Peter was silent. Elizabeth knew he was thinking this over. She had never given him reason to doubt her but did not know if that would matter to him now. Finally, he responded, "So, you'll go with me?"
"Yes, I guess I will."
"Okay, I'll be in touch then about arrangements. What time I'll pick you up and everything."
"Peter, can I just meet you there? I think I would just feel better if we went separately."
"Oh, I guess." Elizabeth could tell from the tone of his voice that he was disappointed. All the more reason for them not to go together.
"Would your mom want to stay here with the kids? There's more room."
"Um, I'll ask her, but I have the feeling that she won't be comfortable with that. You're not her favorite person right now."
Right, of course. Because the failure of their marriage was all her fault. Elizabeth took a few deep breaths, trying to cleanse her thoughts. She was sure that someday, if someone did the same thing to Teddy, she would feel the same way. She would always support her children and stand up for them. In that way, she admired her mother-in-law. Elizabeth would have to let her know that she understood and had learned about what it is to be a supportive mother from her. Perhaps that would ease the woman's heart towards Elizabeth.
"Okay, Peter, we can firm up arrangements as it gets closer. Thank you for asking me. I think we can make it a good evening."
"Just as long as you don't make me dance."
Elizabeth smiled. Maybe it would be okay after all.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: February 16, 2013
Elizabeth looked in the mirror. She kind-of couldn't believe that it was really her looking back. She had never looked this good, even on her wedding day. She wished that Susan was here to see her tonight. Her one remaining friend, Susan, had laughed when Elizabeth begged her for help in figuring out what to wear for the Have-a-Heart Gala.
"Really, you want my help? The last time I wore a dress was my high school graduation, and that's only because my mother made me, under penalty of death."
"I get that you're not exactly fem, but you know what looks good, right? I need you to pretend that I'm someone you would be scoping out."
"You know I can hear you, right?" Jayne had piped in. Elizabeth laughed. Susan often put her on speaker phone so that Jayne could participate in the conversation. Although they had never been close before, Elizabeth now counted Jayne as a true friend, just as Susan had proved to be. "Are you using your loose morals to corrupt my woman? You know, I've heard all about you."
"Of course I am, Jayne. You know what a vixen and slut I am. But seriously, I want your input too. I need to look smoking hot for this thing."
Susan, always the voice of reason, asked, "Why does it matter how you look? I thought you didn't want to lead Peter on."
"No, I don't. But chances are he won't notice anyway. I just know people will be talking when Peter and I walk in. Tongues will be wagging, and the best defense is a good offense. People are gonna talk about me, and they’re gonna hate me regardless. It might as well be because I look so damn fine."
"Holy shit," Jayne chimed in. "Is ... is that self-confidence I hear? Coming from Elizabeth? Say it ain't so!"
Elizabeth laughed again. The girls always made her smile. She wished they lived closer so that they could do more than just talk on the phone. Elizabeth, obviously, had never been one to take fashion risks. But this time, she wanted to take a risk. To step outside her comfort zone. Of course, she didn't know how she was going to pull this off without spending a fortune. She didn't want to use her hard-earned coupon money, and she certainly couldn't ask Peter. Susan and Jayne assured her that things would work out. They made tentative plans to go shopping in a few weeks, as long as the winter weather didn't prevent them from getting out of the mountains.
Then, about a week later, a package showed up on her doorstep. The sender's name was unfamiliar, and the package had been shipped from Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Elizabeth could not imagine what was in the large, padded envelope, and nearly passed out when she opened it to find a gorgeous chiffon dress. She looked at the tags. It was a designer, and one of her favorites at that. She loved his use of laser pleating and interesting fabric draping. This dress was no exception. Cherry red, one shouldered, with a front key-hole cut out. Elizabeth had run into her room and immediately tried it on. It fit like a glove, the petite length perfect on her frame. The A-line skirt swirled softly, until the hem skimmed her ankles. Perfect for showcasing a pair of killer heels. And the best part, a thigh-high slit. The fullness of the skirt often concealed it, but, at the right moment, her leg could peek through. It was perfect, as if her own fairy godmother had created it herself.
Elizabeth pondered how this bit of perfection had arrived at her doorstep when her cell phone rang. She dug it out of her pants pocket, now lying crumpled on the floor. It was Susan. "Did it come today?"
"Oh my God, was that you?"
"So it came? Did you open it?"
"Open it, I'm wearing it, and I may never take it off again!"
"Do you like it?"
"No, I don't like it, I LOVE it. It is the most perfect thing I have ever owned."
"So the size is right?"
"It's perfect. I don't even have to get it hemmed. But I don't understand. How ... why ... how?"
"After you called, Jayne and I started looking on eBay. We saw it and both knew it was perfect for you."
"EBay? Really? But it still has the tags on it!"
"It's supposed to. I don't ask how or why they can sell a dress that retails for four-hundred dollars for twenty-two, but ..."
"Wait a minute, did you say twenty-two?"
"Um, yeah. That's why we totally had to get it. With shipping, the whole thing was twenty-eight bucks. No way in hell we could pass that up."
