by Renee Porter
“Can you teach me this?” Beth was holding one of my text books, the title “Differential Equations” blaring back at me in deep yellow font. I chuckled as I took the book from her and shook my head.
“This is very hard to learn, Beth. How about this one…” I put the book back down in the small bookcase and took out an beginner astronomy text. Beth’s eyes lit up at the cover. Saturn and its rings were brightly colored, with one of Saturn’s moons, Callisto, marred with bright white craters.
“That’s pretty!” Beth snorted as she took the book from me, running to the couch and having me sit by her. I laughed as I sat down with her and opened up to a few pictures of the planets, pointing them out and teaching her the names.
“Pluto isn’t a planet anymore, though.” Beth had told me as I pointed to the small icy picture in the book.
“That’s right, it isn’t. Where did you learn that?” I asked. Beth looked sad as she got up and ran to my bedroom. She came back out with her overnight bag and started removing all the clothes. “Beth, don’t throw them.” I lectured her, right as a black shirt flew in my face. I removed it, trying not to laugh. It wouldn’t be good if she thought it was okay to make a mess.
“See!” Beth held up a shirt that had a cartoon drawing of a small blue planet. The planet had animated eyes that were crying and a frown. In large block letters, the shirt said “It’s okay Pluto, I’m not a planet either.”
I laughed as Beth mimicked Pluto’s face. “Where did you get that, Beth?”
Beth came back over to the couch, clutching the shirt to her chest. “Tay.”
“Taylor gave this to you?” I picked up the shirt and looked at it. “When did she do that?”
Beth shrugged her shoulders. “Last year.”
“Last year?” Beth looked at me and then snorted. “Last years.” She corrected me. I was confused and getting a little frustrated, but then I remembered that it was difficult for her to try and convey the passage of time. Sure, she could tell me the exact time of day without looking at a clock, but asking her what she did yesterday or last week was difficult for her.
“Oh, okay. That was nice of her, huh?” I gave the shirt back to Beth who gave me a whimsical sigh.
“Yeah. Tay is my best friend. She gives me presents. And mom and dad too!” Beth snorted as she readjusted her seating, grabbing the book from me and pointing to Pluto. “It’s okay, Pluto.” She started to leaf through the book on her own as I stood, trying to figure my sister out. How much had Taylor been a part of their life? Did she visit them when she went back home? Was she still giving presents to my family? Why did I even care?
“What’s all this ruckus about?” Kristie came in to the living area, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. She looked over at Beth who gave her a wide smile and then to me.
“Sorry if we woke you.” I said without answering her question. She waved her hand at me and sat next to Beth.
“It’s okay, I shouldn’t nap the evening away anyway. One more day and I’ll be on vacation. I can’t wait.” Kristie smiled as Beth pointed to the picture of Pluto and then to her shirt. “Wow, kid! Cool shirt!”
“I’m not a kid!” Beth shouted. Kristie winced and then looked over at me. I shrugged my shoulders.
“What are you up to tonight?” Kristie asked through a yawn. I pulled up a kitchen chair and sat next to the couch, eyeing my sister.
“We’re going to watch movies and play games. Are you interested in joining us?”
Kristie tilted her head back and forth. “It’s a possibility. I was thinking of getting some work done though, so I can actually enjoy my vacation.”
“You work too much,” I responded quickly. Kristie nodded her head, not even trying to defend herself. She knew it, too. And then her expression grew more solemn.
“There’s something I need to talk to you about.” Kristie wiped her face with her hands. I sat back in my chair and for some reason my heart started to beat faster. I had only heard this tone from Kristie one time in our five years of friendship and back then it didn’t bode well either. “It’s sort of the reason I’ve been working so much lately.” Kristie wrung her hands together and I placed my hands on hers, stilling them.
