Jinx knew she shouldn’t still care about E. J., but she did. She wanted to ask more. She wanted to figure out why E. J. was so afraid of Jacob’s rejection, why she thought he would reject her. Tiffany hadn’t even flinched when Jinx told her she was gay, and clearly had no problem with Jinx’s past. Would someone so open-minded and accepting fall in love with a narrow-minded bigot?
Jinx also wanted to learn more about E. J. via her relationship with Tiffany and Jacob, but she couldn’t press without it seeming odd. Besides, she already had a lot to process from the conversation—and E. J. was no longer her concern.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The fluttering in E. J.’s stomach increased with each turn that took her closer to Jinx’s house. After her conversation with Gwen and Taylor, she had planned to return to see Jinx the following weekend, but she had chickened out. Now, a full week later—an entire month since her craven retreat—she still wanted to run the other way. How could she face Jinx? And yet, she had to—if for no other reason than to apologize and thank her for the time they had shared.
She hoped for more, though. She didn’t know how, exactly, to fit Jinx into her life, but she had come to realize she needed to try. She had made her decision. The remaining question was for Jinx. Would she let E. J. back in, or was that door already closed?
E. J. glanced at her peace offering nestled in the passenger’s seat. She felt a little guilty, as though she was taking unfair advantage. Perhaps she was, but she had been afraid to show up empty-handed, afraid to come alone. Had she always been such a coward? Maybe so. She had run from anyone who had ever felt anything for her, and she was terrified to let her kids know her fully. Didn’t that make her a coward? Her butterflies now felt like they had wings of iron as she made the final turn onto Jinx’s street.
Jinx’s car sat in the driveway. The porch was dark, but a light shone through the window from inside the house.
E. J. turned off the engine. Had Jinx heard it? She stared at the front door, waiting for it to open. When it didn’t, she scooped up the sleeping gold and brown puppy beside her, bed and all, and climbed out of the car.
The puppy stirred and blinked up at E. J. blearily. He had begun the trip standing on his hind legs, front paws on the armrest, tail wagging, and smearing his wet nose all over the window. As the hour grew late, though, he had wiggled into E. J.’s lap and fallen asleep under her stroking fingers. At the last rest stop, she had pulled his new bed from the trunk and settled him into it for the remainder of the drive. “It’s time to wake up,” she whispered. “But we have to be quiet. You’re a surprise.”
He flipped onto his tummy and stretched up to lick her chin.
She laughed and tiptoed up the porch steps. When she set the bed in front of the door, the puppy stood and shook himself.
“No, no,” E. J. whispered. “You have to stay there. Sit.” She pressed her hand to his rump and coaxed him to his haunches.
He gazed at her adoringly and cocked his head as if to say, “Like this?”
“Good boy.” E. J. rubbed him under his chin. “Now, stay.” She didn’t have a clue as to whether he understood anything she was saying. She had gotten him from a Labrador rescue facility. Originally, when the idea of getting Jinx a dog had come to her, she had looked at breeders, but then she realized Jinx would want a shelter dog. And she had almost gotten an older one, since the woman she had dealt with told her that puppies always found homes, but when she thought of Rex, she had decided to give Jinx as much time with her new friend as possible. The woman had said he was a lab mix, about eight weeks old, and the runt of a litter of nine, but very smart and irresistibly sweet. “Ready?”
The puppy whined softly.
E. J. took a deep breath and rapped on the door, then stepped into the shadows. She heard footsteps, then the door open. A pause.
“Hey there,” Jinx said in evident surprise. “How’d you knock?”
E. J. saw Jinx’s knees as she squatted and her hands as she reached for the puppy. As soon as she got to his level, he leapt on her, bathing her face in kisses. Jinx laughed and tipped over backward onto the floor.
The puppy climbed onto her chest and began to bark.
“Okay, you guys,” Jinx called out. “If you’re trying to cheer me up, it’s working.”
E. J. summoned her courage and stepped around the corner.
Jinx, still laughing, did a double take, confusion and conflict in her eyes.
The puppy scrambled over her, licking and nipping, while she struggled to get a hold on him.
