by Danielle Fox
Emily appeared to breathe a sigh of relief and rushed forward to congratulate the pair. “I’m so happy for you both, he or she will certainly be a little stunner with your twos looks!” she gushed.
Emily’s words seemed to nestle further into my head than I should have allowed as I found myself picturing what a child of our own would look like. I could picture Emily’s rounded blue eyes looking up at me from a perfect, tiny rounded face and my chest tightened. I quickly dismissed the image with a slight shake of my head, confused by the direction of my own thoughts.
“So, how far gone are you?” Emily’s voice was full of excitement as her eyes danced over Natalie’s stomach, obviously checking for any sign of a growing bump.
“About two months. We’ll know for sure when we have a scan.”
“You haven’t had a scan yet?” I interrupted before my mouth dropped open.
“No, it’s not for another three weeks.” Natalie replied looking shocked by my sudden outburst.
“That’s bullshit! How are you supposed to know that everything’s okay? Especially after...” I trailed off as the sickening image of Natalie’s frail body slumping heavily to the ground attacked my head. “You’ll get your scan tomorrow, I’ll see to it.”
“Julian, there’s no need. I’d know if something was wrong.”
“It wasn’t a question, Natalie. I’ll take you myself if I have to.”
I was surprised at Ryan. Why hadn’t he taken her already? It’s not as if he couldn’t afford it. Mind you, not many people had the nerve to question my sister, and if Natalie had said there wasn’t any need, I’m assuming Ryan wouldn’t have dared to argue and face the wrath of Natalie’s temper.
“I will take her,” Ryan said, stepping forward and adopting a protective stance in front of my sister.
“Great. I’ll call my doctor in the morning and have it arranged. I’ll let you know what time.”
Listening to Emily and Natalie gushing over babies, and all the things that go with one, for the rest of the evening played havoc with my emotions, to my surprise. As Emily recalled various stages of her pregnancy with Maia I found myself feeling uneasy, agitated somehow but I couldn’t fathom why. I then realised that I wished I could have been there with her, to support her through what must have been a terrifying time for such a young girl. She was just eighteen when she fell pregnant; she was barely more than a child herself. I listened half-heartedly as she described Maia’s birth whilst trying to hold up my own conversation with Ryan.
“What do you think?” Ryan shook his head slightly as he watched me through narrowed eyes.
“About what?” I had no idea what he was referring to.
“It doesn’t matter; you’re obviously not listening to a word I’m saying.”
He was right, I wasn’t. At least not now that Emily was pouring her heart out to my sister.
“It was the best experience of my life, it was just incredible. Make sure you enjoy every minute of it,” Emily gushed, her eyes soft and warm.
“I’m not sure everyone would agree.” Natalie laughed. “Isn’t it supposed to be the worst pain you’ll ever experience?”
“It is, I’m not going to sugar coat it for you. It was the worst imaginable pain; you get to a point where you feel like you can’t physically take any more of it. But you do, you have to.”
I felt my pulse quicken as the image of Emily writhing in agony clouded my head. I wondered briefly who was there for her, who did she have to support her through it? And I found myself wishing once more that it could have been me. I wished I had known her then. I wished I could have held her hand as she brought another life into the world. And I wished, more than anything, that that other life could have been mine. Wow, I never thought I’d be wishing for that.
“And yet you describe it as an incredible experience?” Natalie gawped at Emily, grinning just ever so slightly. She was clearly confused, or possibly disturbed, by their line of conversation.
“Because the second your baby is placed onto your chest, the pain is gone, you don’t even give a second thought to how tired you are, or how much your body aches. All you care about is that bundle that’s now in your arms, your little bundle. And the relief...there aren’t even any words to describe that feeling. It’s...overwhelming.”
Wow! I felt a sting at the corner of my eye as I listened to Emily. I had never wanted children, I had always thought I couldn’t trust myself to be a responsible parent, I was too selfish and I had never had a decent role model growing up, so how exactly could I expect to be one? But, the way Emily described it, with so much passion and emotion pouring from her just with a few words, her eyes alive and gleaming. I wanted to be the one to give her that. I wanted to share that joy with her, to look into a baby’s eyes and feel nothing but overwhelming love - our baby’s eyes. I shook my head, now amazed by the direction of my thoughts, and refilled my wine glass.
“You okay?” Emily squeezed my thigh. “You look a bit pale.”
“Yes, I’m fine. Are you?” I replied, placing my hand over hers and holding it tightly. She didn’t need to know that my own thoughts were capable of scaring the shit out of me.
“Yeah,” she said. She paused and raised her brows swiftly whilst inhaling deeply, making me assume that she was overwhelmed by her memories. “This is the first time I’ve been around a pregnant woman since Maia. It kind of brings it all back.”
“In a good way?”
“Yes, definitely a good way. I can’t believe that was nearly four years ago.”
“I wish I had have known you then,” I told her as I stared into her deep, revealing eyes.
“Trust me, you don’t.”
“The way you talk about it, it’s....mesmerising. Maybe I’ll get to experience it with you one day.”
Shit, my last comment was a step too far judging by the look that now masked Emily’s face. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open as she looked back at me. She didn’t reply.
