroads. We have a choice. We can choose to ignore and remain as we are and where we are. Or, if we decide to grow and develop, we can take action.
Change: Once we fully commit, change begins happening at the unconscious level. We make a leap of faith into the unknown. There we find familiar friends and new allies, as well as new challenges and old enemies. We experience numerous tests and trials along our personal path. Setbacks and failures are seemingly abundant. Pushing through the ordeal, we transform and come full circle, possessing newfound wisdom, gifts, and talents.
Renewal: With a bounty of inner treasures, we begin our return to consciousness. This is no time to let down our guard, though. The elixir we have worked so hard to secure could be snatched away. We have an opportunity to make the most of the reward that is part of us now. Having survived the ordeal and completed the transformation of change, we ignite the torch and become light bearers for those who follow. With the sharing of our gifts of knowledge and experience at the conscious level, our renewal is complete.
Undoubtedly, the most challenging part of the journey is change. It requires abandoning the status quo, however mundane, in favor of taking a leap into the unknown. The hope of renewing our spirit puts our souls at risk. Do we have enough fire in us to persevere? Do we have what it takes to complete the journey?
On the reality-television series, Survivor, host Jeff Probst tells contestants at Tribal Council, “Grab a torch. In this game, fire represents life. Once your fire is gone, so are you.” The flame that burns in each of us requires that change is the necessary accelerant for renewal.
Change doesn’t come easy, nor is it quick. The bigger the request, the tougher the challenge and the longer the timeframe. We know we want to be better at this game of life and have our flames burn brighter.
It’s good to keep in mind that when an object burns, something is eliminated. Light a candle and eventually the wax disappears. No more candle. Light a fire on a cold winter night, and in the morning, the burning logs that kept you warm are gone. Ch
anging—and thus eliminating—unwanted behaviors, unhealthy habits, and unnecessary drama is a good thing. However, losing a part of ourselves, regardless of how much it needs to go, can still be tough.
We say we’ll do anything for this abundant reward. But do we fully understand what we’re committing to? What price are we willing to pay? What or who will we leave behind in the process—possibly in ashes?
Change is the currency of a life well lived. How are you spending yours?
This is tough stuff. If change were easy, everyone would do it. Most don’t. One thing many people do not realize is, if they don’t embrace change or at least accommodate it, they are doomed to repeat the path, rerun the race, re-learn the lesson. We all have the option to renew or redo.
In the film Groundhog Day, Bill Murray’s cynical and arrogant weatherman character, Phil Connors, relives the same day over and over again in the town of Punxsutawney, until he gets it right. Every morning his alarm brings him into awareness to repeat the previous day. Phil is trapped in an endless time loop until he re-examines his life and is willing to change to become a better person. Once he does, Phil experiences a sense of renewal, and life improves dramatically, not only for him but everyone in Punxsutawney.
The metaphor here is direct and to the point. While we may not get to redo a day that didn’t go the way we planned, we do have the opportunity to improve our lives incrementally one day at a time.
This is life, and it takes time (thank goodness). We are restless beings. As much as we fight change on a conscious level, we all want and need it. Somewhere deep down, we know this is why we are here. Enjoy it while you can—even the tough parts . . . especially the tough parts.
We have a choice: We can wallow in how unfair and hard life is (and be totally justified)—or we can choose to master this part of the inner journey and firmly grab hold of the elixir of life.
Steps Along the Path
Those who can’t or won’t change become stuck in what Thoreau calls “lives of quiet desperation.” They know they should stand up and answer the call, but instead, choose to remain seated and suffer quietly in mediocrity (usually with a can of beer, a bag of chips, and the remote control).
In nature, change is a constant; without it there is death. If you’re not growing, you’re dying. If you are growing, you’re changing. Embrace the unknown; it is only there you will find your treasure.
In the context of personal growth and development, here are the stages and steps of the inner journey. A Map of Self-Discovery, if you will.
With heightened awareness, we observe a call to adventure. We quietly tolerate the status quo until we can no longer resist the signs and sirens of the call. We move forward along the path regardless of how many times we’ve previously refused the call. We commit to change and prepare to make the leap into the unknown, our subconscious mind. We gain insights and tools when meeting the mentor that assist us down the road of trials and through the ordeal. Along our life path, we also encounter unlikely allies and longtime enemies. Many setbacks, some temporary success, and countless failures trigger a subtle process of transformation that brings us closer to the person we know, at least subconsciously, we can become. Harvesting this knowledge and wisdom provides the endowment of gifts and talents to share with others in the known, conscious world. Our renewal provides us with fresh eyes and enables us to envision expanding our success to a place of life mastery and meaningful significance.
This is the Hero’s Journey. And it’s not just one lifelong journey. Our lives are composed of numerous circumnavigations around the Map of Self-Discovery. Each revolution is an evolution in our growth. Some trips take a short time; some take longer. Other expeditions bring about exciting change while still others grow us exponentially. Then again, some quests leave us with nothing, and we must begin again. They are all different. They are all lessons along your life path.