E. J. couldn’t help but smile.
Jinx’s gaze returned to her again and again until, finally, she held the puppy to her chest and managed to get to her feet. She stared at E. J., her expression clouded. “What do you want?”
The sharpness of the question bit into E. J., but she knew she deserved it. She cleared her throat. “I wanted to see you. To tell you I’m sorry.”
“You already said that. On your way out. Don’t you remember? I do.” Jinx set the wiggling puppy on the floor and knelt beside him, petting him until he calmed.
E. J. watched her stroke the puppy. She wasn’t sure what to say. She had practiced several speeches on the drive down, but now, all escaped her. It was just as well. She realized a rehearsed discourse wouldn’t do it here. She needed to speak from her heart. She had to be honest. She had to be vulnerable. “I got scared, Jinx. It was all so much, so fast. And then I had a dream…where Jacob…I got scared. And when I get scared, I run. I’m sorry.”
Jinx looked up at her. “You don’t think I was scared?” Her voice hardened. “Of your reaction being exactly what it was? You deciding I’m not good enough for you? That I’m not worth it?”
E. J. swallowed. “I know that’s how it must have felt—”
“It wasn’t a feeling, E. J. It’s exactly what happened. If that wasn’t what you thought, you would have stayed. We would have talked more. You would have let me try to explain.” Jinx’s eyes darkened with obvious anger, but her fingers that combed through the puppy’s fur and scratched behind his ear remained gentle.
E. J. was glad Jinx was angry. She could handle anger. She could stand up to a fight. It was the softer emotions that terrified her. If she had looked into Jinx’s face and seen the hurt she knew Jinx must be feeling—the hurt she would be feeling if the tables were turned—she would have needed to nail her feet to the floor, but this? This she could do. “I don’t think any of those things,” she said firmly. “And I wasn’t thinking them then. I just…got scared. And I’m still scared, but I’m here.”
Jinx returned her attention to the puppy. “A month later. What have you been doing all this time if not deciding my worthiness?” Sarcasm dripped from her words.
Honesty. E. J. had to be honest. Jinx had bared her soul. E. J. had to do the same. “I was trying to forget you,” she said quietly. “Well, the first two and a half weeks, I was trying to forget you. The last week and a half, I was trying to work up the courage to face you again. But that isn’t particularly because of what you told me about your past.”
Jinx looked up at her but said nothing.
At least she was listening. E. J. took it as an invitation to continue. “Jinx, I don’t know what to do with you. Since that very first night, every time I’ve left, I’ve tried to forget you, tried to file you away as just another woman I met on the road, because that’s what I do. That’s what I’ve always done since I started seeing women. But you…” She waved a hand at Jinx and let out a short laugh. “I can’t get you out of my mind. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, you’re there with me. Your smile. Your laugh. Your jokes. Your touch.” E. J. hesitated. How far should she go? “Your tenderness.” She shook her head. “I can’t…Do you want to know what I really think of you?”
Jinx’s eyes narrowed slightly. “No.”
Surprised, E. J. inhaled to stop her next words. The question had been rhetorical, but now that Jinx had answered it, she had to honor the an
swer. Or did she? “You’re the bravest person I know. The most honest. Even before you told me you’ve been in prison, I admired how direct and unpretentious you are. That takes courage.”
Jinx continued to stroke the dog.
“You are who you are, comfortable with your job and where you live, and the fact that your relationship with your family is strained.”
Jinx snorted.
“I’m not saying you don’t want some things to be different,” E. J. said, opening her arms. “You’re so honest about it all. And everything you told me about your childhood and being on drugs and in prison…I can’t even imagine how hard that was for you to share, but you did it so I would know the truth. So, if I wanted to, I could go, even though you didn’t want me to. I didn’t know what to do with that kind of honesty. It scared me because I lie every day about who I am. So, I ran.” Her eyes welled with tears. “Jinx, I’m so sorry. If you want me to go now, I will.”
Jinx stared at the floor.
The puppy looked past her, then dashed into the house and leapt onto the bed. He snatched a sandwich off a plate on the nightstand and chewed frantically.