“Relax, I’m kidding,” I assured.
I wasn’t kidding, I was serious. I had no idea how, or why, but I wanted it.
Emily’s widened eyes narrowed into a frown and she raised her glass to her mouth, pouting her perfect lips as she drew in a large mouthful of wine. I watched her throat as it flexed with her deep swallow and wondered briefly how I could possibly keep my hands off her in bed tonight. That was going to be an incredible test of my self control, one that I wasn’t sure I could pass.
I startled as the sharp buzz of the intercom sounded. Who the hell was that at this time of the evening? I acknowledged Natalie’s questioning glance before striding across the room and reaching for the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Good evening, Mr Scott. Sorry to bother you but there is a woman in the foyer who is demanding to see you, shall I send her up?”
“What woman?”
“Goes by the name of Eva Williams.”
Ah God! What was she doing here?
“Send her up.”
I groaned loudly as I pushed my forehead against the wall. As much as I loved the woman, she was a pain in the arse, quite frankly.
“Who is it?” Natalie called.
“Bloody Eva,” I replied, sounding as pissed as I felt. If Eva was showing up unannounced, I was certain she wouldn’t be looking for a cosy chat.
“Eva? Why is she here?”
“I have no idea. Maybe mum?”
“No, they would have called me.”
“Then I guess we’re about to find out.”
Inhaling deeply through my nostrils, I opened the door wide and held out my arms. “Eva, how are you?” I tried my best to sound convincing as I acted as though I was pleased to see her. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze.
“I’ll be better once I’ve talked some sense into you, you ignorant swine!” She pushed against my chest, effectively freeing herself from my grasp and tottered past me, her stiletto heels clicking loudly against the woode
n floor. “Natalie, darling. How are you?” Her smile beamed as she spotted Natalie on the sofa.
Natalie stood swiftly and rushed forwards to plant a soft peck on Eva’s cheek. “Really good thanks. What brings you here?”
“That insensitive pig brings me here. I heard about your mother, Julian. And yet you still haven’t visited.” Her scrutinising eyes peered over the top of her thick rimmed glasses as she addressed me. She looked pissed.
“I’m visiting tomorrow, Eva. It’s all arranged.”
“You’re visiting? Tomorrow?” Her mouth gaped open momentarily before she quickly snapped it shut and straightened her features.
“Yes. Would you like a drink, as you’re here?” I offered as I took a large wine glass from the cupboard, already knowing what her answer would be.
“How do I know you’re not just saying that to shut me up?”
“I guess you don’t, you’ll just have to trust me. White wine okay?” I shot a wide smile in her direction. She never could resist my charm. I had always been able to wrap her around my little finger.
“Yes, fine. Trusting you isn’t always easy, Julian,” she said, her voice suddenly sounding much softer. The angelic smile had obviously worked; she was just being as stubborn as ever.
“He’s going tomorrow, like he said,” Natalie interrupted. “I’ve called and arranged it today.”
Eva nodded, looking pleased by Natalie’s confirmation.
“As your here, there’s someone I want to introduce you to.” I glanced across to Emily who appeared to be looking at anything but the woman in front of her. Her brows lowered into a frown as her gaze met with mine, her eyes questioning.
I handed Eva a full glass and strode to where Emily still sat, nervously fingering a loose tendril of hair that had escaped from the heap on top of her head. Taking her hand, I encouraged her up to stand at my side. “Emily, this is my aunt, Eva.” I gestured towards Eva with a single hand. Eva watched me over the rim of her glass as she held it at her lips, her eyes narrowed as she studied me. “Eva, this is Emily. My fiancée.”
I startled slightly as a short burst of wine flew from my very sophisticated aunt’s mouth and sprayed over the floor, followed closely by a choking cough. I couldn’t suppress my laughter as I watched her cheeks redden as she wiped at her chin with the back of her perfectly manicured hand. My shoulders were shaking violently before I noticed the not so subtle elbow jabbing me in the ribs.
“Julian, stop it,” Emily whispered as her own cheeks glowed with humiliation.
“Did you just say fiancée?” Eva choked, her voice husky.
“I did indeed. Emily has agreed to become my wife.” I beamed, unable to hide the wide smile that I could feel stretching my cheeks.
“I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone! Why didn’t I know?”
I shrugged my shoulders dramatically as Eva glared at me before taking a more civilised mouthful of her wine.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Emily.” Eva placed an arm around Emily’s back and kissed her cheek. “A real pleasure.”
Eva couldn’t wipe the magnificent smile from her face, I could tell she was ecstatic at my revelation. She had never seen me with a woman before now. Even as a teenage boy, growing up under her roof I had never brought a single female home, never introduced her to anyone important in my life. Now, I was presenting her with my fiancée, no wonder she almost choked, I think she had always thought I was gay.
