by Mary Balogh
She looked over her shoulder at him. “I thought no one else in the world knew about me,” she said, “with Mama and Papa both gone. But he had told Rachel. And she is going to come to you for the two thousand pounds after the week is over, Miles. If she does not receive the payment, then the whole world will know.”
“Abby . . .”he said, walking across the room to her.
“Don't touch me,” she said, hugging herself more tightly. “Please don't. I shall go away somewhere. I don't know where. But I will think of somewhere soon. I have some money left of the six thousand. Indeed, just two weeks ago I would have thought it a fortune. I should be able to—”
“Abby,” he said harshly, and he took her none too gently by the arm and pulled her into his arms. “What nonsense are you talking? Stop it this instant.”
“I ought not to have done it,” she said. “I would not have done if it I had not been so tempted. But I was overwhelmed by temptation, Miles. You cannot imagine what it was like, coming here knowing I was quite destitute, afraid to hope too strongly for any help at all, and suddenly finding that I could be a countess and married to a man as rich as Croesus. But I didn't know that anyone else knew about me, Miles. I swear it. I didn't even know that Rachel was still alive. I would have fought the temptation if I had known that there was a chance of dragging you down into such a dreadful scandal. I would have. You must believe me. I know that I have done terrible things, and I am a bastard and all that, but—”
He stopped her mouth with his own.
“I may have to take drastic measures if I hear that word on your lips again,” he said. “You are in no way responsible for the circumstances of your birth, Abby, and you are not that ugly thing you keep calling yourself.”
“But I am,” she said. Her eyes were enormous with unshed tears.
“By an accident of birth,” he said, “you are not a product of the marriage of your parents, Abby. But from what I have heard, you have proved yourself your father's daughter and your brother's sister and your half-sisters' sister over and over and over again. Abby—my love—forgive yourself.”
“For deceiving you?” she said.
“For that too if you like,” he said. “But I meant for being an embarrassment to your mother and a shock and a disappointment to your father—if you were. You were the only one he did not mistreat a great deal? The only one who had any influence over him? I think perhaps he realized what a gem had been brought so strangely and unexpectedly into his life, Abby. Forgive yourself.”
Two tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. “I cannot forgive myself for what I have done to you,” she said.
“Can't you?” he said. “For bringing sunshine into my life and a little craziness and a whole world of love? I do love you, you know.”
She sobbed quite indelicately and lifted a hand to her mouth. “You can't,” she said, lowering her hand. “Miles, you can't. I am a bas—”
He kissed her hard.
“I meant it,” he said, “about the drastic measures. If you think I did not, test me. I would hate to have to prove it to you, you know.”
“If you were to beat me, I would hit you right back,” she said, and this time her sob got all mixed up with a laugh and a hiccup.
“I am sure you would,'' he said. “Abby, if you can get over this dreadful guilt of yours and this terrible feeling of inadequacy, do you think you can love me, even just a little bit? Enough to build on in the future, maybe?”
“I fell in love with you as soon as I saw your eyes,” she said. “What woman could help doing so?”
“Who indeed?” he said. “So you love my eyes. That is a start, at least. Is there a chance that the feeling may spread to other parts of me?”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “Long ago. But, Miles, this is just foolish talk. There is still Rachel and the ruin she can bring on you through me. You must take her the money. Will you? Today, before she becomes impatient? There will be unbearable scandal for you if she tells anyone else what she knows.”
“For me?” he said. “Shall I tell you how much it would worry me, Abby? That much.” He snapped two fingers next to her ear. “How about you? Would it upset you?”
“Yes,” she said. “Because I would have dragged you into it.”
“Leaving me aside for the moment,” he said, “would you be upset?”
She thought for a moment. “No,” she said. “Because I realize that despite everything, if my mother and father—my real father—had not been indiscreet, I would not be here at all, would I? And I think I would hate that.”
“Would you?” he said, smiling. “And in what corner of the universe would you be sitting at this moment, Abby, hating the fact that you had never been born?”
She smiled slowly at him, and he touched his forehead to hers.
