“Okay,” Taylor said. “Why are we here? I hope we get to find out why you’ve been Queen Bitch since your last little tryst with your mysterious stranger.” She glanced at E. J. “Otherwise, we’re going to have to kill you.”
“I know.” E. J. sighed. “I’m sorry. Let me just start with that.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Taylor said, holding a piece of walnut shrimp to Gwen’s lips with a pair of chopsticks.
E. J. looked away, forcing aside the unwanted memory of Jinx doing the same for her.
“We’ve all been through enough together not to have to commence with apologies.” Taylor scooped a serving of the seafood dish onto her plate, then reached for the pot stickers. “Just get to the juicy stuff. What the hell happened?”
Where to begin? E. J. suddenly understood Jinx’s dilemma the night she had started telling her story. She couldn’t think of an opening sentence that wouldn’t immediately launch a barrage of questions, many of which she might not be able to answer. She needed to control this. “Okay, I’m going to tell you everything, but it’s a long story. So you have to promise not to say a word until I’m finished.”
“We can do that,” Gwen said, sounding confident.
E. J. wasn’t so sure. She eyed Taylor. “I mean it. No questions, none of your snarky remarks, until I’ve said everything. And even then, I could do without the snarky remarks.”
Taylor’s eyes widened, and she looked mildly offended.
Gwen slapped her thigh.
“All right, I promise,” Taylor said. She glanced at Gwen. “This is going to be good. I can tell.”
“Okay.” E. J. thought for a minute. “Remember I told you something had happened between Jinx and Tiffany’s mother, and Jinx was no longer welcome in the family? Well, it goes back further than just Andrea.” E. J. continued with the story of Jinx’s childhood, up through her father’s death, and to the part about her running away. It felt more natural than simply blurting out the worst as Jinx had done, and E. J. found herself wishing she had heard it all this way. The moment of truth was inevitable, though, and soon, she heard herself saying, “She robbed a bank and was in prison for most of her adult life. She just got out three years ago.”
Gwen dropped a glob of rice down the front of her shirt.
Taylor, who had stopped eating at the drug addiction, stared at E. J., her mouth agape. “Holy shit! Are you—”
E. J. held up a hand. “Not a word. You promised.”
Taylor let out a frustrated garble, then turned to Gwen in an obvious plea for support.
Gwen gave a warning shake of her head as she cleaned up her mess.
The hardest part over, E. J. finished with the rest, including her failed attempt at a spineless getaway. When she was done, she stared at her friends, waiting.
Both had stopped eating, and E. J. realized she herself hadn’t taken more than a bite or two. She picked up her plate and ate some cold shrimp. She felt oddly calm, calmer than she had felt in weeks, but then she hadn’t yet addressed what really had made her bolt from Jinx’s. “Now, you can say something,” she said finally.
Gwen and Taylor looked at one another.
“Man, I thought our last conversation about this Jinx chick was astonishing,” Taylor said, sinking into the couch cushions. “What is it with her? You hate drama. You never deal with family. And you hardly ever sleep with anyone more than once. Everything about this woman is over the top, and yet, you’re still all wigged out over her.”
“I’m not wigged out,” E. J. said, trying not to sound defensive.
“E. J.,” Gwen said softly. “You haven’t been yourself since the day you met her. You’ve broken all your own dating rules, which I’m not saying is a bad thing, but still…You’re barely present at work, which is so unlike you. You’ve avoided Mandy since the wedding, and I’d bet you haven’t even spoken to Jacob, with Jinx being related to Tiffany and all. And even with us, you’ve been distant.”
E. J. met Gwen’s gentle gaze. She couldn’t deny any of it. “I know. I’m sorry. I just…” She went to the long panel window beside her fireplace and stared out at the setting sun. She folded her arms across her middle in an attempt to quell the flutter of desire stirred by the swirls of pinks, purples, and oranges. She would never be able to watch a sunset or sunrise again without wanting to relive that morning with Jinx. She turned her back on the sight. “I’ve never felt like this before. I don’t know what to do with it.”