“What’s wrong? Your boss isn’t harassing you again, is he?” The concern was evident in my voice and my frustration grew. Science fields were still heavily dominated by men which meant Kristie had to work ten times harder to prove herself. It wasn’t too long ago that she complained she was being treated differently than her male counterparts. The tipping point had come when her boss silently told her that she would move higher up in the company if she put a little more ‘work’ into her work. This ended him with a demerit and mandatory sexual harassment classes.
“No, it’s not that.” Kristie attempted a smile and then it fell. “I’m in line for a promotion.”
“What? Kristie, that’s not bad news. Holy crap!” I leaned back in my chair and breathed a sigh of relief. “Why does it sound like you lost your puppy?”
Kristie’s eyes softened and I winced at my words. I shouldn’t have put it like that.
“The promotion is a good thing, yes. But it’s not here, it’s at Kennedy Space Center.”
“Kennedy? As in Florida?” Kristie nodded and suddenly my world came crashing down. I hadn’t realized that there would be an opportunity for her in Florida.
“When will you know?” I tried to sound hopeful but Kristie’s expression softened and she knew I wasn’t too happy about the idea.
“Once my project is done. But the Director already told me it’s basically mine, if I want it.”
If she wanted it? Why wouldn’t she want it?
“What does this mean? You’re taking it, aren’t you?”
Beth snorted beside us as she dropped the large text book and ran to our small TV. She pressed the buttons on the remote and a series of cartoon characters started dancing around on the screen.
“I want to, Jen. I’ll be in charge of the flight systems for our Falcon launch. And you know how big that is.”
I nodded in understanding. The Falcon rockets were Space X’s claim to fame. Being able to successfully land a rocket without disposing of its thrusters was truly an ingenious idea. And it was an idea that had been successful many times over. Soon, there won’t be any hiccups and the Falcon rocket’s technology will be used to build a shuttle that would send equipment to Mars, for future manned missions. And the software that needed to be created for that to happen? Well that would be under Kristie’s design and control.
“Kristie,” I tried to find the words and for some reason my conversation with Bryce came forward in my mind, “will this make you happy?”
It was if I threw a screw ball at her. She looked at me, smiled and then sighed out a ‘yes’.
“Then that’s it. You take the promotion, kick ass at Kennedy and then, when you guys are ready, we’ll help build the shuttle.” I winked at her and Kristie chuckled along. I, of course, didn’t know if we would be contracted out by Space X to build any future projects for them, but it was a way of me showing that I wasn’t going anywhere. That our friendship wouldn’t end just because she was thousands of miles away.
“Thanks, Jen. I was worried about telling you.”
I stood from my chair and nudged her knees over so I could sit next to her. “You shouldn’t be worried about telling me anything.”
Kristie scoffed. “Please. I know how much you hate change. And this is a big one.”
“You think I hate change?” This was new to me. I didn’t hate change. I didn’t like it, per se, but I didn’t hate it.
“Of course you do. It’s not a bad thing, just one of your quirks.”
“Kristie, you never have to worry about telling me anything. And this is a good change, not a bad one. It’s going to take some getting used to, and I’ll have to find a new roommate…” Suddenly the weight of everything that needed to be done before Kristie left started to stress me out.
“
Hey, don’t go there now. It won’t be for a few more months so we still have time.”
I tried to smile but it fell flat. Maybe I did really hate change.
“And who knows, maybe by then you and Miss Pop Star will be settled down and I’ll be just a glint of your past.”
“Don’t say that.” I pushed Kristie and she laughed at me, feigning surrender.
“Fine, I’ll call her by her real name, Taylor.”
At the sound of Taylor’s name, Beth yelled “Tay!” and looked at us, laughing and snorting.
“Are you going to actually tell me what happened between you two?”
“No.”
“Come on, Jen. I know it was something. And don’t you think it’s weird that she contacted you after all this time and is asking to hang out?” I shook my head but Kristie continued. “Because I do. And I know that play. I did it once with my high school sweetheart. I saw him one day randomly, we exchanged numbers, then exchanged bodily fluids. It was the best three days of my life.”
