by Karli Perrin
“Wait…what? Drive where?” Maybe she doesn’t know after all. Shit. “Lori drove to your house? Last night? Is that where she was?”
“No...”
“Oh my god! I knew she was lying. I knew it. I mean, she was acting different given the circumstances, but I could tell that she was lying to me about something. See, this is what happens when you mess with karma. I warned you both!”
“What are you talking about?”
“None of this would have happened if she had just stayed away from you.”
I sit up. “Sophia, what are you talking about?”
“She crashed her fucking car, Buzz.”
My heart stops. “What? Is she okay?”
“Define okay.”
“Just tell me!”
“Yes, but she’s in the hospital.”
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. What happened?” I jump out of bed and throw my game night outfit back on.
“Some drunken idiot ran into the road. She swerved and hit a tree. I can’t believe you two. I thought it was weird how she was so far away from home.”
I don’t give a shit what Sophia thinks right now. All I care about it Lori. “What did she hurt?”
“She’s cracked a couple of ribs and has a nasty cut above her eye. She’s shaken up more than anything. Her car is a mess.”
“Why the fuck am I only hearing about it now?”
“Because she asked me not to tell you and Mason thought you already knew.”
“I’m heading over there now.” I throw on my leather jacket and lock the front door behind me.
“Buzz, no. She’s with John.”
“I don’t give a fuck if she’s with The President. I’m going to see my girl.”
“She doesn’t want to see you.”
“Did she tell you that?” I ask as I open the garage.
“No but like I said, she asked me not to tell you. Isn’t that the same thing?”
“No, it isn’t. See you later, Soph.”
“Buzz, wait…”
I hang up, shove my cell into my pocket and start up the Harley.
She’s in room one twenty eight.
She’s wearing a blue gown and two black eyes.
My fucking heart aches.
“You didn’t listen to me,” I say quietly as I take a step into the room.
She looks up, a mixture of shock and relief flooding her face. “Buzz…”
“Drive safe, twenty eight. Why couldn’t you just listen to me for once?” I smile as I make my way over to her. “It looks like I’ll have to set another Google reminder.”
“How did you know I was here? Who told you?”
“Does that really matter? I’m here now. I came as soon as I found out.” I unzip my jacket. “See. Last night’s clothes.” She closes her eyes when I place a hand on top of hers. “Are you okay, sweetheart? I wish I could swap places with you. You should have knocked that drunken son of a bitch down. It should be him lying in here, not you.”
I wheel around when I hear a toilet flushing. The door to the restroom opens and John appears, wiping his hands on a paper towel. Of course he’s here. He’s probably been jerking off after watching all the real doctors at work. His eyes drop to our hands and then back up to me. “Why are you here, Buzz?”
“The same reason you’re here, probably.”
There it is - that smug smile of his. “Oh, I doubt that.”
Lori gives my hand a little reassuring squeeze before pulling away. She winces as she tries to sit up straighter. I reach out and steady her, feeling the weight of John’s stare. “Buzz heard about my accident and was just dropping by to check on me.”
“How thoughtful of him,” he replies sarcastically as he lowers himself into a chair next to the bed. “Well thanks for your concern but as you can see, she’s okay.”
“She doesn’t look okay.” Beautiful but not okay.
“Well she’s in the right hands.”
“Hey,” she says to me. “I’m fine, honestly. I’m just in shock. I need time to process everything.”
I nod. “How long are they keeping you in here for?”
“They want to monitor me for another twenty four hours.”
“Do you need me to bring you anything? Books? Trashy magazines? Grapes?”
“She doesn’t need you to bring her anything,” John says. “That’s what I’m here for.”
I look around. “I don’t see any grapes. I don’t see anything, actually.”
“She hasn’t asked for grapes.”
“Sometimes it’s about knowing what a lady wants without them having to ask, John.”
“And you would know, would you?”
“I would. I do.” I gesture to a framed certificate on the wall by the door. “Why don’t you go and compare qualifications or something? See what you could have been.”
“And why don’t you go and fuck the nurses or something?” he replies.
“Please stop,” Lori says.
I peel my eyes away from John and study the cut above her eye. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Why would she have called you?” John asks.
I’m really starting to lose my fucking patience with him now. If I knock him out, he’s in the best place for it, right? “I wasn’t talking to you.”
“No but you were talking to my girlfriend. I’m here to take care of her. I’m here to get her what she needs and right now, she needs to rest. You shouldn’t even be here, it’s family only.”
“Then you shouldn’t be here either.”
He chuckles and is about to reply when Lori stops him. “Thanks for checking on me, Buzz. I’ll call you when I’m better.”
I don’t want to leave but she’s already been through enough without adding any more stress. “I’m sorry you’re going through this, Lor. I’m so fucking glad you’re okay.”
“We all are” John says, standing up. “We’re incredibly lucky that it wasn’t more serious. It could have been a completely different story.” He pauses and a slow smile creeps across his face. “Thank god the baby is okay too.”