“How do you feel, exactly?” Gwen asked.
E. J. shook her head. “I’m confused. I feel too much. It’s all too much.” She tightened her arms and drew up her shoulders in hopes of warding off her growing anxiety.
Gwen held up her hand. “Take it one thing at a time. How do you feel about being involved with someone with that kind of past?”
E. J. thought back through Jinx’s story, to her reaction. Yes, she had been shocked. No, she hadn’t known what to say, but she had stayed. She had listened. A part of her had wanted to run right away, but she hadn’t. Why not? Because she had wanted to know Jinx. But what she had wanted to know was about Jinx as a child, not Jinx as a drug addict, a thief, a bank robber, or a—she could barely form the word in her mind—a convict. She couldn’t say she had wanted to know that. In fact, a part of her wished she still didn’t. “I don’t know if I can be okay with it. No matter what my feelings for her are. I think it’s better if I just leave it alone and get over her.”
“That hasn’t really worked so far,” Gwen said with no trace of sarcasm.
E. J. said nothing.
“E. J.,” Taylor said, still watching her from the sofa. “I’ve known you a long time. I knew you when you were married to Marcus. I was there when you went through the divorce. I was right by your side the first time you picked up a woman, and I heard all about it the next day and was there to hear about many more. I was even there when you actually considered something more serious with Rhonda, until you blew her off, and through it all, I’ve never seen you like this.”
E. J. bit her lip and closed her eyes again. Her friends were right. She did have feelings for Jinx. She was already involved. And not just a little. She was already deeply, emotionally involved.
“Are you in love with her, E. J.?”
Gwen’s voice touched E. J.’s consciousness with the lightness of a feather. E. J. opened her eyes, and her exquisitely decorated and expensively furnished living room snapped her back to reality. “I can’t be,” she said, tightening her hold around her torso. “How can I be in love with a convict…a felon? How do I know she isn’t still a criminal? I have no frame of reference for anything like this. I’ve never even known one.”
Gwen glanced at Taylor, then down at the table.
Taylor was silent for a long moment. “Yes, you have,” she said finally.
“What are you talking about?” E. J. asked.
Taylor hesitated. “I have a felony on my record.”
E. J. blinked in amazement, then began to laugh. “You do not.”
“Yes. I do.”
Gwen ran a hand down Taylor’s arm.
“It was a long time ago, just like Jinx. I got involved with drugs and did a lot of stupid things. When I was twenty-one, I did the ultimate stupid thing. I tried to smuggle drugs across the Mexican border for my boyfriend. Fortunately, I got arrested on the U. S. side. Otherwise I’d have had the Brokedown Palace experience in a foreign prison and might still be there. As it was, I served four years. By the time I got out, I’d learned a whole lot about what I didn’t want my life to be and straightened up.”
E. J. couldn’t speak. She couldn’t move. “How…What…Why did you never tell me?”
Taylor shrugged. “When we first met in training, that sweet, old Mr. Harvey had just hired us, and even knowing my past, he’d given me a second chance. Before getting that entry level job at Bad Dog, the best I’d been able to do since getting out had been to wait tables. I didn’t want to jinx it—no pun intended.” Taylor lau
ghed. “Later, when we’d become good friends, it just seemed so long ago, it felt like that time in my life belonged to someone else.”
E. J. didn’t know what to say.
“I guess that’s my point. People can change, E. J. And we can all do crazy things. Everyone can make bad decisions. We all just do what we do, or what we think we have to. It doesn’t make us bad people.”
“How do I know?” E. J. asked. “I mean, you changed, but I know you. How do I know if Jinx really changed?”
“You’re smart, E. J. You’re great at your job because you’re good with people, a good judge of character. Go with that. Besides, she can’t still be robbing banks or she’d live in a better neighborhood.” Taylor gave her a little smile. “Better yet, trust your heart.”
E. J. felt her eyebrows shoot up into her hairline.
Gwen chuckled.
“I know, Taylor Matthews, playgirl, terminally single, talking about the heart. Hardy-har. But really, I’ve never seen you this strongly affected by anyone, not even your husband of however many years. Give her a chance.”
