by S. P. West
“Ahem.”
A subtle cough pulls me from my not so subtle ogling of Brody’s body.
“Maybe you should follow him next door,” Hope says, nodding her head toward Brody, a sly smile plastered over her face. “You might get some closure that way.”
“I might get pregnant that way,” I utter as I watch Brody head down the porch steps.
“Just go, Brooke. See what he has to say. Then you can move on.”
“What if I don’t want to hear it?”
“What if you do?” She smiles sadly and pushes me outside, slamming the door behind me, leaving me alone on the freezing porch, contemplating sororicide.
“Brooke? You coming?” Brody calls from the door of our old house. Reluctantly, I leave the safety of Lola’s and make my way across to Brody’s, closing the door behind me as I dust snow off of my shoulders.
I let out a slight gasp as I take in the place that I used to call home. Nothing has changed…literally nothing. It’s slightly messier, there are dirty cups and empty pizza boxes on the floor, but apart from that, everything is how I left it when I walked out all those months ago. The photos that I had taken from the frames and destroyed have been replaced with other pictures of us. My vintage flea market throw that Brody despised is still where I left it, draped over the back of the couch.
“I burned the old bed.”
“Huh?” I look up to see a fully dressed Brody leaning up against the doorway to the kitchen. His gray eyes regard me with tenderness.
“I got rid of the bed in the guest room. Burned it.”
“And I’d care because?”
“I didn’t want there to be a constant reminder of what happened in our home.”
“Your home, Brody. Not mine.” He closes his eyes, and tilts his head up to the ceiling.
“It could be yours again,” he says quietly as he refocuses his gaze on me. “If you want.”
“Brody…”
“I miss you, Brooke. I miss you so damn much.” He pushes off the wall and walks toward me. “Just give me a chance to explain...to say what I should have said in the first place, instead of acting like the asshat that I did.”
“We have nothing to say to each other, Brody.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. We have plenty to say.”
“No, we don’t.”
“Do you remember when we were kids and we used to tell each other stories in your treehouse?” he asks, taking my hands in his. “Do you remember the story you used to tell me about when we grew up? How we’d get married and have kids. A boy and a girl that looked like the mini versions of us? That no matter what happened, we would always find our way back to each other.”
“We were kids, Brody.”
“We were kids who grew up and fell in love.”
“And then you got cold feet and broke my heart.”
“I’m…”
“It was always special to me, you know?”
He strokes his thumbs over mine; his touch is distracting, making my treacherous heart beat a mile a minute. “What was?”
“The fact that you were mine. Only mine. That we’d only ever slept with each other. That was special to me…you know?” My voice wobbles as tears threaten to fall. “But then you took what meant so much to me away and I had to listen to it…” I pull my hands out of his and walk to the other side of the room, as far away from him as I can get in the small confines of the living room.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his eyes are red-rimmed with unshed tears. “I’m so sorry. I wish…I wish it had never happened.”
“But it did.”
“I know, and I’ll regret it until the end of my life.”
“You have no idea what it’s like to listen to the person you love have sex with someone else.” I snap. “No idea at all…how much it broke me.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did! You hurt me more than anyone ever has. You were the one person who should have protected me.”
“Brooke…”
“I just don’t understand why, Brody.”
“I don’t know.”
“Was it because you were bored?”
“No.”
“Because you hated me?”
“I could never hate you.”
“Then please explain to me why you did what you did, because I don’t have a clue.” I throw my hands up in the air in frustration. “You wanted to talk to me, Brody. This is your chance. I want…no, I deserve closure, and then I can move on.”
“I don’t want you to move on,” he growls.
“So you get to have your fun and I don’t. Is that it?”
“What? No!”
“Then why can’t I move on?”
“Because I still love you, Brooke. I still want that happy ending.”
“And I want closure.”
“I can’t give you that.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because you’ll walk away and never look back.”
“That’s more than you deserve.”
“Yes. Yes, it is,” he says sadly, his gun metal eyes meeting mine. “But I don’t want it to be.”
“Our story is over, Brody. The end.”
“Our story will never end, Brooke.”
“It ended the moment you told me you wanted out.”
“No, it didn’t.”
“What happened?” I goad. “She didn’t want you?”
“No.”
“So where is she?”
“How the hell should I know?” He huffs. “I haven’t seen her since the party and,” he says quickly before I can interrupt him, “before you say anything, I only slept with her the once. It was a one night thing only. I haven’t been with anyone else since.”
“You want a medal?”
“I was a fool, Brooke,” he continues. “When I saw you the morning after…your face. That you’d overheard us…I wanted to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness, beg you to take me back, but my damn pride got in the way. Then I had that damn trade show…I was going to talk to you when I got back, but you were gone.”
“Do you blame me?”
“No.”
We warily watch each other from opposite sides of the room, neither of us not really knowing what to say to the familiar stranger. It’s me that breaks first.
“Still doesn’t tell me why, Brody.”
“I keep asking myself over and over why I broke up with you in the first place.”
“And?”
