by Jayne Hawke
The agony exploded in my mind. The world went black and my heart stopped dead in my chest for a moment. I was floating in a sea of pure agony. My body wasn’t responding to my commands, and I began to wonder if that was death was. Suddenly, the pain changed, and I felt every nerve catch fire. Every muscle, every bone broke and reformed. I couldn’t scream. There was nothing but the incredible pain as my body no longer felt like my own. It was neverending. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take it. It felt as though every muscle, tendon, and bone had broken and reformed over and over for hours. My vocal cords weren’t working like they were supposed to. Every fibre of my being was shattered and torn apart to make something new. Slowly, it faded, and I was left panting on the forest floor with Cole’s familiar scent wrapped around me. I really hoped it wasn’t going to be like that every time. I opened my eyes to find that everything was clearer than it had been. Breathing in deep, I caught all of the new scents, and joy erupted within me.
Looking down, I saw a pair of pale cream and red wolf legs. It took me a couple of minutes to get used to having four legs instead of two, but it felt incredible when I did it. Cole sat nearby watching in his blue-grey wolf form with beautiful golden amber eyes. When he stood, he was a good few inches taller than me at the shoulder, but I didn’t feel intimidated.
As soon as I had real control over my legs, I took off into the forest. The ground felt right beneath my paws, and the warm breeze caressed my fur. Never before had I felt such exhilaration as I pushed myself to run faster between the tall trees with the full moon overhead.
Trails didn’t matter. Nor did direction. I was running for the sake of running. I was running to feel the burn in my muscles and the hard earth beneath my paws. We leapt over logs and raced along shallow streams, never slowing down or looking where we were going. The forest was alive around us. Nocturnal animals scurried around. A fox caught a small mouse and hid beneath a thick bush as we tore by.
Finally, I understood what bliss felt like.
It had to end somehow. I never pictured it would be with the shock of pain rippling through my upper back leg. Fire burned my veins and blood streamed down, making my fur sticky. My muscles began to cramp, and I knew that I’d been hit with wolfsbane.
“Keep running,” Cole said into my mind.
I could hear them now. The quick footsteps hot on our heels. The scent of wolfsbane was surrounding me and making me nauseous. The fire crept through my body, slowly edging towards my heart. It was growing harder to run, and they were closing in.
The sound of a bullet echoed through the forest around us, and Cole grunted. He herded me away from them and nipped at my flanks when I started to slow. We twisted and turned through the woods and jumped down ragged rocks before we ran up a shallow stream and finally I couldn’t hear their footsteps any more.
Cole continued to nudge and nip me to keep me going. Breathing was becoming harder. My body was desperately trying to heal itself and keep the fire at bay. I dropped down onto my belly when we reached Cole’s back yard. I couldn’t do it anymore. My legs weren’t responding correctly.
“Don’t you dare give up on me, Rosalyn,” Cole growled, back in his human form.
I pushed myself up to standing on wobbly legs. Giving up wasn’t something I did. The fire was licking at my ribs and the pain consumed my mind, but I walked. Step by agonising step, I followed Cole into his kitchen.
He scooped me up into his arms and gently placed me on his kitchen table, where he had a salve prepared.
“This is going to hurt.”
That was all the warning I got before pain so severe my vision blurred and darkness burst from my leg.
“I’m going to help you shift back.”
He pressed his hand to my cheek, and I felt my body breaking and shifting. The pain was barely noticeable this time, but I didn’t know if that was due to the wolfsbane in my system. His calloused hands gently pressed against my upper thigh where the arrow had struck. Delicate touches with something soft and cool brushed away the pain and left me able to breathe again.
“Blackthornes?” I asked.
He nodded and brushed my sweat-matted hair out of my eyes with a sad smile.
“Yes.”
He helped me sit up with a strong arm around my shoulders and a lot of patience.
“You’re staying here tonight.”
I didn’t have it in me to argue.
He handed me some left-over fried chicken, and I ate it as though I hadn’t eaten in weeks. I didn’t notice the taste or texture, only the way it helped make me feel sort of alive again.
Cole hooked his finger under my chin and made me look up at him.
“I am trying to protect you.”
In that moment, with the moonlight shining through the window making him look almost angelic, I believed him.
41
I WOKE UP IN A STRANGE room. It took me a minute to remember everything that had happened. Pulling the blankets back, I looked down at my upper thigh and found there wasn’t a mark there. I was wearing one of Cole’s t-shirts. He’d been a gentleman and made sure that I didn’t show any skin I wasn’t entirely happy with. The rest of the night had been a blur. I remembered lots of food and gentle touches.
Groaning, I rubbed my temples and tried to get my head straight. The hunters had come out of nowhere. A thought struck me. Had Cole planned that? It gave him the opportunity to save me and get me to stay with him. His wolf form didn’t look like the rogue, though, so that meant he wasn’t the rogue. Didn’t it?
I needed to do some more digging into the possibilities, and Cole himself. A knock came from the door.
“I bring breakfast.”
Breakfast in bed, I hadn’t had that since I was a little girl home from school sick.