Okay, now I was officially grossed out. I took the pillow that I was leaning on and threw it at Kristie.
“Oh, so that is it. What? Did you two have a thing in high school?”
“Jen and Tay, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-N-G,” Beth sang while watching the television. I groaned as a sickness enveloped my stomach thinking about the past.
“We could have, but I didn’t want to,” I managed the words. Kristie squeaked as her face reddened. “What?”
“I was just kidding, I didn’t really think…”
And now my face was flushed. I rolled my eyes and tried to move away from Kristie but she held me down.
“Spit it out.”
A sigh escaped from my mouth. “Fine. Yes, I knew Taylor was bisexual in high school. Yes, she liked me. Yes, I liked her.” I took a deep breath. “But I wasn’t ready for anything. I was just figuring stuff out myself. How could I be with someone when I didn’t even know who I was yet?”
“I agree.”
“You do?” I peeked my head out from behind my hands and saw Kristie’s grin.
“Of course I do. High school relationships usually end poorly. And if you weren’t ready then you weren’t ready.”
“Thank you,” I said, waiting for the subject to drop. It was actually something that I needed to hear. I trusted Kristie and her stating that I hadn’t made a huge mistake was comforting.
“But, now…”
I shook my head at her. I knew where her thought process was going and I didn’t want it to go there.
“Now you’re ready.”
“No. Nope. No.” I said definitively. Kristie still nodded and I shook my head with her, defying every shake.
“Yes you are, Jen. You have to look at it this way. You get a second chance. And don’t give me any bull tush that you don’t like her. She’s beautiful and funny and kind. Hell, I would switch teams for her.”
I giggled at Kristie’s ‘curse’ but then quietly thanked her as Beth started singing “bull tush” along with the song on the cartoon.
“You’ve got it wrong. She doesn’t like me, not like that at least. And don’t say you know she does because she invited me over to her grandma’s party. She invited you too, and she thinks we’re together.”
Kristie’s lips shut awkwardly right before she was going to say something. I knew that face all too well.
“Kristie, what did you do?”
“Nothing. Well, actually…you know, the funny thing is…” Eyes darted around the room and then closed. Finally, she spit it out. “Did you know that Dana still talks to Taylor?”
“I know that they still talk, seldom, yes,” I was hesitant. What had happened?
“Well, a day before the party, when you were out with your parents, Dana called on your laptop. I answered, just letting her know that you were out and she asked me if we were together.” Kristie rolled her eyes. “I mean, out of all people, Dana knows I’m straight. No offense…”
“Kristie, will you get to the point?” I nearly strangled her and her non-ability to get the point quicker.
“Okay, sheesh. Anyway, I asked her why she would ask that and she told me that Taylor had called her and said how she met up with you and met your ‘girlfriend’…” Kristie trailed off, allowing me to connect the dots.
“Dana told Taylor we weren’t really together.” I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose. “She must think I’m some sort of idiot.”
“I don’t think Dana thinks that…”
“Not Dana, Kristie. Taylor!” I stood trying to find my phone. I didn’t know why but I had to try and explain. But what was I going to say? Why had I even gone along with the ruse to begin with?
“What does it matter what Taylor thinks if you don’t like her?” I could hear the tease in Kristie’s voice and Beth started singing, “Tay and Jen, sitting in a tree…”
At the same time my phone started ringing and I rushed to find it. With Beth singing, Kristie still talking, my phone ringing and now the knocking at the door, I didn’t know what to do first. Luckily, or unluckily with however you think about it, everything was figured out as my sister handed me my phone, and opened the door. Taylor poked her head in as Beth smiled, ending the last verse. I breathed out and then, after my sister let go of Taylor she started singing again.