“I can’t tell you. I’m sorry.” He shrugs.
“Fuck you, asshole,” I say as I head for the door.
“Brooke, wait! Please just…let me…”
I sigh as I turn to face him again, and cross my arms in a pathetic attempt to form some sort of barrier between us. Being this close to him stirs up all kinds of feelings in me that I thought I’d buried. I don’t know if it’s because of the familiarity and comfort of being in his presence, or his cologne, or if it’s the lingering feelings for him that I have. Who am I kidding? I still love the man standing in front of me. I’ve loved him for most of my life, and those feelings aren’t just going to disappear, no matter how hard I try.
Maybe if I hear him out, listen to what he has to say, then perhaps I can get some closure. I’ll look back at our relationship fondly, well maybe not fondly. If I close the chapter now, then I won’t forever be wondering what if.
“You have fifteen minutes and that’s it.”
“I uh…I.”
“Clock’s ticking. Fifteen minutes, Brody, then I walk out the door and you’ll never see me again. Understand?”
He nods his head in agreement and beckons me to follow him to the couch. Confusion forms on his face at my hesitation to sit down.
“I hope you scrubbed this with bleach.”
His eyes widen as he realizes the reason for my reluctance.
“I didn’t…we didn’t…Jesus, Brooke.” He scrubs his hands over his face. “I didn’t fuck
Joely on the couch. I swear.” He holds out his hand to me. “I swear.”
I ignore his outstretched hand, making sure to sit as far away from him on the couch as I can. I can’t trust myself around him.
“So talk, Brody.”
He lowers his head for a moment. When he looks at me again, his eyes are awash with emotion. Love. Remorse. Regret. So much regret.
“I fucked up, Brooke,” he says without preamble. “I fucked up real bad.”
I don’t answer, choosing to look at my nails, the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but at him. I don’t want him to see the tears that are forming in my eyes.
“I thought I was missing out, when I had what I wanted in front of me the whole time.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You were pulling away from me. You’ve always been so independent, but those last few months, it was like you didn’t need me anymore. I thought you didn’t want me,” he says sadly.
“I did want you. I loved you, Brody. I needed you.”
“I saw…I saw other guys with a different girl each week and I got…” He sighs. “I didn’t know what that was like. I thought you didn’t want me anymore. It had only been us…I wanted to know what it was like with someone else.” He pulls me back down as I start to stand, encompassing me in his strong arms.
“Let me go!” I snarl, struggling against him.
“Not until I finish.”
“I get it, Brody. I get it. You don’t have to tell me anything else. Just let me go so I can get on with my life.”
“For the love of God, will you let me finish.” He growls into my ear, holding me tightly against him. To stop my struggling, he places light kisses against my hair until I finally run out of fight. “It wasn’t worth it,” he continues. “It wasn’t worth it at all. I wish I could take it back, Brooke. I thought you’d be happier. You’d find someone who was worthy of you. Not me. I’ve never deserved you, Brooke. You’re smart, beautiful, and you deserve someone better than a deadbeat with no ambition in his life beyond building stuff.”
“But you went on dates with her.” I sob against his shoulder. “You had feelings for her. I had to listen to you…”
“I’m so sorry, Brooke. No one can replace you, no one. It was a lie, all of it.” His voice breaks, and I feel the first tear fall onto my face.
“I only ever wanted you, Brody. No one else, just you.”
“You have me, Brooke. We can start over—”
“It’s too late.”
“No, baby.”
“I’m seeing someone.” His body stiffens around me as I make my confession. “I like him, Brody. I like him a lot.” It’s all a lie, of course, I’m not seeing anyone; but I’ll admit that I sound convincing, even to my own ears.
“Have you fucked him?” he asks angrily.
“Of all the things…” I shout, pushing him away from me. “Yes, I have. Not that it’s your business. We have wild monkey sex. Every. Single. Night.” Oh, I’m angry now, and my words hit their intended target. Brody’s face is a picture of agony.
“Broo—” He tries to interrupt.
“You ended us, Brody. Not me. What was I supposed to do why you were exploring what you’d missed out on, huh? Sit there and pine for you? Is that it? Lie in bed at night, sobbing, while you got Joely out of your fucking system? It doesn’t work like that. You and I are over. It doesn’t mean I have to become a nun until you decide that you’ve had your fun and want me back.” Brody sits stunned on the couch as I head to the front door. “This was a mistake, in fact, you and I were a mistake, full stop. Goodbye, Brody.” I bite out as I fling the door wide open and stomp through the snow toward Lola’s without looking back. The sad part of the whole debacle is that if Brody had just left it and hadn’t interrupted me when he did, then I would have told him that I like Jake a lot, as a friend, nothing more.
Asshole.
Brooke
“Brooke, it’s Christmas Eve and the snow is really heavy. It’s not safe to drive.”
“I need to get as far away from that jerk as possible.” Clothes whizz past Hope’s face as I sling them into my suitcase.
“I take it that your reunion didn’t go well.”
