by Lacey London
Peeking over the edge of my glass, I take a good look at my new friend. I can’t help but notice that she is very pretty. Her tumbling, brown curls must have taken a lifetime to blow dry and the perfectly contoured cheeks make her almost cartoon like. Struggling not to stare at her enhanced boobs, I eye up her toned stomach enviously.
‘I’m Erica.’ Smiling, she holds out a hand and I try not to show my shock at the four inch, red talons. ‘Can I get you a drink?’
‘I’m still on this one, but thanks and its Clara.’
‘Well it’s a pleasure to meet you, Clara. Are you here alone?’ Erica asks, slipping back into the pool.
‘No. I’m here with my partner. He’s gone to play ping-pong.’ Rolling my eyes, I dunk my shoulders under the water.
‘That tournament on the beach?’ She drains her drink and drops it on the bar. ‘The minute we checked in, LP was all over it. I don’t think I have seen him since.’
‘LP?’
‘My husband. He promised me a romantic week away for our anniversary, so much for romantic. Ten years together and my husband would rather be playing goddamn ping-pong.’ Laughing, she motions to the barman for a refill.
‘Ten years? You have been married for ten years?’
‘Yes ma’am.’ She shoves an enormous diamond ring under my nose and I have to admit that I am very impressed.
‘How can you have been married for ten years? How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?’
‘I’m thirty nine next month.’
‘Thirty nine!’ My jaw drops at the revelation. ‘You look incredible!’
‘Oh stop!’ She takes two frosty glasses from the bar man and hands one to me.
Not being one to turn down a free drink, I accept it and take a sip.
‘Are you married, Clara?’
‘No, we’re not married. We actually came out here so I could meet Oliver’s parents. He’s from Texas.’
‘A fellow American?’ She smiles appreciatively. ‘And how are you finding the in laws?’
‘Erm...’ Laughing nervously, I rack my brains for the right thing to say. ‘His father is fantastic. He really is a great guy. Janie on the other hand, is a lot to handle.’ Taking another sip, I screw up my face at the high alcohol content. Wow, that’s strong.
‘If we’re gonna talk monster in laws, I win hands down. Wanna go for some lunch and swap horror stories?’ Erica swims over to the steps and I follow behind like a doting puppy.
Well, they do say a problem shared is problem halved...
Chapter 20
Laughing hysterically, I dip a nacho into the guacamole and munch away happily. For the past couple of hours, Erica and I have giggled like a pair of school girls. Sipping on yet another cocktail, I fan myself with a lunch menu. After listening to some of her outrageous mother in law stories, I am feeling like I have got off rather easy with Janie.
Erica and LP’s relationship has had me mesmerised and I can’t help but think that my quiet, suburban life pales in comparison. When Erica first met LP, she was working as a waitress at the Four Seaons in Philadelphia. As a music producer, LP spent most of his time touring America, bouncing from one hotel to the next. In true Hollywood style, six weeks after serving him a latte, they were flying out to Vegas. Destination, little white chapel. Ten years later, they have two adorable boys and one very cute little girl.
‘Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t all been sunshine and rainbows. Believe me.’ Rolling her eyes, Erica winks and goes in for the nachos.
I am about to probe a little further when I spot a shirtless Oliver running up the sand.
‘Speaking of men, here comes mine now.’ As I wave him over, I try to ignore the many admiring glances he receives from the topless beach bums.
‘There you are!’ Planting a sweaty kiss on my forehead, his smile freezes momentarily as he flashes Erica a nervous glance. ‘I see you have a made a new friend.’
‘I have. Oliver, meet Erica’ Erica holds out her hand for a shake, which after a second he accepts. ‘Erica is here with her husband, LP.’
‘LP? Would that be the same LP that just whipped my ass at ping-pong?’ Oliver’s mouth twists into a smile, but it just misses his eyes. He always has hated losing.
‘Big guy? Annoying New York accent? Kinda looks like Eddie Murphy?’
