by Karli Perrin
Please say yes.
“Well I’m not about to turn down the best pizza in town,” Lori says.
“That’s my girl,” I reply, not even realizing what I’ve said until the room fills with an awkward silence. I take a bite of pizza just as Lori’s phone starts to vibrate once more. I glance down and see John’s name on the screen. Stalker.
She walks over and scoops it up before typing out a quick text. I take a bite of pizza to hide my smug smile when she turns the power off afterwards.
“What are we watching?” Sophia asks as she sits down next to Mason.
“I thought we could try a new crime documentary.”
“Boring,” I reply.
He throws the remote at me. “Then you choose something.”
Lori rolls her eyes when I type ‘porn’ into the search bar.
I laugh when it brings up some results. “I didn’t actually think it would find anything. Porn star documentaries...interesting.”
“Don’t pretend that you haven’t already tried searching for it before today,” Sophia says.
“Why would I need to when I’ve got the entire internet at my fingertips?"
“Been watching a lot of porn recently, Buzz?” Mason asks.
“Ah, you know. A bit of librarian porn here and there.”
Lori almost chokes on her pizza.
I click onto the homepage and look at what’s trending. “Huh. Beautiful Disaster. Remember when we all went to watch that at the movies? Oh wait…Mason didn’t actually watch it because he was too busy being a drama queen.”
“I was in the hospital having an anaphylactic shock.”
“Or you were just trying to get some alone time with Sophia..."
He winks. “Well she does have an excellent bedside manner.”
“And you know how much it turns me on when you can't breathe,” she says sarcastically.
“Kinky,” I reply.
“The Fault in Our Stars,” Lori says, pointing at the screen. “Let’s watch that.”
“What is it?” I ask.
“A movie about two kids with cancer. It's based on the book by John Green.”
“Oh wow, you’ve really sold it to me. We should watch it right away. Press play immediately.”
She sits down next to me and takes the controller off me. “Shut up and watch it. It’s awesome.”
As long as she's next to me, I don't care what we watch.
“Well?” she asks as soon as the credits start to roll.
“It was okay,” I reply, trying to play it cool.
“Just okay?”
I shrug. “It was good.”
“Good. Hmmmm.”
“Jesus Christ, woman. At least give me a minute to process it all.”
She leans a little closer. “Is that a tear in your eye?”
“No. Maybe. Shush.”
She laughs. “It’s awesome, just admit it.”
“I’ll admit it. It was fucking awesome. It almost made me cry three times. There. Happy now?”
She smiles smugly. “I told you.”
I gesture to Mason and Sophia who are both asleep on the couch opposite us. “It’s nice to see that those two enjoyed it.”
“If I had a dime for every time Sophia fell asleep during a movie, I’d be a rich woman.”
About a minute passes where we do nothing except stare at the two of them wrapped up in each other’s arms. I want what they have so bad. I want Lori in my arms. I want to fall asleep with her at night and wake up with her every morning. I want to turn back time and stop myself from making one of the worst decisions of my life. I would love to know what Lori’s thinking right now. Maybe her thoughts aren’t so different to mine. Or maybe she’s thinking about falling asleep in John’s arms tonight. The thought kills me so I quickly say something, anything, just to change the subject. “You could have warned me that it was so damn emotional.”
“I told you it was about cancer. I thought that was enough of a warning.”
"I thought it was going to be depressing but it was actually really inspiring. It makes you stop and think about your life.”
“That’s why I love it so much. It’s thought provoking.”
“It’s a good reminder that life is short," I simply say even though I want to elaborate.
I don’t want to spend another second without you.
I don’t want to sit back and watch you live your life with somebody else.
She nods. "The book is even better."
"You always say that."
"That's because it's always true."
“Maybe we should come up with a code word like they did,” I suggest.
“A code word? Why would we need one?”
I laugh nervously. “I don’t know. Just forget I said anything.”
“You can’t dangle the carrot in front of me and then snatch it away.”
“I just thought it might be useful if we could somehow tell each other how we were feeling...”
“Without actually telling each other?”
I nod. “Exactly. There are things that I shouldn’t be saying to you anymore. Things that I still want to say. Things that I’m constantly thinking.”
“Like what?” she asks.
There’s a long pause and I swear that I see Sophia move in the corner of my eye, but I refuse to look away from Lori. “Like I’m terrified that the longer we spend apart, the easier it will become. I know it sounds selfish but I don’t want it to be easy. I don’t want you to be able to live without me.”
“I’m not sure I can.”
“I fucking hope not.”
We’re silent for another moment until she takes hold of my hand and says, “But that’s what I need to find out.”
My heart aches but I nod. “My mom thinks that if we’re truly meant to be together then we will find our way back to each other.”
“Your mom’s a smart lady. I love her.”
“She loves you too. When she first met you, she didn't stop talking about you for a whole week afterwards. She was telling strangers in the street about how beautiful her future grandchildren were going to be. I think she probably loves you more than she loves me.”