“Hey!” Jinx said as she sprang to her feet. “That’s my dinner.” She crossed the room in even strides. “You little thief.” She grabbed a glass of milk a split second before the puppy’s nose dipped into it.
E. J. laughed despite the serious conversation.
“Look what your dog did.” Jinx shook the empty plate at E. J.
“I guess he’s hungry,” E. J. said. “We didn’t stop to eat on the way down. I have some dog food in the car.” She retrieved a bag of puppy kibble, along with the food and water bowls she had bought, from her trunk and returned to the porch. Once again in the doorway, she watched Jinx roll around on the bed with the puppy. She let herself enjoy Jinx’s laughter mingling with his playful growls and yips. She was glad to be back. It had been such a long month, and she knew they still had a lot to work out, but it was a start. She just hoped Jinx would let her stay.
Jinx grabbed the puppy and held him tightly. “Now, I’ve got you.” She grinned and looked up. Her gaze met E. J.’s. She arched a brow.
“May I come in?” E. J. asked tentatively.
Jinx rolled her eyes. “Yes, you can come in. You have to feed your dog, don’t you?” She rubbed noses with the puppy. “It’s not his fault his mama’s a big fat chicken.”
E. J. smiled as she set the bag of food on the bed. She pulled the string to open it.
“What’s his name?” Jinx asked, dropping to her knees on the floor in front of him. He began licking her again.
“He doesn’t have one yet.”
“What? How can he not have a name? Everyone has a name. You just have to find it,” Jinx said. “How long have you had him?”
“Since this morning.” E. J. scooped kibble into the bowl.
“You have a name, don’t you?” Jinx turned her head and let him lick her ear. “Tell me.” She scrunched up her face and giggled. “Pete,” she said finally. “His name is Pete.”
E. J. laughed. “He told you that, did he?”
“He did.” Jinx took the bowl and set it on the floor, then put the puppy in front of it. “But you know, he’s your dog. It’s up to you.”
“Actually,” E. J. said hesitantly. “He’s yours. I got him for you.”
Jinx stared at her. “Oooooh, that’s just…” She shook her head. “That’s so wrong.” She looked down at Pete.
“I know.” E. J. sat on the edge of the bed.
Jinx looked up at her. “You really are a chicken.”
“I am.” E. J. searched Jinx’s face. “I was afraid you wouldn’t see me if I just showed up.”
Jinx stroked Pete’s back. “That’s so manipulative.”
E. J. nodded. “It is.”
“And just…wrong.” Laughter flashed in Jinx’s eyes. “I mean, you used this poor, innocent little puppy in your scheme.”
“I did.” E. J. began to relax for the first time in weeks. “I don’t know that he suffered much, though. Let’s see, he got rescued from a shelter, had a nice bath that he enjoyed very much, saw miles of countryside and got to bark at cows, was loved on while he slept in a snuggly lap, and is wolfing down a bowl of food almost as big as he is. And he gets to live with a beautiful, sweet woman who’s the biggest dog lover on the face of the planet. I think he made out pretty well in the exchange.” E. J. could feel the warmth of Jinx’s body along the length of her leg and fought her desire to touch her. “I just hope I’ll get to see him…a lot.”
Jinx gave her a measuring look. Uncertainty and hope mingled in the depths of her blue eyes, but the shadow that had lingered there was gone. “I’m still mad at you,” she said softly.
“I know.”
“And Pete ate my sandwich when I still thought he was yours, so you owe me dinner.”
E. J. smiled. She brushed her fingers across Jinx’s cheek. “Pizza?”
*
E. J. wiped the corner of her mouth with a napkin, then crumpled it and tossed it onto her plate. “That was so good.”
“You’re leaving the best part,” Jinx said, picking up the crust E. J. had left. She took a bite before tearing off a tiny piece and feeding it to Pete.
“No.” E. J. rested her elbow on the table and cradled her chin in her hand. “The cheese is the best part.”
Jinx let a small smile touch her lips. “At least we won’t fight over pizza.”