"You're like my fairy godmothers! I can't even tell you how perfect it is. I never would have even looked at red."
"We decided you needed to go big or go home. Red was the obvious choice. No boring black for you."
"But red? Are you sure?"
"It goes great with your coloring, right?"
"Right. I guess." Elizabeth studied herself in the mirror as she talked, taking in all the angles.
"No, right. And secondly, it's the Have-a-Heart shindig. Thirdly, it's Valentine's weekend. I just hope there are doctors and a defibrillator there, because I think hearts are going to stop when you walk in the room!"
Susan and Jayne refused to accept payment for the dress. They had come through big time for her. Elizabeth knew that in a world that could often be harsh and cruel, she was fortunate to have two real friends rather than twenty-two fly-by-night people in her life. Phone calls and photos went back and forth, as Elizabeth pondered shoe choices and accessory choices. Jayne insisted that she do metallic shoes, rather than black, and Elizabeth was lucky to find a pair of killer gold stilettos with an ankle strap at a consignment shop. She had gold earrings that accentuated the dress perfectly, and finally splurged on a gold bracelet (okay, she spent $40) to complete the look.
Elizabeth combed the Internet and YouTube, watching tutorials about how to style her hair. After several rounds of practice one evening a week before the Gala, Elizabeth finally nailed a flattering chignon with intricate but soft twists and braids to complement the pleating and draping in the dress.
So here she sat, almost ready to leave, staring at the finished product. Her face had a soft glow. Neutral skin, a slightly smoky-eye and glistening lips made her look radiant. Subtly sultry. Her hair looked professionally done. She put another layer of hairspray on it and stuck one more bobby pin in a small area that felt slightly loose. The drop earrings reflected some light and almost gave a golden glow to her cheekbones. Her nails were short, as always, but looked neat and tidy, and the soft pearl pink polish matched her toes.
Elizabeth gave a twirl in the mirror. She could not believe this was her. Two-and-a-half years ago, she was frumpy and dumpy. Of course, in that time, she had n
early committed suicide, almost lost her daughter, rebuilt her marriage, considered having an affair, had her name and reputation completely ruined, had her husband walk out on her, severed ties with her parents, and was in the process of divorcing her husband. She couldn't believe that she was still standing, let alone gorgeous and glowing.
In addition to the physical transformation, she had undergone a mental and emotional one as well. She was sure her first instinct would always be to seek approval from the people around her. But tonight, she needed no one's approval. She knew she looked good. Elizabeth wore her confidence like a suit of armor. She was sure that attending this event, with Peter no less, would set tongues wagging. She knew that tonight was the night she stopped hiding. Tonight was the night for her to walk with her head held high, for although she had been down, there was no way in hell she was going out.
Elizabeth got in her van and drove over to the hotel where the gala was being held. She knew it was silly, insisting on meeting Peter there, but it gave her a way to escape, should things become overwhelming. She hoped that no one was blatantly rude to her. She hoped no one made comments about her sex life. She hoped that she and Peter had a good time and that things were not awkward between them. It was a lot to hope for from one brief evening.
Elizabeth found a relatively close parking spot, and texted Peter to let him know she had arrived. He was still on his way, so she sat in the warm van and waited before going out in the cold weather. Although she had a black cape that had been her grandmother's, the red chiffon provided little warmth, and Elizabeth had had enough of freezing out in the cold. When her phone signaled another text, she expected that it was Peter announcing his arrival. But it wasn't. It was Jack.
"Plans for tonight?"
She hadn't communicated with him in weeks. He had texted her, but she somehow found the resolve not to answer. Tonight though, her nerves took up most of her extra energy, and she replied, "Nothing special."
Elizabeth was startled by a light tap on her window. Her heart racing from the guilt, she saw Peter smiling at her. She hurriedly dropped her phone in her purse. She exited the van and allowed him to escort her inside.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: February 16, 2013
As she could have predicted, and despite her newfound confidence, Elizabeth started to panic as they walked into the main room. She and Peter walked side-by-side but not touching. Peter had never been one for public displays of affection. However, she had hoped their familiarity would have at least made him offer her his arm or place a hand on her back as they entered the vast ballroom. Red and silver were attached to every surface, almost overwhelmingly so. Elizabeth smiled inwardly. Dressed in red herself, she would most likely blend into the background, and she doubted anyone would even notice her.
She and Peter made it into the room and immediately went to the side, circumnavigating the room to access the bar in the back. As good as she felt, and as proud of herself as she was, Elizabeth did not think she would ever be the type to be able to walk directly across the middle of the room. Peter disappeared from her side for a moment to get drinks from the bar. Elizabeth slid up to a high table and put her purse down to wait. Out of habit, she pulled her phone from her small clutch. She knew that Peter's mother would contact him if there was a problem, still she couldn't help but check.
Jack had texted her back. She rolled her eyes when she saw his message. "What exactly does one wear for nothing special?"
She took the bait, unable to resist his pull, even through the technology. "Why do you want to know?"