“Tay and Jen…sitting in a tree…”
“Okay, kiddo. Enough,” Kristie came around to the door and opened it wider. Taylor grinned at Beth, her eyebrows furrowed and then looked up at me. “Second verse same as the first?”
I chuckled as my face reddened. “And third and fourth…” I waved Taylor in. “What are you doing here?” Kristie smacked my arm and I shook my head at Taylor. “You know what I mean.”
Taylor nodded, closing the door behind her and smiling. “Sorry to barge in on you guys, but I tried messaging and calling to tell you I was in the area. I thought you two might be free and want to hang out?”
Kristie’s eyebrows lifted and looked over at me. Her eyes said ‘told you so’ but her mouth said something different. “Sorry, I told Beth I’d take her out for ice cream tonight.”
“You did?” Kristie laughed and hugged Beth around the shoulder. “Yeah, kiddo, don’t you remember?”
Beth laughed and snorted. “Okay!” She grabbed her coat from the nearby chair and put it around her shoulders like a cape.
“But you two should hang out. This was going to be a Beth and me date, anyway.” Kristie winked at me which didn’t go unnoticed by Taylor. “You two should have a date of your own.”
“Oh god,” I whispered under my breath at the awkwardness being displayed in front of me. I managed to smile at Taylor who held one of her own smiles in my direction.
“Okay, I mean, unless you had something else to do, Jen…” Taylor tilted her head and darn that motion, because whatever butterflies that were still inside of me came to life in that moment.
“I’m free.” I managed to squeak out. Kristie chuckled under her breath and I gave her a death glare which shut her up quick.
“We’ll be out of your hair now. Come on Bethy, I know the perfect spot.”
“I want all the ice cream,” Beth said as the door closed behind the pair and finally it was quiet. There was no television on, no singing, no conversation. Just pure, awkward silence.
Taylor cleared her throat and shifted from one foot to the other. That seemed to get me in motion. “Here, let me take off your coat.” I walked toward Taylor who was saying something but I couldn’t make it out. In my head, her voice was far off as the anxiety of being with Taylor, alone, in my apartment, without time to prepare, overtook me. I grabbed onto the fabric of her coat and yanked, but something was stuck. Her laughter finally filled my ears as she turned around to face me.
“It’s not a coat, Jen. Unless you’re dead set on seeing me in my bra, I can’t take this thing off.” She plucked at her coat/shirt and my face flushed with embarrassment.
“Right, looks cute.
” I forced a smile as I backed away from Taylor.
“Thanks for the compliment.” She gave me a teasing grin. Why did I have to be so strange?
“Do you want a drink? Beer? Wine? Hot chocolate?” I prayed that she didn’t ask for beer or wine because I remembered that I hadn’t gone to the store to pick any up.
“Hot chocolate sounds nice, thanks.” Taylor sat down at the kitchen table. It was the same seat that she had sat at last week, when she had whispered her way back into my life. And then, the realization of that day and what had occurred settled into me.
I cleared my throat as I waited for the water to boil in the kettle. “So what have you been up to?”
Taylor studied me from across the room. “Just fighting with my manager for most of the day. Nothing too exciting. What about you?”
I chuckled at Taylor’s nonchalant attitude. Coming from someone who didn’t like confrontation, a day filled with arguing sounded a lot more stressful than what she let on.
“What were you arguing about?” The hot water in the kettle started to steam and I removed the hot chocolate canister. If I remembered right, she liked three scoops, the more chocolate, the better.
“My career.” I looked over at her, waiting for her to continue. “He wants me to do another tour. I want to get back into theater.”
“Doesn’t he have to do what you want to do? I mean, maybe I’m incorrect, but don’t you pay him? You’re the boss, not the other way around, right?”
Taylor chuckled and nodded her head. “But the more money I make, the more he makes. Tours are the biggest source of income in the music business. He’s trying to make it sound like if I don’t do it, I’ll fade away behind the scenes.” She furrowed her brows as if she might believe it as well.