“No way. You’re her little boy. She would do absolutely anything for you.”
I raise an eyebrow in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Little? You know there’s nothing little about me, sweetheart.”
She rolls her eyes. “Her little boy with a huge…”
“Penis,” I offer.
“Ego,” she says.
I laugh but our smiles quickly fade. “She told me that I should give you some time to let you ‘write your story’.”
“I think that would be best.”
“I want to be in your story so fucking bad, Lor."
"You'll always be a part of my story."
"But I don't just want to be a part of it. I want to be your happy ever after. It feels like I’m trying so hard to be the hero that I’ve somehow ended up being the villain.”
“If you’re a villain then what does that make me?”
The doorbell rings causing Mason to jump up off the couch. “Where am I?” Sophia simply opens her eyes and looks straight at us. I’m pretty sure that she was already awake. Her eyes turn sad when she notices our linked hands. My heart aches when Lori pulls away, her cheeks reddening.
“How long was I asleep for?” Mason asks, looking around the room.
“Did you see the part where they went into space?" I ask.
"Into space?"
“Ignore him,” Sophia says as she stands up. “We fell asleep about twenty minutes ago. I’ll get the door."
“No, it’s late. Let me get it."
She nods and watches him leave the room before turning her attention to us. "Are you both okay?"
"Fine," Lori answers.
"And I'm fine if Lori’s fine," I say.
"I need to call an Uber,” she says, stretching her legs.
"You can stay over if you w
ant?" Sophia asks.
"Can I stay over too?" I ask with a grin. "You've got enough bedrooms."
"Not a chance," she replies.
Lori pulls her cell out of her pocket just as John walks into the room. What the fuck is he doing here? His eyes widen when he spots us sitting next to each other on the couch. I hear Lori sigh as he looks around at all the candles and blankets. "Well this looks cozy."
It was until you got here, dickhead.
“Nice evening?” he asks nobody in particular.
“Delightful,” I reply. “Intimate.” I’m pretty sure everybody except for John rolls their eyes.
“What are you doing here?” Lori asks as she stands up. My eyes automatically shoot to her ass and when I manage to tear them away, John is looking at me like he wants to kill me. I wink at him just to wind him up even more. “I was worried,” he says through clenched teeth. “You weren’t answering your cell.”
“Sorry. It ran out of battery,” she lies. I don’t even try to hide my smirk. “I told you I was getting an Uber home.”
“And that’s why I was worried.” No. You were worried that she was fucking me. He looks straight at me as he says, “I don’t trust them.”
I guess he’s not talking about Uber’s anymore. “That’s a pretty bold statement to make when you don’t even know them,” I reply.
“I’ve heard enough about them. They have a bad reputation. I don’t want my girlfriend alone with them, especially at night.”
I don’t know why we’re even bothering with discreet insults and passive aggressive bullshit. It’s blatantly obvious what we’re talking about. “People change, remember?” I ask him, referring to our earlier phone conversation.
“We should probably go,” Lori says.
“Yeah, let’s go home,” he says, throwing a smug smile in my direction. “It’s been a long day. I can’t wait to get into bed.”
Prick.
“Is there room for one more?” I ask.
“Excuse me?” John asks, blinking so fast he looks like he’s having an epileptic fit.
“In your car. Can I catch a ride home?”
Lori shoots me a pointed look as I stand up, not bothering to wait for his reply. “Thanks for the awesome evening, guys,” I say to Mason and Sophia. “Good food and even better company. It was just like the good old days. We should do it more often.”
“I can give you a ride," Mason says, purposely trying to diffuse another awkward situation.
"You've had too much to drink," I reply, even though he’s only had one beer. "John doesn't mind, do you, John?"
"Of course not," he replies with a fake smile. "Anything to help out one of Lori's friends."
"Friends with benefits," I correct him.
Lori spins around, wide eyed.
"What did you just say?" John says, doing the weird blinking thing again.
"I'm getting a free ride home.” I shrug. “That’s what I call friends with benefits."
Lori glares at me as she walks over to Sophia and Mason and kisses them both on the cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I follow her and nudge Mason with my shoulder. “Thanks for feeding me, Brother.”
“And for beating you at pool?”
“Nah, I let you win.”
“Of course you did.” He leans in closer and lowers his voice as he says, “Remember to try harder. Try real hard.”
“Believe me, I’m trying.”
I give Sophia a quick hug. “Sweet dreams, Soph.”
“Play nice,” she whispers.
“Always,” I reply.
“Night, guys,” John says. “You should come over to my house one night next week. I’ll cook you dinner. It’s always nice to mix with other couples.”
I laugh at how much I want to punch him in the face right now. They all say goodnight as I keep my focus on Lori, reminding myself why I’m putting myself through this.
As soon as their front door closes, the tension in the air becomes unbearable. Three is most definitely a crowd. I walk slightly ahead of them so I don’t have to watch them hold hands and head straight over to his stupid silver car. I lean against it, arms crossed as I wait for them to catch me up.