Concentric Journeys
One excursion within my lifelong journey has been my formal education. For the first third of my life, I didn’t have much. At 16 years old, I barely graduated from high school and was thrilled I would never have to learn another thing. (I was a teenager. I already knew it all!) I wouldn’t stumble into my first college classroom for another two decades.
I title this chapter of my journey “Education Interrupted.”
The story I created for my life, up until I was 36 years old, was that I wasn’t very smart. Growing up, I hated school. My high-school guidance counselor flat out told me I wasn’t college material. That was all right with me. And it didn’t hurt my dad’s feelings, either. We couldn’t have paid for it, anyway.
The two decades that followed found me comfortable with that story, if not somewhat unfulfilled. It took me 20 years to realize I had the power to change my life, to write a new chapter, to alter the direction of my story altogether.
I was the executive director of a nonprofit youth program. Most of the educators under my direction had master’s degrees (awareness). Ironically, they were being led by a guy who barely made it out of high school. I felt like a fraud. One day I finally shared my embarrassment with Robert Smith, the program director (mentor). He told me I could easily solve this problem by going to college. I laughed and said, “I’d be 40 years old by the time I graduated.” He said, “Will, in four years you’re going to be 40, anyway. The only thing you need to decide is whether or not you want a college degree” (change).
So, that’s what I did. And, you know, it wasn’t that bad. It turns out I had some smarts, after all. I’ve since written chapters into my life I didn’t believe possible (renewal). I even went on to earn a master’s degree in—of all things—education.
Here’s another example of a mini-trek. It might seem like a mundane issue in the larger scheme of things—that is, unless you’re living it right now. You’ve been butting heads with a co-worker since the first day you met in the conference room. It’s not a life-or-death ordeal, but this situation needs to be different or it’s not going to end well. The awareness has been with you since the beginning, and now management has you co-leading a new project team. You’ve been resisting the call to adventure to develop a manageable working relationship with this person. You must now make a leap of faith into the unknown and commit to change. Ready or not.
The next few weeks are an ordeal. Disagreements, discouragement, and disconnection rule the days. Each of you is demonstrating passion for your position, competing to do what you think is best for the company.
Despite the awkward dynamics, the project is coming together. The leader of another team casually drops by to take a dig at your team and, in particular, your management style. Surprisingly, your co-lead immediately jumps to your defense and compliments your leadership abilities. You’re blown away. You find yourself speaking highly of the same co-worker who—up until two minutes ago—was a pain in the ass.
A spark ignites something unforeseen. The two of you look at each other differently now. Not only do you realize you share the same love for your work, but a new passion for each other is quietly emerging (or maybe not so quietly). This sudden transformation changes everything. The revelation of what the two of you can do together is electric. This unexpected detour has magically morphed co-workers into cohabitators. The warm reward of falling in love creates more of the same. Sharing the endowment of your gifts and talents in this newly forged relationship benefits everyone you touch. Already, new awareness is developing as you both glow in this beautiful state of renewal. Who knows where that path leads from here?
Circling Destiny
Each mini-journey within the lifelong journey brings us closer to mastering our worlds. Completing each smaller rotation falls within the larger orbit of our life trajectory. Each expedition into the unknown provides a galaxy of opportunity for a brighter, wiser, and more glorious version of ourselves.
Mini-journeys happen over a period of time: Your time away at college, raising your kids, the years in a past marriage, that summer vo
lunteering, your first career. The events in our lives have a way of segmenting themselves when we take a birds-eye view of them—unlike when we were living them and everything was in our face. We couldn’t see much beyond the challenges of the moment.
It’s helpful to revisit past mini-journeys. We gain an understanding and appreciation for the sacrifices made and lessons learned. The Map of Self-Discovery helps us reconcile the seeming randomness of our lives. By documenting the awareness, change, and renewal aspects of a previous journey, we are granted insights into their purpose and why we needed to follow that path during that time. The value in this exercise comes in the quality time you spend wandering through your memory banks.
Looking back, we grasp the significance of life’s lessons. Going forward, the map is a guiding metaphor for our quests.
If it seems like the turmoil, trials, and tribulations never seem to end, you’re right. This is true for everyone, regardless of how wonderful other people’s lives seem compared to yours. Those with more money than you (and there always will be) have just as many ordeals to contend with as you. Those ordeals are different in nature, of course, but every bit as challenging for them.
People who are less fortunate than you (and there always will be) may be grateful not to have the life lessons you need to learn. They, too, have a rocky path to travel. Some people are smarter, better, and faster than you (and there always will be), and none of that matters.
You’re not going to win the game of life. When the game is over, so are you.
You’re not going to lose, either. Life isn’t a competition (although it’s easy to see why many think it is). Expect that it’s going to be tough—so be ready for those fortuitous curve balls. The role of the hero is to serve and to sacrifice. Do you want life to be easy, or do you want it to be meaningful?