“He’s an arrogant piece of shit,” I yell from Lola’s en suite bathroom. “What the hell did I ever see in him?”
“A big dick?” she yells back before bursting into laughter.
“Not funny, Hope, and not helping,” I singsong as I bustle back into the bedroom like Mary Poppins on speed, only to find Hope taking my clothes back out of the suitcase and putting them away in the empty drawer that Lola had kindly cleared for me. “What the hell are you doing?”
“You can’t go out in that weather,” Hope says calmly.
“I’m not staying here. Not with that bastard next door.”
“Just sleep on it and make your mind up in the morning.”
“Fat chance. I’m going now, Hope.”
“I don’t think so. For one, the car won’t start.”
“Oh, Jesus H. Christ. You’re kidding, right?”
“Nope.”
“Well that’s just great. When the hell did you find that out?”
“When I was sitting here twiddling my thumbs while you and Brody did whatever you needed to do. I thought I’d move it into the garage. Went out there and it wouldn’t start.”
“The universe hates me. It fucking hates me.”
“I could ask Brody to check it over, if that helps?” Her innocent tone doesn’t match the evil amusement that dances in her eyes.
“Shall we call Judy and see if Caden’s home? I’m sure he’d like to help.” Two can play at that game. At the mention of Cade’s name, the amusement on Hope’s face disappears.
“Please do,” she says coolly. “Oh, by the way, Jake called your cell and he said to tell you that he’s on his way.”
“Wait…what? What do you mean exactly by ‘He’s on his way’?”
“That’s all he said.” She grins, paying more attention to her nails than to me.
“Oh God.”
“He said he should be here later.”
“Jake can’t just invite himself here.”
“He didn’t invite himself. I invited him, Lola said it would be fine.”
“And you didn’t think to mention this to me?”
“I knew you’d freak out at the mere thought of Brody and Jake meeting.”
“No shit! Hope, they can’t meet. They just can’t. What would I say? ‘Jake, Brody, Brody, Jake. Jake, Brody’s the man who broke my heart. Brody, Jake is my best friend, who’s insanely hot, a former marine, and now a stripper?’”
“Sounds okay to me.”
“It’s really not okay, Hope. What on earth possessed you?”
“I didn’t want Jake to be alone at Christmas. He doesn’t have anyone else.”
“I know that, dumbass, but Brody is right next door.”
“You’re not together anymore, and so what? You’ve slept with Jake, right? It’s none of Brody’s business.”
“No, I haven’t for your information.”
“Seriously? You haven’t tapped that yet? Jake practically offers it to you every day.”
“It’s none of your business, and will you keep your voice down? Brody might hear,” I whisper shout.
“What’s it got to do with Brody?”
“He and Jake will probably get into a fight over me to defend my honor. They might kill each other. I’m purely thinking of Jake’s safety.”
“So, you have feelings for Jake?”
“No. Jake is just a friend, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t worry about him. Brody used to cage fight, remember? How do you think he got the capital to start his business for Christ’s sake? He could kill Jake with one punch.”
“And Jake is a former marine. I’d pay good money to see that.” She snorts. “You and Brody have been apart for nearly a year, Big Sis. He dated someone else while you were living under the same roof. Why the he
ll have you got it into your head that he’ll want to kill Jake if he meets him?” She narrows her eyes at me. “What exactly did he say to you just now?”
I let out a long sigh as I fall back on the bed and grab one of Lola’s purple, silk pillows to bury my face in. “Hmmmmmm mu muhh me mmmm baak,” I mumble into the pillow.
“What was that?” Hope tugs the pillow away from me, throwing it across the room and out of my reach.
“He told me he wants me back,” I say before picking up a teal, feathered monstrosity of a pillow and burying my head in that.
Hope lets out a sweet laugh as she pulls my new pillow away from my face. “Brody finally told you he wants you back, huh?”
“What do you mean ‘finally’? Since when have you been talking to Brody?”
“I haven’t.” She smiles. “Judy told me.”
It’s my turn with the eye narrowing. “What did Judy say exactly?”
“Not much. Only how much Brody was missing you and that he’s not been the same since you left. He’d asked his mom for our address so that he could come talk to you, but she refused to give it to him.”
“Good for Judy.”
“You really think that Brody would want to kill Jake?” she asks suddenly.
“Probably.”
“Really?”
“No, but I think that Jake will take the opportunity to wind Brody up every chance he got. Try to make out that what we have is more than what it is.”
“You sound like you don’t want Brody to get hurt.”
“I don’t want anyone dying over me.” I laugh humorlessly.
“You still care about him, don’t you?” Hope says sadly as she sits on the bed next to me, bringing her knees up to her chin.
“My head realizes that we are over, my heart is having a harder time coming to terms with the fact.” I have to look away from my younger sister so that I can try and stamp down the tears that threaten to fall. “I’ve loved him all my life, Hope, and I don’t know how to stop.” I turn my head in time to see tears silently fall down Hope’s cheeks. “Hope, honey, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s all right.” She sniffs, dabbing her eyes on her sweater. “I’m over it.”