‘I’m not sure about that last one, but yeah that sounds about right.’ Frowning, he runs his hands through his curly hair. ‘Look, I don’t wanna be a party pooper, but I just bumped into my mom and she’s waiting for us down at the beach.’
Erica grabs a handful of jalapeños and slips on her sunglasses. ‘Don’t worry about it. I gotta go find my husband anyway. Same time tomorrow, Clara?’
Before I have time to respond, she sashays out of the bar, cocktail in hand.
‘So, what were you two talking about?’ Oliver slips his arm around my waist as we begin to walk down to the beach.
‘Oh, everything! Botox, the in-laws... you.’
‘Me?’ Oliver turns a pale shade of green.
‘Yes, you! What was her husband like?’
‘LP? He’s a cool guy, a little arrogant maybe.’ Shrugging his shoulders, he kicks off his flip flops and trudges through the sand.
‘Did you know that he was a music producer?’ I ask excitedly. ‘Isn’t that cool?’
‘I do know. The guy only mentioned it like a million times. Anyway, enough about them. I have a surprise for you.’
Hoping that it isn’t anything that involves me being left alone with Janie, I look up at him expectantly. Who doesn’t love surprises?
‘Jesus Christ! Get it away from me!’ Janie runs out of the water, ripping off her snorkel mask in the process.
Stifling a laugh, I paste what I hope is a sympathetic smile onto my face. ‘Janie, I promise they are harmless. I was terrified at first too, but they won’t hurt you.’ Trying to coax her back into the water, I hold out a hand which she immediately bats away.
Oliver’s surprise turned out to be a trip to the dolphinarium! It has always been a dream of mine to swim with dolphins, so I was incredibly excited to say the least. Janie on the other hand, was not as keen on the idea. In a bid to win her round, Randy thought it would be a good idea to do some snorkelling this afternoon and get her more comfortable in the water. So far, she has gone boob deep and screamed hysterically every time a piece of seaweed brushed past her ankles.
I find it hard to believe that a woman with such a frosty exterior could be so scared of getting into the sea. Leaving the boys to deal with a frantic Janie, I wade out a little further. Once I am almost out of earshot, I adjust my mask and slip under the water. Suddenly, the chaos on the beach is completely drowned out and I am submersed in another universe altogether.
My ears are instantly filled with calming white noise, making me feel completely safe and cocooned by the warm water. As a shoal of yellow tetras glide serenely beneath me, a stripy clown fish swims past my goggles, stopping for a quick nibble on the lens. Diving between gorgeous coral reefs they don’t even noticing the huge human that has invaded their home. I float along, enjoying a feeling of total weightlessness and serenity, a vast difference to the drama of the past few days.
Feeling like the Little Mermaid, I reach down to the sea floor and scoop up a gorgeous, marble shell, narrowly avoiding a tiny, red crab in the process. Watching him scuttle away under a huge rock, I adjust my mask and float on by. The water shimmers all around me and I can’t help but think that life in the ocean seems a lot easier than it is on dry land. Then again, even Ariel had Ursula to contend with.
Hearing Janie’s screech pierce through the water, I can’t help but wonder which is worse, a half woman, half monster who tries to sabotage your relationship... or Ursula?
Chapter 21
After all the drama that was this afternoon, we left Janie and Randy on the beach and went for a stroll along the shore. Walking hand in hand, I slip off my sandals and let the warm waves wash over my toes.
The sun is still shining brightly and I enjoy the light tingling on the back off my neck. Glancing up at Oliver, I smile at his caveman style stubble and longer than normal curls. This break away was exactly what the doctor ordered. I haven’t seen him this relaxed in a very long time.
‘We should do this more often.’ Slipping my arm around his waist, I breathe in the salty sea air.
‘You know, if we moved back home we could do this stuff all the time.’ His eyes glint wickedly and I stare back confused.
‘Back home?’
He nods enthusiastically. ‘Yeah, America.’
My heart begins to pound and I look down at my toes, trying to take it in. Thankfully, Oliver doesn’t wait for me to answer and continues regardless.