E. J. considered Taylor’s advice, as shocking as it was. Could she do it? Could she set everything aside and give Jinx a chance, give them a chance? She felt like she did know Jinx, despite having met her such a short time ago, despite having learned things about her E. J. had no experience with. She knew Jinx was no longer the person who had walked into that bank.
“You’re right. It isn’t who she is today. At least, it doesn’t seem to be,” E. J. said, relaxing slightly. “In fact, I was amazed at who she is before I even knew about her past, but now, I can’t believe how kind and gentle and sweet she is with everything she’s been through. I mean, she feeds this homeless guy named Kenny every night, even though she doesn’t have a lot herself. She helps the family of a gang kid next door for no reason other than it’s just who she is. She took in an old, abandoned dog and loved him until he died.”
“All right, all right,” Taylor said, holding up her hands. “But before we canonize her, what made you run? Was it just her past?”
It was, but it wasn’t. In her heart, E. J. knew that, but she didn’t really want to admit the rest. Reluctantly, she shook her head.
“What then?” Taylor asked.
E. J. averted her gaze. “Jacob.”
Taylor sighed. “Oh, E. J., when are you going to stop living your life based on guilt and fear over Jacob? He’s a grown man. He’s married. He’s happy. He’s successful. He’s—”
Anger ignited in E. J. “My kids are my family.”
“I know that, and you want them to be happy,” Taylor said, crossing to E. J. “And you’re their family. Don’t you think they’d want you to be happy, too?”
“What do you know about family? You don’t even have one.”
Taylor arched an eyebrow. “That was mean. If I were the type to be hurt, that would have really hurt. But I’m not. And you’re not going to distract me.” She threaded an arm around E. J. “We’re going to talk about Jacob…finally.”
E. J. tried to pull away, but Taylor held her close in a firm yet gentle grasp.
“I’ve never said this before because you weren’t ready, but it’s time to say it. You’ve made up this whole big thing around Jacob and what happened to him and how you can never come out to him, even if it means you could be happy, so you’d have what you think is a legitimate and noble excuse to never let a woman in.”
“I have not.” E. J. pushed harder against her.
“Yes, you have, and somewhere, deep inside, you know it. You know it. I know it. Gwen knows it. And probably every woman with whom you’ve used it as a reason to break up knows it. And I’ve never said anything before now—we’ve never said anything—” Taylor glanced over her shoulder at Gwen. “Because, until now, there’s never been anyone you showed the slightest interest in actually being intimate with. Besides, you were my buddy who always just wanted to talk about sex. I’ll miss that.” She squeezed E. J.’s shoulders.
Gwen cleared her throat.
“Right,” Taylor said, obviously regaining focus. “But this woman? She’s got your attention. She’s somehow opened you up and reached inside.”
If Taylor only knew the extent of the truth of that statement. E. J. rested her head on Taylor’s shoulder. “How do you know about all this heart and openness stuff? You’re always just in it for the sex.”
“My heart’s had its openings.” Taylor laughed softly against E. J.’s hair. “Take it from me. You want to be a willing participant, otherwise it feels like someone’s taken a can opener to it.”
That was exactly how she’d felt for the past month and a half. E. J. raised her head and looked up at her. “Really? And why don’t I know about this either?”
Taylor lifted a shoulder. “Maybe it’s time for us to let each other in a little more, too.”
“Oh my. I am so proud,” Gwen said, stepping up beside E. J. “I think my babies are growing up.” She slid her arm around E. J., beneath Taylor’s. “I’m feeling a flutter of hope.” She patted her chest.
“I hate it when she gets all high and mighty,” Taylor whispered.
“Mm,” E. J. murmured her agreement and put her head back to Taylor’s shoulder. Her thoughts drifted again to Jinx. “Why does this have to be so close to Jacob and Tiffany, though?” E. J. asked no one in particular.