Peter had returned and put a glass of white wine down on the table. She picked it up and lifted it in a small toast to Peter. She held his gaze as she took a long sip from her wine. He looked uncomfortable, and looked away quickly. He was not comfortable with eye contact. As predicted, he had not commented on her appearance. Elizabeth would not let it bother her tonight. She supposed that he would not flatter or compliment her. She had made it crystal clear that she did not want to be with him. At least she didn't think she did. Being with Peter was easy. It fit, like a comfortable pair of old jeans. He never pushed her to be more. Hell, he hadn't even realized she was lacking to begin with.
But was that what she wanted? Did she want someone who was content with the shell of a person? Should she hold out for something more? For someone who wanted all of her, her entire soul. She wasn't sure that person even existed. She drained her wine glass without ever putting it down. She didn't need to figure this out tonight. Tonight was just about having fun.
Peter had turned to greet a colleague as Elizabeth put down her now-empty wine glass. She wouldn't be able to drink much tonight, since she had driven herself, but she could have another drink before dinner. After dinner, she would not drink. She picked up her phone to put it back into her purse when she noticed that Jack had texted her again. "Because, for doing nothing special, red is an excellent choice. It's the color one wears when she wants to be noticed."
Holy shit, Jack was here. Elizabeth looked up and tried to appear casual as she glanced around the room. Oh, this was not good. Elizabeth was sure that Peter would be very upset that Jack was here. She knew that despite her repeated denials of an affair, Peter could not get past the fact that she had turned to Jack in her most desperate hour. It was a sticking point, over and over again, in argument after argument. That, and the fact that Jack had seen her pretty much naked.
But not much riled Peter. That was another part of the problem in their marriage. He had never fought for her. He never let himself get that emotionally invested. Not unless money had been involved. But she didn't want to test that theory tonight. She knew she had to try to keep Peter away from Jack, but didn't know how to tell Jack to stay away without Peter realizing it.
Finally, she found him, standing at a high table on the other side of the bar, just like the one where Elizabeth was currently standing. She willed her face to remain neutral and not betray her panic and shock. She had not seen him since August, when she had stopped by his house to ream him out. He looked even better than he had then. His hair was somewhat slicked to the side, making it appear darker than usual. The tux was obviously his, as it fit him better than any rental could have. Elizabeth swore she could see his eyes twinkling from here. He held up his glass in a salute and gave her a wicked grin. God help her, that grin made her go a little weak in the knees.
Shit. This couldn't be happening. She could not be attracted to that man. He had betrayed her every confidence. He had told her darkest secrets. He had described her naked, for Christ's sake! Everyone in town thought she was a perverted, deviant slut because of him. Right? Oh God, what was she going to do? He had explained the book thing. In one part of her brain, it made total sense. He took artistic license, basing a character loosely on her. One could even consider Elizabeth Jack's muse. And the story he wrote ... yes, it was graphic. But the message, that was for her. She needed to take control of her life. She needed to be empowered. She needed to be invigorated. And that's exactly what she was doing with her life.
Elizabeth turned quickly away and found her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Peter looked good in his tuxedo. He was settling into middle age well, one of those lucky bastards who improved with age lines and a little gray around the temples. Should she tell him about Jack? Yes, she had to prepare him. She knew that Jack would try to push her buttons tonight. He had always liked to tease her, and she knew that tonight would be no different.
Elizabeth touched Peter lightly on the arm. He looked down at her hand as if it were an alien creature making contact. He then looked at her face.
"Peter, I, um," she faltered. "I'm going to get another drink from the bar. Would you like one?"
He looked at his mostly full glass. He was not a big drinker and would probably nurse that glass for an hour or two. "Uh, no, I'm good." He turned back to his colleagues without introducing her, and she heard them resume their discussion of "R-F waves" and "modular" something-or-other before she was two steps away.
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She slid up to the bar and ordered a vodka collins. She knew she probably shouldn't mix her drinks, but she thought she was going to need a little something harder tonight. Especially if this was her last drink. The whole driving thing seemed like a terrible idea now. She wondered if Peter would drive her home, if need be.
She knew without a doubt that it was Jack that sidled up to her while she was waiting for her drink. She could feel his presence and his stare. Before she could even turn to face him, he leaned over and whispered, "You look stunning. Absolutely stunning."
At that moment, the bartender brought Elizabeth her drink. As she fumbled to get money out of her purse for a tip, Elizabeth saw Jack slide a twenty into the tip jar. She turned and gave him a tight smile. "Thank you. You didn't have to do that."
"Now, he might remember me and give me my drinks faster."
"Oh, that too. I meant the compliment. You didn't have to say that."
"Yes, I did, because it's the truth. Tonight, you are the Liza I knew and loved. The Liza who's outside beauty is only surpassed by her inside beauty. The Liza who I was never and will never, be good enough for, but will never stop wishing I was."
Elizabeth felt her knees go a little weak again. Holy shit, this was not really happening. She downed her drink again and set the glass down on the bar with a little more force than intended. "Will you please excuse me?"
She turned and walked across the middle of the dance floor, and out the door.
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