‘Texas is only a few hours flight to Cancun, we could be down here all the time if we wanted. It wouldn’t necessarily have to be Texas though, there are loads of fantastic places we could live. California, Miami, Nevada. The list is endless!’ Spinning me around to face him, he grabs my shoulders. ‘What do you think?’
Flummoxed, I rack my brains for something to say. ‘Erm, what would we do for work?’
‘We will sort something out. If it’s money you’re worried about, don’t be. I can easily earn enough freelance to support the both of us. You wouldn’t even need to think about working.’
‘What about Lianna and Marc?’
‘They could come and visit any time they wanted. I’ll even pay for the tickets.’
Twisting my toes in the sand, I start to feel a buzz in the pit of my stomach.
‘Look, you don’t have to make a decision right now. Just promise me you’ll think about it. Come on, lets go get a drink.’
Slipping my hand into his, I follow him along the beach. Catching a glimpse of myself in his sunglasses, I smile back at my happy, healthy reflection. Could I really uproot my entire life and move to America? The scary thing is, I really think I could.
Scooping up the last of the delicious blackberry sorbet, I lean back in my seat. To say I am stuffed is an understatement. I am most definitely going to have to work some of this off when I get back home. The flattering, empire line dress that fit so beautifully a few days ago, is now pinching at my newly acquired love handles. Shifting around in my seat, I try to find a position where I don’t feel like an overstuffed sausage.
Janie has been her usual loud self this evening, but for some reason it doesn’t seem to be bothering me. All evening I have been thinking over Oliver’s offer to move to America. Since we got together, I knew we would have to cross this bridge at some point. I just never really thought what would happen when we got to it.
‘Are you excited for the dolphin trip tomorrow, Clara?’ Randy fills my water glass and pushes it across the table.
‘I am! It is something I have always wanted to do, but you don’t really find many dolphins in England.’
‘You don’t have dolphins?’ Janie pipes up and slams her glass down on the table.
‘Not really and even if we did it would be far too cold to swim with them. Have you ever been to England, Janie?’ I offer her a small smile as she motions to the waitress for another drink.
‘England? Hell no! Cold, small, old... who in their right mind would go to boring old England?’
‘London actually has some fantastic tourist attractions. Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Tower
Bridge and that’s before you’ve got to the shopping. Personally, I think you would love London.’ Watching her eyes light up at the mention of shopping, I sit back quietly confident.
‘We have shops in Texas.’ She shrugs her shoulders and tries to act nonchalant, but I know I have got her.
‘You know Bond Street is one of the world’s most famous shopping destinations and always littered with celebrities.’
‘Celebrities?’ Janie mumbles, as her pupils dilate like a happy puppy.
‘Oh yeah. Pop stars, actors, designers, they all gravitate to Bond Street when in London.’
‘Oh Lord! I think we know where we’re going for our next vacation!’ Laughing, Randy bangs his hand down on the table.
‘Mom has a little thing called Celebrity Worship Syndrome.’ Oliver rubs his brow and looks a little embarrassed. ‘I’m not yanking your chain, it’s a real thing.’
I knew Janie must have an Achilles heel. Who would have thought it would be celebrities?
‘I once met David Hasslehoff in a night club.’ Feeling quite proud of this little claim to fame, I twist a curl of hair around my fingers.
‘The Hoff? You met The Hoff?’ Janie grabs my arm and I honestly think she might spontaneously combust.
‘Yes. He has a girlfriend from Wales, they’re always milling around London.’
‘Randy! Did you hear that?’ She wipes a bead of sweat from her brow. ‘Did he say anything to you? Did you get a picture? An autograph?’
Shaking my head, I wonder what the hell I have started here. Trying to rack my brains for any other star studded encounters I have had over the years, I enjoy having Janie hang on to my every word.
‘My mum met Dolly Parton at the airport.’ It’s not Brad and Angelina at the Ritz, but it’s the best that I can come up with.
Watching Janie’s jaw drop gives me a feeling of empowerment. Finally! Finally she is interested in what I have to say. This is something that I can work with. Flashing Oliver a wink, I order another cocktail and prop my elbows up on the table. I may not be the blonde, cheer leading, gun loving Texan that Janie had in mind for her precious son, but my celebrity knowledge is second to none.