“I’m decent,” I said, tucking my legs back under the blankets.
Cole came in with a tray of freshly made pancakes slathered in syrup, just how I liked them.
“How’re you feeling?” He placed the tray on my lap.
“Not too bad, thanks.”
“You should move in here. I can keep you safe.”
I glared at him while biting into the fluffy and rich pancakes. The maple syrup had a hint of cinnamon in it, which complimented the light vanilla of the pancakes. I was in heaven. He’d dropped that on me out of the blue. The fact he said it so casually only increased the sensation of a noose around my neck. The way he was pushing to control me really wasn’t sitting well.
“No,” I finally said.
He huffed.
“You are the most infuriating woman. I am offering you your own room here where you can be safe and I can train you.”
“And I’m saying no,” I said sweetly.
Once again, I wondered if he’d planned this entire thing. There I was, injured, vulnerable, and he was ready with the push to make me move in with him where he could take complete control.
“The Blackthornes are dangerous, and they aren’t the only threat in the area.”
“You mean the rogue,” I said flatly.
“Yes, amongst other things.”
“Such as?”
He glared at me.
“You won’t need to pay any bills.”
“I already said no.”
“You are my shadow,” he growled.
I gave him a flat look. It hadn’t taken all that long to push that point.
“I’m happy in my apartment.”
And I didn’t trust him, and I didn’t know what his real motives were.
“The same apartment you share with a fae. A fae who has assassins trying to kill him. The very same apartment that has no protections and leaves you vulnerable to all sorts of enemies?”
Was that a threat?
“It is my home,” I growled.
“You are ridiculously stubborn.”
I wolfed down the last of my pancakes and looked around for my clothes. Cole stalked out of the room, leaving me to get dressed in peace. I found my shirt unde
r the bed and my shorts, blood stained but wearable, sat on the chest of drawers. I changed into them, leaving Cole’s t-shirt neatly folded on the bed.
I stepped out into the wide hallway with expensive-looking hardwood floors. The walls were painted an off-white that made the space look bright and airy. Large windows sat at either end of the hallway, and five other doors sat closed. Cole wasn’t within sight, so I thought I’d have a quick look around and see if there was anything to prove he was the rogue. I began by trying to open the door directly opposite mine. It was locked. This wasn’t going quite as well as I’d planned. I moved onto the next door to the right. That one swung open to reveal an opulent bathroom complete with large claw-foot bathtub and a wet-room area with a large pancake showerhead. I had to admit, it would be nice to enjoy a little luxury. It was a shame that dealing with Cole was the price I’d have to pay.
A quick look through the bathroom revealed nothing. The cupboard was empty, and I didn’t see anything else worth poking at. The next door was locked again. So much for me looking around and exploring. I crouched down and looked at the lock. It seemed like a reasonably simple one. I might be able to pick it with the right tools.
“Do not enter that room,” Cole snarled from behind me.
His reaction was so much stronger than I expected. I stood slowly and looked at him as he slowly pulled his wolf back under control. So, if I were to live with him, it would be a small, albeit pretty cage. Just as I’d suspected.
I walked around him.
“Like I said. I’m just peachy in my apartment.”
He growled.
“You’ll be killed if you stay there. And do not run in the woods alone.”
“I’m a big girl. I can look after myself.”
He looked pointedly at my thigh where I’d been shot.
“You’d have died if I wasn’t there last night.”
I was getting tired of this. His pushing was only making me more suspicious of him. My instincts to have a pack rippled in the back of my mind, but taking the rogue as a packmate seemed like a really stupid move. I could survive on my own. Valentin was doing just fine.
“Did you set that up last night? How exactly did the hunters find us?”
He looked stunned before he composed himself.
“Why on earth would I try and get you killed?”
“To make me move in with you.”
“You’re being ridiculous. Have you heard yourself, Rosalyn?”
“Just take me home.”
“Fine.”
He handed me my shoes once we were downstairs, and we stepped out into the rainstorm that had formed while I was getting them on.
“I am trying to keep you safe, Rosalyn. I don’t understand why you won’t get that into your head.”
Because something wasn’t adding up, and I wasn’t taking any risks until I understood what was really going on.
42
THERE WAS STILL NO word from Jake. The empty apartment was eating at me. I was an introvert; being alone didn’t usually bug me at all. As long as I had music, TV, and baking, I was completely happy to spend a few days locked away from the world. That morning, though, the need to be around pack ate at me. It was an itch that unfurled in the back of my mind, and nothing I did could cure it. I’d tried striking up a few conversations with garou on the Grim, but no one wanted to talk to me.
I desperately needed to be around someone I could trust and relax around. Ideally a garou, but I was reaching the point where I wasn’t all that fussy. The feeling had hit me like a freight train out of the blue. It must have been where I was a full-fledged garou now that I’d had my first shift. Cole should have warned me about it, but I hadn’t really made it easy for him to tell me all the little details. Picking up my phone, I sent Valentin a text to see if he was back in town and wanted to head to Toil and Trouble. I could afford exactly one coffee, but it was worth it to have some nice contact with my own kind for a little while.