“Does it really and truly make no difference to you?” she asked wistfully.
“It really and truly does not,'' he said. “And more important than anything else, I shall be able to save myself two thousand pounds and have the pleasure of telling Mrs. Rachel Harper to go hang into the bargain. This is a wonderful day for me, Abby.”
“The money is the most important thing to you?” she asked, looking at him a little uncertainly.
He circled her waist with his hands and smiled down at her. “I refuse to answer such a nonsensical question,” he said. “Abby, tell me something.”
She looked inquiringly up at him.
“Is everything out now?” he asked. “All the murky secrets of your past?”
She thought carefully. “Yes,” she said.
“Good,” he said. “In a moment I am going to undress you and make love to you—as soon as you have told me if you would prefer to have it done in your bed or mine. And after it is over, I am going to tell you the same thing I have told you for the last two nights. I shall await your response. Will there be one today?”
Her face was flaming when she looked up at him. “Yes,” she said. “In your bed, if you please, Miles.”
He laced his fingers with hers and led her through the two adjoining dressing rooms to their bedchamber. And he took her by the shoulders to turn her so that he could tackle the long row of buttons at the back of her dress. He bent his head to kiss the back of her neck as his hands worked.
And he lifted her to the bed at last, unclothed himself while their eyes roamed over each other, lay down beside her on the bed, and proceeded to make long and slow and finally frenzied love to her.
When he carne to himself, he moved to her side and settled her head on his shoulder and drew the blankets up about them.
“Mm,” he said, rubbing his cheek over her curls. “Some things definitely improve with practice, don't they? Can you imagine what it might be like for us in ten years' time? The stars may be exploding around us.” He bent his head to kiss her lingeringly on the mouth. “I love you, Abby.”
She burrowed her head farther into the warmth of his neck. “I love you too,” she said. “Every inch of you and everything that you are.” She sighed with contentment.
“And so they lived happily ever after,” he said, “and retired to their country estate and domestic bliss the very next day.”
She drew patterns on his chest with one forefinger. “There is one little thing I should probably have told you,” she said. He groaned.
“When I once told you something I had said to discourage Mr. Gill,” she said, “you said I could not possibly be unladylike enough to have said any such thing. And so I did not tell you what I told him when I caught him trying to pinch Laura. I was afraid that you would be quite disgusted with me.”
He groaned again.
“It was really quite dreadful,'' she said. “It makes me blush even to remember.” She chuckled nervously.
He set the back of his free hand over his eyes and sighed. “Abby,” he said, “do you think you could possibly confess all without taking ten minutes to do so? Get it off your conscience if you must, my love, and then let me sl
eep. I have just earned a good rest, haven't I?”
She was giggling. “I can't,” she said. “Oh, I can't.” She held her nose. “It was most dreadfully vulgar, Miles. It would have you blushing.”
“Lord,” he said, addressing the canopy over their heads, “am I to be subjected to fifty years or so of this? What have I ever done to draw such punishment on myself?”
“You should have seen his f-f-face, Miles!” And she exploded with mirth.
The Earl of Severn chuckled, though he had no idea yet what exactly it was he was laughing at.
“I have married a madwoman,” he said. “This is to be the next secret you will feel impelled to confess, isn't it, Abby? You have escaped from Bedlam and I have married you, Lord help me.”
“I am sure if he had leaned forward, his eyes would have p-popped right out of their sockets and bounced on the f-floor,” she said.
They clung to each other, helpless with laughter.
“You had better tell me what I am laughing at,” he said when he was able.
“I can't,” she wailed. “Oh, I c-can't.”
“Abby,” he said, hugging her to him, “I have done more laughing in the past two weeks that in all the thirty years previous to them. But I do feel something of an imbecile when I do not even know why I am doing so. Little idiot! I do love you, you know.”
“I told him I would pinch his bottom if he ever did so to Laura again,” she said quite soberly.
There was a moment of incredulous silence.
And then the Earl of Severn threw his head back against the pillow and bellowed with laughter.