‘Hey, did you know that Tom Cruise stayed at this very hotel?’
11.48pm
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Favour.
Hi Marc,
I need a favour.
Can you send me over the pictures of The Saturdays from the Suave launch?
Also, send me a copy of Adam’s work pass. (The one from HR who kind of looks like Justin Timberlake)
Thanks a million!
Chapter 22
It was past midnight by the time Oliver and I collapsed into bed and gone eleven by the time we dragged ourselves back out of it the following morning. After a quick yet delicious cooked breakfast in the hotel restaurant, we took a taxi down to the dolphinarium. When I say we, I mean everyone but Janie. While the rest of us demolished bacon and eggs and jumped in a cab, Janie insisted on a measly fruit cup followed by a quick jog.
The very chirpy taxi driver took great pleasure in mimicking our varied accents. Randy was rather impressed with his take on the Southern drawl, mine however came out more like the Queen after a few too many Bucks Fizz.
Once we had checked ourselves in and shed our clothes, we made our way through to the pool. High on adrenaline and filled with anticipation, we dragged on our life jackets and tried to pay attention to the safety instructions. I am so distracted by the happy dolphin noises that I almost miss the ‘no cosmetics’ rule. Janie, however, did not and instantly expressed her revulsion at such a ‘vile’ request.
Suitably advised and make up free, we take our places in the water. I shoot Janie a quick glance and let out a little giggle at her thunderous gaze. You would have thought that we were swimming with Edward Scissorhands, not a pool full of frolicking dolphins. The pools are smaller than I imagined and segregated into five individual sections. Smiling for the photographer, my eyes widen as our instructor, Alex, brings out a rather large, rather boisterous dolphin.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you all to Daphne.’ With a quick hand gesture from Alex, Daphne pirouettes perfectly.
Wow! Clapping my hands together, I reach out and stroke her rubbery skin. She doesn’t feel real!
‘This is amazing!’ I exclaim happily, resisting the temptation to squeeze her adorable button
nose.
‘Daphne and I have a lot to show you guys today, but first I need a volunteer.’ Alex glances arou
nd our group, grinning inanely.
Not wanting to hog the dolphin, I peer over at Janie who is deliberately avoiding eye contact.
‘You.’ Alex points a bony finger at Janie and beckons her to come over.
It takes a quick dig from Randy, but after a moment’s hesitation Janie shuffles forward, eyeing up Daphne dubiously.
‘A big round of applause for our volunteer!’ Alex pats Janie on the back as we all clap encouragingly. I can’t believe she’s actually doing it!
As Alex instructs Janie on how to position herself for a kiss on the cheek, Oliver beckons the photographer over to capture the magical moment.
‘OK. All ready?’ Alex asks a panic stricken Janie, who is sat cross legged in the water, arms folded tightly. ‘One, two, three....’
‘Smile for the camera!’ The photographer hollers.
Never one to miss a photo opportunity, she spins around and flashes him a Joker worthy smile. Unfortunately for Janie, the timing couldn’t be worse. With a quick flick of the wrist from Alex, Daphne leaps up out of the water. Unaware of Janie’s change of position, Daphne plants a huge, wet fishy smacker straight on Janie’s pouting lips, just as the camera flashes.
Bracing myself for the scream, I cover my ears as Randy and Oliver fall about laughing.
‘Goddamn dolphin! Get me outta here! Get me out!’
As Alex struggles to help a livid Janie out of the pool, the boys try their best to compose themselves. Watching Daphne splash around happily, I wipe some laughter tears from my eyes.
Mexico, I really do love you.
Paying for the photographs, I slip the infamous dolphin snog snap into my beach bag. It may be pricey, but there is no way I am leaving without this bad boy. The sun is starting to get strong and I feel my back start to tingle under its powerful rays. Digging out the sun lotion, I give myself a good dousing before handing the bottle to Janie.