I felt some sort of accomplishment, some sort of triumph when I made my aunt proud. She had done a fantastic job bringing me up when my parents were taken - mother to a secure psychiatric unit and father to a high security prison. She had taken me into her home, and under her wing, without a second thought. She never had her own children but she treated me as I would imagine she would have treated her own. She gave me opportunities that I could never have even dreamed of. I had her to thank for my success in life, her and Uncle Richard - her ridiculously wealthy husband. It had been Richard who had insisted I attend drama school as soon as I moved in with them. I was so quiet, so introvert that he thought it’d help with my confidence and encourage some ‘normal behaviour’ as he had so kindly put it. And it had helped. Within a few months I felt like myself again and, in less than two years, I was spotted by a scout and landed my first movie role - I was a natural, apparently. Acting school was one place I felt at home. I didn’t have to dwell on the thoughts of what my life would become. I didn’t have time to miss my baby sister so terribly that I desperately wanted to curl into a ball all day and cry, yet even when I gave in to that need, the tears didn’t come. I had been numb. Frozen. But, acting brought me back to life again. I could pretend to be someone else, somewhere else, and I did it well and made both Eva and Richard proud. I had tried desperately, as a young kid, to make my parents proud but I never seemed to succeed. My father pretended we didn’t exist until he wanted someone to take his anger out on, and my mother? Well, my mother was too afraid of him to ever show us any real love or affection. It had taken me a while to trust Eva and Richard, and even longer to become accustomed to Eva’s hugs and kisses and constant words of praise. But, in the end, I accepted her praise. And it had felt good.
“I’m so happy for you both,” Eva gushed as she made her way towards the door. After two large glasses of wine and an introductory chat with Emily, plus the exit of Natalie and Ryan, Eva was finally ready to go home.
“I’ll see you soon.” I kissed her forehead before opening the door for her.
“You’d better! Make sure he visits soon, Emily, if anyone can reach him any manners I’m sure it’ll be you.” She pinched my cheek with her finger and thumb the way a mother would tease a child.
“I will, you have my word. It’s been great meeting you, Eva.” Emily reached her hand out as an invite for a shake but, instead, Eva took it and pulled her into a deep hug.
“Thank you, Emily.”
“What for?” Emily giggled, straining for air as Eva clung onto her.
“For making my boy happy! I’ve never seen him like this.”
“Okay, that’s enough. Thanks, Eva,” I interrupted as I felt an unfamiliar, uncomfortable heat spreading through my cheeks.
“See you soon.”
Eva balanced perfectly on her heels as her hurried steps sounded down the hallway until they faded to silence.
I stopped to admire the fine sight in front of me, which was Emily’s perfectly rounded backside as she crawled onto the bed, and I hardened in response. Oh God, this is going to kill me, I thought as I remembered once again that I couldn’t touch her. But, it turned out that it wasn’t actually as unbearable as I had imagined, I mean, of course I would love nothing more than to be inside her right now, feeling her as she surrounded me tightly, hearing her soft moans as she melted beneath me. But, I was strangely content just to feel her naked skin against mine. She lay with her head resting heavily on my chest, her arm draped loosely across my stomach, and I couldn’t help but bury my nose in her hair and inhale as deeply as I could manage. Her scent was intoxicating. Divine. I was certain I would never tire of it. Her breathing evened out to long slow breaths, and her arm instantly felt heavier on my stomach. She twitched slightly, as she always did shortly after falling asleep, then her smooth leg came across my thigh before nestling between itself between them. I smiled to myself as my fingers brushed lightly through her long waves of hair, and I realised that I felt completely satisfied. Satisfied by simply having her close to me. So close that I could feel the steady beats of her heart as her chest pressed against my side.
Satisfied that I no longer felt the overwhelming need to claim her, she was already mine.
Chapter Ten
My pulse quickened as I pushed open the heavy white door, the last door that stood between me and Emily and my mother. As the door swung shut my mother slowly raised her head until her eyes met with mine. My breathing became quick and shallow as I looked into the eyes of a loving mother. Not a monster, but a
mother who adored her one and only son. Her green eyes looked warm, and kind, not hard and angry like I remembered them.
She looked much younger than I had imagined, she didn’t appear to have aged at all in the twelve years since my last visit - in fact she looked younger. How could that be? She sat on a white plastic chair - exactly like the kind you see in a school dinner hall - in the middle of a large room. The floors, the ceiling, the walls, were all pure white. In front of her sat two more white chairs, identical to the one on which she sat. A room this size for three chairs?
Something didn’t seem quite right. Why was it all so clinical looking? What was with all the white? This was supposed to be a place where people were treated for mental illness; this was enough to drive any sane person crazy.
A bright light shone in through the large window behind her, framing her petite figure and making her look as if she were glowing. She looked angelic. This was not how I had remembered my mother. Emily squeezed at my hand and I moved, slowly placing one foot in front of the other as I made my way across the chilling room, the strong scent of disinfectant lingering in the still air.
I glanced nervously around the room - the room that seemed eerily silent, too silent to be natural. My palms began to moisten when I noticed the absence of any other beings in the room. Why wasn’t there a doctor in here, with her previous behaviour surely there should be someone close in case she should need sedating? Come to think of it, I hadn’t yet seen a single doctor. I couldn’t even figure out how I had managed to find the exact room in which my mother sat, lifeless in body but smiling adoringly at me.