I stop breathing as my eyes snaps to Lori’s. “What’s he talking about?”
A tear runs down her face. “Buzz…I had no idea…”
“The doctors and nurses have been fantastic,” John continues. “They did such a thorough check on her that we got quite the surprise this morning. A wonderful surprise. The accident was horrible but every cloud has a silver lining, right?” He sits back down and places a hand on her stomach. “How far along did you say you were, babe? Seven weeks? Eight?”
Eight weeks?
We’ve only been back in contact for four.
Everything in the room blurs as darkness envelopes me.
I don’t know how I’m still standing.
I don’t know how my heart it still beating when it feels like I’m dying inside.
A baby?
John’s baby.
“I don’t know how far along I am,” she says in a desperate tone. “I had no idea. I’ve been stressed and sometimes it affects my…” She shakes her head. “I’m in shock. I don’t know how it’s happened.”
John laughs. “It’s pretty straight forward, babe. I’ve put a baby inside of you.”
I can’t take any more.
I see red.
And then I see it running down John’s face as he cries out, holding his nose.
And then I see Lori crying.
And then I’m running out of the room.
And my mind is polluted with images of the life I’ll never have.
The life I’ve only just realized that I want.
The one I want with Lori.
Snatched away from me in an instant.
I make it back to the Harley and Sophia’s words echo through my head as I start it up.
This is what happens when you mess with karma.
I drink.
And I smoke.
And I shout.
And I cry.
And
I break things.
And I’m naked.
And I’m doing things I’ll regret.
And nothing will ever be the same again.
My eyes flicker open and I pray that the last twenty four hours has just been a bad dream. No, a nightmare. I roll over but of course I’m not that lucky.
My world comes crashing down around me as I remember what happened in the hospital yesterday morning…and what happened in my bed last night.
I feel sick when I see Stacey’s jet-black hair; a stark contrast to her paper white skin. I look past her and see an empty condom wrapper on the bedside table. Thank god for that. The news of one baby is more than enough.
“Get up,” I bark.
She begins to stir. “Huh? What time is it?”
“Get up,” I repeat as I push her to the edge of the bed.
“What the fuck, Buzz?” she asks, scowling at me.
“I want you out,” is all I say as I walk over to my closet and pull out a pair of jogging bottoms. I step into them and when I turn back around, she’s spread eagle on the middle of the bed.
“I want you in.”
“Close your fucking legs, Stacey.”
She smirks and traces little circles along her inner thigh. “You weren’t saying that last night.” When she realizes that I’m being serious, she gasps, feigning shock. “Oh my god, are you actually turning down pussy? Who are you and what have you done with Buzz?”
I pick up her dress and throw it at her. “Get dressed and leave or I’ll drag you out of here.”
“Aren’t you at least going to make me breakfast first?”
“No.”
“I’m guessing a hot shower is out of the question…”
“Correct.”
She laughs. “I thought it was weird how you let me stay the night. You wouldn’t even let me stay over when we were dating.” She tries to imitate my voice. “No sleepovers allowed. My bed is for fucking, not cuddling.”
“You have two minutes,” is all I say.
“I thought you must have finally realized that you were in love with me, especially when you started crying halfway through. I must say, that’s a first for me.” I take hold of her arm and pull her off the bed. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking out the trash.”
“At least let me put my goddamn clothes on first!”
“You can do it outside.”
I let go when she digs her nails into my hand. “Why are you so angry? I’ve never seen you this bad before. What the fuck did she do to you?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She chuckles. “You whispered her name when you were fucking me, Buzz. You know exactly what I’m talking about. What did Lori do to you?”
I take a deep breath. “Don’t you dare talk about her.” Hearing her name come out of Stacey’s mouth sounds wrong. Dirty.
She looks way too happy for this time in the morning. “Hit a nerve, have I?” She steps into her dress and wiggles her hips from side to side, pulling it all the way up. “I’ve got to admit, I didn’t think Little Miss Vanilla had it in her to affect you like this.”
Without saying a word, I walk up to the front door and unlock it, pushing down on the handle. If I open my mouth right now, I’ll fucking scream. I wait a few seconds for her to leave and raise my eyebrow when she doesn’t.
“I need my panties,” she tells me.
“I’m sure you can live without them. It’ll make it easier for the next guy.”
“You want to keep them, don’t you? You’re going to jerk off to thoughts of Lori then use them to wipe away your tears.”
I can’t even bear to look at her. “Where the fuck are they?” I ask, scanning the floor.
“No idea. You’re the one who took them off.”
This will all be over in about ten seconds, I think to myself as I walk back towards the bedroom. I’ll never have to see her or talk to her ever again. I scan the room then lift the bed sheet when I can’t find them anywhere.
Bingo.
I shake my head as I pick them up, massively disappointed with myself for even being in this position. Dangling off one finger and holding them as far away from my body as possible, I carry her lacy panties back out to her. “Found them,” I say but come to a standstill when I look up and see Lori staring back at me.