Valentin replied quickly, and we were on for a coffee at Toil and Trouble. There were a couple of hours to kill between now and then. As much as the urge to pace around the kitchen was strong, I refused to submit to that. I continued to skim through the Grim, looking for anything I could use. The council was going to start getting very snappy about my complete lack of progress on the rogue soon. It was supposed to have been an easy job. Now, it was looking like some complicated political plot that I’d have to unravel and prove.
I realised that if a witch was controlling the rogue, that meant a witch had chosen to turn me. It also meant they were working with the fae, given the fae had distracted me and gotten me outside. I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to figure out why someone would go to that much effort to turn me. As far as I was aware, I was a pretty standard garou. Cole certainly hadn’t said anything about my being special. He was determined to control me, though. I shook my head. Everyone wanted to be special. I was over-thinking everything.
I wished it was like on TV, where they had some awesome library that had all the information they needed to know. Or at least a reliable and friendly mentor who had all of the answers. Instead, I was stuck with Cole.
When I couldn’t focus on the Grim anymore, I passed the time doing some yoga to try and work on that calm and control that I so desperately needed. The anger that wasn’t mine was settling back in again, and it worried me. I felt as though I could hold the wolf side back, but I wasn’t sure. That was a big risk to take, especially when I was going to be around lots of other people.
It was finally time to leave the apartment and head over to meet Valentin. I forced myself to walk at a nice relaxed pace and enjoy the bright sunny day. It took a lot of effort, but I felt as though I was in control of myself when Toil and Trouble came into view. I wasn’t going to allow the wolf side to run rampant.
The pin pricks didn’t happen when I walked into Toil and Trouble that time. It must have remembered me from last time, which was a relief. I really wasn’t ready to endure that pain every time I wanted to relax with a supernatural friend.
A small group of shifters was sitting in the booth I’d shared with Amy last time. They paused their conversation and all looked at me with their golden eyes. Soft brown markings began forming on the closest shifter’s face. Cougar shifters. Pure cougars were solitary animals, but shifters were far more comfortable in small groups. It was the human side; it was too social to live the solitary life of their predatory side. Valentin had chosen the booth next to them, and it seemed he’d already ordered for me.
I ignored the way the cougars watched me. Their eyes bored into me and made it difficult to remain relaxed. I desperately wanted to flash my teeth and make them back down, but it wasn’t the time for that.
I sat down in the booth with Valentin and looked at the blood-red drink before me.
“You sounded as though you needed a drink,” Valentin said with a smile.
He was absolutely correct. I didn’t normally drink that early in the day, but a bit of alcohol was very much appreciated in that moment.
He reached across the table and put his hand on mine. I relaxed under his touch and found myself smiling and edging a little closer to him. It was so easy to be around him. It felt as though we’d known each other our entire lives.
“I’m a good listener,” Valentin said.
I took a sip of the rich and tangy red drink, which was apparently a cocktail with a lot of alcohol in it. Then I told him everything. The feeling that Cole was forming a noose around my neck, the fear at losing Jake, the increasingly desperate need for a pack around me. Valentin listened with a small sad smile on his face. He squeezed my hand and scooted a little closer when I reached the end of my monologue.
“Everything you’re feeling is completely natural.” He took a sip of his own golden drink. “You need to focus on one thing at a time, though. What do you know about Cole and the rogue? And are you sure that Jake only recently unbound his magic? Didn’t you say that assassins had been getting clos
e to him prior to that?”
I frowned as his words sank in. It had been a little weird that the fae assassins had been able to get far closer to us, but I’d assumed that was something to do with Jake’s father getting closer to ascending to kinghood or whatever they called that. Jake had never hidden anything from me, or so I thought. Could he have started unbinding his magic without telling me? Why?
Valentin’s thumb circled over the back of my hand, brushing away some tension and drawing me into looking into his eyes.
“Jake’s sidhe, correct?”
“Cait sidhe and sidhe hybrid.”
Valentin’s lips pursed and he pulled his hand away, leaving me feeling cold and adrift.
“Sidhe have complicated magic. There’s a possibility that he transformed himself and is in fact the rogue. It would explain the oddities in the kills and the fact he couldn’t find a life essence there. He wouldn’t tell you that only his essence was there.”
My stomach twisted.
“From what you’ve said, he clearly loves you, and that could have been an attempt to allow you to be together without his worrying. Then he realised that he can’t be with a garou, not if he’s to become a prince, and he’s been wracked with guilt since.”
My immediate reaction was denial. Jake could never do something like that. Then, I began to look back over how much he’d changed and pushed me away since I’d been changed. He had the opportunity and hadn’t shown much surprise or concern when I’d been turned. I took a big gulp of the drink, barely registering the bite and burn of the alcohol as it slid down my throat.
A pair of the cougar shifters from the booth next to ours strutted up to our table with sneers on their faces.
“You that turned wolf?” the older cougar with a buzz cut said to me.
“What of it?” I growled.
The last thing I was in the mood for was some pushy cougars getting in my face.
He grinned at me and allowed his teeth to shift into their sharper feline form.
“We don’t like your kind around here.”