Gwen jostled her. “You have had other opportunities, you know. You just didn’t take them. That’s how the Universe works. We create easier opportunities to do something, and if we don’t do it, we keep creating more complex ones that touch our lives in ways more and more important to us, until finally, we can’t ignore it anymore. We have to do something different.”
“I hate it when she talks about the Universe, too,” Taylor whispered again. “It makes me feel like I’m being watched. It’s creepy.”
E. J. smiled, but she couldn’t stop worrying about Jacob. “What if I lose my son?”
“You won’t,” Gwen said. “You raised him better than that. Even if he struggles a little, you’ll be able to work this out. You’ve just never been willing to try before.”
“Well, maybe she was just waiting for Jinx,” Taylor said with a note of defiance. “Maybe we’re all just waiting for that right person to confront the hard stuff for.”
Gwen smiled at Taylor and tilted her head, a spark of affection in her eyes. “Maybe,” she said quietly. “And,” she said to E. J., “you’ll know if Jinx is that person, but only if you go back to see her.”
The thought of facing Jinx after the things she had said and the way she had left brought a flush to E. J.’s cheeks. How could she ever go back? Yet, she knew Gwen was right. Gwen was always right. Damn it!
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jinx sat at her dining table, checking over a sheet of math problems for her young neighbor. She’d been grateful Angelita’s seventh grade accelerated math class had begun a unit on geometry. It gave her something to keep her mind off E. J.
A quick rap sounded at the front door, followed by Pablo sticking his head into the room. As usual, he wore his cherished fedora. “Hey, mija. Mama says dinner’s ready. You guys about done?”
“Just finishing up,” Jinx said as she handed the paper back to Angelita. “You’ll want to look at number twelve again. Other than that, I think you’ve got it.”
“Thank you, Jinx.” Angelita smiled and closed her binder.
“Nice!” Pablo whistled.
Jinx glanced up to find him looking over his shoulder toward the street.
“Your chica get a new car?”
Jinx’s stomach clenched. E. J.? She didn’t want to see her. Who was she kidding? Of course, she wanted to see her, but she didn’t want to see her. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, no. This is a new chica. But she looks too young for you. I could take her off your hands.”
Jinx stood, knocking over her chair. “What are you talking about?”
Pablo laughed. “Re
lax. I won’t steal her.”
“Excuse me?” The female voice was clear and slightly familiar. “Does Michelle Tanner live here?”
Pablo flashed Jinx a broad grin. “Michelle?”
Jinx righted the chair and crossed to the door.
“Don’t be a jerk, Pablo,” Angelita said as she clutched her books to her chest and followed.
Jinx halted. “Tiffany?”
Tiffany smiled. “Hi.”
Pablo leaned in close. “She’s hot, but I like E. J. better,” he said under his breath. “E. J.’s got that older woman, classy thing goin’ on.”
Jinx shot him a glare. “This is my niece, Tiffany. Tiffany, this is Angelita and Pablo, my neighbors,” she said more pleasantly. “They were just leaving.” She gave Pablo a gentle shove.
He grinned and tipped his fedora. “Nice to meet you.” He placed the hat on Angelita’s head, then wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her off the porch.
“It’s nice to meet you,” Tiffany echoed as they made their way across the lawn and driveway.
Jinx stared at her. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to run off your company.”
“You didn’t. It’s okay. They had to go home for dinner.” Jinx hesitated. “What are you doing here?” she asked again.
“I probably should have called first, but I don’t have your number.”
Jinx couldn’t take her eyes off her. She was sure there was something she should be saying, but only one question filled her mind. “What are you doing here?” she asked yet one more time. Then Andrea flashed in her mind. She tensed. Her heartbeat quickened. “Did something happen to Andrea?”
Tiffany gasped. “Oh! No, no. Mom’s fine.” She shifted her weight. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just wanted to see you.”
Jinx blinked in astonishment. “See me?” She was blowing this. A member of her family wanted to see her—had actually gone out of her way to see her. It wasn’t Andrea, the one she’d always hoped it would be, but Tiffany was family. And Jinx was just standing there like a bumbling idiot. “Uh…you want to come in?” She managed a gesture toward the open doorway behind her.
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