The conversation over dinner had been light, E. J. talking about the entire re-staffing that needed to be done at one of her stores—Jinx had missed which one, distracted by the memory of E. J.’s mouth on hers—and Jinx sharing her adventures of learning the various types of poodle cuts. Jinx was glad E. J. was there, but at the same time, she didn’t want to be. She wanted to stay mad, to be getting over E. J. She didn’t want to hurt anymore. She cleared the dishes from the table and set them in the sink, then turned and leaned against the counter.
E. J. sat at the dinette, watching her. “Well,” she said, drawing out the word. “I should get going. I need to get a room.”
Jinx’s stomach clenched. She didn’t want E. J. to leave. Damn it. She thought she’d been so careful. She looked down at Pete sitting at E. J.’s feet.
He wagged his tail. He wasn’t going to help her.
Jinx pursed her lips and folded her arms. “I think Pete wants you to stay. You can, if you want.”
E. J. tilted her head and studied her. “Are you sure?”
Jinx wasn’t at all sure. She thought of the times E. J. had left before, all the moments, the days, the nights Jinx had wished she was there. Then she remembered the last time, the way she’d shut Jinx out, how cold she’d seemed. Jinx didn’t like that E. J. “I’m sure I don’t want you to leave,” she said cautiously. “I’m not sure I want you to stay.”
E. J. gave her a sad smile. “Oddly enough, I understand that.” She waited, her gaze direct, until Jinx looked away. “I’d like to stay, but I’ll do whatever you want.”
Jinx remembered what Sparkle had said. You have something with her. If she does come back, you’re going to want to see her again. To give her another chance. Even without that, though, she knew which part of her would win. She sighed. “If you give me your keys, I’ll get your stuff.”
When she returned with E. J.’s suitcase and a PetSmart bag containing a leash, a stuffed squeaky rabbit, a package of small bones, and a puppy-sized Kong, she found E. J. drying their plates and glasses and putting them in the cupboard. She looked so at home in Jinx’s kitchen.
“If you have some foil, I’ll put away the leftovers,” E. J. said, glancing over her shoulder.
Jinx stepped up beside her and opened a drawer. “I have plastic wrap.” She handed her the roll. “Sparkle says it’s better for the environment. Aluminum has a heavier manufacturing footprint.” She repeated the words verbatim, though she wasn’t completely sure what they meant.
E. J. stiffened almost impercep
tibly. She stared at the plastic wrap. “Do you do everything Sparkle says?” There was the slightest edge to her voice.
Jinx had noticed E. J.’s reaction to Sparkle’s name every time it’d come up, and then there was Sparkle’s attitude toward E. J. She wondered what’d taken place between them the night they’d met in the bar. “Sparkle says I should give you another chance.”
E. J. grinned. “Sparkle is so smart.” She tore off a piece of plastic wrap. “Have I ever told you how smart I think she is?”
Jinx laughed. She was having trouble holding on to the anger she’d cultivated over the past weeks and the flare-up at seeing E. J. in her doorway this evening. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be mad anymore, but it’d protected her. What if she let go of it now and E. J. left again? She wanted to talk, needed to know what E. J. was thinking, and she needed to be out of the house, away from the bed, before she let her guard down fully. Otherwise, she knew where they’d end up. Maybe she shouldn’t have invited E. J. to spend the night, but she was afraid to let her go. “You want to go get some frozen yogurt?”
E. J. smiled and nodded.
As Jinx gave E. J. directions, she held Pete in her lap and enjoyed his antics of sticking his head out the window and occasionally barking at someone in another car, or walking down the sidewalk. It seemed he was wary of people in hats.
The evening was ideal, the heat of the day giving way to a cool, light breeze. It reminded Jinx of the wedding reception and the feel of the air on her face as she’d stared across the lawn at E. J. in her deep purple gown. E. J. was saying something, telling her about something to do with her work. Jinx knew it was more chitchat and hated it. There was so much for them to talk about, so many things to be cleared up, but she had no one to blame but herself. E. J. was taking her cues from her, waiting for Jinx to open the door. It was up to her to start any meaningful conversation.
“Right there,” Jinx said, pointing to the yogurt shop.
E. J. maneuvered into the parking lot and angled into a spot. “Tutti Frutti’s?”
Embracing the Dawn Page 17