John frowns. “How do you know this is my car?”
Oh, shit. “I saw it when I dropped by your office yesterday,” I say as casually as I can.
“I didn’t drive to work yesterday,” he replies flatly. “I cycled.”
“Of course you did.” I don’t remember the last time I rode a bike. My Harley, sure, but not a bicycle. “Hmmmm, I must have seen it at the dinner party the other night.”
“Yeah, you drove us that night,” Lori adds but he doesn’t look convinced.
“Plus,” I say, pointing to his registration plate. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that this is your car. It quite clearly says Dr Clown.” If looks could kill, I’d be ten feet under by now.
“Speaking of which,” he says. “You’ll be receiving an invoice for a new door plaque seeing as though you defaced my last one.”
“That’s fine. Do I get to choose what name goes on it?” I chuckle when Lori raises her eyebrow at me.
“No.” He unlocks the car and makes his way around to the driver’s side.
I quickly cover her hand with mine just as she’s about to open the passenger side door. “Twenty eight,” I whisper.
She frowns. “What?”
“Our code word. Well, I guess it’s more of a code number...”
“Why twenty eight? What does it mean?”
“It’s a reminder of how much…”
“Is there a problem?” John asks from the other side of the car.
Aside from the fact that you exist? I refuse to move my hand as I say, “We were just deciding who gets to ride shotgun.”
“And of course I win,” she adds as she opens the door, forcing me to let go of her hand.
I give a low whistle as I climb into the back and slide across the seats. “Leather. Nice. The first car I ever owned had leather seats. Fun but sticky.”
He looks at me in his rear-view mirror. “Excuse me?”
“Sweaty skin on leather can be a pain in the ass…well, on the ass.”
“I wouldn’t know.”
“You mean you haven’t christened this thing?”
“Cars are for driving,” is all he says.
Boring bastard. “Try telling that to seventeen-year-old me. Asking a girl if she wanted a ride meant an entirely different thing.” My eyes find Lori’s in the passenger side mirror and even though she rolls her eyes, I can tell that she’s blushing. We drive for a few seconds in silence. “So how much did the personalized plate cost?” I ask.
“I don’t know. It was a gift.”
“From who?”
“A friend.”
“I knew Mason was a shitty friend for only buying me socks at Christmas.”
“Which friend?” Lori asks.
“Oh, you don’t know them.”
Which is actually code for let’s stop talking about this. So naturally, I do the opposite. “What’s their name?”
He pauses before answering. “Tanya.”
I see. “That’s a nice name,” I say, stirring the pot. “She sounds like a great friend.”
“Why haven’t I heard about her?” Lori asks.
“I don’t see her that much anymore, babe.”
“That much,” I point out.
“What?” he asks, sounding annoyed.
“You don’t see her that much. So how often do you see her?”
“Once every few weeks. We’re both busy. She’s a doctor too.”
“A doctor or a dentist?” I can’t help it.
Lori looks over her shoulder but doesn’t scold me. Instead she asks, “How do you know her?”
“From college.”
“Did you two date?” she asks.
Another pause.
Bad move.
“No,” he answers.
�
��You had to think about that one,” I say with a chuckle.
“I’m trying to concentrate on driving,” he lies.
“Have you ever slept with her?” I push.
“That’s none of your business.”
“Answer the question,” Lori says.
He glances at me before placing a hand on her knee. “Can we talk about this later, babe?”
“No. I’d rather talk about it now.”
He sighs. “We messed around a few times but it was nothing serious. It was years ago.”
“Then why would she buy you a personalized registration plate?” She asks before I get the chance to.
“Because we used to be good friends. She bought it me as a gift when I officially passed all of my exams and became a doctor.”
“Dentist,” I correct him. They both ignore me and act as though I’m not even in the car which stings a little.
“I just don’t get why it’s the first time I’m hearing about her if she used to be a big part of your life.”
“You just said it yourself. She used to be a big part of my life. Not anymore. I’ve only seen her a handful of times since we started dating.”
“And yet you haven’t mentioned her once.”
“I’m pretty sure you haven’t mentioned every single one of your friends to me.”
“I doubt any of her friends have bought her a gift worth thousands of dollars. Tens of thousands.”
“This has got nothing to do with you,” John spits.
“Apparently it’s got nothing to do with Lori either,” I fire back.
“That’s enough,” Lori says. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
So we don’t.
We sit in silence for the rest of the journey except for when I grunt directions. I look at Lori in the passenger side mirror and it hurts me that she looks hurt. I don’t want her to care that he has female friends who buy him expensive gifts. I want her to care about me. Only me.
“Which house?” he asks as we pull onto my street.
“Number three one six,” I tell him. "Half way down on the left."
He slows to a stop and I wonder if Lori is thinking about coming here last night. “What are you doing?” John asks as she opens the door.
“I need to stretch my legs,” she tells him before slamming the door shut.
He says something else but I’m already half way out of the car and following her towards the house. “Hey,” I say as I fall into step beside her. “Are you okay?”