Stacey grins, clearly loving every second of this. “I saw somebody outside and thought you must have ordered me a cab but look who it is!” She turns to Lori and places a hand on her shoulder which boils my fucking blood. “What a coincidence, we’ve just been talking about you.”
I let the panties drop to the floor and it’s as though the movement wakes Lori from a trance. I chase her out of the door. “Lori, wait!” She ignores me and carries on marching, clutching her ribs. “Lori! Please just wait a second!” She almost loses her footing. “Slow down, I don’t want you to get hurt!”
She wheels around and points a finger at me. “You’ve already taken care of that! Stop following me! Go back inside, you have guests to entertain!”
“Lor, please,” I take hold of her hand but she snatches it away.
“Don’t you dare touch me!” I see the fire in her eyes. The disappointment. The disgust. “I thought you were trying to be a better man.” Her use of air quotes is like a punch straight to the gut.
“I was. I am.”
Her eyes fill with tears. “I think it’s pretty clear who the better man is.”
Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse than I already do. “Don’t leave. Let me explain.”
“Explain what? How you fucked her? Go on then, Buzz. Explain. Give me all the gory details. Who went on top? Did you fuck her fast or slow? Did you make her come?”
“Don’t do this...”
“Do what? You wanted to talk so talk! How many times did you fuck her? Did you talk dirty to her? Did you enjoy reminiscing about the good old days?”
“No. It wasn’t like that. It meant nothing.”
“Oh my god, are you really going to use that line on me? Next you’ll be telling me that you thought about me while you fucked her.”
I did.
“It meant nothing,” I say again. “She means nothing.”
“Yet you still chose her over anybody else.”
“Because she was the easiest option,” I answer honestly. “Because she offered it on a plate. Because I wanted an escape.” I sigh. “Because I’m an idiot.”
“You told me you’ve changed. I actually believed you.” She points to where her car was parked two nights ago. “We were sitting right there and you told me that you’ve changed.”
“I have.”
She angrily wipes at the tears running down her face. “Damn it, Buzz! You told me that you loved me!”
“I do.”
“No you don’t. You can’t.”
“Don’t try and tell me that what I feel isn’t real. What happened last night has no reflection on how I feel about you. I was going out of my fucking mind. I didn’t know what to do.”
“So you fucked another woman? That was your default response? Your coping mechanism? Are you going to run to Stacey every time life gets hard? Every time your dick gets hard?”
“Of course not. I’ll never touch her again.”
“You have to say that.”
“I don’t have to say anything. You’re fucking pregnant with somebody else’s kid, Lori! Have you forgotten that little detail? What do you want me to do? What do you want me to say? Am I supposed to congratulate you? Tell you that you’re glowing?”
“Buzz…”
“Help me out here. What the fuck am I supposed to do? My options are pretty limited. Do you want me to raise the kid as my own? Do you want me to babysit while you and John go on date nights? Do you want to cut me out of your life altogether?” I want to throw up at the thought. “I feel so fucking alone right now.”
“You’re not alone…I…”
I hold my hand up. “Please just hear me out.” I take a deep breath. “I get why you’re upset. I know how you must be feeling. These past four weeks have been hell having to watch you with another man. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve laid awake at night thinking about you and him. It hurts, I know it does. I wish last night had never happened. I wish yesterday had never happened. But you’ve got to believe me when I say that Stacey means nothing to me. I was drunk and I thought we were over. Before you try and run away again, please try and put yourself in my shoes for a minute. The life I wanted was snatched away from me in an instant.” I hold my finger and thumb an inch apart. “We came this close, Lori. We came so fucking close.”
“Is that the life you want? Honestly?”
“If I can’t have it with you then I’m not sure anymore.”
“I didn’t think you wanted children.”
“When have I ever said that?”
She frowns. “You haven’t. I just assumed you didn’t want them because you don’t want to get married.”
“Marriage and kids is different. Just because I don’t believe in marriage doesn’t mean I don’t believe in love and commitment and sharing my life with somebody. We all have our own vision of what our happy ever after would look like and you were in mine. You, me and a shit ton of beautiful babies. I’d love to have a family with you, Lor.” I squeeze the back of my neck. “But yesterday killed that dream.”
“Buzz, will you let me talk?”
“No. I need you to see where I’m coming from. I don’t want you to doubt what we have.”
“Buzz…”
I begin to pace up and down. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
She grabs hold of my arm. “You’re the dad,” she shouts.
I grab onto next doors fence as the world begins to spin. “Wait, what? What did you just say?”
“You heard.” A single tear falls down her cheek. “You’re going to be a father, Buzz. I came over here to tell you.”
“But…how? I don’t…you said you were eight weeks along.”
“No. John said that I was eight weeks. He was in the room when I found out and I panicked. I told him that I thought I was around seven or eight weeks. I lied to him and I feel horrible about it. I knew it was yours straight away. I’m six weeks pregnant, Buzz. I worked it out with the nurse. I conceived four weeks ago but they class it as being six weeks.”